Aibu to choose fwb over new partner

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

Myself and a friend have had a fwb relationship on and off for years we always stop when either of us are in relationship. Iv had a new boyfriend for a couple of months now and everything is great except the sex, it's not awful its just very vanilla. I have tried to explain what I like and have tried to guide him but it just doesn't match up. However the sex I have with my friend is the best iv ever had.
Aibu to end a relationship with a nice guy just so I can go back to having amazing sex with a person who has no interest in ever having a relationship with me and could meet another woman next week and end it all
Yanbu. Sex is important and you should go back to your friend as he knows exactly how to keep you happy

Stick to your fwb, your bf deserves to be with someone who wants him.

Realistically you just want good sex just now so why hang onto someone who presumably wants a long term relationship when you don't.

I'd let the new partner go and give him a chance to find someone who really wants him. When the right person for you comes along you won't even think of your fwb anymore; unless you have inadvertently 'caught feelings'?

If you’re not sexually compatible with BF I’d end things as he doesn’t sound able to be guided by you or want to fully please you & ultimately you don’t want to have to constantly be telling him what to do.

Only prob with FWB is that the sex being how good it is may well prevent you ever properly connecting sexually with a new partner.

And you sound like you’re always comparing & always will compare any sex with this. At least in a traditional relationship if you were dumped or the dumper, you’d maybe always hark back to amazing sex, but know that it was over & not something you could have again (unless you went back after splitting up but that usually only lasts so long).

So v hard not to go back for amazing sex with your FWB but bear in mind you might regret it if it goes on too long.

BTW does FWB not want a relationship with you or with anyone?? How likely is it that he will couple up with someone else? Is he just not wanting commitment atm period?

Other thing to hear in mind that while you have great chemistry with FWB part of the reason sex may be so good with him is precisely bcos it’s not within the parameters of a conventional relationship. Meaning you never argue, have the stress that affects relationships, only see each other for highly charged fun, don’t get to see their bad bits etc etc

So it could be skewing things bcos any relationship will never be able to complete.

Enjoy it while you can though - conventional relationships are over rated a lot of the time!

Christ there are some bitchy responses on here. We're the same age and I wouldn't dream of settling for someone who doesn't do it for me in bed - dump the boyfriend, there's loads of time to find someone out there who ticks all the boxes and stick with the FWB in the meantime. Realistically, you'd still be having the same problem with your boyfriend even without the FWB, you'd just be posting about whether or not to stick it out.

He has had other short term relationships over the years that just haven't worked out for different reasons. I think he is like me in the sense of if the right person came along he'd be interested but he's not actively looking. Although we're good friends and get on well I think the reason he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me is because our personalities and lives are very different my life is quite chaotic and he's really laid back and calm

@Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy I see. Well make hay while the sun shines! And don’t settle x

Nobody is using anybody we enjoy each others company and we're friends

Enjoying sex isn’t “liberating” and nor is it grim. And who are you to call someone else grim? How fucking rude. Are you unable to articulate your opinion without calling someone else names? That’s more embarrassing than enjoying sex.

I don’t understand where these people with their 1950s attitudes have come from.

Thankyou everyone for the helpful responses I will be breaking up with my bf as it isn't working and isn't fair on either of us to drag it out. I will continue the relationship with my fwb and just enjoy being single for a while

@namechangetheworld what's embarrassing about it

You sound a bit thick to be fair

I never said enjoying sex was grim. I enjoy sex plenty with my husband, who loves and respects me.

I said the OP shagging this bloke in a desperate attempt to get him to like her back is grim.

I'm not shagging him to get him to like me .I'm doing it because we have great sex

I think you should end things with boyfriend, you sound incompatible and that you don't really like him that much.

Just be careful of falling for a FWB and putting him on a pedestal...it may end in heartbreak for you. Shagging a friend, no matter how fantastic it might be, won't make him love you (I've been there).

So I cannot comment further.

Considering you’ve since had several posts deleted, you probably should have followed your own advice here, eh @MacDoodleofredbrookcounty?

So he's uninterested in her so is actively not making any effort to please her in bed but he's interested enough to shag her? Sounds like he def deserves to be dumped!

You can end a relationship for any reason so yeah, end it if it’s a hard line for you.

So should I tell DH sex is off unto the 3 yo twins are tweens because they need my entire focus? What about date nights (ha, I wish!) or even just sharing a bottle of wine together in front of the telly (more likely)? Should I stop that too because I need to be primed ready to spring. And that pesky job I have, or the weekend away with work or friends? The odd coffee on a Saturday without the kids? When can they resume because my children should be my entire focus.

How is it ops fault he's shit in bed? So people just are. He doesn't try and do anything she likes. He isn't interested in learning what turns her on. You can fancy the pants off someone and still have awful sex or you can have less initial sexual chemistry but have bodies more in sync and have mind blowing sex.

If he's only interested in banging away until he comes them rolling off and going to sleep that isn't ops fault.

Similar values to what? Enjoying sex? Not thinking you have to be married to have sex? Wanting to have a life that isn't just being Mom and sitting cross legged outside their bedroom when they sleep because you can't possibly have anything for yourself? Or sitting in the sofa telly off staring at the door until they come home?

If DH nad I ever split, it's nothing to do with anyone what I do on the nights my kids are with him. I'm older THAN OP so I doubt my options will be much fun but it still wouldn't be wrong to enjoy sex with someone new.

So he's uninterested in her so is actively not making any effort to please her in bed but he's interested enough to shag her? Sounds like he def deserves to be dumped!

No @SleepingStandingUp, it was an alternative theory for op rather than he's terrible and FWB is so great. Nobody knows if this is the case. And being dumped is a blessing in this situation.

Did you break it off, OP?

OP do you think you’ll ever meet someone who satisfies you sexually while you have this fwb arrangement to compare it to?

Yeah iv had good sex since I posted this I just think the lad I was seeing during this post was just selfish in bed. I still hook up with my fwb and we always have great sex but others have been great to