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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be surprised my health visitor asked this

222 replies

110APiccadilly · 08/02/2023 22:30

DD2 has just had her 6 month check. The health visitor went through a list of questions, mostly stuff I'd expect, but one was whether I was up to date on my smear test. I was surprised as I thought these appointments were about DD rather than me.

Apart from anything else, isn't it a bit sexist to assume they're going to see the mum rather than the dad? DH took DD1 to her 15 month check as he was her primary carer (I was the main earner) at that point. Bet he didn't get asked whether he'd had a prostrate exam recently.

OP posts:
AgathaMystery · 08/02/2023 23:15

It’s threads like this that remind me that there is absolutely no pleasing some people.

So sorry OP, that you were ‘surprised but not offended’ that the HV enquired about a routine screening that many busy new mothers neglect to book in for that can save their lives.

sorry about that.

SherryAndFight · 08/02/2023 23:17

110APiccadilly · 08/02/2023 22:44

To be clear, I was surprised. Not offended.

I think it would be good if they were clearer about who the appointment is for. If it's for mum and baby, then say so. I was surprised because I thought it was just about DD.

I still don't really understand why you're "surprised"? The checks are for mother and baby, you are both the patients of the health visitor. I wasn't at my DDs 12 month check as I was at work, the HV rang me at a later time as she had some questions relating to my health too. Nothing unusual about that.

AliceOlive · 08/02/2023 23:17

I understand the reason behind it but also can see why you might be surprised. Of course, your health and attention to taking care of yourself is good for your baby, also. But I personally hate being prodded and prompted by people outside the scope of what I consider their remit. Its like someone decided we are all unable to function as adults.

My DH was once asked by a primary care physician how many sexual partners he’s had in his lifetime. He was 50 at the time and was so taken aback he said “What?! Does anyone even know the answer to that?!” Gave her quite a shock. 🤣

RingRingRingGoesTheTelephone · 08/02/2023 23:17

So what you angry about here exactly?
She asked and you don't want to say?
She asked and you don't want one?
She asked and you felt it wasn't relevant?
She asked and you are now actually known as Steve and don't identify as having a cervix?
She didn't ask your husband and he's angry she jumped to the conclusion he's a man?
🤷‍♀️

shell856 · 08/02/2023 23:17

AgathaMystery · 08/02/2023 23:15

It’s threads like this that remind me that there is absolutely no pleasing some people.

So sorry OP, that you were ‘surprised but not offended’ that the HV enquired about a routine screening that many busy new mothers neglect to book in for that can save their lives.

sorry about that.

Absolutely this!

PleaseCleanTheWholeToilet · 08/02/2023 23:17

12,000 people dead in Turkey - Syria
With numbers soon to hit thousands more
23M people affected and all your moaning about this !!!

For goodness sake ! 🙄

Groutyonehereagain · 08/02/2023 23:19

Health Visitors are qualified nurses who have undertaken extra training. I wonder whether people actually know that they are nurses.

MotherOfHouseplants · 08/02/2023 23:20

What a very weird thread.

1982mommaof4 · 08/02/2023 23:20

My eyes hurt from rolling them at you OP

user3193 · 08/02/2023 23:20

This stuff people get annoyed about nowadays blows my mind. Is this all you have got to be worried about ?

MajorCarolDanvers · 08/02/2023 23:20

Your HV is a medical professional who will be capable of discerning which questions are appropriate.

How is that difficult to understand.

Honestly the things people get worked up about 😳

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 23:21

AliceOlive · 08/02/2023 23:17

I understand the reason behind it but also can see why you might be surprised. Of course, your health and attention to taking care of yourself is good for your baby, also. But I personally hate being prodded and prompted by people outside the scope of what I consider their remit. Its like someone decided we are all unable to function as adults.

My DH was once asked by a primary care physician how many sexual partners he’s had in his lifetime. He was 50 at the time and was so taken aback he said “What?! Does anyone even know the answer to that?!” Gave her quite a shock. 🤣

HVs are nurses - it is very much within their remit to ask health related questions.

OP I’d suggest ditching the HV. You don’t HAVE to have one involved and I think of you don’t like ‘surprises’ then a HV isn’t for you

HimalayaSalts · 08/02/2023 23:21

I was glad the health visitor was interested in my health as well as dd's

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 23:22

I went to the shop today and the assistant asked if I wanted a carrier bag! I thought I was there to buy milk and coffee, not some unnecessary but of plastic. I already had a bag!!! I was so surprised, my eyebrows shot off my head with the velocity of which I raised them.

LorW · 08/02/2023 23:23

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 23:22

I went to the shop today and the assistant asked if I wanted a carrier bag! I thought I was there to buy milk and coffee, not some unnecessary but of plastic. I already had a bag!!! I was so surprised, my eyebrows shot off my head with the velocity of which I raised them.

😂

LemonPledge555 · 08/02/2023 23:25

I missed a smear due to pregnancy. And it wasn’t my first priority when DC was born to book it in. It’s a prompt. Most mums will be primary cater for DC at their 6m check, although of course there are exceptions. And I’m sure you’re just looking for something to be wound up by.

GinIronic · 08/02/2023 23:26

Why is the HV asking this question? Is it so that the HV can tick one of her boxes to satisfy a local policy or target? Where does this information go? Who reads it or has access to it? If the information just sits in a file and kept in a filing cabinet - what is the point of the information gathering? If she was genuinely concerned about her patients health and screening history - the HV has access to medical records of everyone in her care - so the question doesn't need to be asked - the HV should know the answer.

Forgooodnesssakenow · 08/02/2023 23:27

Health visitors visit from birth and sometimes before. Pregnancy, birth, breastfeeding and sexual health are all tied up to early childcare years. It's a reasonable question to ask when you see a mum and in the very early weeks and months it's usually the mother because they are still physically recovering and therefore still at home with the baby more.

My husband does plenty of our kids appts, it's irritating that they always call me, or even call me back even if my husband is the one to make the initial contact about one of the kids. Thai however, asking about the sexual health of a mum of a baby? Not ridiculous or a stretch.

Viviennemary · 08/02/2023 23:27

My understanding is that the HV takes over from the midwife. Therefore she will be dealing with the baby but also with the mother as she is the one who gave birth. She will also be aware and look out indications of post natal depression, nipple soreness with breast feeding and so on.

Suprima · 08/02/2023 23:31

The father didn’t grow the baby

you have fucking weird equality blinkers on OP to thing ‘that’s SEXIST’ rather than understanding why the HV would use the visit to discuss the mother’s health

in growing the fucking baby, smears do fall off the radar

Desertbarncat · 08/02/2023 23:32

I am baffled. I don’t at all understand why this question angered you. It’s something important for women to have, and a lot of women might forget because they aren’t back on a regular period, or not be taking as good care of themselves because they are overwhelmed or depressed. What difference does it make if they ask men about something? That isn’t relevant to you and your visit. I’m sorry I just do not understand why this is a question.

kitcat15 · 08/02/2023 23:34

110APiccadilly · 08/02/2023 22:44

To be clear, I was surprised. Not offended.

I think it would be good if they were clearer about who the appointment is for. If it's for mum and baby, then say so. I was surprised because I thought it was just about DD.

You sound a bit thick OP🙄 the HV is there for all the the family’s health …..they won’t have given a shit whether it was you and baby or dad and baby…..they will gear the discussions around whoever is at home….did you not know that they support mothers with PND? their job is also health promotion

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 23:34

GinIronic · 08/02/2023 23:26

Why is the HV asking this question? Is it so that the HV can tick one of her boxes to satisfy a local policy or target? Where does this information go? Who reads it or has access to it? If the information just sits in a file and kept in a filing cabinet - what is the point of the information gathering? If she was genuinely concerned about her patients health and screening history - the HV has access to medical records of everyone in her care - so the question doesn't need to be asked - the HV should know the answer.

She’s asking because it’s important women of a certain age have regular smear tests. You can Google why that is.

Actually HVs don’t have full access to medical records or time to read them. Women’s shouldn’t be offended by being asked so why would the HV even need to find out first?

The form they fill in may become part of the patient’s medical records.

Yea it’s box ticking about something important.

Im genuinely missing why this is so bad to ask women?

853ax · 08/02/2023 23:38

I think it good to ask as you then know when due next smear ECT I recall them asking.

I recall a health visitor asking to see my garden (had blinds down), asked if we owned or renting and few other house questions. No print out list of questions so didn't know if these were related to the check up or she was just nosey. Didn't bother me

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 23:39

I recall a health visitor asking to see my garden

It may just be because I’m currently also posting on the ‘sex on TV thread’ but I thought for a moment this was a euphemism