Being mistaken for the PA

[BingBoings]

Twice this week I have been in email chains, where I have been asked to supply dates for a meeting.

The reason for this has in both cases, I assume, is that I am the only female name in the thread.

Both situations have seen large numbers of clients and colleagues copied in on emails where… I am asked if I can help give times when my male colleagues are free. I am usually senior to them.

Am I the only person this happens to? I find it half hilarious, and half embarrassing… A few months ago I was asked in a meeting if I could do coffees when I walked in…

i have no issue with managing my own diary nor is there any issue with being a PA… it’s more that I don’t see men having this issue…!

I was asked to take notes on a call recently when I was the most senior person attending the meeting and even worse I was the client of the person asking! I stopped the meeting, told the company to sort their shit out (in a matter of words) and told them to rearrange the call because this one is ending now.

And yes it was a man who asked me to note take.

‘The only female in the room must be the junior’
Happened to me about 23 ish years ago. My first ever management meeting. Global company where we all came together periodically in one location or another every quarter. Newish company, made up of lots of different demographics and Nationalities employees. I was asked to take the minutes, it was a management meeting, so I don’t know who the fuck they thought I might be, but I was the only woman. I said, yeah, sure. My immediate boss threw me a look but didn’t say anything, I sort of threw an ‘it’s ok’ look back. Big error on their
part. I had those minutes and actions in forensic detail and sent out the next day (they’d never done minutes before, probably because they were all men and couldn’t easily locate the junior in the room!). The next meeting three months later everything that each individual had agreed to action was laid out in black and white and in front of them and the Chair expected their answers. Needless to say not a single one of them had delivered (that particular company had more issues than just misogyny!). I said I’d be taking the minutes again. By the third management meeting I was told no need for me to do it as it was inappropriate for someone of ‘my level’ to do that job. 😂 Left soon after, but sort of enjoyed that part, the twats.

Opposite in our firm. Blokes love meetings. They are always setting them up. I only attend them if I feel I must.

I work with an older man who is clearly used to having women do things for him. He has the females in the team making his coffee for him etc, check his diary and print things off for him! God knows why!

He belittles me all the time, gaslights me and expects me to be his PA with the project he is supposed to be managing. Hates me because I've pointed out (professionally) major errors he's made in his Project.

We have a dept admin who is male and he gets so much respect from him. The admin is a nice guy, but honestly he's flakey with his job.

This man always introduces me as the department admin when I'm not. To be honest I am a kind of jack of all trades in my team as I specialise in the 3 areas we offer, but he can't see that. He just gaslights me because I'm younger than him and paid less than him.

I'll never stand for it and I take great pleasure in putting him straight at times. I actually love it when he downgrades my job because I always resort with "actually xxx, my job title is ......, you've been in this department coming up x years now, I'd expect you to have learned it by now lol". Some think I'm rude but mostly people have come up to me to say well done!

Just call them out firmly and politely
In the cup example I would just call after them ‘Greg I think you forgot to take your cup out as asked…..’
With the snacks I would have just said - thank you to those who did bring and point out to the others that they should do the same next time as well as thanking on this occasion
As a female CEO I’ve not experienced many people assuming I’m the PA but would deal with it appropriately nor will I allow others to treat my PA or admin team with anything other than the utmost respect

"Actually, maybe I should take the minutes even though it's not part of my (senior) job. Will be done 100 x better/more accurately. What a shame we don't have anyone in our team who's better at taking minutes than me"
ie what a load of fwits the rest of you are and now I will minute what I want

I always just say “oh I’m free when there’s space in my calendar” and leave it at that.

Just reply all and CC a PA with "I'm sure X's PA is better placed to confirm availability"

I get it though. I've also banned one of my team who kept arranging lunch for all the meetings - where everyone else was a man. I said why are you doing it? Let them starve if they can't be arsed!

Mind you currently the legal dept I work in is entirely female save for one man!

Same - informatics.
I've worked in male dominated teams all my working life (52 now).

I wont even bore you with all the different ways this has happened to me. Its just depressing.

The best solution i have found to date is automatic signature inc. Job title on all email replies (not just original emails)

This is very common. Happens to me regularly.

There is a fine line between administration and junior management. So I think from my pov yabu, it happens to me but it’s because I am the manager.

I’d probably just fwd it to the person in question, asking them to get back to that person, copying them in. Include your signature in the email so they can see your position though.

This all the way.

Also correct it on email chains OP, with a straightforward ‘I don’t manage John’s diary‘ - not putting any pleasantries around it will make it obvious you are not anyone’s PA

I'm looking forward to my upcoming unconscious bias training to see if this is covered!

As a mere minute taker, I have had a couple of external IT company managers deeply regret the entire experience of meeting me. Do not assume that the woman behind the desk thinks that computers work by magic, because if you do, you will quickly be disabused of that notion in extremely technical terms.

In fairness, they have been delivered like lambs to the slaughter by male in-house Network Managers in the first place, but they fucking well deserved everything they got - including being made to squirm about how they have just clearly tried rinsing the organisation to the tune of many tens of thousands of pounds when it's a seven minute fix including coffee break.

Is this starting to become a thing? That unconscious bias is found in something other than race? I really wish it was.

My firm is now all big on closing the gender pay gap but that's just so it looks good. They don't care how women are being treated otherwise.

Handled beautifully and more effective than anything you could have said. I’m so impressed.

Our office has 15 women and 2 older men who both work part time in junior roles (topping up their pensions to fund cruises!). It is boringly often assumed by clients that the men must be the senior people, and/or managers but they’re both camp as Christmas and come over all faint at the idea with much protesting about too much hard work for the likes of them makes me laugh every time “ooooh me no I’m not in charge deary me, you need her instead” as the client is gently redirected to a strong capable female

I'm a surgeon.

When I was training I got mistaken as everyone from the nurse to the physio and, most memorable, as the secretary. By a patient who I was performing a rectal exam on at the time... Who clearly needed to work on their boundaries!

It doesn't happen so much more I'm a consultant although I suspect I get asked "so will YOU be doing my operation" when going through the consent process more than my male colleagues.

And it seems to happen in any context, not just at work. We are having substantial building works at our house by a group of very lovely men, genuinely the best builders we have ever had. We were working out square meters, pricing etc and one of the guys got out his calculator. I'm quite good at mental arithmetic so I was able to calculate the totals before he was able to type in the numbers. I said it at least a couple of times but he persisted fumbling with his calculator and he was so shocked when he realised I'd said the right number! I was amused but a bit fed up as well. I'm a SAHM and they see me traipsing around the house with the never ending laundry basket and they clearly made assumptions. But honestly, don't we all?

I've actually been company secretary for board meetings for my company for the past year. It's part of a role I took because it fits around my studies for retraining.

But the CEO and Chair have both read my, if I say so myself, bloody impressive CV. I was paid 25% more than the CEO in my previous role, and have extensive experience of the kind of challenges facing the organisation.

I don't expect to be able to speak in meetings as a board member, but I do find it baffling that they treat me as "just admin" when I know far more about the systems they want to trial than they do.

In pre-email days, when I answered the phone at work the caller regularly asked me to put through to Mr Xol. It was quite useful to get them discombobulated from the outset by saying "It's Ms Xol, and you're speaking to her".