Page 4 | Being mistaken for the PA

Cosyblankets · 10/02/2023 22:57

NotRainingToday · 10/02/2023 21:34

Yeah, it's crap isn't it. I've been in a less obvious situation when an interviewee asked for a glass of water and looked at me to get it.
Now, I would get a glass of water for anyone, and did. But they did look uncomfortable when it turned out I was head of department and the boss of the hiring manager.
My own boss (male and very senior) actually steps in and offers to make the coffee etc. if he perceives that I'm being asked because I'm female. He's the boss equivalent of a keeper :)

I would not have been embarrassed to ask you for a glass of water in an interview. I would probably ask you because you would be the person I would be speaking to.

Newnamefor23 · 10/02/2023 22:58

I’ve seen this too - but as a (male) observers view point.

I was in teaching and had a female, and younger, boss. If we went to a meeting, exhibition, course people would start to talk to me.

I think this sort of thing comes from a degree or arrogance, entitlement, lack of thought.

My wife was at an school governors evening meeting. They had an invited speaker in to give some training.
9.30 I walked over to meet my wife and walk back together. The meeting was over and most were having post meeting chats. The chairs needed sorting and so I started to stack them - no problem.

Talk about the rich man in his castle the poor man at his gate. Totally ignored by this chap. Not that I was looking for conversation or anything.

FawnFrenchieMum · 10/02/2023 23:00

JaceLancs · 10/02/2023 22:22

Just call them out firmly and politely
In the cup example I would just call after them ‘Greg I think you forgot to take your cup out as asked…..’
With the snacks I would have just said - thank you to those who did bring and point out to the others that they should do the same next time as well as thanking on this occasion
As a female CEO I’ve not experienced many people assuming I’m the PA but would deal with it appropriately nor will I allow others to treat my PA or admin team with anything other than the utmost respect

I’m glad you’ve commented with your last statement. I’m an EA (executive assistant) and some of the comments on this post are so derogatory to Admin / PA’s / EA’s. They can often bring a lot more to the table than cups of tea and minute taking.
You’re all talking about how these men make you feel but how do you think people working in these roles feel about the way you’re all looking down on the admin roles in your businesses!

Aria999 · 10/02/2023 23:02

*The look on their faces was priceless.

They were falling over themselves apologising, it just made it more awkward to be honest, for them.*

Handled beautifully and more effective than anything you could have said. I’m so impressed.

I don't know, on the one hand you delivered a powerful life lesson right between the eyes and people in that room will probably be more careful in future. On the other hand you wasted an hour of everyone's time including your own when you could have just been assertive and got one the meeting.

Aria999 · 10/02/2023 23:02

*on with

WeAreTheHeroes · 10/02/2023 23:06

SeulementUneFois · 10/02/2023 21:34

I'm foreign (though white), senior in a very specialised profession and I think I've gotten away without this happening to me because I've always behaved a bit "superior" - not quite rude, but brazen; not quite patronising but as arrogant as the most arrogant man in the room..

You may be my boss!

PocketBattleship · 10/02/2023 23:13

TBF @Hillsmakeyoustrong I wouldn't just blindly trust anyone's mental arithmetic if I were pricing up a job either, least of all the person I'm pricing for. Man or woman.

TortolaParadise · 10/02/2023 23:13

Twatalert · 10/02/2023 22:46

Is this starting to become a thing? That unconscious bias is found in something other than race? I really wish it was.

My firm is now all big on closing the gender pay gap but that's just so it looks good. They don't care how women are being treated otherwise.

Show quote history

This. I still get winked at, have comments made about my hair, comments made about my looks... it is 2023! Inequality is rife.

Mark19735 · 10/02/2023 23:13

Hate to say it, but it's only status-obsessed people with a high need for social approval that even give a shit about this sort of thing.

Most people with genuine gravitas and authority couldn't care less. They'll make the brews, and they'll take the brews that others make for them. without a second thought about what it means or how looks. It's inconsequential trivia.

Obsessing about symbols of power and prestige is one of the clearest signals that reveals you don't really merit it.

Delphigirl · 10/02/2023 23:14

My view is that you have to metaphorically kick them in the shins when this happens. In an internal meeting if asked to pour coffee I would say something like “Why don’t you pour it, and I’ll have mine with milk please”. In an external meeting I would say “I’m running this meeting but I’m sure Nick will take care of that for you”. Re the diary on email I would respond “Ben will coordinate everyone’s availability please. Ben if you can liaise with my assistant to find my current availability”.

I am very clear and do not apologise to make them feel better. Mind you when one recently (Boris) appointed and appalling member of the House of Lords turned up to a meeting saying he was very busy and would need to leave imminently, he turned to me (only woman at a table of 12) and said “book me a cab at 2”. I eyeballed him and said “do it yourself”. He took it without a peep, like all bullies.

x2boys · 10/02/2023 23:16

CharlotteUnaNatalieThompson · 10/02/2023 22:51

I'm a surgeon.

When I was training I got mistaken as everyone from the nurse to the physio and, most memorable, as the secretary. By a patient who I was performing a rectal exam on at the time... Who clearly needed to work on their boundaries!

It doesn't happen so much more I'm a consultant although I suspect I get asked "so will YOU be doing my operation" when going through the consent process more than my male colleagues.

I used to.be a mental.health nurse ,one of my colleagues very experienced Asian nurse was assumed to.be the taxi driver coming to.pick up.a patient relatives he was the ward manager 🙄

CrescentMoons · 10/02/2023 23:17

Meeting to decide allocation of lots of funding.

Me arrived at the office early told my PA to take a break as was going to be a long day and she needed to go and get a few bits done.

Man one of the applicants arrives and is told to have a seat by me and signed it. He bad mouths the committee etc makes a couple of sexist comments and slips his phone number on the desk with a ‘I ll take you out after work once I’ve sorted this ‘lot out’ ‘ PA returns. I go into conference room. Followed by a number of others.

man applicant comes in looks at me- looks at my name on the desk ‘Dr….’ Man says excuse me I thought this was a presentation in front of Dr … - Me you are looking at her - eyebrow raised

red face squirming

you didn’t say your name - he said

well you didn’t ask did you ?

his plan wasn’t that good, his presentation was awful and he didn’t get any funding

Crumpledstilstkin · 10/02/2023 23:18

Mark19735 · 10/02/2023 23:13

Hate to say it, but it's only status-obsessed people with a high need for social approval that even give a shit about this sort of thing.

Most people with genuine gravitas and authority couldn't care less. They'll make the brews, and they'll take the brews that others make for them. without a second thought about what it means or how looks. It's inconsequential trivia.

Obsessing about symbols of power and prestige is one of the clearest signals that reveals you don't really merit it.

Bollocks to that. No one happily stays behind washing up the mugs because all the men have assumed it'll just magically happen yet again.

321user123 · 10/02/2023 23:20

BingBoings · 10/02/2023 21:11

Twice this week I have been in email chains, where I have been asked to supply dates for a meeting.

The reason for this has in both cases, I assume, is that I am the only female name in the thread.

Both situations have seen large numbers of clients and colleagues copied in on emails where… I am asked if I can help give times when my male colleagues are free. I am usually senior to them.

Am I the only person this happens to? I find it half hilarious, and half embarrassing… A few months ago I was asked in a meeting if I could do coffees when I walked in…

i have no issue with managing my own diary nor is there any issue with being a PA… it’s more that I don’t see men having this issue…!

Well there’s only one way to answer this.
if the male colleagues are subordinate forward the email and cc the client/whoever asking.

“subordinate name. Please provide your availability as asked”

make sure your title is in your signature 🙈

Fullrecoveryispossible · 10/02/2023 23:21

This is down to our biology. Instinctively, we look to men as leaders. Don’t hate on people when this happens, just smile and laugh!

VikingsandDragons · 10/02/2023 23:24

I used to work in a small team, our team had 8 people in it, manager and her deputy both female, 3rd in command male (lets call him Mike), the 5 remaining posts all the same level and 4 female one male. It was a job associated with building houses, so while our side (buidling control/planning/architecture) was more even male-female, the industry as a whole was pretty male dominant.

We had one client who would only deal with the male 3rd in command, or the one male at the entry level. He wanted a 'proper consultant' ie one with a penis, and wouldn't take the word of either woman with 30+ years experience in the job, or any of the 4 entry level posts who all had 3-8 years experience, but would happily listen to the young lad two years out of uni who was on the final rung of a disciplinary process relating to professional incompetance. His face was an absolute picture the day he walked in demanding to speak to one of the men, and we told him that one had retired last month, and the other been fired and stripped of his professional membership so could no longer practice. He literally had no idea what to do because the whole team was now female, and we were a statutory service he had to deal with to do his job. He frothed at the mouth a bit and for the next six months at the end of every question asked 'do you think Mike would agree with what you're saying'? until we hired a new admin assistant who was male, and then he'd only deal with him despite him being a purely support function (making up files, printing plans, answering the phone), and the poor admin lad had to come out of every client meeting a dozen times to ask questions to someone actually trained in the job!

TheFireflies · 10/02/2023 23:27

Fullrecoveryispossible · 10/02/2023 23:21

This is down to our biology. Instinctively, we look to men as leaders. Don’t hate on people when this happens, just smile and laugh!

Absolute crap. Nothing to do with biology at all. Perhaps with the way people are socialised, but it absolutely should be challenged, and not in a jokey way.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 10/02/2023 23:29

What is your actual job?

ItchyBillco · 10/02/2023 23:31

Mark19735 · 10/02/2023 23:13

Hate to say it, but it's only status-obsessed people with a high need for social approval that even give a shit about this sort of thing.

Most people with genuine gravitas and authority couldn't care less. They'll make the brews, and they'll take the brews that others make for them. without a second thought about what it means or how looks. It's inconsequential trivia.

Obsessing about symbols of power and prestige is one of the clearest signals that reveals you don't really merit it.

Are you a man? Because I suspect only someone who has not experienced through gender privilege this would dismiss the lived experiences of women in the workplace.

Notherereally1 · 10/02/2023 23:34

My DH is a teacher and there is one male teaching assistant in the school, the rest are female. No one asks him to do anything and he is so lazy and does as little as possible (according to my DH, I don't work there). The other teaching assistants get so frustrated by this and hate working with him. So my DH makes sure that he asks him to do anything he would ask the female assistants to do. He made a complaint about my DH that he was picking on him and was asking him to do things outside his job role. My DH was told by his (female) boss to apologise!!! He said he wouldn't be doing that as he'd done nothing wrong.

MakeItADouble2 · 10/02/2023 23:35

This thread makes me want to weep. I really had hoped that things had changed. I am in my late 40s and saw lots of nonsense like this but now my job is not one with which I interact with many men.
I pray you women out there working will be able to continue to be successful and that this awful sexism will stop completely.

Sodullincomparison · 10/02/2023 23:35

I was sitting at the reception once when my CEO and the new finance guy walked in front head office. My CEO was on his mobile so didn’t introduce us.

I asked the new guy would you like a drink and he shushed me, nodded to my boss and said “we will wait for the head”

I replied OK and sat back at the front desk and carried on some paperwork I was doing. my CEO started smirking.

my CEO finished his call and then introduced me.

AnuSTart · 10/02/2023 23:38

I work in IT, I'm a COO and once even worked in an entirely male company (apart from me) and it has for sure happened. It happens less now that I'm a bit older so being the oldest in the room and the most smartly dressed helps- which is easy in tech in my experience as people tend to dress down.
External meetings can be interesting but I think I now care myself with more bearing somehow, like a 'fuck you' shield that people for whatever reason respect. Much of what makes me happy in work now is mentoring highly intelligent young women to become the amazing leaders in their field that they are surely destined to be.

Dibbydoos · 10/02/2023 23:39

OMG you work in a chauvinistic setting! I thought they'd gone out with the Ark 🤣

But in all seriousness, I hope you correct people or ask one or more of your team to get the coffee....!

Also use a footer on your emails. Noone can deny thry don't know your jo.b title then

Georgiarule · 10/02/2023 23:40

I redirect to the actual PA or but @ there name in the email can you pick this up.

I’m a young manager and people often disrespect me mostly women that have been promoted to increase the women in management %. Currently having a massive issue where one refuses to accept what my job is and runs over to head of my function. It’s starting to look embarrassing for her on a lot of levels.