Disagreement over glitter on toys

[Thatglitter]

I would like to know who IBU between DH and me. We have two little girls, 4 and 2.

For various reasons I thought yesterday that they deserved a treat. I took oldest to the toy shop and let her choose something for her and her sister. She saw a little fairy doll - her eyes lit up, you know the drill. So I bought one each for her and her sister. She was SO happy with it and she still is. Little sister loves hers too.

I did not inspect the material of the dolls' dresses before buying them. I hold my hands up to this. I wanted her to have something she really wanted - she isn't often taken to the toy shop to pick out something. This was my error.

So it turns out the overlayer of the fairies' dresses has annoying glitter that sheds. Both DH and I are tidy by nature but he can take it too far (I feel) and I have expressed concern in the past that I don't want the girls feeling on edge about creating mess or playing at home, in what I perceive to be a normal way. Put another way, I can tolerate more mess and am accepting of the need to tidy and clean up around young children. Housework is quite evenly split between DH and me with me doing more of the day to day and him doing a blitz over the weekend.

So DH has now had a low voice rant to me about the fairies and wants to cut their sparkly dresses off them. This would leave them with a cotton dress underneath but the sparkle is the main thing that makes them fairies, and the things both girls love about them.

I've said a flat out no so it's not happening. I've said I'm happy to have them as downstairs toys and when the novelty wears off them they could probably go on a shelf in each girl's bedroom.

DH is very concerned about air quality if that changes things. We have air purifiers in all bedrooms, he won't have a wood burner etc.

I'm feeling angry. I feel sad he can't turn a blind eye to the glitter when he sees the enjoyment the girls are getting. I do agree glitter is annoying but I feel he takes it to the extreme. He'll be tense now when they're playing with them and I feel like it sucks the joy out for us all. They won't play with them forever and they won't be little forever either.

YABU - get rid of the glitter

YANBU - keep the glitter

Is he like this because his own parents were very strict about mess? Or were his parents controlling over his toys and on a subconscious level he's jealous of his daughters being allowed a toy they want?
Most people parent in a similar way to what they experienced and it can be difficult to break that habit unless there is an awareness of it.

Glitters the least of your worries wait until they discover slime 😂

Hi @Thatglitter-
You could also try spraying the dresses with a strong-hold hairspray, it should really help them to stop shedding the glitter.

Thank you. I will try this.

YABNU
Glad he's not my dad as my poor dad had to put up with me as child sprinkling glitter on the carpet in my bedroom because I wanted glittery carpet. Not once did he ever go mad despite this happening for a fair few weeks. Do you know what he did, he allowed me to have my bedroom decorated for my birthday and allowed me to have sparkly carpet which let me tell you was not cheap. But that is what dads do.

Can the dresses be washed? If you wash them a few times the glitter will be gone.

Does he have any mental health issues? His reaction isn’t normal at all. Poor kids.

None diagnosed. But I do wonder about this cleanliness issue. It doesn't spill over to any other aspect of our lives and in every other respect he is a fun and loving dad, and a great husband. It is just this.

I think I'm going to he suggest he speaks to someone about it.

Not suggesting you tell him you came here. But you have had some good ideas of how to help quell the spread of glitter. Could you say "DH, I know you are not happy with the glitter scenario, but I was having a think, and maybe if we do X or Y or Z it will stop the spread. What do you think is best". Maybe him being involved to sort the issue out might help him to to take a step back and see how ott his initial reaction was.

Thanks for taking it in the tone it was meant. Re reading it I thought I came across a bit harshly. 💐

I'd put them in a pillow case and give them a quick wash in the washing machine (assuming they're fabric dolls). All the excess glitter will come off.

Controlling shit.
sorry but glitter is usually part and parcel of having daughters

Oh my god live a little. Wouldn’t want to come over to yours for a cup of tea.. sounds really unwelcoming

Not at all and you are right, poor kids. I will not tolerate them having his anxieties projected onto them so this has to get sorted.

That was to @Yesthatismychildsigh

@Mumoffairy the solution isn't to ruin the kids toys! These dresses won't be the only messy thing two small girls have!

@Thatglitter You need to have a serious talk to him when he's not wound up. He needs to see how unreadable he's being, how stifling and unfair. He needs to not put it down to his quickly bit of OCD, but realise it's serious & he needs help. Proper help.

(For me) he would need to understand that it's something HE has to fix & quickly, because I would NOT continue raising my children in this environment or living in it myself.

watch for your own behaviour too, my cousin is very +very* house proud (?). When her girls were growing up you'd never have known that 2 girls & a golden retriever lived in the house, looked show home 24/7/365. Both her adult daughters have issues.

Joyous bastard!

Ffs that should say joyless!! 🤦‍♀️

I bet your house is fun at Christmas!

I know glitter gets bloody everywhere but loads of little children like sparkles and fairies!
Can't he just get the dustpan and brush out or the vacuum cleaner when they've finished playing with them?

YANBU and you need to get him to see a GP because this isn’t normal or healthy and it will push anxiety issues onto your children.

Wait until they come home from school and pass over their "art work" and all the glitter falls off and gets trapsed throughout the house, cat etc.

A bit of glitter from a dress is nothing! I really really think he needs a good thing and maybe some CBT.

Good think not thing sorry🤣

Ugh, what a miserable fun sponge your husband sounds. When your daughters are fully grown he can have his glitter free house then, in the meantime they are children and most children love a bit of sparkle. Trust me when I say that they will remember if you take their toy away / cut the dress off, and will remind you of it when they are teenagers / adults.
My two daughters are grown up now, but when they were small my house was a (fairly tidy) riot of colour and sparkle from all the toys/ hair and body glitter and dressing up costumes of their childhood, though to be fair it still has a carpet of glitter thanks to my job as a dance teacher. I’m pretty much fighting a losing battle when it comes to the dance costumes, even if I leave them at the studio the glitter sticks and follows me home.

Your husband is a fun sponge.