Aibu to choose fwb over new partner

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

Myself and a friend have had a fwb relationship on and off for years we always stop when either of us are in relationship. Iv had a new boyfriend for a couple of months now and everything is great except the sex, it's not awful its just very vanilla. I have tried to explain what I like and have tried to guide him but it just doesn't match up. However the sex I have with my friend is the best iv ever had.
Aibu to end a relationship with a nice guy just so I can go back to having amazing sex with a person who has no interest in ever having a relationship with me and could meet another woman next week and end it all
Yanbu. Sex is important and you should go back to your friend as he knows exactly how to keep you happy

I think you should bin them both off and start afresh.

I would disagree based on what must be very young ages.

Your entire focus should be them.

Boyfriends' won't bring anything positive to their lives.

If you intend to keep them totally separate from your children then ok, sounds like fwb is best choice here.

I suggest you take the stick out.

Out of where? Your head?

Your crack.

@safetyfreak

grim? What's grim about two people who enjoy having sex with each other?

Your level is easily understood.

Stability and crap sex is not something anyone should be settling for. There is NOTHING wrong with a woman wanting a fulfilling sex life. Nothing.

Oh my god, there are some ridiculously cringey attitudes in here!

100% focus should be on kids? FWB is immature? At 35 she'll roll her eyes at non-vanilla sex??! I think the people saying this are just using the opportunity to sneer because their own lives are so repressed. What complete nonsense.

Thankyou

Yep - a level where I don’t believe women (or men for that matter) should have to just pull up the drawbridge and settle because they’ve had children.

Fair points all the best

End it. If this is how bad it is at the start imagine 5yrs in? I have a new bf, 3 months and mid 40’s having best sex I’ve ever had. My days of mediocre sex are over. Sex isn’t everything but it’s nice when it’s good!

Girl, don't settle for crap sex. You can have it all. Good sex and a good relationship.
This guy sounds selfish, and that rarely is only a problem in the bedroom.

She hasn't been with new guy long enough for him to be offering her stability. And why does she need stability if she doesn't want it? Her kids need it, but she doesn't need to be coming home to a bloke every night because "better" than being single.
And its fine that sex isn't important to you, but if he can't consider her "wellbeing" in the bedroom, I wouldn't put much faith in him the rest of the time. And 50 years of having to get herself off cos he isn't interested is a long time of bad sex. Presumably you want her to just lie there and thing of England 🙄🙄

i think the username is a big clue

26 is hardly young for 2 children, which is a perfectly average number to have. You make it sound like she's extreme parenting out there! Lots of parents have sex 🙄 and the fact the kids are likely at their Dad's a few nights a week make it easier not harder than it is for say parents like me.

Or are you suggesting she's parading all these many men through the living room in front of her kids who have to turn up cbeebiee to drown out the noise?

To me, good sex is to do with fancying the pants off each other, having a mental and emotional connection and enthusiasm. And there’s no way you can have all this and not fall in love. Maybe I’m just an old romantic😳.

It’s nothing to do with vanilla/non vanilla or technique and technique can be taught surely? I mean they’re all too rough to begin with…

I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's because you're pursuing a LTR and stringing that person along and disparaging them ("vanilla" sex, oh the absolute and utter horror!) while putting a casual shag on a pedestal.

That's grim. Have some self awareness and maybe imagine yourself being the subject of that comparison, and maybe you'll realise how grim it is.

It's fine if you want the FWB thing, but then do that. Be honest about what you want - don't pursue LTRs that you know won't satisfy you and then let that person down.

And don't use bullshit terms like "vanilla", that needs to be permanently shut in a box alongside outdated nonsense like "frigid".

I have tried to improve the sex with my boyfriend I always tell him what i like and don't also when he's doing something I like i make it very clear i like it and not to stop what hes doing but he's just not getting it

No it's you who's not getting it. Don't try and shift the blame.

I don't get this set up with your FWB. I always thought that FWB occurred when two friends wanted sex, but weren't able or willing to commit to a relationship.

However, if you are both open to pursuing relationships (and having relationships) given the sex is apparently so good, and you both get on enough to be friends, why not just have a relationship with your FWB? Job done!

I thought the word vanilla was a polite way of saying boring and crap. My bf doesn't know about the other guy and obviously when I break up with him I'm not gonna say its because I can get better sex from someone else So he will never be aware of the comparison

Because he doesn't want a relationship with me I can't force someone to be with me

I think the answer to this one is.... go find someone else to date. It is presented a bit like these are your only two options, when there are many, many men out there that you can both have great sex with, and have a good relationship with. Ditch the boyfriend because after dating for a few months you have discovered you aren't compatible. Keep the FWB for now, but as a previous poster said, be careful that you don't get too complacent as one day he will disappear off with someone else. If I were you, I would start going out places where you can meet new and interesting men.