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Original poster

What question would you ask your dead parent if you could?

105 replies

theworldcanbeshit · 10/02/2023 23:13

I couldn't ask this, but sometimes I want to know if my mum just didn't really believe I was struggling so badly with my disability. Or if she did know, but didn't really care and was irritated at me for not being able to meet my own needs as an adult. It's weird thinking I will never really know her thought process.

They say ask everything before they die but personally I couldn't ask that.

What question would you have found out the answer to, in an ideal world, if you could?

OP posts:
Original poster
theworldcanbeshit · 10/02/2023 23:14

I really loved my mum btw we just had some difficulties. The reason I could not ask is I didn't want to cause her any distress.

OP posts:
Ivebeentofairyhousebutiveneverbeentomeath · 10/02/2023 23:20

I don't really know. My mum died 15 years ago. Probably 'would you like to meet my husband and children?'

ssd · 10/02/2023 23:32

I'd ask about her family, i didn't know them.

HiGunny · 10/02/2023 23:39

I'd ask my mother if she had thyroid issues. I have an underactive thyroid and every doctor I meet says it's hereditary and if my mother has it. She died when I was 20 so I have no idea 🤷

pleasemindyourmanners · 10/02/2023 23:48

I would ask my mum to give me a hug. I know everything I need/want to know with her.
My dad I would ask if he did ever love me and why was I never good enough for him.

kennycat · 11/02/2023 00:08

I’d ask my dad if he actually loved my mum. They were never very together (as far as I saw) and had bugger all in common. I worry I’ve gone down the same route…

DressDilemma · 11/02/2023 00:15

I would ask my dad about why did he leave me completely out of his will. It did not bother me at that time because it is the not uncommon in my culture to leave everything to the son. However, over the years, this has made me feel unloved, uncared for and undeserving.

Oopsadaisysgranny · 11/02/2023 00:20

I would ask who the girl in the photos are !!!! I have photos of a child in my parents belongings studio portrait pics and no idea who she is although my niece is the spitting image of her !!! I only have a brother and the photos aren’t of me

Scottishflower65 · 11/02/2023 00:21

Why were you such a cunt? To my alcoholic dad

5foot5 · 11/02/2023 00:22

My Dad died when I was 25, I am 60 now.

He was called up in to the army in 1940 and served in the Infantry for the rest of the war. I have seen his campaign medals and know the bare bones of his service - El Alamein (he was a Desert Rat) , Italy, Normandy beaches on D-Day, but I never really talked to him properly about his experiences. I guess as a child you don't really think about it.

Last year DH and I were in Normandy so I did some research to find which beach his regiment landed on and what they did next. We visited the relevant places but it made me realise how much I would have liked to ask him now but never did.

CMOTDibbler · 11/02/2023 00:25

I'd ask her if she was happy in the last 10 years of her life. It was so hard to not know if she was blissfully unaware of the dementia and if her life was OK when from the outside you just saw all the things that she was missing.
I was lucky to actually talk more to my dad when mum was ill, and he filled in a lot of his (vvvv traumatic) childhood. But I'd like to tell him how well ds is doing, he'd be so bloody proud.

FrazzledHippy · 11/02/2023 00:27

My dad hung himself 10 years ago when I was early 20s. I'd ask him if it was worth it.

Lockheart · 11/02/2023 00:27

Why didn't you ever just do the fucking screening test like I told you to.

Orders76 · 11/02/2023 00:30

I'd just love a hug, even in a dream.
The does he like the garden and house.
Sometimes why was he so distant although we were very vocal about 'love you' at the end

UnicornsHaveDadsToo · 11/02/2023 00:30

Father (died when I was 7): who really killed him?
Mother (died 8 years ago when I was 39): why the hell did she not stand up for me and my sister against our stepfather when we were children and teenagers?

medianewbie · 11/02/2023 00:35

I'd ask my Mum: why she never put me up for adoption as she obviously didn't want me (& told me so many times)
Why she lied about who my Dad was/ (did she even know?) Why she was so shitty, even to my children. I got the chance to ask, a year ago. On her deathbed she grinned at me & said: 'ask me anything'. I didn't. I knew she'd just lie (& justify herself) even more.

Jux · 11/02/2023 00:44

So many questions, just so many.

greenspaces4peace · 11/02/2023 00:45

way way more family history. i'd like to know more about his childhood.

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/02/2023 00:58

I wish I could ask my mum why she told me that at 29 years old, I was a child having a child and not to ask her for anything. I'd like to ask her why she totally ignored me for my entire pregnancy, even ignoring me in public, but then appeared at the hospital after the birth as if nothing had happened. Turned into the dream grandmother. She missed out on all the lovely things we could have done together. She died four years after my daughter was born. She was 60. 6 years older than I am now. I can't fathom ever treating my children this way. It bothers me
so much, even now. I guess I will never know.

CallieQ · 11/02/2023 01:00

Jux · 11/02/2023 00:44

So many questions, just so many.

This

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 11/02/2023 01:03

Did you really die? What caused your death? Where is your body? (Missing person since 1960)

MGMidget · 11/02/2023 01:05

I would ask why my Dad cut me and one (but not the other) of my children out of his will when we had not been estranged, I took him to hospital visits and went to great lengths to ensure he was OK, getting cared for, running errands, contributing my own personal money for his day to day needs etc. Sadly, I might not get a coherent or rational answer though as he had dementia.

TheFormidableMrsC · 11/02/2023 01:12

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 11/02/2023 01:03

Did you really die? What caused your death? Where is your body? (Missing person since 1960)

This is awful. I'm so sorry Flowers

LadyGardenersQuestionTime · 11/02/2023 01:14

id ask my mum if she ever had an orgasm.

Forgottenmypasswordagain · 11/02/2023 01:36

Thank-you.

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