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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Who is unreasonable here?

128 replies

espressomartini35 · 09/02/2023 06:39

Hi I'm wondering if I'm being the unreasonable one here as my husband thinks I am.
He is heading out with friends on the Saturday before Mother's Day (prearranged from a few months ago)
He offered to do Mother's Day on a different weekend as he'll be too hungover to do anything on the actual day.
I don't have any issue with this.
I work part time shift work and I've now volunteered to work a late shift on Mother's Day (3pm start) so that I can get the weekend after off for my little ones birthday. My husband has gone mad at me for doing this saying I knew he was out on the Saturday and why was I did I volunteer to work on the Sunday when I knew he'd be hungover. I told him it was a 3pm start so he had all morning to himself to be hungover.
Generally we both work around each others work but his work can take him away for a week every few months and then he also has a hobby which takes him away a few times a year too.
I feel I'd be unreasonable if I'd offered to work the Saturday knowing he was out but to be told I'm unreasonable to work the Sunday cos he's hungover I feel is just wrong.

OP posts:
ImaMumtoaboy · 09/02/2023 07:03

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When did PARENTING your own kids become babysitting??????
Do you expect op to pay her husband for the privilage of minding his own kids for an afternoon while she is at work.............

NellietheElephantpackedhertrunks · 09/02/2023 07:07

ImaMumtoaboy · 09/02/2023 07:03

When did PARENTING your own kids become babysitting??????
Do you expect op to pay her husband for the privilage of minding his own kids for an afternoon while she is at work.............

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I have been “babysitting” my DC for many years now. Do you know where I should send the bill?

CantMakeHeadNorTail · 09/02/2023 07:07

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Armless32 · 09/02/2023 07:09

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SnowyPetals · 09/02/2023 07:10

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Did you know you DH was a mumsnetter OP? 😂

rookiemere · 09/02/2023 07:12

@Armless32 "But I just think you could have been kinder to the man. He sounds like a good guy and he just wanted one night out."

Aw yes poor wee hard done by baby man. He wants to be able to get so drunk that he's still not able to parent his own DCs by 3pm the next day. Worse still if OP doesn't work that day she has to work on her DCs birthday.

I'm disgusted on your behalf OP. Point out the inconsistency to him. Tell him you might as well give up your job as clearly he values his ability to get drunk and have an extended recovery beyond the income it provides.

plumduck · 09/02/2023 07:13

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Because it's parenting. It's not doing a favour. It's not a paid job. It's what he is meant to do as a parent.

plumduck · 09/02/2023 07:15

Does OP get to just lie around and do what she wants? I expect not, it's the problem with being the default parent. The other one assumes you're always there.

Draconis · 09/02/2023 07:16

So, you're parenting alone most of the weekend and then working, earning money for your family while he goes out partying with friends and has a day in bed but wants the whole afternoon and evening too and he's calling you unreasonable?!

CleaningOutMyCloset · 09/02/2023 07:16

YANBU. He's out on the Saturday and wanted another day off being an adult on Sunday (also Mother's Day). YANBU

TheGuv1982 · 09/02/2023 07:16

watchfulwishes · 09/02/2023 06:48

He IBU and pretty disrespectful of you.

Is there something you're missing out - like heavy drug use or a drinking problem - because it is not normal to need a full day to recover.

Oh trust me, if I have over 1 bottle of red the next day is pretty much written off…though I can still function as an adult, so it’s not like the world has to stop.

Castle8 · 09/02/2023 07:18

Sounds like it may have been done in spite, whether or not that is the case only u know!

knittingaddict · 09/02/2023 07:18

plumduck · 09/02/2023 06:52

Firstly, you can't "do" mothers day on a different day that's ridiculous.

Secondly - does he have a problem with drink? Why can't he control himself on the Saturday so he doesn't get a hangover.

It's no more ridiculous than Mother's Day itself.

GoodChat · 09/02/2023 07:21

So his hangover takes priority over your work and your Mother's Day celebrations?

He sounds lovely.

Time for him to put on his big boy pants and deal with his drinking issue properly.

OdeToBarney · 09/02/2023 07:21

Oh come on @Armless32 - you'll need to do better than that 🙄

OP YANBU. He's being a selfish
twat.

Woahtherehoney · 09/02/2023 07:24

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You are ridiculous, honestly.

As if parenting is just something you fit in between all your hangovers 🤦🏻‍♀️

TenoringBehind · 09/02/2023 07:26

Of course YANBU

he sounds like a nasty, selfish, immature twat.

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 09/02/2023 07:29

YANBU, surely he could just drink a little less or be responsible and drink a pint or two of water before he goes to sleep to help the hangover? Confused
You can't preplan a hangover for a month in advance he sounds like a teenager. 😂

Dogcafedreamer · 09/02/2023 07:30

espressomartini35 · 09/02/2023 06:53

Kids are 11, 6 and 5 so not babies. The two younger ones play together so little entertaining there. The last time he was out with friends was January and I told him to book into a hotel as it can be cheaper than taxis home and I don't have to deal with his hangover the next day.

You can't do Mother's Day another day with children that age.

He should not have a planned hangover on Mother's Day, he should either

Not have booked the night out before
Changed it when he realised
Not gone OTT drinking
Sucked up his hangover

Dogcafedreamer · 09/02/2023 07:31

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He is getting his night out and the vast majority of the next day, why does he need the whole day?

Jesus how wet!

TibetanTerrah · 09/02/2023 07:31

I wouldn't take too much notice of @Armless32 OP. They're on multiple threads half reading posts and tying themselves in knots trying to come up with an opposing view just for attention because they can.

arethereanyleftatall · 09/02/2023 07:31

You're wrong @Armless32

You are imagining a give and take situation where one parent has a whole weekend off one time, and the next turn is the others. Ish. Indeed, lovely. Not what's happening here though. The op has stated that this doesn't happen. The ops husband has several weeks away annually, hobbies, and does this once per month. The op goes out mid week only and back at work the next day.
So, she is the default parent, and he is the default babysitter who helps out only at his convenience.
I would wager a guess that's what happens in your house too, but you haven't spotted it yet.

Dogcafedreamer · 09/02/2023 07:33

I still think it’s very unfair to expect him to just go from that to babysitting at the click of her fingers. With my husband we respect each others time more but that just me

Anyone who refers to their DH as babysitting his own kids is totally fucking ridiculous!!

She didn't click her fingers, she's going to work.

I can't believe a DM says her DH babysits, so I think you're on a wind up @Armless32

If not GrinGrinGrinGrinGrin

Dogcafedreamer · 09/02/2023 07:34

TibetanTerrah · 09/02/2023 07:31

I wouldn't take too much notice of @Armless32 OP. They're on multiple threads half reading posts and tying themselves in knots trying to come up with an opposing view just for attention because they can.

Best ignore anyone who describes a DF as babysitting his own kids!

watchfulwishes · 09/02/2023 07:37

TheGuv1982 · 09/02/2023 07:16

Oh trust me, if I have over 1 bottle of red the next day is pretty much written off…though I can still function as an adult, so it’s not like the world has to stop.

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If you can function as an adult, presumably you can manage to oversee your kids. Which is all that is being asked of their dad.