Page 9 | What is going on with parenting these days?

whocaresaboutbeingpopular · 2023-02-11T22:26:44+00:00

Ok, so as my name change suggests I am aware this won’t be popular. My children are almost adults, youngest is 17 this year. me and OH are away this weekend, we went to a place that to be fair we were aware would be full of kids; but we didn’t think that would matter as we don’t dislike having children around, however, since when did it become a thing to…. put your kids in front of a screen when they are having a meal? Not to mention having full volume of Peppa Fucking Pig? let your kids shriek at high pitch continuously? let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up! yes, no doubt I sound a right miserable bastard, but come on - is this how people are raising their kids these day? Bring on the entitled generation.

AlwaysLatte · 12/02/2023 00:54

We never let ours have iPads - but did always take paper and crayons, and small board games to restaurants. I'd be worried about people knocking my child down stairs too so wouldn't choose a busy and restricted public place to try that. Any loud noises and we'd take them outside for a little breather. I try not to judge but I do think it's sad when people are ignoring their children at the table though.

Original poster

whocaresaboutbeingpopular · 12/02/2023 00:57

DonnyBurrito · 12/02/2023 00:51

Kids occasionally watching an iPad (quietly) is not poor parenting.

Letting a (potentially recalcitrant and tantrum-y) toddler manoeuvre their way down some stairs is not poor parenting.

You've not really touched a nerve cause my kid would just launch any device and go "uh ohhh" given his age, but if he was older and would happily chill watching something on one so I could eat somewhere other than a pub attached to a Wacky Warehouse, then I'd totally do it. Once in a while.

Do you have a TV in your house? If you ever watch that instead of interacting with your partner 24/7, you might be dobbing yourself in as a lazy/poor partner 🙂

Maybe not poor parenting to coax a toddler down stairs then, just bloody selfish when there’s a massive queue of people waiting behind you.
Screens at tables - is your child not worthy of interacting with when you take them out?
The TV comment - too ludicrous to even comment on.

OP posts:

Orangepolentacake · 12/02/2023 01:00

Cuppasoupmonster · 11/02/2023 22:47

It’s not the only place they learn social skills, my kids have excellent social skills and they often have tablets in restaurants.

But people go to restaurants to eat and enjoy the atmosphere, not to look round the room and see it dotted with flashing irritating tablets. It’s annoying and ruins the surroundings for everyone else. And I don’t believe that any child who can’t sit at a table with a meal of their choice and chat for an hour has ‘great social skills’. Social skills have to be developed across all contexts. Not just in specific situations that children enjoy.

Omg it ruins it for you if children in other tables are sitting quietly on their tablets?

you need better company at your own table. And to get a life

Liorae · 12/02/2023 01:01

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 12/02/2023 00:25

So now 2yo’s shouldn’t go to restaurants, just cafes even though according to this thread all 2yo’s have excellent conversational skills they can uphold for hours?

Theres actual chain pubs with soft plays catered for families with small children, would be a shame for them to miss out on business in favour of a cafe (where actually I would not expect to see a family such as Costas)

Two year olds should only be allowed to go to places with a soft play. They should not be allowed in restaurants or cafes intended for adults or children who know how to behave.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 12/02/2023 01:03

Liorae · 12/02/2023 01:01

Two year olds should only be allowed to go to places with a soft play. They should not be allowed in restaurants or cafes intended for adults or children who know how to behave.

Show quote history

🤣🤣🤣

Do these restaurants have to employ tiny little bodyguards to kick the toddlers out if they try and come in.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Nightesonhorseback · 12/02/2023 01:06

We recently had members of our extended family to stay with their fourteen year old dd. I had bought her a little present when she arrived and she didn't say 'thank you' or even smile when we gave it to her and I assumed she was very shy so didn't think much of it but then throughout the visit she never once said thank you when being served food or being given a lift or was bought a drink or a souvenir, when we bought her a museum ticket, or when I fetched her an extra towel that she had asked for. She didn't say please either. I don't think it was because of nerves over the entire week because she seemed very happy and settled and was joking around with my pets and young adult DC and was quite outspoken at times. I must admit I was a little surprised. Even my DC noticed. I didn't judge her of course because she's young but I did wonder what her parents had been doing!

Liorae · 12/02/2023 01:07

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 12/02/2023 01:03

🤣🤣🤣

Do these restaurants have to employ tiny little bodyguards to kick the toddlers out if they try and come in.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Show quote history

No, the parents should be doing that.

DonnyBurrito · 12/02/2023 01:09

Yeah I'd have probably scooped my kid up and dealt with the fall out because I care too much about what other people think, sadly. However someone elses comment about an elderly person taking their time getting down the stairs was pertinent. Would you have been tutting and getting impatient at an adult with low mobility? Would you have expected some larger family member of theirs to carry them down the stairs, so they didn't hold you up? Ageism doesn't just go one way.

Are adults not worthy of having an hour of time free from parenting? Some people are so uptight about 'mealtimes', like they're literally the only possible time to socialise.

Your partner must feel they aren't worthy of interacting with if you're watching TV and they're in the same room, by your rules. If you feel it's ludicrous, it's only because what you're suggesting is very much the same.

WedonttalkaboutMaureen · 12/02/2023 01:10

Ouch there's a lot of aggression on this thread on both sides, it's a touchy subject.

I do think OP has a point about a small minority of parents when she said this:

when are children supposed to learn to tolerate a bit of tedium and boredom?

Most parents of young/primary age children I see are doing a damn good job but there's a few that seem determined to never let their child feel any negative emotion EVER:

Hungry? Fifteen snacks in 2 hours
Bored? Tablet instantly provided before child has even sat down
Tantrum? Anything to attempt to soothe and cajole for ages rather than just take them outside
Say No/stop that/enough - oh no never say that! the horror of squashing their creativity as they kick shit out of other kids

The parent seems determined to always provide a way of avoiding/solving any situation that might make their child feel at all uncomfortable- so how the heck does the child ever learn to deal with adversity, emotions, social norms that might be a little difficult to learn, navigating new situations and so on?
I do wonder how these kids who never hear No or learn how to handle a situation not to their liking will get on when they are older and fending for themselves. I don't think it's a good prep for the real world. I don't mean be horrible to our kids cos the world is horrible. I want us to raise kids who are empathetic and kind, by modelling kindness. But also to know and respect boundaries, and have awareness of others and how their behaviour can impact other people.

theleafandnotthetree · 12/02/2023 01:11

Nightesonhorseback · 12/02/2023 01:06

We recently had members of our extended family to stay with their fourteen year old dd. I had bought her a little present when she arrived and she didn't say 'thank you' or even smile when we gave it to her and I assumed she was very shy so didn't think much of it but then throughout the visit she never once said thank you when being served food or being given a lift or was bought a drink or a souvenir, when we bought her a museum ticket, or when I fetched her an extra towel that she had asked for. She didn't say please either. I don't think it was because of nerves over the entire week because she seemed very happy and settled and was joking around with my pets and young adult DC and was quite outspoken at times. I must admit I was a little surprised. Even my DC noticed. I didn't judge her of course because she's young but I did wonder what her parents had been doing!

You bloody well should judge her. However dragged up she's been, a 14 year old, unless she's lived in a media free cave with no one except her parents, knows enough about the world to know what's expected. I certainly know children who have been dragged up and most of them will at least say 'thanks' some of the time. The parents are of course also hugely at fault for not pulling her up on it, although I'm bolshy enough to do it myself. And have done with young people in my home.

mackthepony · 12/02/2023 01:14

I agree with the op.

We avoid this situation by not taking our kids out for long meals. Total waste of time and money.

We also don't go to places with huge queues... And I discourage shrieking.

Orangepolentacake · 12/02/2023 01:14

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👏

Original poster

whocaresaboutbeingpopular · 12/02/2023 01:15

DonnyBurrito · 12/02/2023 01:09

Yeah I'd have probably scooped my kid up and dealt with the fall out because I care too much about what other people think, sadly. However someone elses comment about an elderly person taking their time getting down the stairs was pertinent. Would you have been tutting and getting impatient at an adult with low mobility? Would you have expected some larger family member of theirs to carry them down the stairs, so they didn't hold you up? Ageism doesn't just go one way.

Are adults not worthy of having an hour of time free from parenting? Some people are so uptight about 'mealtimes', like they're literally the only possible time to socialise.

Your partner must feel they aren't worthy of interacting with if you're watching TV and they're in the same room, by your rules. If you feel it's ludicrous, it's only because what you're suggesting is very much the same.

Your analogy is also as ludicrous as your TV comment - of course an elderly person with poor mobility is entirely different to a toddler being coaxed down by its mother - what an offensive comparison compare an elderly adult person who has no option but to make their way down the stairs (if they hadn’t taken the lift) to a small toddler who could learn to descend stairs in a less chaotic and busy environment.

I wouldn’t have dinner with my partner and prop up a screen up and watch it - would you?

OP posts:

mackthepony · 12/02/2023 01:16

You bloody well should judge her.

^

Yup. I make sure toddlers say thanks, god help that 14 year old

Everyonehasavoice · 12/02/2023 01:19

Liorae · 12/02/2023 01:01

Two year olds should only be allowed to go to places with a soft play. They should not be allowed in restaurants or cafes intended for adults or children who know how to behave.

Show quote history

We have 2 year olds in our church
No soft play areas there

They all sit nicely, sing, take part. No rowdy behaviour and no electronics.
Lots can manage it….it’s not rocket science.

In fact i can’t recall there ever being a problem.

Original poster

whocaresaboutbeingpopular · 12/02/2023 01:22

WedonttalkaboutMaureen · 12/02/2023 01:10

Ouch there's a lot of aggression on this thread on both sides, it's a touchy subject.

I do think OP has a point about a small minority of parents when she said this:

when are children supposed to learn to tolerate a bit of tedium and boredom?

Most parents of young/primary age children I see are doing a damn good job but there's a few that seem determined to never let their child feel any negative emotion EVER:

Hungry? Fifteen snacks in 2 hours
Bored? Tablet instantly provided before child has even sat down
Tantrum? Anything to attempt to soothe and cajole for ages rather than just take them outside
Say No/stop that/enough - oh no never say that! the horror of squashing their creativity as they kick shit out of other kids

The parent seems determined to always provide a way of avoiding/solving any situation that might make their child feel at all uncomfortable- so how the heck does the child ever learn to deal with adversity, emotions, social norms that might be a little difficult to learn, navigating new situations and so on?
I do wonder how these kids who never hear No or learn how to handle a situation not to their liking will get on when they are older and fending for themselves. I don't think it's a good prep for the real world. I don't mean be horrible to our kids cos the world is horrible. I want us to raise kids who are empathetic and kind, by modelling kindness. But also to know and respect boundaries, and have awareness of others and how their behaviour can impact other people.

100% this 👏

OP posts:

lifeinthehills · 12/02/2023 01:39

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 11/02/2023 23:36

Jesus the ableism is just offensive now.

How do you account for children with SEN who don’t use tablets or whose childhood predated tablets?

Seriously I’d have more respect if, like others, you just admitted you’re judgemental.

Show quote history

I have children with SEN and they never had phones and tablets. It wasn't an option because they didn't exist. It worked out okay. The younger one does have the option of the phone as a teen so they are allowed to use it while waiting for their food because it makes it easier for them. People can judge if they like, I don't care. On the whole, I do agree that if it's not necessary, it's better to be interacting through games and chat.

LemonSwan · 12/02/2023 01:46

WedonttalkaboutMaureen · 12/02/2023 01:10

Ouch there's a lot of aggression on this thread on both sides, it's a touchy subject.

I do think OP has a point about a small minority of parents when she said this:

when are children supposed to learn to tolerate a bit of tedium and boredom?

Most parents of young/primary age children I see are doing a damn good job but there's a few that seem determined to never let their child feel any negative emotion EVER:

Hungry? Fifteen snacks in 2 hours
Bored? Tablet instantly provided before child has even sat down
Tantrum? Anything to attempt to soothe and cajole for ages rather than just take them outside
Say No/stop that/enough - oh no never say that! the horror of squashing their creativity as they kick shit out of other kids

The parent seems determined to always provide a way of avoiding/solving any situation that might make their child feel at all uncomfortable- so how the heck does the child ever learn to deal with adversity, emotions, social norms that might be a little difficult to learn, navigating new situations and so on?
I do wonder how these kids who never hear No or learn how to handle a situation not to their liking will get on when they are older and fending for themselves. I don't think it's a good prep for the real world. I don't mean be horrible to our kids cos the world is horrible. I want us to raise kids who are empathetic and kind, by modelling kindness. But also to know and respect boundaries, and have awareness of others and how their behaviour can impact other people.

I was reading the thread and thinking gosh I am lucky with my 10 month old. Did a 3 hour 3 courses evening meal and coffees in quite a posh independent Italian impeccably last week no tablets or anything.

Luckily he’s weaning so my tactic was to very slowly drip feed him food to poke about and explore. And apparently that’s not ok either 🤣

It’s in this moment I realised everyone’s a bad parent in the eyes of someone somewhere 🤣 and that’s not a snipe at poster I am replying to. Just a realisation. We all just have different things which are important to us and trying to do the best we can in the moment.

EmmaDilemma5 · 12/02/2023 02:10

Sad miserable person 🤭

StClare101 · 12/02/2023 02:14

I’m baffled by giving kids screens in restaurants. We’ve never done it. We don’t own iPads. Our kids are seven and eight and when they were toddlers we went to cafes where the food was served quickly. Now they chat with us, like we all used to at the same age.

Do people think their kids will learn how to chat with adults in a restaurant all on their own ? That it will just suddenly happen at a certain age? No. You are conditioning them to expect to be stimulated and entertained in these settings.

Toomanybooks22 · 12/02/2023 02:32

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That's really not on to make ageist comments like that

Morestrangethings · 12/02/2023 02:33

No, nothing changed re kids. Kids were always noisy and often wanting to walk down stairs on their own and sometimes you let them because it’s the easiest way to avoid the conflict over dinner etc.

What has changed is your age, and your kids’ ages. You’ve grown past the ability to not let it bother you because your kids aren’t small anymore.

I wouldn’t go on a weekend were I knew there was going to be little kids. As I don’t find it peaceful and it annoys me.

I have grandkids now and they’re lots of fun and I really enjoy my times with them;?but even that hasn’t bought back my tolerance for kids in holiday type places.

And every generation refers to ‘kids these days’ being different. They aren’t different. We just forget and become less able to tolerate as we age.

namechange143 · 12/02/2023 02:51

Liorae · 12/02/2023 00:46

Not the shrieking, or the dropping food, the thought of being judged by everyone else.
Believe me, we are judging you for not dealing with the shrieking.

Oh you won't be judging on my shrieking kid as we don't go out for meals to avoid the judgey types (He also doesn't shriek, not in public anyway)

itsabigtree · 12/02/2023 02:56

I agree mainly about the tablet thing. I don't actually think badly of people when I see them do it. But I don't agree that it's the same as a colouring book for a few reasons. A tablet is immersive and takes the child away from engaging with the world, whereas colouring allows for conversation with family. But I can 100 percent understand why parents make the decision to use them even if it's not something I'd do myself.

Moobae · 12/02/2023 02:58

Gen z kids breeding zombies