Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Baby classes and groups - is it just me?!

119 replies

Janedoelondon · 08/02/2023 20:26

Hi mumsnetters,

My second post today as got such helpful responses from my last one.

I have a 5 month old baby boy, who I adore. We have (it feels like!), toured the whole of the local area trying to find a baby group (massage, sensory, etc) which suits us but I am really struggling.

It might just be my experience but I am finding the groups very cliquey, and quite isolating, lonely and a little judgemental. A lot of the women already know each other, and any conversation I do have is also very limited to babies and it is hard to move away from this (perhaps not surprising, I might need to recalibrate my expectations!).

I have often come away from the groups quite upset, I can’t explain why, they just make me feel very lonely, I guess because I don’t feel I fit in.

I also question how valuable they are to my little one vs activities we can do for free. We go for long walks along the river/in local common and parks (we live near London so luckily are lots nearby!), and I always try and play and read to my little boy each day too. We also listen to audiobooks.

Is it just me?

OP posts:
Cuppasoupmonster · 08/02/2023 20:27

They’re not mandatory. Do you talk to people when you get there?

NoHeavenNoMore · 08/02/2023 20:29

I absolutely hated the baby group I tried with my little one, so I never went back to another. She's happy and healthy and well socialised now at 18 months old. You're right, it was totally clique-y and everyone seemed unapproachable. Such a shame really but I don't feel like we missed out!

Original poster
Janedoelondon · 08/02/2023 20:30

Yes, I just find I don’t have a lot in common with the women I talk to, other than babies.

OP posts:
SkyIsTheLimits · 08/02/2023 20:32

Yes. Hated them only went to one. The mums around me appeared to have perfect little children and looked at my toddler misbehaving like they’d never seen it before! Very cliquey

UnluckyPennsatucky · 08/02/2023 20:32

I tried two back in the day, both were awful and clique. Nobody spoke to me and when I tried to make conversation they literally looked me up and down and then looked at each other. Awful people.

NuffSaidSam · 08/02/2023 20:34

If they're not for you, that's fine. Don't go.

Look for other ways to stimulate your baby and socialise.

ReadtheReviews · 08/02/2023 20:35

God yeah op. But then why expect to have anything in common with them except the fact you've had babies?
Most of the mothers in my area are very local yokel types, different backgrounds, lifestyles, interests etc. With my second baby I didnt go.

CastlesByTheSea · 08/02/2023 20:35

I enjoyed the groups I went to, there was one which I didn’t feel I fit into well and stopped going. What I found I preferred was church hall groups (not religious groups just hosted in churches and we one to al) so if I were you have a look for “baby chat” groups or playgroups, they are usually £1.50 to go to and often have tea and coffee, lots of things for babies and toddlers to play with and much more natural for you to chat to other mums as it’s not a lesson!

Twizbe · 08/02/2023 20:35

I found those that were focused around an activity harder to make friends at.

The only one I liked was a baby and me yoga class and that was because I like yoga. I didn't really make any mum friends there.

Our local NCT bumps and babies group was so much better. It was basically a place with tea and biscuits where you could chat to each other. It was a drop in and no activities. Just a nice friendly supportive place.

I ended up loving so much I've been running it on and off for about 6 years. I keep stepping down and then going back lol.

Luredbyapomegranate · 08/02/2023 20:37

I think baby groups are for parents. If you don’t like them don’t go.

Do you have friends otherwise?

Forsoothmylord · 08/02/2023 20:38

Try a drop in playgroup, they’re way more chilled out than those baby sensory type classes and there are still plenty of opportunities to meet new mum friends if you go along regularly x

Oysterbabe · 08/02/2023 20:39

I didn't do any baby groups. I enjoyed the time just two of us for a year and then they went to nursery 💁

Original poster
Janedoelondon · 08/02/2023 20:39

Luredbyapomegranate · 08/02/2023 20:37

I think baby groups are for parents. If you don’t like them don’t go.

Do you have friends otherwise?

I am a parent, so not sure what you mean Blush

I do have some friends nearby who I enjoy spending time with, but a lot work etc so it can be a bit tricky!

OP posts:
jacult · 08/02/2023 20:39

At that age it’s not for them, just an excuse to break up the monotony/get you out of the house! I only went to one and couldn’t be bothered, but I didn’t go there to make friends. My baby slept the whole way through it, so thought it a waste of money!!

Comedycook · 08/02/2023 20:40

Yanbu...they are very often cliquey and unfriendly.

Beginningless · 08/02/2023 20:42

There’s so many different types of baby groups though, I’d encourage you to try a few and find where you do fit in. The ones I made friends at were breastfeeding ones, I guess they were all hippies like me. I also liked buggyfit type things. But you are right that a lot of the chat is about the babies, I feel like I only talked about babies for a long time as it was my world. Sorry!

TheRookieMum · 08/02/2023 20:43

Oh I know what you mean! I go to classes primarily get out the house - we're rural so other than walks on rare dry days, there's not a lot to do on the doorstep.

My DS is 4mo and has taken a while to get anything from the classes. He's only just found his voice, so I assume that's him starting to gain something so I'm going to keep going for now.

I, on the other hand, have found them like you have, cliquey. I've had a total of 3 conversations, all 3 purely about the babies. Like a pp said, you don't need to go to them. I still do as it's something for me to do with my boy and I've unfortunately stopped looking at them as a way to meet other mums. I suppose it depends what you see the classes' purpose to be.

WandaWonder · 08/02/2023 20:43

I just went with the expectation it got me into a routine and out of the house, sometimes I talked sometimes not, I never felt there was any issues if I was not spoken too people just have their own stuff going on, I didn't really have much in common with them but made coffee morning friends who inept in touch with till I moved away

It helped me a lot just going, I went to a few different ones a week

Allybob88 · 08/02/2023 20:44

I think you need to stick with one class and see what happens, you are very unlikely to get talking to people from going once deciding it's not for you and moving on to another, which it sounds like you have done if you have done a tour of them all in 5 months!

I went to a baby class and afterwards everyone was going to one of the ladies houses with their babies, except me and my baby, ovbiously it stung at the time but they didn't know me, it wasn't clicky they just didn't know me!! I kept at it as we had paid for a block of classes and those ladies are still really good friends of mine 4 years later, our kids now go to school together.

Persipan · 08/02/2023 20:44

I gave birth right at the beginning of the first lockdown, so was spared most baby groups, which I suspect I would have loathed. The one thing I did, when stuff started opening up again, was Thula Mama, and I liked it largely because it wasn't a baby activity as such, more an activity where babies were present while the grown-ups had a lovely time singing and eating cake.

BabyOnBoard90 · 08/02/2023 20:45

I find most of baby classes to be a waste of time and money - just my opinion.

bookish83 · 08/02/2023 20:46

Stick at one for a block! That is how you get to know the other mums.

Have you trie bounce and rhyme classes at the libraries? Those were good, and the church play group ones too. A bit more relaxed

It is hard though, I remember feeling lost too

Ifeellikeateenageragain · 08/02/2023 20:47

Same experience here - it was possible that it's more me than them (trying to be fair here!) But actually, thinking about it, the only thing we have in common is pushing a watermelon out either through a ridiculously small hole or through a slightly bigger slash in our stomachs. Which is a somewhat bonding experience but once you're through the shock of it all, if you haven't got much in common, you haven't got much in common 🤷

Skinnermarink · 08/02/2023 20:47

They can be like that. I just found one I enjoyed, which was a music one at a local pub. We all sat round while a hippy lady bashed out some songs and the babies jangled done bells and what not. After, most people lingered to eat lunch, it was great.

I sacked off my NCT group because I just did not gel, sorry to say but I thought they were a bunch of wet lettuces 🤣

I did find new mum friends, but I got very lucky- basically I accosted this woman in a local cafe, as I thought her baby looked about the same age as mine. He was, we had a chat, exchanged numbers and she introduced me to her NCT Group, who were all great.

BatshitBanshee · 08/02/2023 20:48

I would rather blow my ever-decreasing brain cells out than step foot in another baby group. Some people love em - I find them cliquey, and a breeding ground to make anxious FTMs feel worse. My toddler is grand the way she is and what we do is more than sufficient. Don't tie yourself up in knots by worrying whether you're doing enough - you are. Go at your own pace and what you feel like doing.