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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Child spoiling holiday

356 replies

Carrie76 · 08/02/2023 08:02

We’re currently on a ski holiday, first time for the kids. Child no 2 is refusing to go to ski school, he thinks it’s boring. The other 2 would rather ski with parents too but they’re okay to do it.

I’m currently sitting in the apt with the middle one as if he’s not doing ski school he’s not going skiing. He’s very headstrong and I don’t think he should get his way. I’m now resenting the fact that I’ve to sit here for 2.5 hrs until the lesson is over. Do I then let him ski in the afternoon??

OP posts:
ImAvingOops · 08/02/2023 10:05

OP could ask the instructor if he needs to be in a more advanced class, but just because the child says he can do everything, that doesn't necessarily make it true.

DeadOrchid · 08/02/2023 10:05

garlictwist · 08/02/2023 09:51

Genuine question from someone who's never been skiing - if all these ski schools are in French (as they should be, I guess, being in France) - how do kids who don't speak French learn anything and how is it safe?

Show quote history

The instructors speak English or are English. I had a two hour private lesson with an English instructor in Austria this year - I think it was around £150.

skyeisthelimit · 08/02/2023 10:06

He needs to know that even though he likes it and appears to be good at it, that he still needs to do the lessons to learn the skills and safety issues that he needs to know.

No lesson then no afternoon skiing.

You are the parent, you need to instil that into him. He cannot ski without the lessons.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 08/02/2023 10:08

Can you get one of the instructors to give him a bit of a lecture as to why the lessons are important?

itsnote · 08/02/2023 10:09

So go out and do something else. Where's his Dad?

BadNomad · 08/02/2023 10:09

He's only had 3 lessons. He doesn't even know what he doesn't know. Stick to your guns on this. It's too dangerous.

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/02/2023 10:12

Blessedwithsunshine · 08/02/2023 08:27

You are being very unfair, young children hate being separated from their parents. Ski school is such a long and tiring day for little kids.
You want him to go so you can go off and ski, and enjoy yourself but honestly that’s unrealistic with young children.

They get very cold and tired quickly. I say put the children first and go swimming or sledging and enjoy some quality time with your children. A girls ski holiday is probably easier at this age. Some of my friends have put their children off skiing for life by insisting on clubs and they refuse to go at all now.

@Blessedwithsunshine

hes not a little kid, he’s 10

LuckySantangelo35 · 08/02/2023 10:13

ah op you’ve committed a cardinal sin according to mumsnet

you have not made a family holiday entirely completely utterly child centric.

How could you?! What kind of mother are you?!

it’s for the kids, not you! You have to bend to their every whim - your own selfish wants and needs don’t come into it!

According to some posters on here anyway!

Blackisthecolour · 08/02/2023 10:14

Incredible those people saying 'let him crack on' - it's the equivalent of saying let him go free rein in a waterpark if neither they or parent could swim! Ski school is designed to teach you to ski safely - to control your speed and turns and use the piste without being a danger to yourself or others. In the same way you'd never dream about bombing down the motorway at 70MPH having never taken a driving lesson, you shouldn't try bombing down a piste without having had skiing lessons. You could injure yourself or even kill yourself, or someone else.

Also those saying 'it'd be my ideal of hell' or whatever, the OP has made it clear several times that its not her child's idea of hell, they LOVE skiing, they just find learning how to do it safely boring! Unfortunately though lessons are kind of non-negotiable, because safety must come first.

Honestly, the way some posters are dragging the OP for taking her child skiing or wanting him to learn to do it safely before he's unleashed on the piste is nuts to me. As another poster said, he is incredibly privileged to be able to have a skiing holiday at all, and shouldn't be sulking about putting aside a couple of hours a day to make him a safer and better skiier.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/02/2023 10:15

If you're only confident on 'green' slopes and he wants to go 'whizzing down blues and reds' then I can see you doing much skiing 'as a family' anyway. (What are greens anyway? I though blues were the easiest).

And if he wants to go 'whizzing' he needs to learn how to control his speed and turns otherwise he could really hurt himself or someone else.

If he doesn't go to the lesson in the morning, he doesn't get to ski in the afternoon. You're the parent here but he seems to be the one in charge.

LIZS · 08/02/2023 10:18

And explain to him he will likely do more adventurous runs with his group than with you. You would all have to ski within the ability of the weakest.

SwishSwishBisch · 08/02/2023 10:22

Perhaps you can get the instructor on side here to give Mr Know It All a bit of a reality check?

SlightlyJaded · 08/02/2023 10:23

Given all you've said, I would be enforcing ski school.

Remind him that if the pace is too slow for him, the instructor will move him up a class. Really common for that to happen on a first holiday as some kids pick it up way faster.

Remind him that if he doesn't go, his siblings will have better technique than him and overtake his speed/ability in no time and then he won't be able to do the same runs as them.

But failing that:

One to one ski instruction is great, but why should he get special and expensive treatment?

Or can the two of you ski together on easy blue's during ski school?

NeedToChangeName · 08/02/2023 10:23

The fact he wants to go whizzing along trickier slopes before he's learned shows that he really has a lot more to learn

Agree with this from a PP

A 10 year old who hasn't been taught to ski but wants to go fast is a nightmare scenario for other skiers. Really dangerous

Heartsandbirds · 08/02/2023 10:25

Carrie76 · 08/02/2023 08:43

For those of you saying how mean it is to make him do something he hates and that you would all hate. Let me say again he is really enjoying skiing, the problem is he reckons he knows enough after 3 mornings of lessons

OP, until I read this one I was completely on the side of the ‘don’t be selfish and ruin his holiday just because he doesn’t like skiing’. However, being the mum of a boy who would be just the same, you have my complete sympathy. We don’t ski but we live in a wild place and do adventurous things and if DS won’t comply with learning to do them safely we just stop. If you want to do potentially dangerous activities, you have to do it properly or not at all. Good luck!

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 08/02/2023 10:31

Also what is his Dad doing while you're cooped up in the flat? Can you take it in turns? I hope he's backing you up because I agree with the 'no lessons, no skiing' approach.

TanquerayTickles · 08/02/2023 10:33

I swear some people's reading comprehension is in the toilet! The OP has stated many times that her child likes skiing and that she's not just abandoning him in ski school so she can get her jollies on. Even if that was the case, which it's not, parents are perfectly entitled to take a couple of hours out for themselves on a family holiday, it doesn't make you a bad parent, fgs.

OP, over confident young skiers need Ski school more than anyone else, imo. No ski school no skiing, it's too dangerous not to.

ChilliMum · 08/02/2023 10:34

Loving the responses from the people saying don't make him go to ski school and it would be their idea of hell! I guess they don't put their kids in swimming lessons just take them to the beach and let them crack on 🙄

He may genuinely be too good for his class, have you spoken to his instructor? Some kids pick it up very quickly and he might be able to move up a group if his instructor thinks he could manage it? As for today, I would take him this afternoon, it's still his holiday but insist he stays on the greens with you and let the others go off with your dh on the blues and reds.

In the kindest possible way though I think you should be taking ski lessons as well. I have an over confident 12 year old and he is much better than me. I took lessons a few years ago and while I will never be confident on the steep blacks, I am fairly confident on reds and moguls thanks to a week of 2.5 hour lessons and it means that while I can't really keep up with him, I can keep an eye on him when skiing.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 08/02/2023 10:35

Last year someone got rinsed on here for going skiing and not planning lessons. You are doing the right thing making him go to lessons but having him sitting in the appartment instead is also not teaching him how to ski so not sure of the solution really. Ideally you just force him to go but I don’t know how.

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 10:37

Loving the responses from the people saying don't make him go to ski school and it would be their idea of hell! I guess they don't put their kids in swimming lessons just take them to the beach and let them crack on

Common sense says take them to swimming lessons before the beach and skiing lessons before the holiday.

Plumbear2 · 08/02/2023 10:38

He is absolutely old enough to realise that if he doesn't do the ski school he dosent get to ski. Stuck to your guns

TicTac80 · 08/02/2023 10:38

YANBU! Like other PP, I think that he needs to just accept (whether he will or not, is another matter of course!) that he has to do the lessons before he can go on the more difficult slopes. Hopefully you can stand firm on that one.

Different sport, but I'm a sailing and windsurfing instructor. My youngest refused for years to learn to swim (it was a nightmare trying to get her to lessons. She loved going in the pool but wouldn't entertain lessons). Then she asked me to teach her sailing and windsurfing. I told her that would not be happening until she could swim 25m unaided and clothed. 18 months ago, she decided that she wanted to learn to swim, (so that I could then teach her sailing/windsurfing), and she's moving through the levels quickly. She keeps asking about sailing/windsurfing, and I keep telling her that with more lessons and practise, she will get to her goal faster.

adomizo · 08/02/2023 10:40

I would just be black and white about it. If he's not going to go to the ski school he can't go skiing later on. End of. It's great that he has taken to it so well but a few more days of a boring for him ski school isn't going to kill him. He will be fine and will learn something useful. If nothing else some patience! I would worry he's over confident and may get injured because of it and is missing out on some of the key skills.

gingercat02 · 08/02/2023 10:40

GoodChat · 08/02/2023 10:37

Loving the responses from the people saying don't make him go to ski school and it would be their idea of hell! I guess they don't put their kids in swimming lessons just take them to the beach and let them crack on

Common sense says take them to swimming lessons before the beach and skiing lessons before the holiday.

Ski school is normal and should be part of every beginners ski holiday. Lessons on a dry ski slopes are helpful but nothing like skiing on snow. There are very few snow domes in the UK.
Inexperienced skiers are dangerous to themselves and everyone else.

JanusTheFirst · 08/02/2023 10:42

At his age he does as he's told. Why let him get away with being a brat?