To want to pull-out of this luxury holiday?!

[Worriedworrior]

I had a baby 9 months ago and already have a 2 year old. I also have a sick parent and the result has been horrendous post-natal anxiety. This hasn't helped by the fact life has been very hectic since DC2 was born - for various reasons (renovations, leaks etc) we haven't been able to be in our home for more than 3 weeks at a time. I am going back to work soon and had been looking forward to a few months of just breathing and trying to get myself sorted before returning to work.
HOWEVER, my parents threw a curve ball by suggesting a one-week, last minute holiday right before I return to work. I foolishly agreed but am now feeling overwhelmed by all the stress involved in long haul travel with 2 little ones. In particular I'm worried about the jet lag affecting their sleep right before I start back at work (5 hour time difference), and the plane journey (10 hours) being awful. I'm a nervous flyer at the best of times and I really hate the idea of having the baby on my lap for all that time as it just doesn't seem safe, but we don't have the option of getting her own seat.
Also the place we are staying has no internet so there will be no down-time from the toddler once there. On the other hand, I'm terrified of disappointing my family by changing my mind especially given that one of my parents is in poor health and worries this is the last family holiday opportunity we may have to go on a foreign holiday together. I also feel ungrateful turning down an exotic holiday. (We do also have a holiday in the UK coming up together, which I obviously will happily go on, either way, so its not like this is the only opportunity to be together as a family but it seems to be something everyone else wants and I feel selfish saying no, especially having originally said yes!...)

We took tinies long haul for one and two week trips when I was on Mat leave. It was equally harrowing and wonderful. You’ll suffer OP but you’ll have amazing memories as well. Go.

Presumably he manages to hold down a job ?
So he could do these things if he chose to

"Re the internet, I meant more that if the 2 y o is up all hours with jet lag, we can’t even keep him quiet with Bluey to stop him waking the baby (and everyone else!)"

Yes you can. Download programmes to an Amazon fire tablet before you go. Your DP can take most of the load with regards to catering for the kids. This is your chance to relax

Nah, it sound too much like hard work! Short haul yes, UK break yes but long haul for one week definitely not.

"he won’t help because he’s useless at it - no shade. We all have our strengths and child admin isn’t his."

Fucking what? Arranging a car seat is beyond him? Or packing a bag? You nip that shit right in the bud and life will be much easier for you going forward.

I do understand we took a18mth old to Australia and she wasn’t a great sleeper. It was really hard work and it can be really hard to “relax” when you’re not in your own space that you know is child proof. If you go just make sure your DH allows to get some downtime too, but yeah after that experience we stayed in the UK for next few years as it was just easier!

No no nooooo.

You're allowed to change your mind. There's plenty of time for long trips/complex holidays when the DC are older!!!!!!!

Smile, thank you, that's a lovely idea for when the DC are older, smile, change topic!!!

I wonder where YOUR holiday is? You personally I mean? What time do you get to yourself, see friends etc? Carve that out now, don't wait or you'll wake up 2 years from now wondering why you hate everyone and everything!

Wouldn't fancy long haul with young kids. Go to Spain or Canaries.

Tell your parents NOW that you're going to need lots and lots of help. Play it up like "everyday I'm going to hand over toddler and baby to you guys for x and have some me time", "you know I'm a nervous flyer, when I'm having a panic attack, I'm handing you your granddaughter lol"
Repeat so they have an idea what to expect

Regarding entertainment for your toddler, start downloading Netflix asap. Also there's no internet at the house? Do they have a tv? I imagine a toddler will watch any children's show on tv no?

It sounds as if you want to duck out of it. Them having paid is neither here nor there really - a choice between you not going, or you going and hating being overwhelmed and not enjoying it. Get them to change it to something more manageable.

If you have Netflix you can download episodes of various episodes to watch back. incredibly useful for the plane 😂 honestly though I'd go on the basis that it might be a last trip together so it's worth the stress for the happy memories. Whether you feel it's worth the stress is another thing!

It will be fine. A week of sunshine with 3 other adults to help. In a house is easier than a hotel as lots of space to spread out.

I’ve travelled on my own when DS was weaning , It’s a fairly easy stage food wise. Milk fruit yoghurts , bits from your plate etc.

my own reservation is that you need at least 24 hours at home before the job start and need to get your work clothes ready before you go.

If there was another set of siblings going with equally small kids....maybe?
But if everyone else are grown-ups who will want their peace and quiet and their trips out for dinners, then no way.

And self catering then is doubly no fun because it's worse than being at home.

It's just someone else's stupid house that's too hot.

And the fact that family are there watching you struggle with the kids' routine and telling where you are going wrong!

Hey, OP - minor point, but RE lack of internet where you'd be, take a look at this site to see if you can pick up a cheap prepaid or "pay as you go" (PAYG) SIM card that will give you local access, including (usually) ability to stream on a tablet or laptop using your mobile as a hotspot: https://prepaid-data-sim-card.fandom.com/wiki/Prepaid_SIM_with_data

I've been using the site for years on many international trips, and the data is crowd-sourced so it's usually pretty current.You can of course also download some episodes of Bluey and other things your toddler loves before you go, but if being cut off from the internet makes you anxious there may be an easy solution (depending on where you're going).

This could even be something to pass to one of your parents to research?

Actually going against the grain here I'd say staying in a house will be a hell of a lot easier with 2 small children than all cooped up in a hotel room

If baby or toddler wake one of you can take them to the kitchen / living.room minimising disruption to everyone else

You have room to spread out once dc ate asleep. You have a fridge & washing machine which were essential when travelling with tiny children in my experience.

We've always travelled a huge amount with our dc & until they were 8 it was all long haul - Australia multiple times, Canada, Asia etc.

When v small we always had apartments so we'd have breakfast in the morning at home & could keep juice, cereal, milk, fruit etc in the fridge. Plus wine, beer & water - essentials!,

We tended to go exploring after breakfast & we'd have a nice lunch out - usually sharing from our plates with dc along with crackers etc. Often we'd make that our main meal meaning we would have wine / beer & nibbles in the evening when dc were asleep.

Overtimes we'd have more of a picnic lunch & we'd get some lovely takeaway again once dc were asleep.

We kept cooking for dc to a minimum but made easy quick things they liked - scrambled eggs, pizza, pasta etc.

Even if you've no Internet there could well be a TV with some kids shows on it. Our dd watched a lot of French Canadian TV one year without having a clue what was actually going on in the cartoons but it didn't seem to bother her a bit. We watched lots of early morning episodes of Caillout.

I know it feels overwhelming but you may look back at this as a wonderful memory of you all being together, especially if there may not be many more opportunities. If you can relax & go with the flow & view it as an adventure you could have a brilliant time, but I know that's easier said than done

I have a toddler and I wouldn’t want this. It’s tough going as you constantly need to watch them. It’s not going to be relaxing.

We were going to go on a UK holiday but decided against it as it would be too stressful for us 😂

Depends if you pulling out will cost them or really inconvenience them. You should say sooner rather than later.

You are allowed to get a baby a seat you just have to pay for it - some airlines allow you to use certain car seats for babies in plane seats. I took 2 x 6 month old twins on a 24hr journey with two flights to Australia and actually they were OK - its when they could walk that was the issue.

You be surprised how quickly babies can move time zone. We took my older child at 10 months to Barbados and the first night was rough but then we normalised quite quickly.

Re the plane - he was too big for a bassinet and for the day flight we sat in a space by the emergency exit (row was empty) and played. Night flight he slept on me and I dosed.

Holiday was worth it

Thanks @lifehappens12 . Sounds like a similar situation re flights and time difference, how long did you go for? If it was just the baby I’d feel more able to cope tbh. It’s the baby-toddler combo that’s breaking me, as I think a toddler’s body clock is more fixed like an adults but they also don’t have the understanding to try to override it 😕

@ittakes2 i’ve looked into taking car seats on the plane for both DCs as that would make me feel less nervous but can’t see any that fit BA’s strict stipulations (need to be forward facing and certain dimensions etc etc). Also not an option to get a seat for the baby as flight fully booked as it’s last minute! So it’s definitely a lap baby situation…
anyone taken theirs on their laps for long haul and did it feel safe in turbulence?

also, I did fly short haul with the baby on my lap when she was 3 months but it was a short smooth flight and she was little so just slept and breastfed. Different story now as she is less sleepy, crawling, and on bottles + 3 (v messy!) meals 😂

Just tell them ffs

My 2 year old has a kindle fire tablet that we mainly use if we go out for family meals etc to stop her running off!
You can download episodes of Bluey from Disney + and probably iPlayer onto it. We mainly have it full of Disney + and Netflix for when we are out and about with no internet.
To be fair my dh sorts all this out. I just sigh in relief when I realise he’s already downloaded whatever show/ movie she’s asking me for!!
Personally always up for a holiday so I’d be there! But I can totally see why you would be apprehensive