What is going on with parenting these days?

[whocaresaboutbeingpopular]

Ok, so as my name change suggests I am aware this won’t be popular. My children are almost adults, youngest is 17 this year.

me and OH are away this weekend, we went to a place that to be fair we were aware would be full of kids; but we didn’t think that would matter as we don’t dislike having children around, however, since when did it become a thing to….

put your kids in front of a screen when they are having a meal? Not to mention having full volume of Peppa Fucking Pig?

let your kids shriek at high pitch continuously?

let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up!

yes, no doubt I sound a right miserable bastard, but come on - is this how people are raising their kids these day? Bring on the entitled generation.

Maybe by addressing it after the first shriek? Either distraction or taking them outside? Not just letting it continue.

@whocaresaboutbeingpopular but you can't distract them with anything because that's being a lazy parent!

Oh is a screen the only thing you can use for distraction ? How about talking to them, calming them down. showing them things, taking them to a different area which is less stimulating etc

I’m really not - this is basic stuff.

Are you honestly saying it’s normal for kids to be running round a restaurant shrieking?

Or for teens to be sitting at the table on their phones?

If so your standards are very low. These things are just plain rude.

There seems to be this myth now that being able to teach your kids to behave is some sort of rare talent, can only be done by force and means you’re a smug parent. We’re making parenting harder than it is.

I wonder why people’s standards are so low that a parent who doesn’t allow their teens to be on their phones at the table is considered ‘perfect’.

@whocaresaboutbeingpopular have you tried reasoning with a small child when they are in that mood? And yes if I've just paid £15 for a main meal I'm not going to piss about leaving it to get cold to go for a walk when for the period of 20 mins for me to eat a hot meal I've paid for DC can be playing a game/doing colouring on their screen.

Yep

Exactly. If your kid shrieks in a restaurant, you take them outside for a bit until they’ve calmed down.

Again, it’s pretty obvious!

I liked your post @Tiddler39 and you sound like a great parent. Ignore the people who can't be bothered to teach their children basic manners, and then feel the need to be sarcastic to those who do.

I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

I think the problem is that people want to have kids but they don’t want to be inconvenienced by them. They still want to be able to do all the things they did before.

Hence the i-sitter.

No no no. If I’ve seen a handful of teens on their phones then clearly ALL teens are doing that and their parents have failed to raise them to interact at meals out and leave their screens behind. ALL of them, no exceptions, that is what teen parenting is these days. I have seen it and therefore I know there cannot be any parents of teens who have put in any effort to get them off screens whilst eating out. What is it with parents of teenagers these days?!

@Tiddler39 so people with small children must only sit at home in seclusion so they don't risk bothering anyone...right

You are the type of parent I hate. The type of parent who thinks they have perfect children. The type of smug parent who stops anyone asking for advice on MN.

I think you forget that most people here have been parents of small children though, or are parents of young children now. So that’s quite an odd statement to make to this audience who have mostly been there done that. And some, it appears, without using noisy screens at the table even.

I think that’s quite nasty, and very black and white thinking.

There’s a big difference between thinking your kids are perfect and having basic rules for behaviour.

I’ve had three kids who are now teens. Don’t you think that experience might count for something?

Oh, and I’d like you to find me one parent of teens who thinks their kids are perfect! 😂

@Tiredalwaystired again 'noisy screens' this is a separate issue!

No I think you and others on this thread only spout how easy it is to have such perfectly behaved children is so you can make other parents who are maybe struggling feel like shit.

So you had a small snap shot of a few peoples day and they are lazy parents for giving their kids a screen to watch 😳 ok judgy mc judge pants.
not really sure what angered you so much but I’d recommend a warm bath, some chocolate and staying away from people for a while. But when you come back if you could write a post on being a perfect parent and raising angelic children I’d really appreciate it. I’m an awful mum as I will often let my children watch a screen …. In public….. sometimes at a restaurant 😱😱😱😱😱 all advice accepted.

@elephantmarchingin is he playing with someone and engaging with someone else in real life? Or staring at a screen completely oblivious to everything around him?

That's the biggest issue for me - it's not about what is on the iPad it's about how it shuts down all interaction.

If it's games that somehow involve a few people and / or encourage conversation etc then great.

My 18mo has always been challenging, even since she was a new born. We rarely go out to eat, only when it’s for family birthdays etc, but if we do I genuinely try everything I can to keep her in the high chair and happy, we talk to her, bring toys to play with, all the other people there interact with her, we bring snacks, sticker books, stories, walk around the restaurant with her. This usually fills the time before the food arrives and then once we’re all eating, she finishes her food and then will shout and shout to get out, unless we put something on for her to watch. This is usually max 30 mins and on low volume and she gets very little screen time otherwise. If someone can advise me as to how to avoid the screen then I’m all ears, seriously. As far as I can tell babies all have very different temperaments and my LO simply isn’t happy to just sit there quietly taking it all in like some pretty chilled babies and never has been. Also I don’t really think many people can empathise with this unless they’ve experienced similar.

@FusionChefGeoff no my child is just locked in a room with no interaction apart from an iPad!

Of course he gets interaction, he goes to preschool, he can hold conversations etc. just because I may give him an iPad for 30 mins whilst I'm trying to eat doesn't mean that the child is subject to no other interaction

I don’t know where your comment about me being angry came from - can you direct me to the post where I said I was angry? I was more taken aback, probably because there were such a large number of children the lack of consideration was more apparent on a large scale than if I had been somewhere else - maybe a pub - where there may only be a few kids. But I wasn’t angry, I don’t expect kids to be silent, I don’t avoid places kids go, it didn’t ruin my day, I wasn’t seething, I wasn’t striding around scowling looking down my nose and snarling at the kids and scaring them like some sort of aquarium child catcher - in fact if I am entirely honest, my first thought after disbelief was “thank god I’m not a teacher”.

What makes me laugh the most about threads like this is that people loose their minds about toddlers/children looking at a screen whilst eating out… yet don’t bat a eyelid about the many, many, many adult couples at pubs/restaurants/cafes who sit opposite each other scrolling mindlessly on their phones until the food arrives. 😂😂

That was actually my thought too! Thank God you are not a teacher! As in many well advanced countries the use of iPads in schools is considered super important starting from primary and kids grow up speaking at least 3 or 4 languages somehow. Better than being forced to colour endless colouring books and being threatened to leave if children make any noise or express any feelings at all at every pub their parents want to stop by at. For some parents it's about the substance and not some lady sitting on the next table. For others it's about your child saying 'yes please and sorry' at the right time.

My kids usually play language games in Chinese for example that they are currently learning whilst we are waiting for food when we are out. However all you would see is

' omg she gave them screens'.

@ExcitingTimes2021

as I said above - children are not mini adults and are still developing their social and communication skills. Should children do everything that adults do in your world?

or never refuse to be picked up and insist on climbing the stairs themselves.

This sentence sums up the problem for me. The kid in question was around 18 months. If I needed to pick up my son around that age, and even up until around 3-4, he was picked up and that was that. He didn't get a choice at that age, if we needed to move faster than he was moving! Especially near roads etc.

How on earth can a child barely a toddler "insist" on anything unless you're such a wet, ineffective parent that's scared of a squealing tiny person? It's pathetic to not be able to be in charge of your own child! An 18 month old can yell and squirm sure, but they don't get the final call on what happens fgs - is this where it's going wrong? Adults giving way to toddlers. Madness.