Page 21 | Being mistaken for the PA

BingBoings · 2023-02-10T21:11:00+00:00

Twice this week I have been in email chains, where I have been asked to supply dates for a meeting. The reason for this has in both cases, I assume, is that I am the only female name in the thread. Both situations have seen large numbers of clients and colleagues copied in on emails where… I am asked if I can help give times when my male colleagues are free. I am usually senior to them. Am I the only person this happens to? I find it half hilarious, and half embarrassing… A few months ago I was asked in a meeting if I could do coffees when I walked in… i have no issue with managing my own diary nor is there any issue with being a PA… it’s more that I don’t see men having this issue…!

Macinae · 16/02/2023 19:54

Yep. I'm a manager in finance and this can happen. I've always stood up for myself. I'm in a team of men who would try to get me to organise things and I just said only if we take it in turns. I'm in my 30's, I don't have time for bullshit or sexism in the workplace.

When this happens, reply to the email advising "I can provide my meeting availability- how about everyone else?" I.e. you do not manage diaries for other colleagues.

IDontWantToBeAPie · 16/02/2023 22:46

mybunniesandme · 10/02/2023 21:20

I've just had to go through company training on this funnily enough - training in unconscious bias 😂 all the blokes (I'm the only woman in my team) are now too shit scared to let me make them a tea when it's my turn in the round now as some of the scenarios HR specifically mentioned was expecting the women in the team to make the drinks or minute take in meetings 😂

It's sad because this suggests they still don't understand WHY it's an issue

Frankola · 16/02/2023 23:54

I used to work in the transport industry - heavily male dominated. I once walked into a meeting of all blokes. They thought I was there to take minutes. I was chairing the meeting...

daisychain01 · 19/02/2023 05:10

Making the drinks is a thorny one for me, because I'll never forget in my first job, the boss said that he only wanted the women to make the teas because "I don't pay my salesmen all that money for them to stand around when that's what the women are there for". I have no words

Poppins2016 · 19/02/2023 06:03

Slight tangent, but related to the theme running through this thread...

I handed in my notice a couple of weeks ago. I work part time and have two very young children. It's depressing that not one single person at my current company, male or female, thought I was moving in order to progress my career. They either thought I'd resigned to be a stay at home mum or to move to a role with more flexibility.

It's possible to be a mother, work part time and still have career aspirations... It boggles the mind that we're in 2023 sometimes, certainly feels as though society is struggling to move forward.

emptythelitterbox · 19/02/2023 07:48

Babycakes6 · 12/02/2023 08:26

I’ve been an engineer for 25 years now and this was happening to me my whole life. Also any male running for promotion, no matter if he lacked experience and/or skills was chosen instead. The same goes for projects - even know sometimes they try to give me simple technical design which I refuse as way beyond my technical experience.
The only women promoted were those with connections (such as having a relative in a higher position within the company or other personal connections).

I used to take it personally and worked twice as hard, constantly worked on my skills and knowledge, went above and beyond until, one day, I realised it’s just the way things are. It is soul destroying. I’m so sad it’s still happening but I really hope it will change for future generations.

Definitely have experienced this many times over the years.

It's hilarious men start spouting merit and qualified whenever a woman wants to be promoted meaning they believe all the men even the most stupid and incompetent ones deserves to be promoted over any woman.

I also understand the going the extra mile hoping that your hard work and skills we be noticed and yet again dumbass Bob gets the promotion. Bob attends the after work drinks, laughs at the bosses jokes, goes cycling with the boss , etc. year after year.

After a couple times of that shit, I became much more savvy and did a lot of investigation into a company and the structure before accepting an offer.

I finally got my break joining an engineering team and somehow I became the manager! You bet your boots, I changed many things and pulled up and promoted so many women and others who had never been seen before.
I think what made the difference is I became very visible and had superb people skills. Not people pleasing skills.

I run my own company now so those days are gone.

emptythelitterbox · 19/02/2023 07:55

daisychain01 · 19/02/2023 05:10

Making the drinks is a thorny one for me, because I'll never forget in my first job, the boss said that he only wanted the women to make the teas because "I don't pay my salesmen all that money for them to stand around when that's what the women are there for". I have no words

ah yes, had someone ask me to answer the phones at lunch time. They didn't know I was a consultant.

I had a bit of a giggle as I said, sure I can do that. I still make the same whether I answer the phone or work on x system. It took him a minute to get it and then his face turned beet red.

emptythelitterbox · 19/02/2023 07:58

Poppins2016 · 19/02/2023 06:03

Slight tangent, but related to the theme running through this thread...

I handed in my notice a couple of weeks ago. I work part time and have two very young children. It's depressing that not one single person at my current company, male or female, thought I was moving in order to progress my career. They either thought I'd resigned to be a stay at home mum or to move to a role with more flexibility.

It's possible to be a mother, work part time and still have career aspirations... It boggles the mind that we're in 2023 sometimes, certainly feels as though society is struggling to move forward.

This is why I never mentioned children at work when they were young.

Sure, you should be able to talk about whatever at work but being a woman, you're unfairly tagged talking about children, weddings, etc.

daisychain01 · 19/02/2023 08:01

Poppins2016 · 19/02/2023 06:03

Slight tangent, but related to the theme running through this thread...

I handed in my notice a couple of weeks ago. I work part time and have two very young children. It's depressing that not one single person at my current company, male or female, thought I was moving in order to progress my career. They either thought I'd resigned to be a stay at home mum or to move to a role with more flexibility.

It's possible to be a mother, work part time and still have career aspirations... It boggles the mind that we're in 2023 sometimes, certainly feels as though society is struggling to move forward.

A far contribution towards the inability to move forward is down to men liking the status quo too much to want to see a different world in which women have aspirations that can be fulfilled in the workplace. Why would they change when that would involve them losing their stranglehold on power and status.

daisychain01 · 19/02/2023 08:02

Far = fair

JennyForeigner · 19/02/2023 08:56

MyFlagMeansIceCream · 10/02/2023 21:16

I have had this. I politely went and made the coffee for 3 men who were extremely rude and dismissive to the "admin". When I sat down to chair the meeting not one of them could meet my eye - or provide anything useful to the subject at hand, as it happens. One of them blamed me after for having a gender neutral name.

That was a bit of a career low...

You say career low but this is hilarious. Well done for an immaculately polite way to school their stupid asses.

Poppins2016 · 19/02/2023 09:10

emptythelitterbox · 19/02/2023 07:58

This is why I never mentioned children at work when they were young.

Sure, you should be able to talk about whatever at work but being a woman, you're unfairly tagged talking about children, weddings, etc.

Show quote history

Unfortunately (open plan office) the entire company has witnessed me bring pregnant, twice! But yes, 100% agree that staying quiet about children could be a wise move (although, of course, unfair because you don't witness men needing to do that)!

Thankfully my new boss understands that I'm ambitious and the other part time mother at the new company has been given great opportunities, so I'm hoping it'll work out!

Walkaround · 19/02/2023 09:14

JennyForeigner · 19/02/2023 08:56

You say career low but this is hilarious. Well done for an immaculately polite way to school their stupid asses.

Show quote history

Didn’t school their stupid asses at all. They would still look down on the admin.

Walkaround · 19/02/2023 09:16

It’s all just women trying to fit into the male hierarchies.

Ouchthisstings · 19/02/2023 10:02

AnuSTart · 10/02/2023 23:38

I work in IT, I'm a COO and once even worked in an entirely male company (apart from me) and it has for sure happened. It happens less now that I'm a bit older so being the oldest in the room and the most smartly dressed helps- which is easy in tech in my experience as people tend to dress down.
External meetings can be interesting but I think I now care myself with more bearing somehow, like a 'fuck you' shield that people for whatever reason respect. Much of what makes me happy in work now is mentoring highly intelligent young women to become the amazing leaders in their field that they are surely destined to be.

This is inspiring and lovely.