Secret Single behaviour - the joy!

[crochetmonkey74]

Today at work we were having a chat about Vanessa Feltz and how several of us can remember the heartbreak. We are now a little group of singletons. One thing that we all agreed on was all the little things you can now do with no partner. Some were really funny or silly. My colleague wears flesh colour pop socks with her shoes for work. For her entire marriage she took them off in the car and stashed them as she felt deeply unsexy in them and didn't want her husband to see them! Other colleague loves farting with gay abandon round her house now her boyfriend has gone. I think for me I love not having to think about/cook food every night. I can just eat biscuits or cereal. What are your favourite secret joyful single behaviours?

I love these type of threads too- like a cosy chat in the staffroom

I have struggled with loneliness on and off this last few months and am really working hard on my self care to get myself to a place of joy being on my own .
One thing I have really enjoyed in the recovery period is going and doing a small food shop at M&S at the weekend- I just buy exactly what I like - and know it will be there when I want it.

I sort of know what you mean - but use your friends here . I am buying a house and took a chosen brilliant friend with me to give me truthful opinions

I'm taking a different one settee shopping

Blobby I'm sorry about your cat. For me, there are pros and cons of living alone. A couple of people mentioned how nice it was not to hear a partner rambling about their day but I really miss being coming home to say 'You'll never guess what happened on train/to colleague etc'. The inane stuff that isn't worth messaging/phoning someone else about. I also think those conversations help close off the working day and give a better work/life balance. However, if I got talked at, I'd feel completely differently. I think the poster in a relationship but who lives apart gets the best of both worlds.

What I have loved about this thread is the different ways women lead their lives and practise autonomy, whether it's a long term thing or the occasional evening spent on their own.

I'm single at 41 and have realised all the happiest times of my life were when I was single. I never stayed single long because I'm very needy but now I sit here so very, very fulfilled being single. It took me a long time, all men ever brought me was hassle, except the one who gave me my daughter.

I'm pottering about the house waiting to start work, thinking I'll get to that later, or I'll buy another one of these for myself. I'm making my kitchen pink like I always wanted to. My home is my own, mine, all mine and my daughter’s and knowing that no man will ever live here again fills me with joy.

Life is about me and my daughter now. I have great friendships and can enjoy them whenever and however I please. I have no bed time, yes my last partner gave me a bedtime but he was controlling in the extreme.

Even what he's doing to me now it still happens in the backdrop that he can never step foot in my home again. My bed is my own, my life is my own. No one can ever tell me what to do again and I am finally truly free, including being free from wanting the love of a man.

In ten years Ive never done it

Currently 6 months pregnant and having night sweats after being told I might shit myself in labour 😂

The farting shouldn't be an example, being able to do that in front of each other isn't a sign of a good relationship, it's disgusting. Instant turn off.

Everything else though, wow! Its awful how some women live. I've always done what I want, eaten in bed, had toast for tea, watched what I wanted, not shaved my legs.. so glad you're all free.

I'm single now and nothing has changed in those respects, just enjoying the quiet, no man things around and freedom to date.

You sound really annoying and bitter @UWhatNow This is supposed to be a fun thread so stop trying to suck all the fun out of it just because your life is crap.

The pop socks thing is weirdly cute!! Bless her. I have never had a long-term relationship and the last time I did anything approximating a date was 2011. Now 32 and still blissfully happy with no partner, no mess, no kids and no worries :)

Do it! What is stopping you!?

God the comments here. Of course with the right man you can do all this. Jeez talk about misunderstanding the spirit of this thread.

I am very fortunate. I have the best husband. But he was away with work all week.

I have watching shitty low brow films in bed in the afternoon all week while he was away. It was bloody bliss.

Yes of course I could do that if he was here but it felt such a treat

I think these days a lot of us see how restricted, controlled and unhappy many women are and are probably sensitive to it, so when we see women not being able to do what ever small pleasure they want then it's frustrating. We get one life!

I haven’t watched a single film I was “meh” about since 2016.

Exactly. My DH is easy going and supportive but there’s always compromise like you say. I just like the feeling that I’m not accountable to any. That’s more my own feelings than anything DH has done.

I cut my hair really short - he didn’t “make” me keep it long but made no secret of the fact that he likes women with long hair and always said long hair suited me (it doesn’t).

I can leave my treats for as long as I feel like it and it won’t disappear- “Oh well it’s been a week and you hadn’t eaten your ice cream so I ate it”. THAT WAS MY BEN & JERRY’S!!

I can indulge in my hyperfixations without him commenting that I’m being “weird”. I tend to get really into something for a short amount of time, so I’ll watch a tv show or a film again and again (currently it’s BBC’s “Ghosts”, I’ve watched it three times from start to finish). He always made me feel self conscious about that. I know it’s weird but where can you be weird if not in your own home.

I’m sure there’s more. I’m enjoying being on my own.

I was thinking about this thread earlier, and it occurred to me that it's not just living without a man that has this 'liberating' effect. It's living with nobody else at all. I've been divorced for 10 years and my DC are now all young adults - and it's only since the youngest went to university in September that I've done some of this stuff. I still felt that we had to sit properly at the table and eat a healthy meal off plates (!), and there was always compromise on music etc. I was obviously making all the big decisions about the house, finances etc, but it's only when the DC are all away that I can please myself entirely. So it's not just women pleasing men: it's more that if you are sharing your living space with anyone at all, you invariably have to compromise, because it would actually have been shit and dysfunctional if I'd just shrugged and said we could all do and eat whatever we liked, could play our music loudly whenever we liked, and could go out and not give any indication of when we'd be back. Most of these things are just the common courtesies that you have to observe when sharing a living space (and I have lost count of the arguments my DC have had about the acceptability or otherwise of farting in shared spaces over the years).

The peace and quiet, the sole control of the TV remote, the cleaning of just my own mess.. the bathroom availability, the not having to cook and eat crisps instead of dinner 😁 the bed to myself. The weekend a 2 day please myself time, sauna, steam lunch where I want. Slob on sofa, watch back to back sopranos, not sharing my wine/chocolate/takeaway. Reading my books without interruption-I love being alone without a partner, yes I have an adult daughter who lives with me but she's very independent and busy so its just me and the cat and I can't even think of having someone else here now. Wouldn't want to change it.

Yes to loads of the above.

Cut my hair off and love it, nobody else had a say.

Talk unbelievable nauseating baby talk to my cats all day.

Able to have cats in the first place

Don't have to try and put a brave face on it or worry about looking attractive when I'm really down

Watch absolutely any TV I want in huge quantities

Socialise with exactly who I want to. I wouldn't be nearly as close to my gay friends or my eccentric collection of older friends if my ex was around

Having total control over the colours and smells and sounds of my home and making it a sanctuary

(Oh, and TMI and not quite on topic but: after going mad with recurring thrush for years, I have been completely clear ever since I've been solo. And no more holiday UTIs either...)

I love everything about being single-being able to eat whenever, whatever and wherever I want to, buying what I want, watching what I want on tv, listening to whatever music I like as loudly (without disturbing neighbours obviously) as I want, going out until whatever time I want-without having anyone to answer to when I get home. I like just being responsible for the mess I make, not feeling pressured into having sex when I don’t feel like it, not having to put up with anyone’s bad moods. The only drawback for me about being single is that I’m worse off financially but my freedom and independence is worth much more than money to me.

I love my husband to bits snd he means the world to but there are days when I miss being single so much I could scream. Living off ready meals, no mess anywhere, weekends of sleeping and not talking to anyone. No one in the toilet for bloody hours in the morning. Fucking off on holiday with my friends without thinking that I should probably spend at least some of my annual leave as a couple. Complete control over my life with no compromise whatsoever. Says more about me than I care to examine closely 😂