What is going on with parenting these days?

[whocaresaboutbeingpopular]

Ok, so as my name change suggests I am aware this won’t be popular. My children are almost adults, youngest is 17 this year.

me and OH are away this weekend, we went to a place that to be fair we were aware would be full of kids; but we didn’t think that would matter as we don’t dislike having children around, however, since when did it become a thing to….

put your kids in front of a screen when they are having a meal? Not to mention having full volume of Peppa Fucking Pig?

let your kids shriek at high pitch continuously?

let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up!

yes, no doubt I sound a right miserable bastard, but come on - is this how people are raising their kids these day? Bring on the entitled generation.

Of course it’s lazy parenting. How could it not be?

Maybe they don't see it as their children "running amok" and rather there's a parallel post somewhere "AiBu to be depressed by the judgmental miserable woman looking down her nose at me in the dining area of my day out"

You don't know what day/ month/ years people have had, you have no idea what's going on in people's lives. This week my son had a really serious op. I've still taken him out to the zoo and the park in his wheelchair, if he was having a moment of pain, or if he was bored of looking at judgmental people I would have happily let him watch my phone. If I saw you looking down you nose at people I probably would have encouraged him to screech at you. Get a grip. Take a moment. If it's not what you would do, then 100% fine don't do it. But honestly judgment and sneering only makes one look uneducated and attempting to justify their own life choices by making comment on others.

It’s not minding their own business if they’re disturbing others though. What happened to being considerate?

Watched two youngish parents eating a meal in a restaurant, dangling a phone over a baby lying flat in a pram. Baby can't have been more than six months.

Another time, saw two earth-mother types gazing longingly at their collective children at they fought and shrieked over the noisy musical toy that played the same tune repetitively throughout the meal.

The parents I see out and about are lazy. If you can't get through a meal quietly with your own children without resorting to a screen, you need to do better.

I’ve been nannying close to 20 years, have got a friend who’s been doing it more like 35 and we both see it changing it over the years and not for the better-

parents terrified of upsetting their kids so they never say no,
non potty trained,
terrible eating and food habits,
excessive tantrums and no boundaries,
kids not entertaining themselves, being rude to other adults and refusing to let their parents have a conversation,
instant gratification all the time

It’s hideous, really really bad. We see such potential and such lovely lovely children who are so utterly spoiled and grow up with a totally warped idea of self and parents that have a much worse time with their children than they need to.

@Disco2022

do you really think I walked around scowling and “looking down my nose” - that would make me just as inconsiderate as those ineffectual parents.

No, I don’t know what sort of day/week/month they have had - do they know about mine? What an odd thing to say.

Absolutely not. If they are running around, touching other people’s stuff and generally misbehaving then of course we all agree that’s not on. But you didn’t say that, you said that they were watching things, that an 18 months old took too long to gown down the stairs and that they were shrieking sometimes.

I just don’t get what did you expect, really, you saw kids when you went in and what did you expect? I don’t get it

Goodness me you don't sound lovely. Let's hope your own grandchildren never watch Peppa Pig on an Ipad or never refuse to be picked up and insist on climbing the stairs themselves. You live in a society and people with children are allowed to go out. They too can have good and bad days with their kids. And even a bigger shocker kids can have good and bad days too! Next time try a 3 course meal restaurant which is more likely to be only for adults and couples.

So you complain because children shriek but also complain when most probably picking up this child would have caused them to shriek....

They aren't judging you hence why it doesn't matter that they don't know about you. I don't judge people because I've had some really crappy days in my life and I would have hated people to judge me on those days. Just live and let live. Not to your taste, don't go there again.

And by the way, if my 18 months old was to take his time to go down the stairs, why do you think I would listen to your inconsiderate complain about it? He has the same right to take as long as he needs to go down. Would you complain about an elderly person taking long? Or someone with a disability? You are the one being inconsiderate…. Live and let live

@Disco2022 but you do judge - everybody does no matter what. You judged me and projected that I was walking around looking down my nose at people when you weren’t actually there - because you don’t like what i am saying. To repeat - this is a forum aimed at parents - why should parenting not be discussed?

What I (obviously) meant was there is an assumption that these parents ALWAYS practice lazy parenting.

And it’s not lazy parenting because for the millionth time it depends what app they’re on. Literally some are no different to colouring. Is giving colouring books lazy parenting?

My older onrs are on their mid 20s. When we go out to eat, they know the drill: no phones or elbows on the table.

It's the same when they come over to eat; phones are switched off. It is basic manners, and it was the same when they were younger - nothing at the table.

They weren't the melt-down type of children because I would not tolerate such behaviour, even at a young age. I was strict but very boundaried and kind.

I never smacked them and I never needed to shout. They just knew that I wasn't the type to play with.

The child should be seen and not heard brigade are out.

I do think there has been a big change in the last decade we all eat out a lot more for a start. I am guilty of occasionally giving my DC an iPad especially at that 1-3 year old running off age. Despite this it might utterly shock some MNs that DD has somehow grown up and developed the ability now age 6 to sit at a table without causing a scene.

I went to Greece a couple of years ago people were so friendly towards her in restaurants. Staff often getting crayons/talking to her. Never felt so relaxed taking her out for a meal!

Agree with the OP that I don't let them run around a restaurant as it's not safe. But for many parents wanting 10 minutes to eat a meal that can often mean god forbid the occasional IPad .

Zzzzzzzz the elderly person analogy has been raised more than once - as I said before:

An elderly people would probably take the lift.
An elderly person could not be picked up and carried.
An elderly person is likely to stay on one side allowing others to pass if they are very slow rather than stand in the middle holding someone’s hand.

Oh go on I fancy joining a bun fight for once.

I hate screens in restaurants and I am super judgey.

It's terrible for children's development if they are never bored, never waiting, never listening to adults, never observing the world around them, never watching the social cues / norms around them.

Zoned out staring at a screen is horrendously bad parenting.

Yes it's tiring, yes I'd rather be eating my own dinner, yes I'd rather be talking to the other adults, yes I'd rather be staring into space, yes I'd rather be on Mumsnet.

But unfortunately I have chosen to take my own offspring to a restaurant in public so it's my job to provide them with card games / conversation / colouring and engage with them until the meal is over.

And no this doesn't apply to ND kids and the zillion other 'yes but MY Dc' people who always jump on these threads. I mean the majority of the people I see (as they can't all possibly have an exceptional circumstance)

@FusionChefGeoff 'it's my job to provide them with card games'

DS has an app which is basically snap and recognising shapes and letters. He has learnt lots from it. According to the above that's ok?

I'd find it much more annoying as a waiter/waitress to have cards about the table than an iPad that can be quickly moved away when needed

And nobody is putting a screen in front of your child in a restaurant 🙄 what other parents choose to do shouldn't concern you or OP at all. I have a friend with a kid who has got adhd and he just doesnt sit still and it helps him sit down and have at least something to eat as well as gives his parents a break to be together as a family. Also often in parenting it's not about what you don't allow or don't do but about what you actually do. And you don't know the amount of things other people do for their kids.

I personally think there are so many old bags in this country who just can't mind their own business and have to look around looking for something or someone to judge.

It all depends if it plays twiddly fucking annoying music/sounds out loud TBH. I don't give a shit if kids are on iPads/phones - your kid, up to you. But I do object to the associated noise if it's not on silent.

Why will no one answer where OP’s generation went wrong to produce such entitled and lazy young people that so many of us see (or have the misfortune of working with) these days? How many threads are there about Kate teens and 20 somethings being rude, lazy and work shy, with super high anxiety and no resilience skills? What one thing did OP’s generation do to cause that?

The hardest part of parenting is people judging you with no idea what your facing. At all.

The folk who have older kids seem to look back at their kids with some type of rose tinted glasses and go oh well it's hard but in my day you just got in with it.

If it makes you feel better to look down at someone's day which you have zero knowledge about. Well I feel sorry for you. Your self worth must be severely lacking.

playing music, tv show, film in public with volume on full is just so ignorant and rude. Whether it’s children with coco melon or an idiot on a bus with a stupid movie blaring - rude rude rude. Buy headphones or turn it off.

@hourbyhour101

Well I feel sorry for you. Your self worth must be severely lacking.

😂

Save your sympathy, it’s not needed. My self worth is fine, but thanks for your ridiculous attempt at an insult.

@whocaresaboutbeingpopular
You are not being unreasonable.
Some kids are entitled asswholes , allowed to run riot and do what the hell they like.

Screeching rampaging nightmares.

Kids running around and around in crowded cafés-

Til one gets tripped up or falls over and goes towards it’s parents with a blaring square of a mouth.

Keep kids ( and dogs) under close control in public.