To want to pull-out of this luxury holiday?!

[Worriedworrior]

I had a baby 9 months ago and already have a 2 year old. I also have a sick parent and the result has been horrendous post-natal anxiety. This hasn't helped by the fact life has been very hectic since DC2 was born - for various reasons (renovations, leaks etc) we haven't been able to be in our home for more than 3 weeks at a time. I am going back to work soon and had been looking forward to a few months of just breathing and trying to get myself sorted before returning to work.
HOWEVER, my parents threw a curve ball by suggesting a one-week, last minute holiday right before I return to work. I foolishly agreed but am now feeling overwhelmed by all the stress involved in long haul travel with 2 little ones. In particular I'm worried about the jet lag affecting their sleep right before I start back at work (5 hour time difference), and the plane journey (10 hours) being awful. I'm a nervous flyer at the best of times and I really hate the idea of having the baby on my lap for all that time as it just doesn't seem safe, but we don't have the option of getting her own seat.
Also the place we are staying has no internet so there will be no down-time from the toddler once there. On the other hand, I'm terrified of disappointing my family by changing my mind especially given that one of my parents is in poor health and worries this is the last family holiday opportunity we may have to go on a foreign holiday together. I also feel ungrateful turning down an exotic holiday. (We do also have a holiday in the UK coming up together, which I obviously will happily go on, either way, so its not like this is the only opportunity to be together as a family but it seems to be something everyone else wants and I feel selfish saying no, especially having originally said yes!...)

I only have one, he's three and he sleeps really well. And I definitely wouldn't do 12 hours of travel! I don't think it's fair on the kids at that age either tbh.

Sure, on holidays. She'll probably give him ice cream too, the horror!

@JenniferBarkley my DC had chocolate AND cake yesterday and we aren't even on holiday. I'll take myself off to thoroughly judged parent jail now... 😂

He also watched the entire paw patrol movie. You carry on OP, you don't need to justify your parenting choices to anyone.

Honestly, I wouldn't want to do it either. It's a LONG journey and yes of course it's doable but that doesn't make it pleasant. That's ok if you have 2 or 3 weeks at your destination but with 1 week you might barely feel as if you've got there when you have to turn round again.
We've travelled to N America to see family a lot since the kids were born and the jet lag can be really tough. I assume you're flying east because of the flight time and time difference so the harder bit will probably be on holiday rather than coming home, but it's still a lot when you're just about to go back from mat leave.
Yes your parent has health problems but, so have you (PNA). I think it's reasonable to pull out.

I think you are over thinking it. My kids adjusted to 8 hour time difference easily each time in the days before wifi (good old videos!) we travelled twice a year long haul (expats) normally I flew with mine alone, you have other adults on the flight. Ask for a bassinet for the baby and just utilise your fellow passengers too (I never lacked people offering to cuddle, read to or play with my kids on flights, it was always full of kindly grandparents for some reason, and the cabin crew spoilt me bringing nicer food from first class on 2 occasions after cooing over my young baby

I think if you are absolutely sure about it then absolutely pull out. I just feel a lot of your post comes from a place of extreme anxiety where you are focusing on the extreme worst case scenario and have decided that's what is going to happen. And if you think you would regret pulling out then maybe consider the alternative?

I've always been a nervous flyer but actually find it easier with the kids because it keeps me busy. Flew 10 x 8 hour flights with my 2yo and then then a 6 week old for the last one in 1 year. We always flew night flights and went early to the airport and let him run around at the gate then 10 mins before took him to get changed into pjs + toilet. He then watched a film for 5 minutes then slept the majority of the flight just waking up for breakfast and there was plenty to entertain him then. If the price isn't crazy could you book thr baby their own seat? If you do you can take certain car seats on board, 9-10 months is usually around the limit for a bassinet.

You can download from Disney, netflix prime etc etc and gleefully hand over tablet to your toddler. When you are there if your family like to go to bed early would there be the chance for you and your DP to put the kids down and go out?

You've had a really stressful 2nd post partum period and if you think it would be better for you just to be at home then I would absolutely go with that option.

I think this is a valid concern (and the comment was horrible). When I was very young I went to the west coast US with parents and had jet lag so my dad put the TV on for me from 3am for a few days. It helped us all cope with the horrible jet lag. This was nearly 40 years ago but he still mentions it!

Thank you @gogohmm . That’s interesting to know. Did you book a seat for your infant or use the lap belt? If a lap belt, did you always feel safe holding on to the baby in turbulence?

Not a hotel, staying in someone else's empty house? That's not a luxury holiday - that's just all the usual domestic chores with added jetlag. And 20 hours of flying (plus at least 6 hours of hanging about airports) for only 1 week away.

No.

Short haul or not at all.

Mine basically used to go feral on holidays
Never caused any issues when we got home

i agree @BinturongsSmellOfPopcorn 😅. It was a misleading title! It’s a luxurious country to visit is what I mean - not affordable for us to stay in a hotel there by any stretch!

If nothing is paid for (or can be cancelled / changed) then I wouldn’t go.
Well, I would go 😀
But I mean, based on what you’ve said about your feelings: I wouldn’t.

You talk a lot about how hard it will be for you, and not much talk of their father… is he going to pull his weight? (some MN husbands actually do 🤣)
If he does his fair share of the entertaining and feeding, it could be a nice holiday.

You make it sound like you’re literally back to work the week after you return? If so, I’d get him to book your first 3 days of work off, so that he can deal with any potential after effect of the holiday. Even without the holiday, I’d suggest he take that time off and be “sole parent” whilst you settle back in.

I'm confused, so your DP would be going too? Cos you talk like it's just you and your elderly parents re you having to have the baby on your lap all that time and all the organising etc. Why can't your DP pull his weight?

I think if this is the last family holiday, you'll regret missing it.

Can you download a load of kids shows into a tablet? They don't care about watching the same dozen episodes

I wouldn’t want to go all that way just to have to cook.. I can do that at home! And no wifi is a big no-no.
And that’s without the children…
I would have to say no it’s not something that works for us as a family

Ugh why do people feel the need ro sit on a plane for 10 hours to have a nice time? Doesn't sound in the least bit baby-friendly. There are so many beautiful, easy places within easy reach.

Empty house? No way. It would have just about been bearable with room service and someone else doing the cleaning. It’s going to be much harder than being at home! No WiFi, no toys, no home comforts , out of routine with jet lag. 15 hours minimum of travelling including 10 hours of flights. It’s no wonder you don’t want to go!!

I would be annoyed - why would anyone think this would be appealing to an exhausted mother of two?! 😒

If no money lost I would say no.
You have twenty hours in a plane with two small children cooking and child care all day then back to work straight after.
It sounds too much op.yanbu

This is what I thought - what’s your DP expecting to be doing?

I always think it’s best if baby’s sit on dad’s lap as much as possible as their lap is usually bigger!

To be fair, DP will definitely help on the flight etc. Tbh I assumed I’d take the baby because she’s usually easier than her bro. And I’d give him the toddler 😅.
packing, organising car seat rental etc etc he won’t help because he’s useless at it - no shade. We all have our strengths and child admin isn’t his.

I would pull out now. Say you’ve thought about it more and it’s just too much stress with little ones.

What a bitchy comment. Hope it made you feel better.

Yeah I kinda feel this now the OP has updated about the house.

She'll be cooking and changing nappies while exhausted just in a hotter place. Not so much fun as a luxury break at all!!

Your parents will have forgotten the reality of babies and toddlers. You need to ask if it can be changed to a shorter haul.

I was wondering how ancient some people are if they raised children pre screens and TV, and wonder whether they held similar views on radio use? As obviously radios are a distraction when a small child could be useful sweeping chimneys or shining shoes for instance…

OP would be an idiot not too, given that there's loads of educational content online. Unless she wants to look like a bitter judgemental twat too scared by the opinions of others to do what she really wants - but I'm sure she's a lot cooler than that.