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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is unreasonable here?

128 replies

espressomartini35 · 09/02/2023 06:39

Hi I'm wondering if I'm being the unreasonable one here as my husband thinks I am.
He is heading out with friends on the Saturday before Mother's Day (prearranged from a few months ago)
He offered to do Mother's Day on a different weekend as he'll be too hungover to do anything on the actual day.
I don't have any issue with this.
I work part time shift work and I've now volunteered to work a late shift on Mother's Day (3pm start) so that I can get the weekend after off for my little ones birthday. My husband has gone mad at me for doing this saying I knew he was out on the Saturday and why was I did I volunteer to work on the Sunday when I knew he'd be hungover. I told him it was a 3pm start so he had all morning to himself to be hungover.
Generally we both work around each others work but his work can take him away for a week every few months and then he also has a hobby which takes him away a few times a year too.
I feel I'd be unreasonable if I'd offered to work the Saturday knowing he was out but to be told I'm unreasonable to work the Sunday cos he's hungover I feel is just wrong.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 09/02/2023 08:04

@Armless32 . That's lovely. So, your situation and thus your response which results from your own situation are completely irrelevant to the op, who doesn't have a nanny. On mumsnet, you need to consider the ops particular situation before pointlessly responding with what you would do in totally different circumstances. It's called empathy.

CantMakeHeadNorTail · 09/02/2023 08:05

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Whyisitsososohard · 09/02/2023 08:05

A grown man with children pre planning a hangover would give me the ick. Just no. He's being a selfish baby. Is he normally like this?

AnneElliott · 09/02/2023 08:06

He's BU. He needs to cut down on the drinking if he won't be able to parent by 3pm the next day.

W0tnow · 09/02/2023 08:06

plumduck · 09/02/2023 07:50

Like what is there to do? Wake the kids up so they can make breakfast? Order in a takeaway if he cant be arsed to cook?

Show quote history

Mother’s Day must be nice at yours.

We are adults in my house. We generally don’t get so ratarsed that we physically can’t parent the next day. We’re no so devoid of self control that we cant, after a few drinks, say to our friends at midnight or 1 am: “right, I’m off”. Or even, stop drinking and stay out until 3, and you know, just be tired the next day, but not too hungover to function. Like I said, pathetic.

piedbeauty · 09/02/2023 08:07

He's prioritising going out and getting drunk over Mother's Day. Not good.

He's still going to be pissed/incapable by 3? Not good.

He's not happy having to look after his own Dc, and not happy that you're working then so you can take time off for dc's birthday? He is VVU and selfish. You are not.

Bananatushy · 09/02/2023 08:08

Also, what do people mean by ‘doing’ Mother’s Day? If it’s buying ‘stuff’, could they not just do that a couple days before?

MissingMoominMamma · 09/02/2023 08:08

Could he, y’know, just drink a bit less? Have water in between alcoholic drinks?

Why would you knowingly make yourself ill for an entire day when you could just plan better, but still enjoy yourself?

BrutusMcDogface · 09/02/2023 08:10

YANBU. He’s pathetic.

BrutusMcDogface · 09/02/2023 08:12

BellaJuno · 09/02/2023 07:44

I can see why the OPs DH is annoyed as he initially was given the green light to basically opt out of parenting for the weekend and she has then moved the goalposts. I get that bit and see why it has caused angst. Not saying I agree that it’s a reasonable expectation, it certainly wouldn’t fly in my house, but if that’s how it normally works for the OP and her DH, no judgement here.

Wow! It’s not like she’s swanning off to the spa or something! It’s work. 🤨

BrutusMcDogface · 09/02/2023 08:12

Oops @BellaJuno , sorry! I completely misread your post!! Apologies!

hidingbehindascreen · 09/02/2023 08:13

@Armless32

Your comments on my soup thread make so much sense now!

OP YANBU at all!

Wolfiefan · 09/02/2023 08:16

Fine to go out. Fine to arrange to do something together another time. Unacceptable to deliberately set out to get so shit faced he’s useless for the whole weekend. What normal functioning adult does that? Just drink less.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 09/02/2023 08:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Ah that’s where we’re all going wrong,

Need to get nannies so the hungover men can opt out of “babysitting” if they don’t fancy it…

Talk about tone deaf 🙄

PuttingDownRoots · 09/02/2023 08:18

Maybe @Armless32 could send her Nanny to look after OPs kids and her Butler to wait on the poor man hand and foot for the afternoon?

Cosyblankets · 09/02/2023 08:19

Guessing his mates don't have kids

bogbabe · 09/02/2023 08:20

He is being lame, and unreasonable. To need later than 3pm is unreasonable, unless he is going away or planning an all-nighter, likely a coke binge, which you are okay about.
I've had some heavy nights out and would know I'm pushing my luck by taking a break from parenting for the whole of the next day.... even if he gets to bed by 4am and has 10 hours in bed he should be human again by 2pm.

IglesiasPiggl · 09/02/2023 08:21

PuttingDownRoots · 09/02/2023 08:18

Maybe @Armless32 could send her Nanny to look after OPs kids and her Butler to wait on the poor man hand and foot for the afternoon?

Methinks Armless is on the wind up. See various threads this morning. I didn't realise half term had started already....

knittingaddict · 09/02/2023 08:25

They are definitely on a mission. Almost every thread I've been on has a silly post by armless.

Lockedinforwinter · 09/02/2023 08:26

He really is a delicate soul isn't he. So the whole family have to accommodate his hangover, but he doesn't need to consider what anyone else needs at all, all weekend? I take it he is bright enough to work out hangovers are optional? He could just not drink so much he can't function, or he could just drink coffee and eat stodge, and get on with it the next day, like most parents have to?

SnoringPains · 09/02/2023 08:29

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

It’s not babysitting, they’re his children.

BleepBipBoop · 09/02/2023 08:30

plumduck · 09/02/2023 06:52

Firstly, you can't "do" mothers day on a different day that's ridiculous.

Secondly - does he have a problem with drink? Why can't he control himself on the Saturday so he doesn't get a hangover.

Of course you can. It’s a made-up holiday. In America it’s in May. As long as mom gets a day to be honored what does it matter?

plumduck · 09/02/2023 08:31

BleepBipBoop · 09/02/2023 08:30

Of course you can. It’s a made-up holiday. In America it’s in May. As long as mom gets a day to be honored what does it matter?

Show quote history

It doesn't scream appreciation... oh we did mothers day on a different day because dad went out on the lash

Maray1967 · 09/02/2023 08:32

GabriellaMontez · 09/02/2023 07:51

EVERYTHING revolves around his 'needs'. Children, you, work have to accommodate his hangover.
Pathetic.

This. There is no way I would stay married to a moron like this. If mine claimed he needed a day to recover from a night out when he’s past student age he’d be gone. I have absolutely no sympathy for people who drink so much they can’t get up and function reasonably normally the next day.

Dibbydoos · 09/02/2023 08:40

You are NOT being unreasonable.

Your DH is an being an arse!

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