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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does he keep blocking me?

360 replies

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 11:21

I’ll try to keep this short, 2 years ago I was approached by a group of guys whilst I was on my way home, one asked for my Snapchat and I gave it to him because I was single and instantly attracted to him.

when I got home we chatted for a bit but I guess I must of said something he didn’t like because I was quick enough blocked. (Can’t remember what). Anyway about 9 months later he added me on Facebook and told me he had just got out of jail ect…. We started talking again and I actually really started to like him. It was constant conversation I felt like I had known him years.

He asked me what I wanted, I said obviously right not just too take things slow, as I knew he was speaking to other girls at the time as I could see his friends list and he would add about 50+ girls daily. Obviously we was both single and only just started speaking so I wasn’t expecting him to cut everyone off. He didn’t like the fact I said I wanted things to go slow and said that I was obviously sleeping around and he blocked me.

He unblocked me about three days later and message me telling me he missed me, he said to me I need to “ move correctly “ if I wanted to be his girl. We started speaking again for a few days And he was consistent on wanting to stay at my house. But I was wanting to take things slow at this point so I was making up excuses every time he asked. He told me I wasn’t serious so he blocked me for a good couple of months.

I was really confused because he was telling me how much he likes me and how he wants me to be with his girl soon ect… how could he say all that but just block me again?

He added me again about 4 months later and messaged me saying “I’m coming to yours” I told him no because what did he think this was. No contact for so long and then to just message me telling me he was coming to mine. Anyway we spoke on the phone and text for about a week I posted a picture on Snapchat and you could see Clevlage this made him mad and he blocked me.

I messaged him on Facebook telling him to never ever try and contact me again. He ignored that for a bit but soon apologised and we soon started talking and made up. I was round at my friends house having a drink and she told me to invite him over. So I did and he came.

as soon as he seen me he told me I was so beautiful and even better looking in person and that was is it I was his now. He was trying to kiss me and was being all over me as soon as he walked in the door. I was like kind of being shy because I’m not used to that and he said I was all talk and Boring.

every time my friend left the room he would try whipping out his penis and ask me to put it in my mouth. I told him no and that my friend was here he didn’t care. We was drinking and something was said between me and my friend that he didn’t like, he then proceeded to throw a moam sweet in my direction that actually ended up hitting my face.

later that night he ended up staying in the spare room with me and we did end up having sex. But we ended up arguing again after I can’t even remember what over and he told me to never speak to him again.

he left and later on that day I messaged him and apologised we spoke for that day but later that night he literally blocked me. I got my friend to look on his Facebook profile the next day and I seen he had gone into a relationship with someone. Not even 24 hours after being in bed with me I was so angry and hurt by him.

I text him and told him that I knew and that I would never ever forgive him for it. Two months later he had made a new Facebook and added me I seen his friend request and left it sat there for a few days. I was still so hurt by this person but the curiosity and my feelings made me want to accept him and to see what he wanted.

when I accepted him I didn’t message him I waited for him to message me to see what he had to say for him self. He didn’t even try to apologise he just made it out like it was nothing.

somehow we ended up talking again but it felt very different this time, I invited him round to stay the night at my house after talking for about a week. And it was really good like when we met this time it was so much different to the rest we was sat chilling enjoying each other’s company a lot.

he asked me to be his girl but I said to him what’s the point all you do is block me and treat
me like I’m nothing to you. He promised he wouldn’t do that again, and me like an idiot believed him again lol.
everything was good at mine apart from when I was on my phone and he was accusing me of trying to hide it and accuse me of speaking to lads. I don’t know why but I felt like I have to constantly reassure him.

we ended up making a video of us having sex, which I feel so so stupid about because I sent it him. He was saying to me that I’m so sexy and that we should make an only fans account and to give him the password and we share the money 50/50.

anyway when he left in the morning he was asking me to come back that night but I had to go to work. He wasn’t really that bothered by that and we continued to call and text, he was so much quicker now with the replies he would send me paragraphs and message me first now and so much quicker. He was even sending me snaps whilst he was out and in the shower. He never used to reply so quick and frequent before.

I posted a picture on my story on Snapchat a few days later nothing bad, he messaged me and asked me who I was trying to impress.I told him no one and he didn’t speak to me all night he left me on read. I messaged him the next morning like lol hi at least you didn’t block me this time. We spoke for a few more days and he asked me to be his girlfriend like officially this time.

I said yeah and then the next message he asked me was what I was doing?, I told him I was just waiting for my friend to get a taxi and then going to bed. He literally started ringing my phone out but I didn’t answer because I was busy.

he messaged me saying to never ever speak to him ever again in my life, that me and him will never ever ever happen again and that my friend was clearly a lad & then blocked me (this was a week ago).

I was so confused and still am so confused, I know he’s blocked me loads of times before but obviously we never really was anything and met briefly but now that we have had sex and met and actually spent time together and him ask me to be his girlfriend it’s left me so confused and hurt.

two days ago I got added from a Snapchat account from “search”, I never post my Snapchat details anywhere I’m very private.

i accepted it to see who it was and it had no snap score, no bitmoji no nothing. The account was telling me that he lives in the town next to where I am from, how they had me on their old Snapchat and had made a new one and was adding all their old contacts. I kinda of believed it so I said okay and they tried starting a conversation I left them on read and they kept messaging me.

I looked at the account more as the hours went on and the account snap score wasn’t going up. The account was asking me if I had ever been on a night out in Liverpool ( this set alarms of in my head as I was planning a night out in Liverpool with the guy who blocked me). It then started telling me how he wants to lick my bum and have him bum licked. Which is exactly what he was asking me to do to him at mine but I wouldn’t.

the account asked me if I had an only fans and that I should because I’d make loads of money. Something was just telling me this person wasn’t who they said they was. They wouldn’t send me a red Snapchat or a voice note just a saved picture. I told the account if they don’t tell me who they are I’m blocking them.

the account said it would tell me who they are but not to tell anyone and to keep it a secret between us because he’ll get in trouble. This threw me of thinking it was him because why would he get in to trouble. I was watching the way the person was typing to see if it was the same as the way the guy I was seeing typed but it seemed to me like the fake account was purposely trying hard to make their grammar and spelling bad.

the account said that they knew me, that I have met them in person but wouldn’t tell me anything else. I ended up blocking the account but I still feel like it’s him I don’t know, I don’t get why he would do that but I don’t get why anyone else would do that aswell.

I don’t understand why someone if they did want to speak wouldn’t just try to talk to me of their actual account but I don’t understand at the same time why he would make a fake account but have me blocked on his if he did want to talk to me.

I am so confused at the moment, the fake account thing is making me a little bit paranoid as if it isn’t him why would someone go to so much effort to watch me, it feels kind of creepy.

sorry about the long post my brain is just very foggy at the minute and I have all these thoughts and questions I need help getting answers too I know I’ll never get them of him but can’t someone try and paint a picture for me.

OP posts:
mumda · 12/02/2023 18:02

Glittertwins · 08/02/2023 11:23

I think you need to be asking yourself why you aren't blocking him!!!

This.

xsquared · 12/02/2023 18:33

Because he's a fucking narcissistic, misogynistic, sociopath and he knows he gets away with abusing you. The blocking and unblocking is one of many mind games that people like him play. They don't see others as human to be treated with dignity and respect, but as play things that they get off from.

OP, protect your mental health and remove this toxic creature from your life.
You may need counselling to answer oir own questions because he is never going to give you answers.

youshouldnthaveasked · 12/02/2023 18:36

What have I just read?

Ohthebanality · 12/02/2023 18:47

I laughed at loud when I read the bit about how he kept whipping out his penis. I've had a shit day so thanks 😊

StephanieSuperpowers · 12/02/2023 19:04

Emmamoo89 · 08/02/2023 16:47

Not everyone who has been to prison is an arsehold tbf. But this bloke sounds like one

Perhaps not. But they probably are. Going to prison is a biggie and you don't go there for doing good.

StephanieSuperpowers · 12/02/2023 19:13

I've read most of the thread, OP and I sincerely hope you are able to contact counselling tomorrow. This can't wait. You sound like a lovely young woman from a difficult background who has so much potential, for a great career and a great relationship. You are someone who is looking for love and acceptance, and you're ready to give it.

Most of the people giving advice here are older than you are and most of us have made horrible mistakes with undeserving men in the past. But this particular one you're talking about sounds especially worrying. Violent, criminal, mysogynist, liar, user, selfish, narcissistic. He doesn't have feelings for anyone but himself and he preys on girls like you for entertainment and sex, which is why he treats you like he does. Keeping you off balance like this is fun for him. Manipulation makes him feel like a big man.

Your choice is deciding what makes you feel good. I really hope you choose yourself.

Ohthebanality · 12/02/2023 19:15

He wore a BALACLAVA???? What is wrong with you. I've been in a similar situation with someone but seriously when a man wears a balaclava when he is recording you having sex?!?

Murdoch1949 · 12/02/2023 19:17

Surprised there's not a queue of women desperate for this Prince Charming. Why on earth have you even given him a moment's thought?

Itsmyturnnow1 · 12/02/2023 19:18

Gave up reading this as it was too much! Have more self worth and stop letting someone take the piss out of you!

winningeasy · 12/02/2023 19:37

There were so so so many red flags. He sounds like a fully deranged emotional abuser and sex pest.

You really need to distance yourself from this guy for your own safety.

Can you speak to your parents about this?

forfuckssake23 · 12/02/2023 20:20

Ohthebanality · 12/02/2023 19:15

He wore a BALACLAVA???? What is wrong with you. I've been in a similar situation with someone but seriously when a man wears a balaclava when he is recording you having sex?!?

😳

As if the million red flags in the OP weren't enough.... then this?!

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

JudgeRinderonTinder · 12/02/2023 20:30

Get some standards and self respect for Christ’s sake!!!

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 21:00

Hi, just thought I’d post an update on the situation.
He unblocked me, and messaged me telling me that I broke his heart, that he ‘genuinely’ misses me. I replied ( I know I shouldn’t of but I’ve been so angry at him) I told him that he can not treat people the way he does and I told him that’s it is very clear he only uses me when he’s ‘bored’.
he then told me he ‘ he really really does love me” and that he didn’t block me because he got bored. He said that he blocked me because I was ‘having sex with next man’. I told him that he was so so wrong about that because I have not been near anyone but him.

we spoke for a bit (feel like the biggest idiot ever) and we was planning to do something for Valentine’s Day. I stayed at my mums house on Friday night and because I would not send him a picture of my mum to “prove” where I was he told me to never ever speak to him again.
I told him I do not need to show him where I am and that he needs to learn to trust me. He said he trusts nobody and that if I send him a photo of my mum sat with me that will start having him to trust me I told him no and that I’m not doing it. So no surprise he told me to “never speak to him again” and that “I’ve ruined everything before it even started” he told me he is not going to ‘waste another second of his precious time on me’.

every message I tried to send to him he was ignoring, I asked him why he keeps doing this to me and he would ignore my messages. I asked him if we are still meeting Tuesday and he ignored that. Every time I tried to communicate he would just open it and leave it read.
I asked him how he can be so cold, and why he keeps reading my messages and ignoring me and all I got back was “hahaha”. So I blocked him, and he’s still block now it’s been about 24 hours and I have had so many urges to unblock him but I know that I need to stay away.

OP posts:
takealettermsjones · 15/02/2023 21:06

Well done on the blocking. Now delete his number. Right now.

Why do you want this??

GoldDuster · 15/02/2023 21:08

*I asked him if we are still meeting Tuesday
*

Why? After alllllll of that why did you arrange a valentine's date with him? This bullshit is not going to stop until you stop it. *
*

This really is six and two threes isn't it? At this point he's a nightmare and you're facilitating it nicely.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 21:09

context

Why does he keep blocking me?
Why does he keep blocking me?
OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 21:11

I honestly don’t know why I want him. That’s the most confusing part of it I feel he needs to grow up, his numbers deleted and blocked.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 21:13

I was trying to end things but he was saying he does know how to love and that he’s going to show me how to be loved properly. I really believed every word he was feeding me, he asked to take me out on Valentine’s Day and I agreed.

OP posts:
GoldDuster · 15/02/2023 21:13

Certifiied official? Officially a waste of your time, and vice versa. Sorry, I can't really see what the attraction is here, there's no puzzle, no great conundrum going on, he's a waste of space and if I were you I'd pour all the energy you're currently wasting on him into some professional help.

WaddleAway · 15/02/2023 21:14

You’ll unblock him and go through this whole cycle again, numerous times. I would put money on it. Sorry OP, but it’s obvious you don’t really want to help yourself.
I hope I’m wrong.

Babgirl2023x · 15/02/2023 21:15

He likes to think he’s a ‘gangster’ or a ‘certified official’ whatever that even means so he wears his ‘Bally’ he said to me I’m the first girl to see him in one hahaha😭 I’m so embarrassed that I’m even acting this way over him.

OP posts:
Excited101 · 15/02/2023 21:16

You’re both absolute idiots. Him for all his bullshit, and you for believing it all. You’ll be on here multiple times a year, for as long as you’re ‘together’. He will never make you happy and you’ll waste your life waiting for him to. Good luck op, you’re going to need it.

Momo18 · 15/02/2023 21:22

In the nicest possible way, why are you allowing this man to treat you so poorly? You deserve so much better. He is an ex convict who thinks it's acceptable to pull his penis out randomly in a stranger's house, the first time meeting you. He blocks you on a whim, emotionally abuses you in paranoid episodes and uses you sexually. He sounds an absolute nightmare tbh. I'd run for the hills and maybe look into counselling so you can weed out rats like him from your life.

Freshstarts22 · 15/02/2023 21:24

I feel sorry for you because you obviously have some childhood trauma or mental health difficulties but I’m honestly in shock that either of you are over the age of 18. This is so so immature.

Superhanz · 15/02/2023 21:25

This sounds like my ex. In fact it sounds so much like him I thought it could even be him but I know there are plenty of other abusive bastards out there who are of a similar mindset.

This man cost me my mental health, he was a psychopath and so fucking manipulative it was scary. This is the love bombing and then going cold so to leave your head spinning and wanting more of the 'nice side'.

You need to run - really run. The questioning, the jealousy, the lack of sexual boundaries. He's abusing you already so don't let him get any closer.

My ex lied about why he was in jail but most of his sentences were for GBH against previous partners. He was emotionally and physically abusive and your guy sounds just like him. If you're a vulnerable person or are feeling vunerable then these types prey on it, they can spot it a mile off.

Me being older and wiser now I can see how I fell victim to it. Please don't. Block him and move on. Do some work on yourself and pray you never end up in a relationship with someone like this.

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