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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Why does he keep blocking me?

360 replies

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 11:21

I’ll try to keep this short, 2 years ago I was approached by a group of guys whilst I was on my way home, one asked for my Snapchat and I gave it to him because I was single and instantly attracted to him.

when I got home we chatted for a bit but I guess I must of said something he didn’t like because I was quick enough blocked. (Can’t remember what). Anyway about 9 months later he added me on Facebook and told me he had just got out of jail ect…. We started talking again and I actually really started to like him. It was constant conversation I felt like I had known him years.

He asked me what I wanted, I said obviously right not just too take things slow, as I knew he was speaking to other girls at the time as I could see his friends list and he would add about 50+ girls daily. Obviously we was both single and only just started speaking so I wasn’t expecting him to cut everyone off. He didn’t like the fact I said I wanted things to go slow and said that I was obviously sleeping around and he blocked me.

He unblocked me about three days later and message me telling me he missed me, he said to me I need to “ move correctly “ if I wanted to be his girl. We started speaking again for a few days And he was consistent on wanting to stay at my house. But I was wanting to take things slow at this point so I was making up excuses every time he asked. He told me I wasn’t serious so he blocked me for a good couple of months.

I was really confused because he was telling me how much he likes me and how he wants me to be with his girl soon ect… how could he say all that but just block me again?

He added me again about 4 months later and messaged me saying “I’m coming to yours” I told him no because what did he think this was. No contact for so long and then to just message me telling me he was coming to mine. Anyway we spoke on the phone and text for about a week I posted a picture on Snapchat and you could see Clevlage this made him mad and he blocked me.

I messaged him on Facebook telling him to never ever try and contact me again. He ignored that for a bit but soon apologised and we soon started talking and made up. I was round at my friends house having a drink and she told me to invite him over. So I did and he came.

as soon as he seen me he told me I was so beautiful and even better looking in person and that was is it I was his now. He was trying to kiss me and was being all over me as soon as he walked in the door. I was like kind of being shy because I’m not used to that and he said I was all talk and Boring.

every time my friend left the room he would try whipping out his penis and ask me to put it in my mouth. I told him no and that my friend was here he didn’t care. We was drinking and something was said between me and my friend that he didn’t like, he then proceeded to throw a moam sweet in my direction that actually ended up hitting my face.

later that night he ended up staying in the spare room with me and we did end up having sex. But we ended up arguing again after I can’t even remember what over and he told me to never speak to him again.

he left and later on that day I messaged him and apologised we spoke for that day but later that night he literally blocked me. I got my friend to look on his Facebook profile the next day and I seen he had gone into a relationship with someone. Not even 24 hours after being in bed with me I was so angry and hurt by him.

I text him and told him that I knew and that I would never ever forgive him for it. Two months later he had made a new Facebook and added me I seen his friend request and left it sat there for a few days. I was still so hurt by this person but the curiosity and my feelings made me want to accept him and to see what he wanted.

when I accepted him I didn’t message him I waited for him to message me to see what he had to say for him self. He didn’t even try to apologise he just made it out like it was nothing.

somehow we ended up talking again but it felt very different this time, I invited him round to stay the night at my house after talking for about a week. And it was really good like when we met this time it was so much different to the rest we was sat chilling enjoying each other’s company a lot.

he asked me to be his girl but I said to him what’s the point all you do is block me and treat
me like I’m nothing to you. He promised he wouldn’t do that again, and me like an idiot believed him again lol.
everything was good at mine apart from when I was on my phone and he was accusing me of trying to hide it and accuse me of speaking to lads. I don’t know why but I felt like I have to constantly reassure him.

we ended up making a video of us having sex, which I feel so so stupid about because I sent it him. He was saying to me that I’m so sexy and that we should make an only fans account and to give him the password and we share the money 50/50.

anyway when he left in the morning he was asking me to come back that night but I had to go to work. He wasn’t really that bothered by that and we continued to call and text, he was so much quicker now with the replies he would send me paragraphs and message me first now and so much quicker. He was even sending me snaps whilst he was out and in the shower. He never used to reply so quick and frequent before.

I posted a picture on my story on Snapchat a few days later nothing bad, he messaged me and asked me who I was trying to impress.I told him no one and he didn’t speak to me all night he left me on read. I messaged him the next morning like lol hi at least you didn’t block me this time. We spoke for a few more days and he asked me to be his girlfriend like officially this time.

I said yeah and then the next message he asked me was what I was doing?, I told him I was just waiting for my friend to get a taxi and then going to bed. He literally started ringing my phone out but I didn’t answer because I was busy.

he messaged me saying to never ever speak to him ever again in my life, that me and him will never ever ever happen again and that my friend was clearly a lad & then blocked me (this was a week ago).

I was so confused and still am so confused, I know he’s blocked me loads of times before but obviously we never really was anything and met briefly but now that we have had sex and met and actually spent time together and him ask me to be his girlfriend it’s left me so confused and hurt.

two days ago I got added from a Snapchat account from “search”, I never post my Snapchat details anywhere I’m very private.

i accepted it to see who it was and it had no snap score, no bitmoji no nothing. The account was telling me that he lives in the town next to where I am from, how they had me on their old Snapchat and had made a new one and was adding all their old contacts. I kinda of believed it so I said okay and they tried starting a conversation I left them on read and they kept messaging me.

I looked at the account more as the hours went on and the account snap score wasn’t going up. The account was asking me if I had ever been on a night out in Liverpool ( this set alarms of in my head as I was planning a night out in Liverpool with the guy who blocked me). It then started telling me how he wants to lick my bum and have him bum licked. Which is exactly what he was asking me to do to him at mine but I wouldn’t.

the account asked me if I had an only fans and that I should because I’d make loads of money. Something was just telling me this person wasn’t who they said they was. They wouldn’t send me a red Snapchat or a voice note just a saved picture. I told the account if they don’t tell me who they are I’m blocking them.

the account said it would tell me who they are but not to tell anyone and to keep it a secret between us because he’ll get in trouble. This threw me of thinking it was him because why would he get in to trouble. I was watching the way the person was typing to see if it was the same as the way the guy I was seeing typed but it seemed to me like the fake account was purposely trying hard to make their grammar and spelling bad.

the account said that they knew me, that I have met them in person but wouldn’t tell me anything else. I ended up blocking the account but I still feel like it’s him I don’t know, I don’t get why he would do that but I don’t get why anyone else would do that aswell.

I don’t understand why someone if they did want to speak wouldn’t just try to talk to me of their actual account but I don’t understand at the same time why he would make a fake account but have me blocked on his if he did want to talk to me.

I am so confused at the moment, the fake account thing is making me a little bit paranoid as if it isn’t him why would someone go to so much effort to watch me, it feels kind of creepy.

sorry about the long post my brain is just very foggy at the minute and I have all these thoughts and questions I need help getting answers too I know I’ll never get them of him but can’t someone try and paint a picture for me.

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:21

MadeofElephantStone · 08/02/2023 12:14

That was a depressing read OP. His behaviour is shocking and I doubt is even his worst behaviour. Please seek some counselling and/or assertiveness coaching so that you can create firm boundaries and can say No confidently to anyone who tries to cross them.

And for God's sake don't make sex tapes, especially with someone who is a virtual stranger and an abusive arsehole.

I really wish I didn’t make the tape now the worse thing about the tape is his face is covered you can see mine and I really do regret making it.

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 08/02/2023 12:23

Daechwita · 08/02/2023 12:19

Yeah but no but yeah.

I was thinking this. Post after post of 'get counselling' and 'ltb' and 'la, la, la' hands over ears, 'but he's so special.' Deeply deeply sad.

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/02/2023 12:24

I suggest you grow up a bit. It all sounds so bloody immature. Also, get some self respect. He's not in to you, he's using you. Why give him so many chances after he kept blocking you like a teenager?

Polarbearyfairy · 08/02/2023 12:25

Too long, didn't read it all. He is an arse. Block him and move on.

jc12689 · 08/02/2023 12:29

I like to see them for who they are not the crimes committed

I'm sorry but the two things are inextricably linked. You can't just ignore the fact that someone has been to prison. Especially someone who treats you like he has.
^^

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:29

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 08/02/2023 12:24

I suggest you grow up a bit. It all sounds so bloody immature. Also, get some self respect. He's not in to you, he's using you. Why give him so many chances after he kept blocking you like a teenager?

I realise now he was using me but during the time period when he’s telling me it’s me that he wants and how happy I make him ect I am going to kind of believe him. Stupidly I know but he won’t have me running back again. It’s clear I’ve bought this behaviour on myself as I have been the one allowing him to act that way by accepting it. Trust me I understand

OP posts:
Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:32

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 08/02/2023 12:18

When you’ve finished uni move away from your hometown and start a new life away from people like this.

Hes an abuser and god knows who he’s shown that sex tape to. I would t have done that with dh and I trusted him with my life.

Nothing that I want more and is in fact in my 5 year plan to have out of this town.
I regret the sex tape I do not know why I even let him persuade me and the fact his face is covered and mine isn’t makes it worse

OP posts:
SleepyAndHangry · 08/02/2023 12:33

OP your post really worries me. You do come across as someone who is somewhat immature in regards to relationships. As many others have said, you need to block and run.

This man is dangerous. The reason you feel the way you do is becasue he is love bombing you. Putting you on a pedestal and talking about your future so early on is a huge red flag. Google love bombing and it will make sense. It's a method used for control. I really feel for you.

These men are predators and will latch onto to vulnerable people and use them to supply their own ego. I'm guessing he probably shows narcissistic traits, if he's not a full blown narcissist anyway.

Maybe seek counselling for help with anxiety and hopefully it'll help with self esteem. Learn what it means to have a healthy relationship becasue this man WILL ruin you if you give him any more time.

Please, heed everyone's advice and block him.

MohairTortoise · 08/02/2023 12:34

OP, I mean this kindly, but you are looking far too deeply into this.
It is really very simple. He is using you as entertainment because you are allowing him to. He does not value you, he does not care about you.
Rather than focus on why he does what and when, switch that focus to yourself and ask yourself how you can level up and improve your own life? What strategies can you use to improve your self esteem and sense of self worth?

Here is one suggestion.

Leave this man in the past. Block him everywhere and don't engage with him again, ever. Stop ruminating over why he behaves the way he does. He does it because that is who he is. He isn't going to change. He doesn't care if this hurts you because he doesn't care about you. He merely pretends to care sometimes to reel you back in.

You decide your value. Not anyone else!
And when you value yourself more, you'll find other people will value you more too, because you won't tolerate shitty treatment, you won't analyse their behaviour, you will just respectfully move out of their way.

Spend your time with people who want you to be happy, people who clap when you're winning, supportive people, respectful people, positive people.

Stay away from people who entertain drama, jealous people, negative people, miserable people and people who make you feel like shit.

This man firmly comes into the second category.
I don't care how gorgeous he is or how attracted to him you are, when you raise your standards, you will find you are not drawn to people like him anymore.

IhearyouClemFandango · 08/02/2023 12:34

The crime he committed says a massive amount about who he is, how can you think otherwise?

FlissyPaps · 08/02/2023 12:34

How old are you both?

Him asking you for your Snapchat was the first red flag.

Then him getting out of jail was the second red flag.

Which should have been the final one.

Block him and any other suspicious accounts that add you. Move on. You deserve better.

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:34

jc12689 · 08/02/2023 12:29

I like to see them for who they are not the crimes committed

I'm sorry but the two things are inextricably linked. You can't just ignore the fact that someone has been to prison. Especially someone who treats you like he has.
^^

I think it May be the way I’ve been bought up I don’t know to my family ect crime isn’t seen as a bad thing neither is jail really

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 08/02/2023 12:35

You are obsessed with him. This isn't a good thing.

Op, I'm a bit older than you and have healthy boundaries. I am also pretty. I have written that because you keep mentioning looks so it seems to be important to you. A way of validating your worth perhaps? I go for good looking guys. If your bloke attempted more than a sentence with me I would be thinking 'what a complete bellend' and would never think about him again. He wouldn't go for me, not because I'm not pretty, but because he knows he wouldn't have a chance. He isn't going for you cos you're pretty. He's going for you because you have no boundaries and don't have a clue what a healthy relationship is.

WaddleAway · 08/02/2023 12:35

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:34

I think it May be the way I’ve been bought up I don’t know to my family ect crime isn’t seen as a bad thing neither is jail really

But surely you know objectively they crime and prison are bad things?

SleepyAndHangry · 08/02/2023 12:36

Oh and blocking and unblocking - it's called hoovering to reel you back in, so he can get that 'feel good/she still wants me' fix. Its disgusting

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 08/02/2023 12:36

Good for you. Keep going and don’t get distracted.

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:36

FlissyPaps · 08/02/2023 12:34

How old are you both?

Him asking you for your Snapchat was the first red flag.

Then him getting out of jail was the second red flag.

Which should have been the final one.

Block him and any other suspicious accounts that add you. Move on. You deserve better.

He’s 23 and I’m 24.
when he was at my house he was telling me his real age is 27 and that everyone knows it but he just goes around telling people he’s younger.

he is 23 though just a liar

OP posts:
Tohaveandtohold · 08/02/2023 12:38

Oh my word, like please give yourself a wobble, I can’t believe you didn’t block him after the jail thing . Please, there are lots of men out there, get your self esteem back, this is no life. Get an STD as well and I’ll say speak to a responsible adult because you sound unguarded

Greeneyedminx · 08/02/2023 12:43

Please just block all contact with this person, and keep it blocked.
You are worth so much more than a quick leg over to this waste of space, the more you allow contact the more he is controlling the narrative.
You can control the way other people treat you, please think …if this was your sister/best friend in this scenario, what would you say to resolve this.

You don’t need anyone that is so disrespectful to you in your life.

Oldraver · 08/02/2023 12:44

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:12

I have family and friends who have been in and out of prison I have grown up around it my brother is in jail for life. I like to see them for who they are not the crimes committed I dont know to be honest

If your brother is in jail for life he IS the crime he committed

You need some serious councilling before you get dragged down further

Aquamarine1029 · 08/02/2023 12:44

one thing about me is I do not judge anyone for mistakes they have made in their past.

Well that's just stupid. Of course you should judge someone over their behaviour.

BamBamBilla · 08/02/2023 12:45

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:34

I think it May be the way I’ve been bought up I don’t know to my family ect crime isn’t seen as a bad thing neither is jail really

In which case, you're made for each other.

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:48

Oldraver · 08/02/2023 12:44

If your brother is in jail for life he IS the crime he committed

You need some serious councilling before you get dragged down further

Not true, my brother was young and stupid he regrets what he has done every single day he can’t and won’t speak about it as he is so regretful and disgusted in his own actions

OP posts:
nothingcomestonothing · 08/02/2023 12:48

Raise.
Your.
Standards.

My god that was a depressing read. Contact the university counselling service. Today. You need urgent help with your self esteem, your boundaries, and what you think a relationship is. Seriously, you don't seem to recognise how far from healthy this all is. Please seek help.

Babgirl2023x · 08/02/2023 12:49

Greeneyedminx · 08/02/2023 12:43

Please just block all contact with this person, and keep it blocked.
You are worth so much more than a quick leg over to this waste of space, the more you allow contact the more he is controlling the narrative.
You can control the way other people treat you, please think …if this was your sister/best friend in this scenario, what would you say to resolve this.

You don’t need anyone that is so disrespectful to you in your life.

Thankyou, I am definitely listening to everyone’s advice + will try too follow it

OP posts:
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