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Original poster

What question would you ask your dead parent if you could?

105 replies

theworldcanbeshit · 10/02/2023 23:13

I couldn't ask this, but sometimes I want to know if my mum just didn't really believe I was struggling so badly with my disability. Or if she did know, but didn't really care and was irritated at me for not being able to meet my own needs as an adult. It's weird thinking I will never really know her thought process.

They say ask everything before they die but personally I couldn't ask that.

What question would you have found out the answer to, in an ideal world, if you could?

OP posts:
Chickenkeev · 11/02/2023 01:39

Did you miss me when i was gone? Did you want to see your granddaughter?

Beehiver · 11/02/2023 01:58

I'd ask my dad why he didn't do more, I'd ask him why he didn't give it shit.

thaegumathteth · 11/02/2023 02:03

I'd ask my dad if I ever made him proud even briefly

LadyJ2023 · 11/02/2023 02:16

I couldn't ask my parents anything, they were the best

MuseThrower · 11/02/2023 02:31

I’d ask my mum how she made the rhubarb in jelly we used to have for Sunday tea, and for her leek and potato soup recipe.

TheFretfulPorpentine · 11/02/2023 02:33

I'd ask what it's like being dead.

Frequency · 11/02/2023 02:38

Ex/Kid's dad: Do you know how much I loved and needed you?

Granda: Have I made the right career choice?

Giggorata · 11/02/2023 03:33

So many questions for my birth mother, but so unlikely to get truthful answers.

For my adoptive mother, what happened to the land the family owned, who was that mysterious aunt in London we stopped visiting and never referred to again and yes, did she ever have an orgasm.

AngeloMysterioso · 11/02/2023 03:58

My Mum died a year ago today (we think… she was found a year ago on Tuesday).

I would ask her how the FUCK she could be so jaw-droppingly blithe, thoughtless and cavalier with her health and her finances. And does she feel bad about about the many kinds of mess that was left for me to deal with alone when she died, when I was already going through utter hell with then 8-week old DS2.

And I would tell her I’m sorry for not acknowledging the flowers and the apology she sent me a week before she died, but I was just too hurt and angry. But time would have passed and of course I’d never have kept her from seeing her beloved grandsons.

My Dad, 8 and a bit years ago… I’d ask if he was waiting for me to leave the hospice after being by his side for 5 days straight, only for him to pass away an hour after I left to spend the night in my own bed? And why did he explicitly ask for only me to be with him in what ended up being his last conscious hours, and not my DB too?

MargotChateau · 11/02/2023 04:18

My father died when I was 11 so nearly 30 years ago. I’d ask him from a hug and if he’d like to meet my partner and baby 🥺

ShippingNews · 11/02/2023 04:22

Mum led a very interesting life before she married, but I never asked her about it. Now she is long gone, I wish I could ask.

Meredusoleil · 11/02/2023 04:23

DressDilemma · 11/02/2023 00:15

I would ask my dad about why did he leave me completely out of his will. It did not bother me at that time because it is the not uncommon in my culture to leave everything to the son. However, over the years, this has made me feel unloved, uncared for and undeserving.

This first.

Meredusoleil · 11/02/2023 04:24

Then lots of other related questions like why were you such a lying, cheating old git!

lljkk · 11/02/2023 08:57

Pretending it couldn't upset them to be asked ...

I want to ask my grandmother about the circumstances that led to her giving a baby away

Want to ask my aunt about what nortiness she did in 1930s (long letters alluding to it, but no specifics)

KangarooKenny · 11/02/2023 09:04

I’d ask about her childhood and teenage years, I didn’t ask when I could as I didn’t know she would go so young

CatherinedeBourgh · 11/02/2023 09:05

Family history! I know nothing about it, other than tantalising hints of strange things happening.

JaceLancs · 11/02/2023 09:06

I couldn’t ask my Dad about his war experiences but always wanted to as am sure he suffered from undiagnosed PTSD which affected him all his life

Thisisnotahotel · 11/02/2023 09:08

Would you have ever considered adopting me if you could have had children of your own?

Thepeopleversuswork · 11/02/2023 09:14

I would ask my mum why she never left my dad despite decades of heavy drinking, affairs and low level bullying of her and her children. And I would ask her what she thought she was doing stopping work to be a SAHM.

I know the answer to this, of course, it’s money. And I know it isn’t really her fault, it was the 70s. Very different story now. But I am still angry with her for being such a doormat and a poor role model.

PieonaBarm · 11/02/2023 09:16

Why did you never teach me to make gravy?

Pottedpalm · 11/02/2023 09:23

I would ask my mother why on earth she married my father as she really didn’t seem to like him at all.
DH would ask why he was never told that his ‘father’ was not his real father but had adopted him age 5. He only found out when he was in his 50’s and both parents were dead.

WickedSerious · 11/02/2023 09:30

FrazzledHippy · 11/02/2023 00:27

My dad hung himself 10 years ago when I was early 20s. I'd ask him if it was worth it.

My mother killed herself to get away from my father,I'd like to ask her why she didn't leave him once my sister and I had left home.

Bin85 · 11/02/2023 09:36

More details about what they did in the war,particularly my mother's secret work in London.

JustDanceAddict · 11/02/2023 09:37

Good question!
i did actually ask my parents quite a lot when they were alive but I’m more interested in my dad as my mum was quite open.
My questions would be a bit outing as I def know people on here but maybe I’d ask my dad about his upbringing more & what made him so anxious - was it hereditary or circumstance as myself and my DCs all have anxiety. I’m prob the least affected but it’s getting worse. I’d also ask him why he didn’t go down the conventual medicine route for his health issues, which may have saved him. There’s a lot to unpick with him.

JustDanceAddict · 11/02/2023 09:44

Pottedpalm · 11/02/2023 09:23

I would ask my mother why on earth she married my father as she really didn’t seem to like him at all.
DH would ask why he was never told that his ‘father’ was not his real father but had adopted him age 5. He only found out when he was in his 50’s and both parents were dead.

I asked my mum that when she was still alive and she said he was different when they met/got married. That could be true, however I think because she was ‘getting on a bit’ / 31 I think when they married (in those days it was old) she settled. She was a very pretty woman (sadly I am not, I look like my dad) and could’ve had the pick of the bunch in personality and looks. She had a lot of boyfriends before him so he was lucky that he came along at the ‘right’ time.