What question would you ask your dead parent if you could?

[theworldcanbeshit]

I couldn't ask this, but sometimes I want to know if my mum just didn't really believe I was struggling so badly with my disability. Or if she did know, but didn't really care and was irritated at me for not being able to meet my own needs as an adult. It's weird thinking I will never really know her thought process.

They say ask everything before they die but personally I couldn't ask that.

What question would you have found out the answer to, in an ideal world, if you could?

I don't think I've ever been moved as much as I have been on this thread. Thank you OP for this outlet. There are too many posts to respond to Individually but my goodness me it's a hard read. I wish you all everything you truly deserve in terms of peace and happiness. Brave and inspiring ❤️

My Dad has dementia, and is in a nursing home he doesn't know who I am anymore so to me he is dead as the person he was. I'd like to ask him why when he and my mum divorced when I was 8 he didn't contribute to my upbringing. In the early 80's my mum got money from social services for me and my brother as a single parent family. My dad was supposed to make payments back to the social but he didn't. He didn't even give my mum money on the side. I was the kid on free school dinners, the only one in my class who wore school uniform because my mum couldn't afford new clothes. My dad went to the pub every night, he had access to us 2 days a week and he took us to the pub. I regularly saw him cash £50 cheques at the bar. My mum couldn't afford to heat the house, we sometimes had sandwiches for dinner or a pot noodle. I'm supporting my dad in his care, I have deputyship through court of Protection because he has no-one else. But I feel nothing but anger towards him. He didn't step up as a father. I stepped up for him and sometimes I just want to wave the white flag and leave him. 😔

@Lollypop701
Thankyou for such lovely words. Yes I chose to keep my past to myself as I couldn't see how anyone would benefit from knowing. It would only cause more heartache.
I am so lucky in how my life has turned out. I work as a midwife and see so many sad child safeguarding issues and do worry how those babies and children will navigate life.
I also see such joy with new parents in awe of their newborn and the immediate love they display. It's the best job and the worst job sometimes.
Thankyou to all on this thread, women and men. We are all survivors of whatever we have come through. X

Is my distant cousin my sister ? We are the spitting image of each other

@BonBon10
So sorry to hear of your childhood.
In spite of everything you haven't waved that white flag and left him. Your anger is so understandable and this is what makes you the exceptional person you've turned out to be.
You owed him nothing yet you are showing him respect in stepping up into the role of a daughter of a man with dementia. You are staying true to yourself.