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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does he keep blocking me?

360 replies

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 11:21

I’ll try to keep this short, 2 years ago I was approached by a group of guys whilst I was on my way home, one asked for my Snapchat and I gave it to him because I was single and instantly attracted to him.

when I got home we chatted for a bit but I guess I must of said something he didn’t like because I was quick enough blocked. (Can’t remember what). Anyway about 9 months later he added me on Facebook and told me he had just got out of jail ect…. We started talking again and I actually really started to like him. It was constant conversation I felt like I had known him years.

He asked me what I wanted, I said obviously right not just too take things slow, as I knew he was speaking to other girls at the time as I could see his friends list and he would add about 50+ girls daily. Obviously we was both single and only just started speaking so I wasn’t expecting him to cut everyone off. He didn’t like the fact I said I wanted things to go slow and said that I was obviously sleeping around and he blocked me.

He unblocked me about three days later and message me telling me he missed me, he said to me I need to “ move correctly “ if I wanted to be his girl. We started speaking again for a few days And he was consistent on wanting to stay at my house. But I was wanting to take things slow at this point so I was making up excuses every time he asked. He told me I wasn’t serious so he blocked me for a good couple of months.

I was really confused because he was telling me how much he likes me and how he wants me to be with his girl soon ect… how could he say all that but just block me again?

He added me again about 4 months later and messaged me saying “I’m coming to yours” I told him no because what did he think this was. No contact for so long and then to just message me telling me he was coming to mine. Anyway we spoke on the phone and text for about a week I posted a picture on Snapchat and you could see Clevlage this made him mad and he blocked me.

I messaged him on Facebook telling him to never ever try and contact me again. He ignored that for a bit but soon apologised and we soon started talking and made up. I was round at my friends house having a drink and she told me to invite him over. So I did and he came.

as soon as he seen me he told me I was so beautiful and even better looking in person and that was is it I was his now. He was trying to kiss me and was being all over me as soon as he walked in the door. I was like kind of being shy because I’m not used to that and he said I was all talk and Boring.

every time my friend left the room he would try whipping out his penis and ask me to put it in my mouth. I told him no and that my friend was here he didn’t care. We was drinking and something was said between me and my friend that he didn’t like, he then proceeded to throw a moam sweet in my direction that actually ended up hitting my face.

later that night he ended up staying in the spare room with me and we did end up having sex. But we ended up arguing again after I can’t even remember what over and he told me to never speak to him again.

he left and later on that day I messaged him and apologised we spoke for that day but later that night he literally blocked me. I got my friend to look on his Facebook profile the next day and I seen he had gone into a relationship with someone. Not even 24 hours after being in bed with me I was so angry and hurt by him.

I text him and told him that I knew and that I would never ever forgive him for it. Two months later he had made a new Facebook and added me I seen his friend request and left it sat there for a few days. I was still so hurt by this person but the curiosity and my feelings made me want to accept him and to see what he wanted.

when I accepted him I didn’t message him I waited for him to message me to see what he had to say for him self. He didn’t even try to apologise he just made it out like it was nothing.

somehow we ended up talking again but it felt very different this time, I invited him round to stay the night at my house after talking for about a week. And it was really good like when we met this time it was so much different to the rest we was sat chilling enjoying each other’s company a lot.

he asked me to be his girl but I said to him what’s the point all you do is block me and treat
me like I’m nothing to you. He promised he wouldn’t do that again, and me like an idiot believed him again lol.
everything was good at mine apart from when I was on my phone and he was accusing me of trying to hide it and accuse me of speaking to lads. I don’t know why but I felt like I have to constantly reassure him.

we ended up making a video of us having sex, which I feel so so stupid about because I sent it him. He was saying to me that I’m so sexy and that we should make an only fans account and to give him the password and we share the money 50/50.

anyway when he left in the morning he was asking me to come back that night but I had to go to work. He wasn’t really that bothered by that and we continued to call and text, he was so much quicker now with the replies he would send me paragraphs and message me first now and so much quicker. He was even sending me snaps whilst he was out and in the shower. He never used to reply so quick and frequent before.

I posted a picture on my story on Snapchat a few days later nothing bad, he messaged me and asked me who I was trying to impress.I told him no one and he didn’t speak to me all night he left me on read. I messaged him the next morning like lol hi at least you didn’t block me this time. We spoke for a few more days and he asked me to be his girlfriend like officially this time.

I said yeah and then the next message he asked me was what I was doing?, I told him I was just waiting for my friend to get a taxi and then going to bed. He literally started ringing my phone out but I didn’t answer because I was busy.

he messaged me saying to never ever speak to him ever again in my life, that me and him will never ever ever happen again and that my friend was clearly a lad & then blocked me (this was a week ago).

I was so confused and still am so confused, I know he’s blocked me loads of times before but obviously we never really was anything and met briefly but now that we have had sex and met and actually spent time together and him ask me to be his girlfriend it’s left me so confused and hurt.

two days ago I got added from a Snapchat account from “search”, I never post my Snapchat details anywhere I’m very private.

i accepted it to see who it was and it had no snap score, no bitmoji no nothing. The account was telling me that he lives in the town next to where I am from, how they had me on their old Snapchat and had made a new one and was adding all their old contacts. I kinda of believed it so I said okay and they tried starting a conversation I left them on read and they kept messaging me.

I looked at the account more as the hours went on and the account snap score wasn’t going up. The account was asking me if I had ever been on a night out in Liverpool ( this set alarms of in my head as I was planning a night out in Liverpool with the guy who blocked me). It then started telling me how he wants to lick my bum and have him bum licked. Which is exactly what he was asking me to do to him at mine but I wouldn’t.

the account asked me if I had an only fans and that I should because I’d make loads of money. Something was just telling me this person wasn’t who they said they was. They wouldn’t send me a red Snapchat or a voice note just a saved picture. I told the account if they don’t tell me who they are I’m blocking them.

the account said it would tell me who they are but not to tell anyone and to keep it a secret between us because he’ll get in trouble. This threw me of thinking it was him because why would he get in to trouble. I was watching the way the person was typing to see if it was the same as the way the guy I was seeing typed but it seemed to me like the fake account was purposely trying hard to make their grammar and spelling bad.

the account said that they knew me, that I have met them in person but wouldn’t tell me anything else. I ended up blocking the account but I still feel like it’s him I don’t know, I don’t get why he would do that but I don’t get why anyone else would do that aswell.

I don’t understand why someone if they did want to speak wouldn’t just try to talk to me of their actual account but I don’t understand at the same time why he would make a fake account but have me blocked on his if he did want to talk to me.

I am so confused at the moment, the fake account thing is making me a little bit paranoid as if it isn’t him why would someone go to so much effort to watch me, it feels kind of creepy.

sorry about the long post my brain is just very foggy at the minute and I have all these thoughts and questions I need help getting answers too I know I’ll never get them of him but can’t someone try and paint a picture for me.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 14:31

ShinyMe · 08/02/2023 14:29

Cut your losses? What does that mean? If you mean you'd let this bloke cause you to quit uni then that's really letting him win. Safeguarding are there to protect you, not to get you in trouble and make things worse.

Oh no I meant cut my loses with him, I stopped speaking to him after what he said to me and I blocked him but he ended up managing to draw me back In again. My studies mean a lot to me and it is the only thing that I have going for me. I would never jeopardise that for him

OP posts:
yousexybugger · 08/02/2023 14:32

He is misogynistic, violent, verbally and sexually abusive (yes, trying to put your knob in someone's mouth uninvited is sexually abusive as is trying to make money from their body on OnlyFans whilst bullying them verbally).

He also has a very strange relationship with the truth, lying about his age to your face.

When he is sporadically and unpredictably nice to you it gives you what you think is an insight into the 'real him' and you get carried away imagining what life would be like if that was the case. It isn't the real him, he just switches it on when he wants sex, then goes back to his true self the rest of the time. This disappoints you and you hold out for more of the nice him. It's very addictive.

He is deeply unpleasant and a very unstable man. I suggest blocking him for good. There is nothing to puzzle out or work through in his behaviour. He's just very warped. Doesn't really matter why. I'm sure there's a hard luck story but it's not your problem. And you cannot put him right.

You sound vulnerable, intelligent, thoughtful and quite lonely. I think you will benefit from figuring out your role in all of this, and the reasons behind it, rather than his, so that you can make better choices and be more assertive in future. Please take the counselling suggestion. Even CBT on the NHS might help. I think you've got a lot to unpack, starting from your childhood, but will thank yourself.

The sex video is done now so don't berate yourself. You might know that revenge porn, I.e. distributing sexual videos/ photos without permission is a crime. If you get any inkling that he has done so, tell the police.

Protect yourself. Block him everywhere and don't accept requests or messages from unknown accounts.

I've got sucked in by headfuckers so I do understand. What you need to do is take the heat and intrigue out of the situation and see the behaviour for what it is. If he tries to contact you again, tell yourself 'Oh here we go, it's just Dave trying to wind me up with a fake profile/ trying to get his leg over again. How predictable. He needs to get a hobby'.

Do this rather than try and puzzle out 'what does it all MEAN, could this finally be him acting normally?!' And you'll be on your way to losing interest in him. You don't want this to drag on another 5 years when you could be doing great things with your life and meeting nice people.

MadeofElephantStone · 08/02/2023 14:36

If the safeguard lead at uni thinks it's worth contacting the police then it is maybe worth considering, especially as he seems a little unhinged. I wouldn't be totally surprised if a claire's law check didn't flag up history of his behaviour towards women. Why was he in jail before?

PrincessMyshkin · 08/02/2023 14:42

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 13:03

To be honest he is the only person I have found my self comfortably opening up too, the only person who actually seemed to listen and understand me ( clearly was all lies) maybe I’m being a bit obsessive tbh

See, I think this is something positive you can take from all of this. You know you want someone you can be completely open emotionally with and who will listen in a relationship. It's important to you. So much so that you've tolerated a world of shit for it. So as and when you're dating others in future (no rush), you know to look for this trait in a much more stable and respectful package. It's helpful to figure out what we want in a partner as we go.

DaveyJonesLocker · 08/02/2023 14:43

Jesus christ woman. Get help.
Stop having sex with people who treat you like shit.
Don't make sex tapes with people who treat you like shit.
Don't talk to people who treat you like shit.
Grow a backbone and some self respect.

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 14:44

yousexybugger · 08/02/2023 14:32

He is misogynistic, violent, verbally and sexually abusive (yes, trying to put your knob in someone's mouth uninvited is sexually abusive as is trying to make money from their body on OnlyFans whilst bullying them verbally).

He also has a very strange relationship with the truth, lying about his age to your face.

When he is sporadically and unpredictably nice to you it gives you what you think is an insight into the 'real him' and you get carried away imagining what life would be like if that was the case. It isn't the real him, he just switches it on when he wants sex, then goes back to his true self the rest of the time. This disappoints you and you hold out for more of the nice him. It's very addictive.

He is deeply unpleasant and a very unstable man. I suggest blocking him for good. There is nothing to puzzle out or work through in his behaviour. He's just very warped. Doesn't really matter why. I'm sure there's a hard luck story but it's not your problem. And you cannot put him right.

You sound vulnerable, intelligent, thoughtful and quite lonely. I think you will benefit from figuring out your role in all of this, and the reasons behind it, rather than his, so that you can make better choices and be more assertive in future. Please take the counselling suggestion. Even CBT on the NHS might help. I think you've got a lot to unpack, starting from your childhood, but will thank yourself.

The sex video is done now so don't berate yourself. You might know that revenge porn, I.e. distributing sexual videos/ photos without permission is a crime. If you get any inkling that he has done so, tell the police.

Protect yourself. Block him everywhere and don't accept requests or messages from unknown accounts.

I've got sucked in by headfuckers so I do understand. What you need to do is take the heat and intrigue out of the situation and see the behaviour for what it is. If he tries to contact you again, tell yourself 'Oh here we go, it's just Dave trying to wind me up with a fake profile/ trying to get his leg over again. How predictable. He needs to get a hobby'.

Do this rather than try and puzzle out 'what does it all MEAN, could this finally be him acting normally?!' And you'll be on your way to losing interest in him. You don't want this to drag on another 5 years when you could be doing great things with your life and meeting nice people.

I honestly 100% think you have nailed it on the head, I think the nice version of him he’s shown me, I have been delusional and thought up this romantic scenario inside my head that really is far from the truth. I’m going to contact my doctors and see if they sort me anything in terms on counselling, the sex tape makes me feel sick he kept his face covered with a balaclava honestly 🤣 I should of known from that point I’m not even going to dwell on that though I’ll deal with that when or if it happens theirs nothing I can do that’ll prevent it I guess

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 14:47

MadeofElephantStone · 08/02/2023 14:36

If the safeguard lead at uni thinks it's worth contacting the police then it is maybe worth considering, especially as he seems a little unhinged. I wouldn't be totally surprised if a claire's law check didn't flag up history of his behaviour towards women. Why was he in jail before?

The safe guard situation I understand, I didn’t include this part in the op due to the fact it was already really long.

me and him was arguing whilst I was on my way to uni, he sent me a voice note saying he was going to come and stab me, that he doesn’t care if I’m a girl but in the same breath he said he wasn’t going to come and that I wasn’t worth it and instead he was going to focus on getting his money up.

I played the voice note to my uni friends and they basically had to snap me out of it and told me that is wasn’t normal and that they generally worry for me. I try to reassure them all the time that they don’t need to worry for me, part of the reason why I haven’t told them everything.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 14:49

PrincessMyshkin · 08/02/2023 14:42

See, I think this is something positive you can take from all of this. You know you want someone you can be completely open emotionally with and who will listen in a relationship. It's important to you. So much so that you've tolerated a world of shit for it. So as and when you're dating others in future (no rush), you know to look for this trait in a much more stable and respectful package. It's helpful to figure out what we want in a partner as we go.

Yeah I guess, I know now what to settle for in a relationship but it I’m honest I’m going to focus on me and getting my self mentally better before putting my self into another relationship or a situationship because clearly I do not attract the best of people

OP posts:
WaddleAway · 08/02/2023 14:53

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 14:47

The safe guard situation I understand, I didn’t include this part in the op due to the fact it was already really long.

me and him was arguing whilst I was on my way to uni, he sent me a voice note saying he was going to come and stab me, that he doesn’t care if I’m a girl but in the same breath he said he wasn’t going to come and that I wasn’t worth it and instead he was going to focus on getting his money up.

I played the voice note to my uni friends and they basically had to snap me out of it and told me that is wasn’t normal and that they generally worry for me. I try to reassure them all the time that they don’t need to worry for me, part of the reason why I haven’t told them everything.

The thing is, it sounds like they do need to worry for you. He sounds dangerous.

GoldDuster · 08/02/2023 14:59

Take the help and advice from the safeguarding team and the other professionals that are trying to help you. You might feel totally out of your depth, they have seen this before.

You very much need support, take what is offered.

MadeofElephantStone · 08/02/2023 15:03

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 14:47

The safe guard situation I understand, I didn’t include this part in the op due to the fact it was already really long.

me and him was arguing whilst I was on my way to uni, he sent me a voice note saying he was going to come and stab me, that he doesn’t care if I’m a girl but in the same breath he said he wasn’t going to come and that I wasn’t worth it and instead he was going to focus on getting his money up.

I played the voice note to my uni friends and they basically had to snap me out of it and told me that is wasn’t normal and that they generally worry for me. I try to reassure them all the time that they don’t need to worry for me, part of the reason why I haven’t told them everything.

See, a friends daughter, who is a little younger than you, had a bf that she dumped as he was just like this arsehole. He also threatened her and actually turned up to her college and started shouting, swearing and threatening her in front of everyone. It wasn't an empty threat and was sent back to prison as he was already on probation for similar crimes. I think you are massively underplaying how serious this is and should engage with student services, ask them if they have counselling services at the uni, many do and there isn't the same lengthy waiting lists as the NHS etc.

PrincessMyshkin · 08/02/2023 15:04

WaddleAway · 08/02/2023 14:53

The thing is, it sounds like they do need to worry for you. He sounds dangerous.

This. It is really not normal to threaten a partner or ex or anyone at all with stabbing. Speak to the safeguarding team, even if you don't necessarily think he meant it at that time. It's still a threat and with his past, tbh you can't be sure. You don't have to try and manage everything alone.

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 15:20

MadeofElephantStone · 08/02/2023 15:03

See, a friends daughter, who is a little younger than you, had a bf that she dumped as he was just like this arsehole. He also threatened her and actually turned up to her college and started shouting, swearing and threatening her in front of everyone. It wasn't an empty threat and was sent back to prison as he was already on probation for similar crimes. I think you are massively underplaying how serious this is and should engage with student services, ask them if they have counselling services at the uni, many do and there isn't the same lengthy waiting lists as the NHS etc.

Oh bloody hell! Hope she is okay
&& I might be under playing it yeah I guess, think I’ve been a little delusional I just couldn’t see him every doing that to be honest but like you have said these things do happen.

with the fake account that has been made it does actually make me feel a bit on edge mainly because If it is him on the fake account it’s weird to be doing that, especially lying about how they are and watching my story’s basically seeing everything I am doing. But then again I don’t even think he cares enough about me to even make a fake account never mind the stab me But yeah just never know someone I guess and I definitely do not know him the way I thought anyway.

OP posts:
Excited101 · 08/02/2023 15:21

You are romanticising him as a ‘bad boy’ and he is using that to its full extent. The only one who can get you out of this mess is you- you can do it, you just tell yourself you can’t because of your feelings. Sort it out op, this man will bring only disappointment, and grief to your life. You deserve so much more.

Frankola · 08/02/2023 15:26

I read about 25% of this before I counted about 6 reasons why you shouldn't even be bothering with this guy.

What on earth are you doing? Block him yourself and move on. He's an absolute lunatic

Emmamoo89 · 08/02/2023 16:47

Shoxfordian · 08/02/2023 12:09

He’s a loser
It sounds like you need some counselling to see why you would even entertain this nonsense. Why was it not a bright red flag that he’d been in prison? 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

Not everyone who has been to prison is an arsehold tbf. But this bloke sounds like one

Emmamoo89 · 08/02/2023 16:49

Arsehole*

Twentywisteria · 08/02/2023 17:31

OP I'm older than you, have a professional job and mostly have my shit together and I had an on/off with a scumbag like this. I was lending him money that went on drugs, he was cheating on me and lying constantly about every little thing, he got me to do sexual things I never would have consented to if I hadn't been manipulated into them.

This man will ruin your whole life if you don't cut him off. It takes a bit of time to withdraw from the intense feelings but you'll be so much more stable and have energy for the rest of your life.

Some guys are evil cunts. This is one.

tensmum1964 · 08/02/2023 17:50

I also stopped reading but read enough to know that you need some serious therapy.

Applesandcarrots · 08/02/2023 18:10

WaddleAway · 08/02/2023 11:49

I stopped after him repeatedly getting his cock out and asking you to put it in his mouth.
What a prince OP. Is this the sort of behaviour that you find attractive?

You lasted longer than me. Part about getting out of prison and "We started talking again and I actually really started to like him" was where I read enough

Desperatetime · 08/02/2023 18:20

He is a total creep stay away

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2023 18:23

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:12

I have family and friends who have been in and out of prison I have grown up around it my brother is in jail for life. I like to see them for who they are not the crimes committed I dont know to be honest

Um... Who they are is definitely connected to why they're in prison.

We're not talking victimless crimes here are we?

You need counselling.

Nanny0gg · 08/02/2023 18:26

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:34

I think it May be the way I’ve been bought up I don’t know to my family ect crime isn’t seen as a bad thing neither is jail really

It is a VERY, VERY BAD THING

Desperatetime · 08/02/2023 19:06

Op has no intention of taking the advice offered here

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 12/02/2023 18:01

He is just using you to sleep with you.

why are you letting him treat you like a mug?

and what grown man asks a grown ass woman to be ‘his girl?’

ICK.