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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

BF got his daughter a gift about our in-joke - AIBU

124 replies

Lalaminetti · 09/02/2023 09:00

BF and I had an early Valentines last night as we can’t be together next week. His DDs birthday is in a couple of weeks’ time. We’ve been dating for several years and since early days have had an in-joke about the way he pronounces a particular animal. Since then, we’ve kept the joke going and often incorporate said animal into little gifts, cards etc on birthdays, Christmas, etc. DD asked at Christmas what the story was behind the joke, so we explained and she chuckled along.
So, my gift from BF was nice - a generic bracelet which is fine, and I thanked him for it, etc. Later he mentioned that he’d also got a gift from same place for DDs birthday and showed me what he’d chosen - a bracelet with a charm of the animal we joke about about together. As soon as I saw it, the phrase, “aw, I would’ve loved that!” slipped out - and now BF is upset and thinks I’m ungrateful and jealous.
I didn’t mean it like that, and I wouldn’t say I’m jealous - but it does feel a little off, somehow, now that I’ve thought about it. AIBU?

OP posts:

SoupDragon · 09/02/2023 09:06

From your BF's point of view, you've just told him you don't like what he gave you. This might not have been your intention but saying you would have loved the other bracelet does imply that you don't like the one he got you.

I don't think there's anything wrong with what your BF did. The "in joke" was really extended to his DD when she was told - maybe they'd been joking about it in private conversations with each other.

SoupDragon · 09/02/2023 09:07

(If it was something like his pet name for you that would be entirely different!)

AllOfThemWitches · 09/02/2023 09:09

A 'generic bracelet' does sound rubbish though.

Soffana · 09/02/2023 09:11

You acted like a spoiled child, saying something like that when you already got a gift is rude and you should be able to hold it within you.

Testina · 09/02/2023 09:13

That’s grim. He’s old enough to have a child, yet you’re 13. How big is the age gap?! 😉

Seriously… special animals is a bit twee for an adult relationship, but it’s nice he included his daughter, and it is him that says “heffalump” or whatever, so now she’s in on the joke, it’s not like he’s “stealing” your thing.

This is maybe the time to move on from the joke being shoehorned into presents to the extent

Testina · 09/02/2023 09:15

AllOfThemWitches · 09/02/2023 09:09

A 'generic bracelet' does sound rubbish though.

I personally wouldn’t want a bracelet, put are you saying all bracelets are rubbish? Because isn’t almost every gifted bracelet “generic” - they’re usually chosen because they’re pretty, not meaningful.

MargaritMargo · 09/02/2023 09:15

I do think it’s a bit off yes.

it’s not something I’d necessarily mention but it’d probably a take a note of it, it’s something you’d shared and he’s now shared that with someone else. I would probably be a bit miffed too.

but mn does not generally allow women to be upset, offended, hurt or even just the slightest bit miffed when it comes to step children, so prepare to be told you’re totally overreacting.

if someone accused me of being “jealous” when clearly all I meant was “oh that’s nice and it’d have reminded me of you (because of our long standing in joke) then I’d be putting them straight immediately. Calling someone jealous and ungrateful when it’s a genuine, innocent reaction is a bit gaslighty imo

AllOfThemWitches · 09/02/2023 09:18

Testina · 09/02/2023 09:15

Show quote history

All bracelets are rubbish to me personally, yeah. I'd rather have no gift than one that makes me think my partner doesn't even know me.

Snoken · 09/02/2023 09:19

I think you need to check yourself here OP. You are not in competition with his DD, it's a separate relationship and his DDs birthday is more important to him than your valentines present. In all likelihood he is probably just happy that he has found something fun for his DD and didn't think that the bracelet was your style.

CowSnail · 09/02/2023 09:21

AllOfThemWitches · 09/02/2023 09:09

A 'generic bracelet' does sound rubbish though.

I don’t think I’d want a non-generic bracelet. Classic design jewellery is more popular for a reason - because it appeals to most people.

FlowerFlour · 09/02/2023 09:23

I think YANBU

That animal was your little in-joke together and now it's shared so loses it's specialness. I'd be a bit miffed too. However, maybe he thought a grown adult wouldn't want a bracelet with an animal on, so he got you a 'grown up' bracelet and his daughter a 'kid' one?

Is the animal a pengwing and is your boyfriend Beneditch Cumberbatch?

AllOfThemWitches · 09/02/2023 09:26

I don’t think I’d want a non-generic bracelet. Classic design jewellery is more popular for a reason - because it appeals to most people.

I suppose it's very subjective. I tend to lose jewellery unless it's literally attached to me.

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/02/2023 09:26

Maybe he is trying to deepen the bond between you and his dd by doing this? Ie she’s now in on the joke.

CrystalCoco · 09/02/2023 09:38

I think it's a bit off that he bought the charm for DD and not for you, I'd have been miffed a bit too - it was an inside joke for you and BF and now it's not.

I'd give up on that inside joke now, it's no longer 'just yours'.

CowSnail · 09/02/2023 09:39

AllOfThemWitches · 09/02/2023 09:26

I don’t think I’d want a non-generic bracelet. Classic design jewellery is more popular for a reason - because it appeals to most people.

I suppose it's very subjective. I tend to lose jewellery unless it's literally attached to me.

Either I’m missing something or you are. Surely any bracelet (generic or not) is just as attached?

MobyJeff · 09/02/2023 09:42

Did he maybe buy and wrap both together and accidentally gave you the wrong one?

anxiouspeabrain · 09/02/2023 09:45

An animal charm on a bracelet (I'm picturing pandora style here) is definitely more suited to a child imho

anxiouspeabrain · 09/02/2023 09:47

Like, although it's your in joke I would assume bf would've considered a sloth charm a bit childish and presumably got you something more suitable (in his eyes ) for an adult relationship

TheYearOfSmallThings · 09/02/2023 09:48

I think you were ungracious and it sounds like you are possessive of him. He probably thought an animal bracelet was more suitable for a child than a grown woman, and didn't expect that you would be jealous.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/02/2023 09:48

DD asked at Christmas what the story was behind the joke, so we explained and she chuckled along

Its now three way joke, get used to it.

ThaliaLuxurySpa · 09/02/2023 09:50

@FlowerFlour
Is the animal a pengwing and is your boyfriend Beneditch Cumberbatch?

😁Poor old BC will never live the pengwing story down, will he?!

butterfliedtwo · 09/02/2023 09:52

ZeroFuchsGiven · 09/02/2023 09:48

DD asked at Christmas what the story was behind the joke, so we explained and she chuckled along

Its now three way joke, get used to it.

This. It's not your private joke anymore.

AllOfThemWitches · 09/02/2023 09:53

CowSnail · 09/02/2023 09:39

Either I’m missing something or you are. Surely any bracelet (generic or not) is just as attached?

Show quote history

Should have said 'inserted into,' perhaps.

Onnabugeisha · 09/02/2023 09:54

I think you’re being really possessive and acting like it’s a competition between you and his DD for his affection/love. Your comment was what a jealous sibling would say- very childish.

DemonHost · 09/02/2023 09:57

Think it’s a bit weird that he bought his DD one with the animal on to be honest, but probably thought that would be too childish for you and bought you something more grown-up?

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