To want to pull-out of this luxury holiday?!

[Worriedworrior]

I had a baby 9 months ago and already have a 2 year old. I also have a sick parent and the result has been horrendous post-natal anxiety. This hasn't helped by the fact life has been very hectic since DC2 was born - for various reasons (renovations, leaks etc) we haven't been able to be in our home for more than 3 weeks at a time. I am going back to work soon and had been looking forward to a few months of just breathing and trying to get myself sorted before returning to work.
HOWEVER, my parents threw a curve ball by suggesting a one-week, last minute holiday right before I return to work. I foolishly agreed but am now feeling overwhelmed by all the stress involved in long haul travel with 2 little ones. In particular I'm worried about the jet lag affecting their sleep right before I start back at work (5 hour time difference), and the plane journey (10 hours) being awful. I'm a nervous flyer at the best of times and I really hate the idea of having the baby on my lap for all that time as it just doesn't seem safe, but we don't have the option of getting her own seat.
Also the place we are staying has no internet so there will be no down-time from the toddler once there. On the other hand, I'm terrified of disappointing my family by changing my mind especially given that one of my parents is in poor health and worries this is the last family holiday opportunity we may have to go on a foreign holiday together. I also feel ungrateful turning down an exotic holiday. (We do also have a holiday in the UK coming up together, which I obviously will happily go on, either way, so its not like this is the only opportunity to be together as a family but it seems to be something everyone else wants and I feel selfish saying no, especially having originally said yes!...)

Bassinet on the plane? Download tv to a kindle or iPad for the toddler before you go?
If you really want to go you can make it work. If you don’t, you need to speak up now

If you're not feeling it you're not feeling it. But I'd definitely go. There's more to life than Internet, you'll be over the jetlag soon enough. My brother regretting not coming on my Dads last family holiday and will never have that chance again now since we lost him. For me I would definitely go, but that's because my reasons above might not be the same as other people's x

Just change it! 2 hours to the balearics or 4 hours to the canaries. Much better. Somewhere with WiFi. Dont say no just expmain your anxieties and amend x

I think you need to break down all these worries into manageable chunks.
I assume you’ll be flying with parents, so they can help, there should be a bassinet option for the baby.
Download loads of bits on the iPad for the toddler, wrap some new books and small toys for both to and from flights. It won’t be as bad as you are imagining. Once you are there you’ll have quality time with family and help with the children.
I put you’re not being unreasonable as I think it’s ok to feel overwhelmed, but it’s not insurmountable at all. You can slowly adjust the toddlers bedtime, in the week run up to the holiday, and it will fall into place on the way back.
You’ve got this, and I hope you have a great holiday.
plus it’s ok to share your concerns, tell them you are worried about the flight, plan it through.

I did suggest amending and even proposed the holiday in the UK but now the family just say they want both! which means in total I will not have had much more than 3 weeks in one place for my entire mat leave😂

Has the holiday been paid for yet? Who paid? If it hasn't been paid for don't go. If it has and it was your parents who paid I think you have to go. It's one thing saying you don't actually want to go on holiday any more. It is another wasting their money. I don't think not having internet access should affect your decision.

There is no way I would agree to go longhaul with 2 tots.

There is no way I would go.
Have an honest conversation with you dp.
You need to take care of your own mental health and priorities, and long haul travelling with two tiny babies is going to be hell on earth. Jet lag ditto. All the same in reverse on the way home. I have done it, a few times, never again.
You need to prioritise yourself op, and take control of your own life. No is a full sentence and it really is.

Your parents are not thinking how hard this is going to be for you. They are in a completely different place to you op.
it’s okay to say you are not going to do any of the trips. Stay at home. Get yourself sorted whilst you still can.

10 hours with small children for 1 week is crazy. You would just about have recovered by the time you are doing the journey all again.
Change to short haul or don’t go

The advantage of a family holiday is more adults to help. We did a lot of three generation holidays when DT’s were little - built in babysitting and hand them over in the morning so you can have a lie in.

😂 Have you not read a single word? Ops had Lviv problems in her house, she has barely been there, she is returning to work and is not remotely prepared! How will a multi generation holiday help? It’s putting her under more pressure.

I can tell you now when the babies are screaming the plane down and vomiting - they will be busy watching films/asleep etc to help. Op will be the one stuck walking and rocking for ten hours straight for sure. They might ‘help’ for half an hour and take over but trust me it’s on op. Tiny children can find flying painful (their ears especially) exhausting and frightening and in our experience it took months to get them back into a good sleep routine again. It is the closest thing to hell oh earth in my experience, and hot places are not fun for babies either.

No way would I go. Tell them you realised it's a bad idea. If they have paid, refund them.

This. Holiday in the sun - perfect. Long haul - no way.

I don't think you can change your mind if it's already been paid for. You said yes already and it would be a huge waste of money!
As a PP said, you will have adults there to help. Don't be shy about asking for it and don't martyr yourself by being the only one dealing with the kids.

Yes I read the OP. Multi generational holidays can be a success with babies/toddlers . Not all families only look after their grandchildren for half an hour and then hand them back. We started this type of a holiday from when DT’s were about six months. Not all families don’t enjoy this type of a holiday.

10 hours with small children for 1 week is crazy. You would just about have recovered by the time you are doing the journey all again.
Change to short haul or don’t go

Absolutely agree with this. Your parents are clearly not really aware of what travel with very small children is like if they are suggesting one week, long haul, no internet. It may be a shock to them - how will they react if lunch/dinner gets interrupted, baby cries, toddler tantrums etc?

I’m sure they love the idea of you all going but the reality may not be quite what they are picturing. I suspect they might even enjoy this holiday more if it’s just them. Hopefully health will permit other extended family holidays in future.

It's tricky, because I can understand that it all feels a bit overwhelming at the moment. But if you said yes, and they've spend money, then I think you're either obliged to go, or you need to refund them.

That said, I travelled several times with 3 small children (from aged 3 months), including long haul, and it was always fine. Hard work, but fine. I agree with the PP who said to break it down into small chunks. Talk to your parents and make sure they understand that you can only go if they are prepared to be very hands on. Divide and conquer!

I can tell you now when the babies are screaming the plane down and vomiting - they will be busy watching films/asleep etc to help. Op will be the one stuck walking and rocking for ten hours straight for sure. They might ‘help’ for half an hour and take over but trust me it’s on op. Tiny children can find flying painful (their ears especially) exhausting and frightening and in our experience it took months to get them back into a good sleep routine again. It is the closest thing to hell oh earth in my experience, and hot places are not fun for babies either

This is not my experience at all. Although my ILs are very helpful people. So that may have made the difference.

@Worriedworrior not sure I understand this comment "Also the place we are staying has no internet so there will be no down-time from the toddler once there." Other people managed pre-internet!

The plane will have TVs. There will be family who should enjoy being with the children.

Can you go earlier if the timing isn't good, just before you return to work?

You'll have four adults to share the childcare, entertaining and lap-holding on plane etc; though I strongly recommend booking a seat with access to a bassinet for baby.

Also the place we are staying has no internet so there will be no down-time from the toddler once there.

?????????????????I just don't understand that. Toddlers don't need the internet for holiday amusement and neither do adults.

The toddler will have the attention , affection and entertainment of four adults in a warm climate; endless beach and water play, naps in the shade.

The children are going to love all that extra attention. They'll be exhausted by bedtime and the adults will ALL have time off together when the children are tucked up in bed. You'll have plenty of time alone with DH, and with each parent, while the others look after the children.

It will do you all a world of good to have a change of scene, some sun, sea, relaxation, meals cooked for you, hotel service; adult time with adults.
AND at least some time every day when someone else is looking after the children.

Oh god. Op I don’t think pp are listening to you. You have such anxiety in your post. You used the word overwhelming. I hope you do what is right for you, whether you have super helpful or unhelpful parents or not. I am pretty sure they won’t be getting up at 3am every day with you 🫥

Such a shame you initially agreed, because it’s much harder to stop the holiday now. You’re probably lumbered with it now, you have my sympathy. xx

(Full disclosure: I hate holidays and don’t understand people who love them, it’s all such a faff, and a waste of annual leave.)

To explain, we’re not in a hotel once we get there. We’re staying at a friend’s empty house.
The destination is luxurious though. But cooking for the little ones will be on me and DP. (Baby is weaning and on 3 meals but also still takes bottles, so keeping him fed and watered is full on!)

Re the internet, I meant more that if the 2 y o is up all hours with jet lag, we can’t even keep him quiet with Bluey to stop him waking the baby (and everyone else!)

My parents need their sleep because they get tired, especially one being in poor health.

but that being said, the destination will be beautiful and I recognise that sun often boosts mood even when sleep deprived. I just think I still have some PTSD because the baby was a terrible sleeper up until last month or so 😅

Also the place we are staying has no internet so there will be no down-time from the toddler once there.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA how did parents manage in the past FFS. ugh, if in doubt, whip a screen out ehh?

@Worriedworrior you cook every day anyway (I assume)?

It actually sounds lovely. Enjoy the family holiday together before you go back to work and your oldest child starts school meaning you can't do holidays like this so easily.

Ooh the judgement @Mariposista ! To clarify, we don’t have much screen time at home. But if DS1 is on U.K. time, I can’t force him to keep quiet at 2am if that’s 7am UK. But I also don’t want him to wake the baby who is sharing a room. Or wake my parent who is ill and needs sleep. So I would prioritise their well-being over virtue-signalling by avoiding screen time. But each to their own.