What is going on with parenting these days?

[whocaresaboutbeingpopular]

Ok, so as my name change suggests I am aware this won’t be popular. My children are almost adults, youngest is 17 this year.

me and OH are away this weekend, we went to a place that to be fair we were aware would be full of kids; but we didn’t think that would matter as we don’t dislike having children around, however, since when did it become a thing to….

put your kids in front of a screen when they are having a meal? Not to mention having full volume of Peppa Fucking Pig?

let your kids shriek at high pitch continuously?

let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up!

yes, no doubt I sound a right miserable bastard, but come on - is this how people are raising their kids these day? Bring on the entitled generation.

OP has clearly triggered a lot of people who let kids have screen time. I am indifferent to kids on screens when in restaurants, but I do agree it's very rude and entitled to have them at a volume that interrupts others.

We recently had a weekend away at a hotel and I was shocked by the way a couple of families acted in the hotel restaurant. One set of parents let 3 kids have 3 ipads which were repeatedly turned up as they could hear the others until all three were on fill blast. They also ran to and from the breakfast buffet, would grab a sausage and eat it on way back or worse put it back. Even the dad went up and shouted across a dining room if anyone wanted anything. The kids were literally throwing cereal at each other across the table. When they left there was cereal, crushed pastries all over and under the table, they made zero effort to clean it up. Said no word of thanks to the staff, who had to get out a hoover to clean up after them.

And yes sound should be off or headphones but no one is a better parent because their child can colour in or have a conversation.

OP, given that you were absolutely enraged by this toddler walking down the stairs, why did you not say something to the mum at the time? Perhaps she didn't realise her actions were causing this much upset. I don't see the point in seething in silence when you could have passed on some parenting tips.

I also thought you would have realised how terrible parenting is these days if you're in a child-related role at work.

As I said before, we don't allow screen time at the table at home or when eating out. We have always used this time to talk to our kids. Just because this is our way and it keeps my children occupied, doesn't mean it works for others and I would never, ever judge anyone else's parenting.

I do remember a year or so back being in a cafe with my boys and a lady commented how great it was to see non of us involved with looking at phones or tablets and actually interacting with each other. Its what we have always done and I certainly don't expect praise for it. I also never use my own mobile either while sat at the table with my kids but that's my choice and still would not judge others who do.

However one of my children has social anxiety and selective mutism now it makes me wonder reading your posts if you would just assume this was down to bad parenting, assuming it is down to letting them have all this screen time that you seem to think is causing children to be socially awkward. Of course this is not the case for my child it's just how he is and we love him all the same.

Not child under 5 at an absolute minimum (and probably more like 7 or 8) should have access to a tablet, it’s absolutely ridiculous. There’s a wealth of information out there about how they cause hyperactivity and poorer social skills. Nothing will persuade me it isn’t just lazy parenting dressed up as ‘balance’ or wanting them to be quiet for ‘other people’s sakes’. DD is 3.5 so it’s hardly an achievement but she has never been on a tablet, nor do we intend to buy one any time soon.

And yes there’s a lot of personal insults being used here by defensive ‘tablet’ parents - yOu ARe So MiSeRABLe’- who clearly know this underneath so have no option but to turn it on OP.

How kids are raised, broadly, is absolutely the business of wider society as we will have to tolerate and work alongside the adults it produces. There are an awful lot of threads on here worrying about children having no friend, anxiety, ASD/ADHD, yet show parents some evidence that something may be damaging their child’s functioning and they just don’t want to hear it.

YABU to think that every generation doesn't have its fair share of bad parenting practices (or those perceived as bad by older generations).

When I was younger it was Gameboys. I'm sure if MN existed at the time there would be threads made about how people don't have to parent anymore, they just shove a Gameboy or Tamagotchi into their child's hands.

And as for shouting? Yes that's only ever happened in 2023.

They used to have colouring books in family restaurants when I was a child which was a long time ago now so it's not a new thing. Children get bored sitting at tables no matter how good your parenting is.

Agreed.

There was a ridiculous thread not so long ago from a mum who was horrified that another mum actually spoke to her own children excitedly on the bus about the day out at the museum they had planned. And all this after OP had just given her daughter a 10 minute lecture on the importance of being seen and not heard.

Parents these days!!

what about all the adults sat on their phones? I'm doing it right now instead of being out with my kids on a beautiful Sunday morning. What an idiot. I'm so addicted to this site and the bloody moaning 😩

@Cuppasoupmonster You have just confirmed from my last post how judgemental people are when it comes to how children behave around others and blaming it on their upbringing.

As I said, my children rarely have screen time. Meal times has always been a time for us to sit together and chat without any devices.

Interacting with our children this way has not prevented one of my boys having social anxiety/selective mutism and saying 'the wider community have to tolerate him when he is older' well honestly that is just an awful thing to say. Of course, I hope with the interventions he overcomes this, however this very comment is why I hope mine never use social media or at the very least meets people who have a little compassion.

"There are an awful lot of threads on here worrying about children having no friend, anxiety, ASD/ADHD, yet show parents some evidence that something may be damaging their child’s functioning and they just don’t want to hear it."

ASD isn't caused by using a tablet. Please educate yourself. Ds's ASD specialist school use tablets. Some non verbal children use them to communicate.

This.

www.who.int/news/item/24-04-2019-to-grow-up-healthy-children-need-to-sit-less-and-play-more

how about interacting with your own children? You know? It used to be called parenting

Yeah whatever. Who made you the angry expert?

Go on a James Warner holiday and stop moaning.

I once read something that said that manners are all about consideration for others - and this is the crux of it - so many people just feel their needs or wants trump everything and to hell with everyone else. Nobs.

Children on masse are noisy. They just are. If your child is now 17 you will have forgotten. You certainly sound very judgemental
My children are grown up and I honestly think parenting is much better now than it was when my children were young.
If I went to a restaurant where I know there would be a lot of children I would expect noise.
If I wanted a nice peaceful lunch I would go somewhere else.

I completely agree with you. Too many parents think the world revolves around them and their kids and don't show any consideration for others. I have a young child myself so I understand that sometimes when babies/toddlers cry or throw tantrums you can't always shut them up but lots of parents just let their kids run wild or create lots of noise in inappropriate situations ie loud devices with no headphones or running round tables in restaurants.

I think babies are easiest in restaurants because they are amused by just looking around and then take bloody ages to eat their dinner 😂

You are spot on though about everyone being a bad parent to someone somewhere. Which is why we should just all do what we think is right anyway!

Although I too have noticed please and thank you has gone out the window with BOTH adults and children. It’s my pet peeve.

I'm the first to admit that my DS (nearly 3) watches his tablet too much, but this is at home when I need to get jobs done uninterrupted. That said, I don't take it out with us and just bring a Hot Wheels car or a colouring book.

There was one occasion when I brought the tablet out with us and gave it to DS while we ate. A random woman came up to me and had a go, saying that I was a poor parent for it. What she didn't know was that it was the only time we had ever done it, and we were stopping at the restaurant to eat before continuing in the car on a 5 hour journey to go to a relative's funeral. I needed head space and that horrible woman made me feel even worse.

A child with a tablet in public is a tiny fragment of the day. You don't know what goes on outside of that 30-minute mealtime.

I think most parents have plenty of opportunities outside a restaurant setting for their DC to chat to adults.

We were at a funeral the other day. Kids sat so quietly throughout and then at the wake basically went round chatting to all the adults (they are 6&9). They were the only kids there and really cheered up the atmosphere. The fact they often have tablets in restaurants doesn’t impede the rest of their social lives and I’m equally ‘baffled’ that people think this would be the case.

It depends what app they are on. Plenty of apps allow for engagement. My kids have colour by numbers, puzzles, creative apps and they show us what they are doing on them. Literally the same as doing colouring

I can't entirely understand the OP's objection to colouring in, but ND issues aside, it's pretty bad parenting to give your child an iPad etc to play on in a restaurant. At least with a book/ drawing/ colouring in, the child is making some effort and using their imagination, rather than playing with something designed to be addictive. Books, puzzles and drawing have entertained children for donkeys' years; it just means you have to make the effort to teach your child to read/ do crosswords/draw rather than abdicating responsibility.

I don't see the point in seething in silence when you could have passed on some parenting tips.

Why would anyone pass on some parenting tips to a stranger, especially in public? Maybe they want to train their child, and introduce them to steps.

I’d hardly say I was seething - more surprised at the mother being oblivious to causing inconvenience to dozens of people. Why didn’t I pass on some parenting tips? Because believe or not I am not a complete arsehole.

Thinking objectively - as people have pointed out, I am older and my kids grown up, I was by no means perfect as a parent, but screens are being increasingly used, the shrieking is definitely much worse than it used to be - rose tinted specs or not. The level of entitlement and rudeness is definitely increasing.

And for those making personal comments on me - you don’t know me or anything about me - it’s a shame you can’t put your views across without resorting to insults.

I'm pretty sure this idea that your generation's parenting was better than the current generation's has been around since the dawn of time. Every generation is 'soft' and 'badly behaved' compared to the previous generation. Ask your parents or grandparents... they'll say the same.

And everyone gives a very 1-dimensional view of the changes. Maybe we've lost some skills in some ways but we'll have also gained some in others. I do feel on average empathy and tolerance are growing in younger generations, the downside to that is that they will expect a greater level of empathy and tolerance (you've labelled this as entitledness). You win some, you lose some.

I have vivid memories of being bored out of my mind whilst being dragged here and there as a child and then effectively ignored. I knew better than to 'misbehave' as I was scared I'd be punished. But that's part of why I parent my children so differently, I remember how it felt and I don't want that for my kids.