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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be surprised my health visitor asked this

222 replies

110APiccadilly · 08/02/2023 22:30

DD2 has just had her 6 month check. The health visitor went through a list of questions, mostly stuff I'd expect, but one was whether I was up to date on my smear test. I was surprised as I thought these appointments were about DD rather than me.

Apart from anything else, isn't it a bit sexist to assume they're going to see the mum rather than the dad? DH took DD1 to her 15 month check as he was her primary carer (I was the main earner) at that point. Bet he didn't get asked whether he'd had a prostrate exam recently.

OP posts:
SpangoDweller · 08/02/2023 22:42

What an odd thing to get het up about.

strawberryandcreams · 08/02/2023 22:42

You're annoyed because she asked you a question that could prompt you to get checked for something that could save your life

Member869894 · 08/02/2023 22:43

What a ridiculous post.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 22:43

Well I’m she’d seen your DH and not you I doubt she’d be asking him about a smear.

This joint working happens everywhere, and is good practice. In my local authority at the when you register a baby’s name the registrar offers a firefighter to come for a smoke alarm as new parents are concerned about safety and you can get a free one as a new parent round here. I think it’s great! I have no idea in the world why anyone would be offended by being reminded about their smear.

TheRookie · 08/02/2023 22:43

Well obviously it's because the mother has been pregnant and birthed the child so it is a reminder to get booked in for smear test as you cannot have one whilst pregnant. Honestly you have too much time on your hands to be wondering if that is sexist ffs.

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 22:44

Also very few new dads are at prostate check age.

Original poster
110APiccadilly · 08/02/2023 22:44

To be clear, I was surprised. Not offended.

I think it would be good if they were clearer about who the appointment is for. If it's for mum and baby, then say so. I was surprised because I thought it was just about DD.

OP posts:
Thinkwicebeforeyouleavemylife · 08/02/2023 22:45

This is a non issue op I don't get what the problem is !!

Kidsaregrim · 08/02/2023 22:45

We ask lots of random questions based on what is going on in that particular area as Specialist Community Public Health Nurses which is what a HV is.

completely normal to ask if there is a low uptake in your area and as you have a baby under one you would meet the criteria.

some areas focus on mental health and ask pertinent questions until the child is 2. we ask lots of questions that come up on Mumsnet time and time again as stupid/offensive/sexist and I always encourage mums and dads to ask what relevance that question has. no one is going to be upset by a parent asking why a particular question is being asked and most HV would be more than happy to tell you based on their local guidelines

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 22:46

110APiccadilly · 08/02/2023 22:44

To be clear, I was surprised. Not offended.

I think it would be good if they were clearer about who the appointment is for. If it's for mum and baby, then say so. I was surprised because I thought it was just about DD.

Eh? It can be for your baby and also recognise the baby came from YOUR body. I don’t see the problem or why anyone would be alarmed or event note it as something negative.

Annoyingnamechangerperson · 08/02/2023 22:46

Health visitors are technically called public health nurses these days and part of their remit it to search for unmet health needs so sounds to me like they were just doing their job.
I really don't think there is an issue here.

Cas112 · 08/02/2023 22:47

Is this a joke? It's for your own health. They know people smears might be missed due to pregnancy and is a slight reminder as a lot goes on after you have give birth. People will find a problem with anything m

Coffeellama · 08/02/2023 22:47

110APiccadilly · 08/02/2023 22:44

To be clear, I was surprised. Not offended.

I think it would be good if they were clearer about who the appointment is for. If it's for mum and baby, then say so. I was surprised because I thought it was just about DD.

They always ask after the mother, that’s not surprising. And you say you weren’t offended, but also said it’s ‘sexist’ which sounds as though you were offended. Are you up to date on your smear?

ReamsOfCheese · 08/02/2023 22:49

I think you need to get it straight in your head as to which part you're having trouble with. Because your midwife handed your longer-term postnatal care over to the health visitor. This is literally her job. And health visitors in the UK do a bloody phenomenal job.

I had my first child in another country where you get sent home from hospital the day after giving birth and that is it. No health visitors at all. You take your child to a paediatrician occasionally to do routine stuff that nurses would be trusted with in the UK and they don't check on mothers at all. I didn't particularly like having to fight to get seen for my postnatal problems. Being in the UK with DC2 I really appreciate the role of the health visitor and how much support they can offer on such a wide range of things.

Take full advantage of this amazing free service!

DDC · 08/02/2023 22:50

Health visitors are public health nurses and promoting cervical screening is a public health issue.
Did she ask about your mental health?
Did she ask you if you smoke?
Did she ask if you were experiencing domestic abuse?
Would you be offended if she did ask the above questions?
It's about identifying any health needs and an opportunity to improve the health of the whole family.

Fr0styday · 08/02/2023 22:50

How ridiculous - why are you searching for a reason to be offended?

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 22:50

I think people sometimes confuse ‘referring to a person’s sex’ with ‘sexism’. It’s not sexist to recognise women have cervixes

MyGarden · 08/02/2023 22:50

110APiccadilly · 08/02/2023 22:35

Well, it was on her list of questions, a printed sheet she went through. So whoever wrote the sheet clearly assumed she'd see the child's mother. Although presumably they wouldn't actually ask it of a father.

Show quote history

Well, 95% of the time they’d be correct to assume it, I am sure.

Slimjimtobe · 08/02/2023 22:51

do you realise how thoughtless this question is ? In my Ireland we have had a huge cervical check scandal
the public nurse had your care at interest

so you say it’s sexist? That’s so wierd

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 22:51

OP would you have felt better and found it unsexist if she’d asked if you had your prostate checked lately?

GinIronic · 08/02/2023 22:52

Not her concern - I would refuse to answer.

strawberryandcreams · 08/02/2023 22:52

GinIronic · 08/02/2023 22:52

Not her concern - I would refuse to answer.

😂

TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · 08/02/2023 22:53

GinIronic · 08/02/2023 22:52

Not her concern - I would refuse to answer.

Why though?

Shes not asking anything bad?

I hate to ask this but reproductive health awareness is piss poor these days - but are people confusing smear test with STD test??

Girlswithgoodbodieslikeboyswithferarris · 08/02/2023 22:53

GinIronic · 08/02/2023 22:52

Not her concern - I would refuse to answer.

Are you four years old? It’s a health visitor, not a police interview. And yes, it is their concern - but also they aren’t going to forcibly give you a smear if you say no.

I let them know I hadn’t had one, they recorded my answer and reminded me to book one. No drama.

Arguelikeagrownup · 08/02/2023 22:54

GinIronic · 08/02/2023 22:52

Not her concern - I would refuse to answer.

As a public health professional it is her concern though.