Aibu to choose fwb over new partner

[Ionlydrinkondaysendinginy]

Myself and a friend have had a fwb relationship on and off for years we always stop when either of us are in relationship. Iv had a new boyfriend for a couple of months now and everything is great except the sex, it's not awful its just very vanilla. I have tried to explain what I like and have tried to guide him but it just doesn't match up. However the sex I have with my friend is the best iv ever had.
Aibu to end a relationship with a nice guy just so I can go back to having amazing sex with a person who has no interest in ever having a relationship with me and could meet another woman next week and end it all
Yanbu. Sex is important and you should go back to your friend as he knows exactly how to keep you happy

I think if if you'd jump on a chance of more than FWB with the FWB if he was up for it, it needs thinking carefully about. This doesn't sound balanced, when essentially you want something more, over time this could affect your self esteem, if you have him on a bit of a pedestal as The Best Shag.

I'd put this on hold, and end it with the new boyfriend because after a couple of months you should still have stars in your eyes for him, he's not for you.

It's possible to have brilliant sex with someone who feels like your best friend, I'd bin them both and move on.

Never put up with shit sex.

Have an open conversation with him about how you'd like him to be a bit more adventurous and if he's not willing, go back to the FWB, but at least give him the chance.

An affair?

Agreed.

You cannot be that happy with the bf if you’re thinking about sex with your fwb. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Your new partner sounds selfish in the bedroom? You have tried to guide him and tell him what turns you on but he’s not doing it? I know what I would do. Your young, don’t settle for crap sex.

No iv never had an affair/ cheated its always been separate. We have had sex on and off for years between relationships.

Depending what's not "vanilla" for you. If it's something rather niche, and it's your fuck-buddy who is in control (of your mind), then good luck with the relationships, you'll going to need it.

Or, you'll grow up and realise (maybe!) that something that is exciting at 25, is a protracted eye-roll at 35.

I'd dump the boyfriend, you're clearly enthralled by the ex-shag.

I totally get that you're quite young and are not necessarily looking for the same things that some posters on here (myself included) were looking for when dating. Settling down etc.

The only point I would make though is that if you've been having sex with the FWB for years on and off, would carrying on this arrangement in the future potentially prevent you (even subconsciously) from seeing anyone else seriously, as he'll always be at the back of your mind. Particularly if you actually would like a relationship with him, as you've said.

He is quite selfish in the bedroom and seems quite inexperienced. I'm literally telling him exactly what to do and what feels good and he will do something different or when he is doing something I'm enjoying and I tell him how good it is he will suddenly change speed or angle and just ruin it. As with my fwb he just knows exactly what works for me and manages it everytime.

Why pass up stability, for scheduled shags. If he's not leaving you satisfied, pop to ann summers and sort yourself out.

But then again, I think FWB situations are extremely immature. Are you young?

I'm 26 but I didn't realise there was an age limit on having good sex

Maybe, just maybe, stability isn’t the dream for everyone.

If I have “She lived a life of stability” carved on my gravestone, I’ll have failed.

Ditch both of them, you're not compatible with the boyfriend and your FWB doesn't think you're good enough to have a relationship with. Give yourself a chance to find someone better for you.

do really like my fwb guy and if he wanted a relationship I'd definitely say yes but he's made it clear for him its just sex which I'm fine with

But it's not really FWB if you would really like more but are settling for what he allows you, is it?

Oh, bless.

Ok right I'm going to try and give you some genuine life advice. Honestly, I do remember a certain thrill to changes (as in I'd get bored in a relationship and seek 'casual encounters').

But it's not long-term, it really does start to grind you down when you see all your friends getting married, having kids etc.

Communication is key here, it sounds like a fwb situation is being used to avoid that key aspect from a partner. 26 and you can't have a proper conversation?

I think you should ditch the new guy and stick with you FWB.

however I had a FWBfor quite a few years and I thought I was ok with it. But then he really fell for someone else that he wanted to be in a relationship with. Which made me realize that I wanted a relationship too (but not with him). He was making moves while I sat passively by. I had wasted so many years being in the FWB I shouldve cut it off sooner.

so don’t let it go on too long if you eventually want a relationship.

I'd keep both, or neither and find someone else

I have 2 kids and don't want anymore and have no interest in being married. What do u mean I can't have a proper conversation, a conversation about what ?

Then why are you asking? You know your answer

It took me until 25 to find an extremely decent and kind guy. After multiple bullies, scumbags, exploiters and worse.
But as I am often so busy, it's more FWF occasionally. He can't have kids & has said if I meet a good guy to have kids with he's happy. Also if that goes wrong, he'll help out with any kid I have. He's brilliant with his nephews and his friends daughters and kids in general.
I've had drunken encounters with girls while I've been with him & he's laid back about it & laughs at my 'naughty confessions'. I get mad when he says that but then see funny side. Think we need to be flexible these days tbh.

You usually have better sex with someone you are more attached to. You want a relationship with your FWB so it’s not a FWB situation; it’s having sex with someone you want a relationship with who doesn’t want that in return. If you find someone else you have similar feelings for, you’ll probably find the sex is better.

I guess I do i don't really know what I am asking. I suppose it's just my bf really is a good guy and minus the sex would be an brilliant partner. If I could make a bf out of a mix of the 2 of them it would be perfect

You are 26 and have 2 children.

I am surprised you have time for such a dilemma.

I suggest you focus your attention on them rather than who is better in bed.

You can if you have an affair for the pleasure side of business and the bf for the rest

My children get plenty of attention but I am allowed my own life to