BF got his daughter a gift about our in-joke - AIBU

[Lalaminetti]

BF and I had an early Valentines last night as we can’t be together next week. His DDs birthday is in a couple of weeks’ time. We’ve been dating for several years and since early days have had an in-joke about the way he pronounces a particular animal. Since then, we’ve kept the joke going and often incorporate said animal into little gifts, cards etc on birthdays, Christmas, etc. DD asked at Christmas what the story was behind the joke, so we explained and she chuckled along.
So, my gift from BF was nice - a generic bracelet which is fine, and I thanked him for it, etc. Later he mentioned that he’d also got a gift from same place for DDs birthday and showed me what he’d chosen - a bracelet with a charm of the animal we joke about about together. As soon as I saw it, the phrase, “aw, I would’ve loved that!” slipped out - and now BF is upset and thinks I’m ungrateful and jealous.
I didn’t mean it like that, and I wouldn’t say I’m jealous - but it does feel a little off, somehow, now that I’ve thought about it. AIBU?

Very, very few people...

Has he explained why he gave this to his DD and not you? Because it really is a bit odd.

DH has a pet name for me which would be really quite embarrassing if anyone else knew about it, though the kids obviously do. Occasionally he has given me a card or other present related to it. I think I would be quite miffed if he suddenly gave something quite special featuring the thing in question to someone else, almost as if in effect the other person was replacing me in terms of having that place in his affections. So I do see where you're coming from.

Very odd post.

I agree with BF.

You were very rude.

How old are you? I thought valentines day was for teens or couples beginning a relationship?

It takes all sorts. 😵‍💫

YOU can't have an animal, only I can have an animal!

Hmph!

Absolute rubbish.

She clearly said ‘she would have loved that’ about the other bracelet. Nothing else.

To extrapolate something entirely different from that statement is why some people struggle to have a happy adult relationship. They don’t listen to what’s actually being said, but make up something entirely unrelated to fit their own paranoid agenda.

I occasionally have to remind DH of this fact when he misinterprets information to feed his insecurities. 🤦🏻‍♀️

OP I get how you feel. My mom has started sharing our inside jokes with her boyfriend (that I've never met) so they've sort of lost their meaning. I also think his reaction was over the top as others have said

Context is relevant and sometimes we have to use our inference skills. If he had only bought a gift for his daughter, for her birthday for example, and OP said "I would have loved that" then yes, it's just a statement about how nice DD's bracelet is. However in the context of having both been given a bracelet, saying "I would have loved that" does imply that OP didn't like the one she received as much. We also know that this is the correct interpretation because OP describes the bracelet she received as "generic"; certainly not the way to describe something you love.

This. ⬆️

And this! ⬆️

I’m only here for the reveal of the mispronounced animal that’s also a bracelet charm — lellyphant? Tebby bear? Hippotottamus? Flutterby?

This is a man we are talking about here. He bought a gift for his partner and a gift for his daughter. All on his own. That probably maxed out his brain capacity in itself, without having to consider the intricacies. Obviously NAMALT but in my experience, men are crap at this sort of thing.

Quite. My lovely ex partner used to be rubbish at presents, one Christmas spent hundreds buying me, his mother and sister a MASSIVE set each of a ‘classic’ perfume, that is your granny would have worn it. The woman at the perfume counter must have been delighted to get rid of it. The mum and sis got slighted smaller versions but I’ve genuinely never seen a bigger perfume set in my life than the one he presented to me!!!! Returned, immediately.

I don't know who's the bigger child, you or the daughter.

This is so weird.

The joke is about HIS odd way of pronouncing an animal. Its a harmless joke at his expense but it doesn't belong to you.

Your DP quite rightly explained the in joke to his daughter it would have been rude and ridiculous not to.

Now it's a joke between the three of you.

What grown woman wants a penguin (or whatever) bracelet rather than a pretty one? I'd have guessed the same as him and thought animal bracelets are for children.

You sound quite silly. However, if you really just blurted something out as a slip of the tongue then I think he's being mean to hold it against you and called you jealous. If that's literally all you did.

But I'd look at whether he thinks it's part of a pattern of behaviour where you're competitive or exclusionary towards the daughter.

I think a lot of women get a bunch of flowers or a box of chocolates for Valentine's Day so can't see what is so wrong with a bracelet tbh. What was your charm, something with hearts? Perhaps he thought it was more appropriate than an animal.

And the joke is about the way he mispronounces the name of an animal. Surely his daughter and other people have noticed he mispronounces it, not just you. Certainly, his dd was in on it from the time you all discussed it. So again I can't see what he did wrong really.

I feel that a woman who had bought her ds or dd say an animal T-shirt, only to have her bf sulk about it, would be told that he was immature and out of order.

Surely his daughter and other people have noticed he mispronounces it, not just you
Well, this...
How could it possibly be a private thing between you? Bonkers.

I was just about to say...

Presumably the daughter has known about this mispronunciation a lot longer than you?

Why is that presumable? Lots of kids still mispronounce things themselves, they don't necessarily notice when others do.

Context is relevant and sometimes we have to use our inference skills. If he had only bought a gift for his daughter, for her birthday for example, and OP said "I would have loved that" then yes, it's just a statement about how nice DD's bracelet is. However in the context of having both been given a bracelet, saying "I would have loved that" does imply that OP didn't like the one she received as much. We also know that this is the correct interpretation because OP describes the bracelet she received as "generic"; certainly not the way to describe something you love.

I get what you're saying but why is this being perceived as an inherently bad thing to do? Generally on MN people are encouraged to be somewhat honest about whether they do or don't like their gifts. Saying "oo I'd have loved that" is a way of gently saying to him that she prefers cute, personalised gifts over pretty, generic ones, and is politer than just bluntly saying it. Similarly, if someone for example bought two people a box of chocolates, one was dark and one was white, one might say "oo I love white chocolate", to subtly tell the gift giver that that's actually what they prefer.

I would have kept my mouth shut personally (had it not slipped out as it did for OP) because I can't ever bring myself to be anything other than gushingly positive about gifts. But still, I regularly see people on here saying people should be honest with their partners about their preferences when it comes to gifts and I don't think those comments are totally off the mark.

It's not a bad thing to communicate your likes/dislikes to a partner, but the way OP did it was rude. It's kind of a "put up or shut up" situation. Either you actually communicate your issue or you graciously accept the gift in the spirit it was intended. OP couldn't really communicate her actual issue because her issue isn't really the bracelet itself; it's her jealousy over her boyfriend giving something to his daughter that she feels encroaches on her relationship with him. Which clearly sounds batshit and would (or should!) ring massive alarm bells to her boyfriend.

I suppose if you don't want to have a direct conversation about a gift you've received that isn't your cup of tea then there's always the option to drop hints but I think to do this in direct relation to that particular gift (as OP has done, or as per your chocolate example) is really rude. If you're going to employ that tactic then I think it's best to pick another time completely to drop the hints, when it's not obviously an expression of displeasure about the gift that was bought.

Or "put up and shut up". God I'm tired. Basically either speak up or let it go 😅