What is going on with parenting these days?

[whocaresaboutbeingpopular]

Ok, so as my name change suggests I am aware this won’t be popular. My children are almost adults, youngest is 17 this year.

me and OH are away this weekend, we went to a place that to be fair we were aware would be full of kids; but we didn’t think that would matter as we don’t dislike having children around, however, since when did it become a thing to….

put your kids in front of a screen when they are having a meal? Not to mention having full volume of Peppa Fucking Pig?

let your kids shriek at high pitch continuously?

let your 18 month old walk themselves down the stairs despite a massive queue of people behind t? Ffs pick them up!

yes, no doubt I sound a right miserable bastard, but come on - is this how people are raising their kids these day? Bring on the entitled generation.

I agree and it seems OP’s generation REALLY fucked up parenting if the entitled, lazy and overly anxious youth are anything to go by. toddlers can be expected to behave like toddlers but the proof of the pudding is in the eating, and it seems when they’re still entitled brats as adults then there’s clearly a massive failure going on.

I personally don't care how parents bring up their kids. I don't have to agree to their method. What does get to me is what appears a common attitude that the expectation is for me to tolerate very annoying kids rather than them educating their children to take I to consideration others around them.

If parents decide to give their kids their phone at table to watch whatever, that's their business. If they have it on loud enough to be annoying to anyone around, it's not ok.

There is and always has been an element of kids will be kids. It is the formatting ages, the times that they learn about the world around them. That's absomuty normal, but parents facing to use these occasions to teach them about social cues is wrong. And now you have parents who will turn it around and accuse those who are disturbed by poor behaviour to be unreasonable for not tolerating how this bad behaviour affect them because their children are doing nothing wrong.

It's the latter than makes me angry.

And I have repeatedly said I knew where I was going was going to be rammed with kids - in fact it was really lovely to see the kids getting excited going through the overhead tanks - the one who weren’t running around d shrieking or banging on the glass that is.

Well whilst you polish your medal how about accepting that everyone’s circumstances are different and next time enjoy the company you’re with rather than getting upset about other diners.

Honestly some of you must go out to eat with right boring bastards, or be boring bastards yourself, if you’re wholly distracted by families around you. I wonder, do you stare at those families? You just do to know their every move.

You sound full of joy

Or else what? They went on the rack?

Absolutely!

A child can be confident and talkative in every other area of their life and still have tablets. But in MNLand everything is black and white, and if you have a tablet you are a Lazy Parent and your child will be a bag of nerves aged 30 🤣🤣 it’s illogical to the point of I’m embarrassed at the lack of intelligence on this thread.

I haven't read all of the responses, so sorry if I've repeated what others have written or if the discussion has moved in a different direction!

My take on this is that children being on screens is okay to me just as long as the volume is low enough so that it's not audible by others or they've got headphones on. I'm fine with it because many parents spend so much of their time feeding, changing, wiping, manning, managing and parenting their kids when not at a restaurant, so it's nice to have their child/children occupied for a while so that the parents can just relax and enjoy their own meal.

Allowing kids to shriek nonstop is annoying. However, similar to the above, many parents can feel physically, mentally and psychologically that their children take up so much of their time on a day-to-day basis, that they just want to relax while they're out at a restaurant and away on holiday. Perhaps they know that if they asked their kids to stop shouting that it would only work for a short amount of time and no parent wants to spend their entire holiday having to manage their children nonstop. Also, it's possible that many parents feel that other parents would understand (I get that this assumption might not always be correct!)

I agree with you completely that a toddler needs to be picked up in that scenario and not be allowed to take priority walking down/up stairs. Other people do not pay for a holiday for that experience and it is very rude and shows a lack of basic manners. It is just like those kinds of people who are loud (or wear a lot of perfume) to the cinema. As I wrote, other people do not pay for that experience so, yes, the child needs to be picked up. If the parent must allow the child to practice walking downstairs because, e.g. they don't have stairs at home, then find a time when no-one is around and then it's a win-win for everyone.

Finally, I just want to point out that you had your last child 17 years ago and a lot has changed in society since. It was a time before Facebook/Instagram and our lives being flooded by endless amounts of content with so much that we want to read (and no time to read it!). Life is just so much more stressful nowadays and the dynamics of society have changed A LOT, so parenting now is going to be much more difficult than it used to be when your youngest was little.

It’s cute to the parent and there’s a time and a place. An attraction at one of the busiest times of the year is not the time and place

For the millionth time - it depends what app you use.

😂
I agree, who notices other children, in fact, who walks around or sits having a meal sniping at others?

They were the boring bastards! Silent meal. Weird. I felt like asking the Mum to come and join us as she look so bored.

Anyway I know I'm the best parent and very happily smug about my perfect children.

Many games such as Minecraft are very creative and encourage problem solving. Considerably more creative than colouring between some pre-drawn lines.

Showing an interest in what they design and craft stimulates conversation, and engages with them on their level. I've dabbled with playing with them at home and they've loved me engaging with their world. It's been good for them to explain and teach me how to play, again developing social skills. DS1 loves his redstone contraptions which can get rather complex and require a lot of patience to de-bug.

I've nothing against colouring, but having dyslexic children with issues affecting fine motor control, using tecnology is far more accessible and entertaining to them. It's far less limiting for their creativity than to be bound by rules of physics and neural/ muscular development. When they were much younger, I could entertain them with little things like toy cars, but they are past that and in the gap where they don't have prolonged interest in adult conversation.

They have never been allowed to play sound without earphones though. That's not fair on anyone in the vincinity. Screens must also be put away when food is on the table. Used in a balanced way with boundaries, using screen time can be beneficial. Just dismissing screens can miss out on a lot of potential for engagement.

😂

I agree OP. I have young adult children too and things have changed massively since my two were young. My DS has ADHD and Autism (although he wasn't diagnosed until he was an adult). I used to take him and DS2 to restaurants and they knew they had to sit at the table and behave themselves.

I allowed them to colour, but we used to talk to them and involve them in the conversation. If they're stuck in front of a screen with headphones on, how are they ever going to learn social skills or how to have a conversation with adults?

It's not just parenting though that's changed, there just seems to have been a general decline in people not knowing how to behave in public and lack of any consideration for others.

I’m not sure people in a restaurant would appreciate children playing rather than sitting

100% agree with this 🤣🤣

I completely agree with you about parenting challenges changing - there is a massive difference from parenting my oldest child to the youngest one, with the advances in technology and having to set boundaries around social media, phones, influencers, social contagion, pornography, online groups etc. however that doesn’t negate the fact that basic manners, respect and consideration towards others appears to be decreasing and entitlement is rising.

There are certain parents who openly brag that their children are 'feral' (cue tinkly laugh) like it's a badge of honour to have such 'spirited' offspring, and who are quite dismissive of quiet, well behaved kids. I'd much rather see children sitting at a table with a tablet (on low volume) than charging round disturbing everyone.

If people want their kids to run feral, take them to soft play or the park, not a restaurant!

But equally OP you don’t know anything about these parents you’re judging either.

Ive had LOADS of moments where I’ve looked back and thought “shit that was a bit self indulgent” but at the time you do what you can do minimise noise, tantrums, etc and when you’re a new mum, tired, juggling a million things and trying not to lose sight of your child you don’t behave perfectly. But I can’t turn back time or call random strangers to say “Sorry my child needed their shoelace thing in the middle of a busy train station, I didn’t want them tripping up and they freak out when they have uncomfortable feet so I just flew by the seat of my pants for a moment”.
I think it’s worth keeping that in mind in the future

I don't think entitlement is always a bad thing. It gives some people a far better quality of life than they used to have.

Why were you staring and listening into their conversations?! I’d have had to tell you to stop being so weird.

I bet you’re ‘perfect children’ are annoying AF to some and there will definitely have been loads of times where someone thought you are a shit parent

Totally agree with this!! So many kids are so rude & entitled, like their parents!

Sorry. But a 2.5 year can't truly insist on anything!!

@whocaresaboutbeingpopular you definitely have a point there and that would be hard to deny. At the same time, I think the rise in all of these undesirable qualities has come about as a result of the societal pressures I outlined in my post. Life is so much harder now. At the same time I recognise that even if what I'm writing is true, it doesn't make your point less important. People absolutely do need to try their best to display good manners.

I take the view that most parents are on holiday and everyone deserves some time off. I think if one family, as an example, has unruly kids, then the parents could potentially spend ALL their time having a go at their kids. Of course the obvious point is that if parents brought up their kids properly they wouldn't experience all of these issues.

I think the problem is that people are not taught how to parent. Many years ago, it was 'children can be seen but not heard' and they could receive a clout around the head. Society's changed a lot since and now there are basically no parenting guides. Of course there are brilliant sources like Janet Lansbury and the Visible Child approach, but they're not mainstream. Mainstream parenting = seeing how celebrities dress and treat their children and that's just a recipe for disaster.