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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does he keep blocking me?

360 replies

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 11:21

I’ll try to keep this short, 2 years ago I was approached by a group of guys whilst I was on my way home, one asked for my Snapchat and I gave it to him because I was single and instantly attracted to him.

when I got home we chatted for a bit but I guess I must of said something he didn’t like because I was quick enough blocked. (Can’t remember what). Anyway about 9 months later he added me on Facebook and told me he had just got out of jail ect…. We started talking again and I actually really started to like him. It was constant conversation I felt like I had known him years.

He asked me what I wanted, I said obviously right not just too take things slow, as I knew he was speaking to other girls at the time as I could see his friends list and he would add about 50+ girls daily. Obviously we was both single and only just started speaking so I wasn’t expecting him to cut everyone off. He didn’t like the fact I said I wanted things to go slow and said that I was obviously sleeping around and he blocked me.

He unblocked me about three days later and message me telling me he missed me, he said to me I need to “ move correctly “ if I wanted to be his girl. We started speaking again for a few days And he was consistent on wanting to stay at my house. But I was wanting to take things slow at this point so I was making up excuses every time he asked. He told me I wasn’t serious so he blocked me for a good couple of months.

I was really confused because he was telling me how much he likes me and how he wants me to be with his girl soon ect… how could he say all that but just block me again?

He added me again about 4 months later and messaged me saying “I’m coming to yours” I told him no because what did he think this was. No contact for so long and then to just message me telling me he was coming to mine. Anyway we spoke on the phone and text for about a week I posted a picture on Snapchat and you could see Clevlage this made him mad and he blocked me.

I messaged him on Facebook telling him to never ever try and contact me again. He ignored that for a bit but soon apologised and we soon started talking and made up. I was round at my friends house having a drink and she told me to invite him over. So I did and he came.

as soon as he seen me he told me I was so beautiful and even better looking in person and that was is it I was his now. He was trying to kiss me and was being all over me as soon as he walked in the door. I was like kind of being shy because I’m not used to that and he said I was all talk and Boring.

every time my friend left the room he would try whipping out his penis and ask me to put it in my mouth. I told him no and that my friend was here he didn’t care. We was drinking and something was said between me and my friend that he didn’t like, he then proceeded to throw a moam sweet in my direction that actually ended up hitting my face.

later that night he ended up staying in the spare room with me and we did end up having sex. But we ended up arguing again after I can’t even remember what over and he told me to never speak to him again.

he left and later on that day I messaged him and apologised we spoke for that day but later that night he literally blocked me. I got my friend to look on his Facebook profile the next day and I seen he had gone into a relationship with someone. Not even 24 hours after being in bed with me I was so angry and hurt by him.

I text him and told him that I knew and that I would never ever forgive him for it. Two months later he had made a new Facebook and added me I seen his friend request and left it sat there for a few days. I was still so hurt by this person but the curiosity and my feelings made me want to accept him and to see what he wanted.

when I accepted him I didn’t message him I waited for him to message me to see what he had to say for him self. He didn’t even try to apologise he just made it out like it was nothing.

somehow we ended up talking again but it felt very different this time, I invited him round to stay the night at my house after talking for about a week. And it was really good like when we met this time it was so much different to the rest we was sat chilling enjoying each other’s company a lot.

he asked me to be his girl but I said to him what’s the point all you do is block me and treat
me like I’m nothing to you. He promised he wouldn’t do that again, and me like an idiot believed him again lol.
everything was good at mine apart from when I was on my phone and he was accusing me of trying to hide it and accuse me of speaking to lads. I don’t know why but I felt like I have to constantly reassure him.

we ended up making a video of us having sex, which I feel so so stupid about because I sent it him. He was saying to me that I’m so sexy and that we should make an only fans account and to give him the password and we share the money 50/50.

anyway when he left in the morning he was asking me to come back that night but I had to go to work. He wasn’t really that bothered by that and we continued to call and text, he was so much quicker now with the replies he would send me paragraphs and message me first now and so much quicker. He was even sending me snaps whilst he was out and in the shower. He never used to reply so quick and frequent before.

I posted a picture on my story on Snapchat a few days later nothing bad, he messaged me and asked me who I was trying to impress.I told him no one and he didn’t speak to me all night he left me on read. I messaged him the next morning like lol hi at least you didn’t block me this time. We spoke for a few more days and he asked me to be his girlfriend like officially this time.

I said yeah and then the next message he asked me was what I was doing?, I told him I was just waiting for my friend to get a taxi and then going to bed. He literally started ringing my phone out but I didn’t answer because I was busy.

he messaged me saying to never ever speak to him ever again in my life, that me and him will never ever ever happen again and that my friend was clearly a lad & then blocked me (this was a week ago).

I was so confused and still am so confused, I know he’s blocked me loads of times before but obviously we never really was anything and met briefly but now that we have had sex and met and actually spent time together and him ask me to be his girlfriend it’s left me so confused and hurt.

two days ago I got added from a Snapchat account from “search”, I never post my Snapchat details anywhere I’m very private.

i accepted it to see who it was and it had no snap score, no bitmoji no nothing. The account was telling me that he lives in the town next to where I am from, how they had me on their old Snapchat and had made a new one and was adding all their old contacts. I kinda of believed it so I said okay and they tried starting a conversation I left them on read and they kept messaging me.

I looked at the account more as the hours went on and the account snap score wasn’t going up. The account was asking me if I had ever been on a night out in Liverpool ( this set alarms of in my head as I was planning a night out in Liverpool with the guy who blocked me). It then started telling me how he wants to lick my bum and have him bum licked. Which is exactly what he was asking me to do to him at mine but I wouldn’t.

the account asked me if I had an only fans and that I should because I’d make loads of money. Something was just telling me this person wasn’t who they said they was. They wouldn’t send me a red Snapchat or a voice note just a saved picture. I told the account if they don’t tell me who they are I’m blocking them.

the account said it would tell me who they are but not to tell anyone and to keep it a secret between us because he’ll get in trouble. This threw me of thinking it was him because why would he get in to trouble. I was watching the way the person was typing to see if it was the same as the way the guy I was seeing typed but it seemed to me like the fake account was purposely trying hard to make their grammar and spelling bad.

the account said that they knew me, that I have met them in person but wouldn’t tell me anything else. I ended up blocking the account but I still feel like it’s him I don’t know, I don’t get why he would do that but I don’t get why anyone else would do that aswell.

I don’t understand why someone if they did want to speak wouldn’t just try to talk to me of their actual account but I don’t understand at the same time why he would make a fake account but have me blocked on his if he did want to talk to me.

I am so confused at the moment, the fake account thing is making me a little bit paranoid as if it isn’t him why would someone go to so much effort to watch me, it feels kind of creepy.

sorry about the long post my brain is just very foggy at the minute and I have all these thoughts and questions I need help getting answers too I know I’ll never get them of him but can’t someone try and paint a picture for me.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:52

nothingcomestonothing · 08/02/2023 12:48

Raise.
Your.
Standards.

My god that was a depressing read. Contact the university counselling service. Today. You need urgent help with your self esteem, your boundaries, and what you think a relationship is. Seriously, you don't seem to recognise how far from healthy this all is. Please seek help.

I keep getting told counselling but I’ve tried it and I do not like it, I have taught myself from young to keep my problems to my self. I have for the past week had several conversations over this situation, I have thought of so many scenarios and try my best to research ways to get over it. Hence why I posted on it here it’s anonymous and I feel more confident opening up that way. My brain unfortunately does not stop

OP posts:
DDoOneRon · 08/02/2023 12:53

This is one of the saddest things I have ever read. Makes me feel so grateful for my life.

Couldyounot · 08/02/2023 12:58

He sounds like an absolute bloody lunatic. Ignore what you learned from your upbringing. Lot of good sense here. Please listen.

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:59

SleepyAndHangry · 08/02/2023 12:33

OP your post really worries me. You do come across as someone who is somewhat immature in regards to relationships. As many others have said, you need to block and run.

This man is dangerous. The reason you feel the way you do is becasue he is love bombing you. Putting you on a pedestal and talking about your future so early on is a huge red flag. Google love bombing and it will make sense. It's a method used for control. I really feel for you.

These men are predators and will latch onto to vulnerable people and use them to supply their own ego. I'm guessing he probably shows narcissistic traits, if he's not a full blown narcissist anyway.

Maybe seek counselling for help with anxiety and hopefully it'll help with self esteem. Learn what it means to have a healthy relationship becasue this man WILL ruin you if you give him any more time.

Please, heed everyone's advice and block him.

Thankyou, I will have a look at love bombing now, I don’t know how to explain it he makes me feel special? But then doesn’t because if he cared why would he block me.
I do agree with the comments about councelling I didn’t have the best experience previously with it but maybe I should look into it again.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 13:02

MohairTortoise · 08/02/2023 12:34

OP, I mean this kindly, but you are looking far too deeply into this.
It is really very simple. He is using you as entertainment because you are allowing him to. He does not value you, he does not care about you.
Rather than focus on why he does what and when, switch that focus to yourself and ask yourself how you can level up and improve your own life? What strategies can you use to improve your self esteem and sense of self worth?

Here is one suggestion.

Leave this man in the past. Block him everywhere and don't engage with him again, ever. Stop ruminating over why he behaves the way he does. He does it because that is who he is. He isn't going to change. He doesn't care if this hurts you because he doesn't care about you. He merely pretends to care sometimes to reel you back in.

You decide your value. Not anyone else!
And when you value yourself more, you'll find other people will value you more too, because you won't tolerate shitty treatment, you won't analyse their behaviour, you will just respectfully move out of their way.

Spend your time with people who want you to be happy, people who clap when you're winning, supportive people, respectful people, positive people.

Stay away from people who entertain drama, jealous people, negative people, miserable people and people who make you feel like shit.

This man firmly comes into the second category.
I don't care how gorgeous he is or how attracted to him you are, when you raise your standards, you will find you are not drawn to people like him anymore.

I don’t really go out besides uni, I have friends at uni but outside of it I keep my self to my self. I have friends more like companions I don’t really have anyone who I can talk to or go out and do things with.
i think I might of painted this fairy tale scenario in my head but it’s very much nothing like one, far from intact.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 13:03

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 13:02

I don’t really go out besides uni, I have friends at uni but outside of it I keep my self to my self. I have friends more like companions I don’t really have anyone who I can talk to or go out and do things with.
i think I might of painted this fairy tale scenario in my head but it’s very much nothing like one, far from intact.

To be honest he is the only person I have found my self comfortably opening up too, the only person who actually seemed to listen and understand me ( clearly was all lies) maybe I’m being a bit obsessive tbh

OP posts:
ShinyMe · 08/02/2023 13:07

WaddleAway · 08/02/2023 11:49

I stopped after him repeatedly getting his cock out and asking you to put it in his mouth.
What a prince OP. Is this the sort of behaviour that you find attractive?

And then she slept with him anyway! Op, no. What the hell?

nothingcomestonothing · 08/02/2023 13:11

I do agree with the comments about councelling I didn’t have the best experience previously with it but maybe I should look into it again.

Please do try it again. If you had a GP who was dismissive or a nail technician who didn't do a good job you wouldn't never go to a GP or a nail bar again, would you? You'd just try a different one. It's the same with counselling, when you find a counsellor who is a good fit for you it can be life changing, it changed my life.

You are worth so, so much more than this man is offering.

Neededanewuserhandle · 08/02/2023 13:13

Good grief.

BigMadAdrian · 08/02/2023 13:14

Sorry, what? He had just got out of jail, etc? Why are you bothering - he’s a loser.

takealettermsjones · 08/02/2023 13:15

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 13:03

To be honest he is the only person I have found my self comfortably opening up too, the only person who actually seemed to listen and understand me ( clearly was all lies) maybe I’m being a bit obsessive tbh

OP, this is pretty much in the abuser's textbook. You two are different from everyone else, nobody else understands you, but you two get it.

Next it's oh but that's just what happens when two people are so passionate about each other, the rest of the world says it's wrong because they're so boring and they've never felt the kind of love we feel for each other, it's explosive, that's why it's so great... etc etc.

It's all crap. He doesn't love or respect you.

I know what you're saying about your background, believe me. I know that having a problem with someone who's been in jail, or who does drugs, or who treats women badly, will see you painted as a stuck up cow and a wannabe and all the rest of it. I've been there. But you don't have to go along with all that bullshit. And it is bullshit.

You've got a real chance here to get away from it. You're at uni, you can surround yourself with people who don't think this way. Take PPs advice and get counselling if you want, but the thing that helped me most was getting the f out of dodge. Move away, block, delete. Get on with your life.

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 13:20

ShinyMe · 08/02/2023 13:07

And then she slept with him anyway! Op, no. What the hell?

when he first came it was like he couldn’t get enough of me, he was being really nice. He was trying to me kiss me but I was swerving him, he went in a mood over this and started calling me boring ect and he made me feel bad for him.

Basically he used to tell me he never kisses no girl but his nieces. So because I wouldn’t kiss him he said I was mugging him off because I knew he doesn’t just kiss anyone.
i did feel bad about that though no idea why obviously it’s bullshit but at the time he made me feel special like ‘ wow he never kisses anyone but wants to kiss me’ haha wow I’m so stupid I swear

OP posts:
Fuwari · 08/02/2023 13:22

The picture of him in your head is of the man you want him to be, not who he actually is. You keep going back because he gives you crumbs and you think that one day he'll be nice all of the time and you'll be happy. But it will never happen. He won't change.

I dated a man like this 30 years ago. When we were alone he could be so sweet and lovely. I thought that one day he would grow to appreciate me. He's in prison now. He got an IPP and every time he gets out he gets recalled. We're both in our 50s now, it's sad and pathetic. I have a great life, he has nothing. Your guy thinks he's so tough and such a player. It's all wild and exciting when you're in your 20's, not so much when you're older!

Make a good life for yourself and realise you are worth so much more than this.

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 13:22

nothingcomestonothing · 08/02/2023 13:11

I do agree with the comments about councelling I didn’t have the best experience previously with it but maybe I should look into it again.

Please do try it again. If you had a GP who was dismissive or a nail technician who didn't do a good job you wouldn't never go to a GP or a nail bar again, would you? You'd just try a different one. It's the same with counselling, when you find a counsellor who is a good fit for you it can be life changing, it changed my life.

You are worth so, so much more than this man is offering.

That is very true I never even thought of it in that way, I am currently on medication for my mental health but I do not feel like it helps anyway so maybe councelling is needed

OP posts:
Sussexlass84 · 08/02/2023 13:23

Wow...OP, what has happened in your life that makes you think any of that is acceptable, let alone someone you'd like to be in a relationship with?

WaddleAway · 08/02/2023 13:30

Who do you live with at the moment OP?

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 13:31

takealettermsjones · 08/02/2023 13:15

OP, this is pretty much in the abuser's textbook. You two are different from everyone else, nobody else understands you, but you two get it.

Next it's oh but that's just what happens when two people are so passionate about each other, the rest of the world says it's wrong because they're so boring and they've never felt the kind of love we feel for each other, it's explosive, that's why it's so great... etc etc.

It's all crap. He doesn't love or respect you.

I know what you're saying about your background, believe me. I know that having a problem with someone who's been in jail, or who does drugs, or who treats women badly, will see you painted as a stuck up cow and a wannabe and all the rest of it. I've been there. But you don't have to go along with all that bullshit. And it is bullshit.

You've got a real chance here to get away from it. You're at uni, you can surround yourself with people who don't think this way. Take PPs advice and get counselling if you want, but the thing that helped me most was getting the f out of dodge. Move away, block, delete. Get on with your life.

Thankyou for your kind words, he’s never actually hit me or anything before he can get a little bit aggressive at times though. He’ll be fine with me one minute and then he’ll flip and call me a slag the next. When he came to my house in the morning I went downstairs and came back up and he was calling me a slag, a dirty little slag but it was so random. He pushed me like of the bed and I did end up getting carpet burn on my knee from this but instantly after he was back to his normal self and just being okay with me. I didn’t get that one bit at well it was like nothing even happened.

when he was accusing me of speaking to other guys in bed next to him and apparently turning my phone he was trying to grab my phone of me and actually bent my fingers back but then started laughing it of like it was nothing.

i really am opening my eyes a lot more now since I have spoken to people on here and I really will be seeking councelling not even just because of him I think I need to do it for my self as I don’t think I am ready for any relationship until I fully heal from whatever is casing me to act like this.

OP posts:
Sussexlass84 · 08/02/2023 13:32

This is honing on something very specific OP, but you're your own person. You are not "his" and you are most certainly not a "girl"

Is that what you want? To belong to someone? Walk away!!!

Sussexlass84 · 08/02/2023 13:34

Also...what you described in your latest update IS ABUSE. He's physically hurt you OP - he is abusive...surely you must see that?

Who can you talk to in real life to get some support?

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 13:38

WaddleAway · 08/02/2023 13:30

Who do you live with at the moment OP?

I live by my self, he wanted to move in with me but I told him no.

OP posts:
SingaporeSlinky · 08/02/2023 13:38

Wow, if this is real, please, please, please listen to the advice here and block him immediately, and never allow him to contact you again. So many red flags here, from jail, to him blocking you and unblocking you, making you wait for each crumb he throws at you. This is how domestic abuse starts. You end up apologising for everything, when you’ve done nothing wrong, from innocently messaging other people, to wearing clothes he doesn’t approve of. Before long, he’ll be in control of what you wear, what you spend, he’ll cut you off from your family and friends. It’ll be ‘us against the world’ and you’ll be completely alone. Then the violence will start, except he’ll make you think you provoked him, so you’ll apologise, even though he hit you.

Just because people in your family are in jail, doesn’t make it normal and ok, and part of life. Avoid. My guess is he doesn’t have a job, and sponges off people.

You are at uni, carry on making a better life for yourself and don’t look back. If you don’t have many friends, join clubs, volunteer, play team sports, make the most of all of the opportunities you have. Don’t waste your time on this nonsense. He might be good looking, but kindness should come first. You want someone that treats you nicely all of the time. Speaks nicely to you, not tells you to suck him off when someone leaves the room. Someone who is happy to hold your hand while you go for a walk, introduce you to their friends, take you out for dates. Not messaging here and there, on and off, blocking and unblocking, and yet ‘planning the future’.

You really need to research what a healthy adult relationship is and move on.

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 13:39

Sussexlass84 · 08/02/2023 13:23

Wow...OP, what has happened in your life that makes you think any of that is acceptable, let alone someone you'd like to be in a relationship with?

I don’t remember any of my childhood, I try to think of my childhood but I don’t remember much probably just from the age 13 maybe I have memories of

OP posts:
thecatsarecrazy · 08/02/2023 13:39

I couldn't read all that love but you need to block him. He sounds like an absolute nightmare and he won't get any better. Ask yourself why you are settling your standards so low and work on that. I've been guilty myself I used to cry over a coke head and get upset every time he ghosted me. He would ignore me for months then I would get a you free message and go running, the sex was OK but he's an absolute bell end, and so Is he. Block move on work on yourself

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 13:41

Fuwari · 08/02/2023 13:22

The picture of him in your head is of the man you want him to be, not who he actually is. You keep going back because he gives you crumbs and you think that one day he'll be nice all of the time and you'll be happy. But it will never happen. He won't change.

I dated a man like this 30 years ago. When we were alone he could be so sweet and lovely. I thought that one day he would grow to appreciate me. He's in prison now. He got an IPP and every time he gets out he gets recalled. We're both in our 50s now, it's sad and pathetic. I have a great life, he has nothing. Your guy thinks he's so tough and such a player. It's all wild and exciting when you're in your 20's, not so much when you're older!

Make a good life for yourself and realise you are worth so much more than this.

I agree I think I may of painted a different picture in my head from what reality really is. What I couldn’t understand is how someone can be so cold but I guess that’s just some people.

intr

OP posts:
Rafferty10 · 08/02/2023 13:42

*TheObstinateHeadstrongGirl · Today 11:27

OP I think the real question is “Why do I have such low self worth that I give my details to strangers and give men who are criminals/man whores the time of day?”*

This^
op please raise your standards a whole lot.

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