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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Screaming baby on children's ward

394 replies

Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 00:10

I'm on the children's ward tonight staying with my little one (who's currently fast asleep). Across the hall is a baby, I'd estimate to be around 4mo, left by themselves and has been screaming/crying for over an hour. The sort of wailing that it's making itself choke. It's heartbreaking to hear, and so I went for a wander to see what was going on and to offer to help.

Only 2 nurses on tonight, so short staffed. Baby's mum has gone home to pick up some things. Baby is left alone screaming in a cot, and has been for the hour basically.

I offered to go in and try and calm little one, even just sitting shushing or singing lullabies, but was told they couldn't allow it.

Aibu in thinking you'd prefer your little one to be looked after by a random mum, than be left alone screaming for over an hour on it's own?

I appreciate my hormones are all over the place just now and I'm on about night 3 of no sleep, so I may bu!

Yabu - people leave their own baby's to cry it out, baby was safe so no drama

Yanbu - for baby and everyone else's sake

OP posts:
Swiftswatch · 09/02/2023 10:41

@Namechange12908 if medication for herself fair enough. But the other examples I’d be surprised if ward couldn't have provided nappies/water and a snack from a corridor vending machine.

You clearly have no experience of having a young child on a paediatric ward. Talk about out of touch!

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 10:41

@SpecialK2023

“but I struggle with the notion that the majority don’t have any people to call on to bring a bag of essentials.”

you said the majority nobody else did.

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 10:43

@Swiftswatch to be fair we always have a stash of pre made formula, nappies and kids pjs and underwear available for emergencies

BubziOwl · 09/02/2023 10:43

Throwncrumbs · 09/02/2023 03:07

The mothers gone home this late in the night? 2nurses for how many children? Unfortunately if they are short staffed some one is going to be left and it won’t be the sickest child. The most poorly will be top priority. Poor baby should not have been left by the mother.

It's so easy to be judgemental in situations like this, but I just can't help but think of a friend who's husband was at work overseas (in a situation that meant he couldn't return for a few weeks) when she delivered her twins extremely prematurely and for various reasons they had to be separated in different hospitals. She also had a child at home who obviously was cared for by relatives, but she still needed to make sure he saw her from time to time!!

She couldn't be in three places at once. I'm sure there were lots of people who didn't know her situation judging her for leaving her babies on the wards.

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 10:44

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 10:41

@SpecialK2023

“but I struggle with the notion that the majority don’t have any people to call on to bring a bag of essentials.”

you said the majority nobody else did.

It doesn’t make it the staffs responsibility. They are understaffed and under resourced, going back to the thread, again, whilst this is heartbreaking it’s not the staffs fault. We don’t know the circumstances here but I suspect this is poor planning rather than necessity.

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 10:44

@Swiftswatch on our paeds ward. After being in a&e for 6+hours it’s not unusual for parents to have gone through their own supplies

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 10:47

@SpecialK2023 the thing is you really don’t know the reason. I am a paeds nurse working on a paeds wards in various areas and types of hospitals it is something that does happen not everyone has a strong support network

Original poster
Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 10:47

@kittensinthekitchen it's a private room but it has a large glass window and glass panel door, which was directly opposite the bays we were in, so when walking towards the toilets/nurses station etc you could see in.

OP posts:
IHopeYouStepOnALegPiece · 09/02/2023 10:50

We don’t know the circumstances here but I suspect this is poor planning rather than necessity

How about you just end that sentence at “We don’t know the circumstances here” and leave it at that.

NotquitewhatImeant · 09/02/2023 10:52

Exactly that @BubziOwl . Some horribly judgemental people here - you never know what is going on in other people's lives.

ChildminderMum · 09/02/2023 10:53

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 10:44

It doesn’t make it the staffs responsibility. They are understaffed and under resourced, going back to the thread, again, whilst this is heartbreaking it’s not the staffs fault. We don’t know the circumstances here but I suspect this is poor planning rather than necessity.

Show quote history

Who's responsibility should it be to provide care to a patient in hospital if the parent or relative isn't able to?

If might not be the staff's fault that the care is inadequate due to understaffing, but we shouldn't just accept that hospitals will do the very minimum to keep people alive and no more.

OK, you might blame the mum's poor life choices for the baby being in this situation - why did she have a baby with no family support? Why did she have more than one child? Why did she use up all her supplies waiting in A&E? Why didn't she pack 3 days worth of food for herself while waiting for an ambulance? Why did she get blood and vomit on herself and selfishly decide to go home and have a shower?
But blaming the mum doesn't help the baby.

Babies and children regularly die from poor care in hospitals. I don't agree we need to put up and shut up and just be grateful for any care we get.

JudgeRudy · 09/02/2023 10:54

Tomblibooz · 09/02/2023 00:10

I'm on the children's ward tonight staying with my little one (who's currently fast asleep). Across the hall is a baby, I'd estimate to be around 4mo, left by themselves and has been screaming/crying for over an hour. The sort of wailing that it's making itself choke. It's heartbreaking to hear, and so I went for a wander to see what was going on and to offer to help.

Only 2 nurses on tonight, so short staffed. Baby's mum has gone home to pick up some things. Baby is left alone screaming in a cot, and has been for the hour basically.

I offered to go in and try and calm little one, even just sitting shushing or singing lullabies, but was told they couldn't allow it.

Aibu in thinking you'd prefer your little one to be looked after by a random mum, than be left alone screaming for over an hour on it's own?

I appreciate my hormones are all over the place just now and I'm on about night 3 of no sleep, so I may bu!

Yabu - people leave their own baby's to cry it out, baby was safe so no drama

Yanbu - for baby and everyone else's sake

Some parents probably wouldn't mind but many would, myself included. It's not that necessarily that I wouldn't want you touching my child, it's that I'd expect to give permission first. The nursing staff cannot allow you to do this.
The only exception would be an emergency which this isn't.
It must be distressing for everyone, the child, the other patients and the staff.
The real question isn't should/shouldn't you. The question is why are there insufficient staff to attend to the childs needs?!
Something needs to change

CatJumperTwat · 09/02/2023 10:56

I spent several months on the children's ward as a teen and remember the utter hell of trying to sleep with babies crying all night. It was hell.

No advice really, just sympathy.

Energydrink · 09/02/2023 10:58

Fifi00 · 09/02/2023 09:48

No one wants to volunteer at midnight , do you? No one even wants to work night shifts.

Show quote history

As someone who has worked closely with head/s of volunteering within the NHS . I am confident in my assertion.

We have volunteers covering many different times of the day. We even incentivise this at our hospital .

in any case , the use of volunteers was clearly just one suggestion, rather than the solution.

Toddlerteaplease · 09/02/2023 10:59

@Qazwsxefv you switched to adults?!!!! 🤯🤯🤯 why would anyone do that!!

WorryMcGee · 09/02/2023 11:01

sotired2 · 09/02/2023 09:29

A lot of hospitals have a team of volunteers… why has no volunteers been allocated to the ward to assist with the distressed babies?

Volunteers dont tend to be in hospitals at night.

We can be, with notice. I’ve done it for a 12 week old baby with birth injuries, mum had to go home to her other children (one was still bf at the time) she didn’t drive, the “father” was a total shitshow and she was quite isolated. The baby has been in and out of hospital since birth. We have a rota in place whenever it happens.

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 11:01

@Energydrink gosh I’ve never seen volunteers in the evening/nights ever

WitchesCauldron · 09/02/2023 11:04

This does sound distressing. When I nursed on a Paeds ward we had one baby who was a ward of court so no mum present. She regularly wailed and we carried her around in a papoose whilst carrying on working. I don't think they'd allow that now with the massive emphasis on infection control. Poor bubba :-(

Toddlerteaplease · 09/02/2023 11:06

@WorryMcGee we don't have volunteers very often as there was actually little they could do. Our play specialist team is so bad, that's it's embarrassing! They no longer have set wards and we barely see them.And this is in a large children's hospital. I've noticed that DGH's are better equipped than we are!

nokidshere · 09/02/2023 11:06

This is definitely a sad thread both in terms of crying baby and judgement of mother & staff.

I would just like to add that when my 2nd was a baby he cried for hours sometimes, even when I was holding him. Sometimes a baby really is inconsolable. Would it be less heartbreaking if the baby had been crying for an hour with someone holding/carrying him around?

Toddlerteaplease · 09/02/2023 11:06

WitchesCauldron · 09/02/2023 11:04

This does sound distressing. When I nursed on a Paeds ward we had one baby who was a ward of court so no mum present. She regularly wailed and we carried her around in a papoose whilst carrying on working. I don't think they'd allow that now with the massive emphasis on infection control. Poor bubba :-(

We really wanted to do this for one of ours! Alas not allowed!

EhAmIBeingStupid · 09/02/2023 11:07

MyGarden · 09/02/2023 00:21

When my baby was in hospital at 6 months old I didn’t leave her side. The nurses kept telling me to go home and get some rest but I was breastfeeding and my baby only ever slept on me, so no, I wasn’t going to leave her. Across the hall was a tiny jaundiced newborn whose mum popped in for an hour a day. She had 4 other young kids at home and seemingly nobody to look after them. Poor tiny baby, but difficult situation.

Lucky you Who could stay to look after your own baby full-time. Not everyone's circumstances are the same and allow that.

You have no idea if this baby has been in for weeks and weeks and Mum needed to go home and get some clean clothes; not everyone has someone else around that can help with little things like that.

When my 4-month old baby was in the children's high dependency unit in hospital in a different City I also had the misfortune of having a very selfish hopeless husband who refused to even look after OUR other two under 4's children, I was so tired but still had to sort childcare out for them and look after seriously ill child 40 miles away.

I know you probably didn't mean it but the first part of your message comes across rather smoke as in oh my goodness I would never ever ever ever ever leave my child with a bad bad bad mother.

OP I hope your little one, and the small baby are both fit and well soon and back home.

Calphurnia88 · 09/02/2023 11:07

Wishiwasatailor · 09/02/2023 10:26

I think everyone has forgotten that there were only
2 nurses on shift with no mention of hcas. Most paeds wards are at least 16 beds and could go up to 30. That’s between 8-15 patients each. There is only so much 2 nurses can do to prioritise and that is done on medical need. They would have raised this at handover, it probably went to the trustwide safety briefing there is nothing as heart sinking as realising you are massively short staffed with a full ward. It’s impossible to provide the level of care that we all aspire to give and we’re trained to give.

So we should just accept things as they are? From what I've read on this thread, no one is blaming the nurses directly for what is clearly an understaffing issue, but that doesn't mean we should accept this as the norm.

Any patient who is screaming in distress for over an hour might be alive, but they aren't having their basic needs met. Why on earth should we accept this?

Totally agree @ChildminderMum

Toddlerteaplease · 09/02/2023 11:07

We did borrow a pram and push her round in that. The allegedly skint parents bought a £1200 push chair and wouldn't bring it in.

thebellagio · 09/02/2023 11:08

SpecialK2023 · 09/02/2023 10:26

I wasn’t suggesting using Ubereats - I was saying there are delivery services similar that will be able to bring essentials in the absence of ANY other alternative. You wouldn’t be ordering a pack of nappies more than once so the cost of it “mounting up” isn’t really relevant.

The NHS can’t be expected to alleviate the cost of having a sick child. Thats life. There are funds if that really becomes an issue but IMO parents should be and should expect to be primarily responsible for their own children. The financial burden of having kids is present whether or not they are ill.

Most people have somebody who can run errands for them.

Show quote history

To expand on this.

When my kid was in hospital last year, we were transferred to a hospital 90 mins away from home. Only one parent was allowed to stay, and we weren't allowed to swap at all.

Parents weren't entitled to eat from the catering cart - I ONLY had a choice of m&s food for breakfast/lunch and dinner. I worked out I was spending between £15-20 a day for 9 days.

I couldn't ask anyone else to get me anyother food because of covid protocols. On day 5, a kid in the bay next to us tested positve and we weren't allowed to leave the bay. So no, it's not always possible to get someone to fetch you things and it's not always easy to get food while your kid is in hospital