What is going on with parenting these days?

[whocaresaboutbeingpopular]

Ok, so as my name change suggests I am aware this won’t be popular. My children are almost adults, youngest is 17 this year.

me and OH are away this weekend, we went to a place that to be fair we were aware would be full of kids; but we didn’t think that would matter as we don’t dislike having children around, however, since when did it become a thing to….

put your kids in front of a screen when they are having a meal? Not to mention having full volume of Peppa Fucking Pig?

let your kids shriek at high pitch continuously?

let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up!

yes, no doubt I sound a right miserable bastard, but come on - is this how people are raising their kids these day? Bring on the entitled generation.

The only things allowed at the table that my kids were eating at was food, drink and cutlery, whether we were dining in or out, regardless of age.
Shrieking and other ridiculous loud noises were stopped before they got started.

the people on here who have forgotten what their kids were like and choose to remember the shining moments when they were all behaving perfectly. It’s called ‘selective memory.’

No one has all control over a toddler. They are learning and exploring and trying to do things independently. That’s one of the things that makes childrearing so exhausting. You are forever watching and anticipating.

I disagree @Morestrangethings I remember exactly what mine were like.
Bad behaviour wasn't tolerated and they knew it right from being old enough to walk and talk.

Please, please don't let these silly threads bother you. They pop up all the time on Mumsnet, whinging about kids in cafes, buses, planes, parks, supermarkets, trains, aquariums apparently 😅. Please go out with your kid, have fun, and consider ruining the day of these people as a nice bonus to a lovely day out. Its funny, you read all these posts with people smugly talking about what good parents they are or were compared to all the others they see for a few minutes or hours, and often all you end up thinking is 'their poor kids, imagine being raised by that person'. I wouldn't give any mind to these posters. In real life I've often been taken aback about people's kindness and helpfulness x

In the same vein, only adults accompanying children should be allowed in aquariums in the school holidays?

This is not a new phenomenon 🙄.

Every generation since the Romans has had its complaints about the parenting of the next generation.

I'm a single parent and have 2 year old twins - I choose places to eat out carefully - I go for ones that look child friendly - ie not posh ones and not pubs. I Go slightly earlier than the usual lunch time rush or dinner and ask to be seated in a quieter area away from other diners if possible. I'll only usually order 1 course to reduce the amount of time sat around and Yes I whip out my phone with Disney on if I need to but I pack up and leave if the kids start getting noisy and running around. People will judge people for anything and everything these days but I've also experienced huge amounts of kindness whilst eating out - a mum who went and found me a chair as there wasn't one at my table and I was obviously going between 3 children sorting their food out, the cafe manager who distracted the twins so I could take my eldest to the loo. You just sound miserable and holier than thou OP which is the worst kind of judgy

@MelaniesFlowers Spot on, exactly the same here!

I let my child have a screen sometimes in restaurants, she’s 2, we talk about what is happening on the screen because I have exhausted all conversation about the things we saw on the walk here, what we are doing today, tomorrow, next week. I also take colouring books, sticker books, jigsaws. I do this because I live in a very rural place. We go to the park, walks, on the bus, train often. We will start going for picnics when the weather is warmer. But other than my toddler I have spoken to nobody all weekend. Letting her have screen time in a restaurant means I can have 10 minutes to eat and just switch off. We go often as it’s a change of scenery for me. Having a Covid child was very isolating and I hate that I am being judged for my parenting when I became a parent where everything was online, I gave birth almost alone until the midwife came to see me, spent two weeks in hospital unable to leave the room. Parenting is the loneliest, most isolating thing to happen to me. So yes she has screen time because this is one of the only times I day I can message friends, arrange the very few play dates we have and just be somewhere that isn’t home. It’s good to know though that I’m not welcome in restaurants despite the fact that my girl is very well behaved, does not climb or run around and is very often told no.

My child is 16 and all the things you talk about happened back then too. Peppa Pig on screens has been around a long time.

So true

. My ND children are grown up., So no iPad babysitter. We had some difficult times when they were little and had to leave places, if it was too much for them. No way would I have inflicted screeching and non stop screaming iin a restaurant on other people.

We used to find a restaurant that would allow us to take photos pre visit and make a photo book. Then we'd pop in for a few minutes without ordering food, just to see how the kids coped. Over time we'd be able to have a drink them a meal. I'd always take a bag of small fiddle type toys which were only produced for these occasions. Sometimes, one of us would have to take a child out or go home.

It wasn't easy. It also entirely depends on the ND child's ability to cope so for some of my friends with ND children, eating in a restaurant was never obtainable.

I have no issue with the current gentle parenting. However, some parents seem to believe it negates the need to set boundaries and show regard for other people.

Exactly, this

Oh I don't know maybe the parent that allows their child a tablet at the dinner table just wants a minute to eat (too) in peace. Maybe it's been months since they've been able to go out as a family, maybe that child just isn't themselves at the moment; they may be tired, coming down with something, it may be something you can't physically see etc. The list goes on and on. Look it's very easy for you to judge now as your children are grown up. Im sire there was a point in time when you too were judged on your 'parenting'.

Absolute nonsense that your just walking and talking toddlers knew not to ‘shriek’ or run around.
Selective memory.

I’ve never allowed screens in cafes and restaurants but I don’t judge those who do as maybe they need a break! I think parents can sometimes be too quick to resort to screens when out and about.

but the walking down the stairs thing I had to chuckle. I was trying to get down the stairs to a tube platform a couple of years ago and found myself in a crowd plodding down held up by a toddler taking it one step at a time. I muttered to my DH, ‘for god’s sake just pick her up.’ The proud dad must have heard me as he yelled back that she was allowed to walk down the stairs herself. Yes fine! But not on a busy station!

I agree with a lot of what you have said but I would not choose to go to a place like you have described.

Your toddler just sounds placid @MelaniesFlowers and you sound extremely smug!

I know parents like you in real life and their kiddies are naturally chilled. They're often late walkers (post 12 months) and happy to sit. They're also more likely to be female toddlers for whatever reason.

I relish it when parents like you have a second child with a more naturally active temperament! Of course you can't take all two year olds to restaurants. It entirely depends on temperament.

I agree with everything you've said and I have a 5 and 2 year old.

Shreiking when out and about is a no no and I always tell mine to be quieter and mindful of others, it's not hard, just takes some parenting.

I am very anti screens, so mine dont get them at all. I do find it sad when kids arw shoved in front of them, especially from such a young age.

The 18mo thing is also ridiculous, practicing to walk should not inconveniece everyone else. But a lot of parents are very entitled and think the world revovles around them.

YANBU

I’m with you OP, but I’ve been lucky with my kids thus far, in that they will sit quietly at the dinner table for circa 2 courses, provided one of those courses contains chocolate.

I do let them go on their tablets in the car on the way home though, and they would quite literally do anything to earn those 15 minutes. It’s all stick with me, baby. I’m a briber.

I don’t know what I’d do if I had kids that couldn’t hack the table, maybe I’d let them have tablets too.

My SIL has let hers all have her phone at the table since before they could actually eat. (4 months) I smugly and quietly judge her for it, which isn’t nice of me, but I do keep all of my thoughts to myself IRL

Exactly.

My youngest is a teen now but I agree parenting has really changed. I don't care much about seeing screens at the table, I'd rather that than them running around or shrieking. Earphones must be used though. I regularly go to IKEA and the (one way) stairs always have a queue because someone is giving their toddler "autonomy" and they are taking ages to go down. Don't get me started on libraries - you used to be able to go in and have a quiet read. The last few times I've been in they seem to be a hive for performative parents. One mum was really trying her best mummy act by very loudly asking her young son to demonstrate what noise each dinosaur makes

My oldest is 21 and my youngest is 2, and one in the middle.

I’ve been parenting a long time.

I don’t see it’s changed all that much.

Yes, we have fantastic tech now. I think tablets are bloody wonderful. Children can learn so much from them.

I used to let my eldest play snake on my nokia on car journeys 🤣

He used to get bored eating out sometimes because it can get boring for children.

They aren’t destined for a life of solitude and no social skills because they used an ipad at the Harvester.

Fwiw, I don’t let my children use tablets at restaurants or anywhere else - they stay at home, mainly because I don’t want them lost or broken, and I do think it’s rude when people have them at high volume. But do I give a shit of other parents let their kids use them? Nope. I don’t care what other people do.

I think a lot of it is looking a back at rose tinted specs, which I don’t do seeing as I’ve been in the thick of it for so long.

I'm the same as you. Have never done screen time out in public!

Oh come one, those sort of dipshit “look at me! I’m the best parent ever!” performative parents have always existed. They were certainly around 20 years ago when my ds was a baby, clogging up staircases and being loud in libraries.

I remember them from my own childhood 40 years ago, we had the loud family at the horse riding school who would give a running commentary on how well their children were riding and my mum would do impressions all the way home. That’s not a new thing. i’m

Easy to do when you only have 1