To want to pull-out of this luxury holiday?!

[Worriedworrior]

I had a baby 9 months ago and already have a 2 year old. I also have a sick parent and the result has been horrendous post-natal anxiety. This hasn't helped by the fact life has been very hectic since DC2 was born - for various reasons (renovations, leaks etc) we haven't been able to be in our home for more than 3 weeks at a time. I am going back to work soon and had been looking forward to a few months of just breathing and trying to get myself sorted before returning to work.
HOWEVER, my parents threw a curve ball by suggesting a one-week, last minute holiday right before I return to work. I foolishly agreed but am now feeling overwhelmed by all the stress involved in long haul travel with 2 little ones. In particular I'm worried about the jet lag affecting their sleep right before I start back at work (5 hour time difference), and the plane journey (10 hours) being awful. I'm a nervous flyer at the best of times and I really hate the idea of having the baby on my lap for all that time as it just doesn't seem safe, but we don't have the option of getting her own seat.
Also the place we are staying has no internet so there will be no down-time from the toddler once there. On the other hand, I'm terrified of disappointing my family by changing my mind especially given that one of my parents is in poor health and worries this is the last family holiday opportunity we may have to go on a foreign holiday together. I also feel ungrateful turning down an exotic holiday. (We do also have a holiday in the UK coming up together, which I obviously will happily go on, either way, so its not like this is the only opportunity to be together as a family but it seems to be something everyone else wants and I feel selfish saying no, especially having originally said yes!...)

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable - there is a lot to worry about and overcome here and I can totally understand why it’s causing worry.

I do think that it could be a case that the anticipation is worse than the event though. This could be an opportunity to have a wonderful family holiday with your parents to make memories that you will cherish of your Mat leave (certainly peppered with trying moments you will probably forget when you look back with nostalgia!). It’s not something I would choose to do, but if it was all booked I would go so as not to cause disruption.

Download as much as you can on the iPad for the little one. You don’t say if the time difference is ahead or behind, but If ahead, I would try to split the time difference so the kids stay up late and get up late (say a 10pm - 10am schedule) so there will only be a 2 hour time difference to try to adjust back to when you get back home to a 7pm - 7am schedule. We have had success sticking to UK time with a 2-3 hour ahead time difference.

good luck and let us know what you decide!

Seriously you sound like your worry if you have nothing to worry about. You have two beautiful children and a chance for a last family holiday together, seriously so many woman would live to be in your shoes. Take it out a smile in your face I’m sure family will be only to glad to share your children on the flight. Take it and no regrets

I used to live a total of 24 hours travel time from my parents. Two hour flight followed by eight hour stopover at an airport, then another eleven hour flight, baggage claim/passport control/customs, then three hours or so drive to their house. First time i did it alone was with DD who was six months old. Then when she was 2 and i was 7 months pregnant and stayed with my folks to have the baby, traveled back with them when baby was 10 weeks old. Then several times on my own with toddlers, finally flew back to live here with a 10 yr old, 8 yr old and 2 1/2 yr old. Have to say i wasn’t laid back about it at first, but tbh the travelling tired them out enough that they’d just settle down on the plane and the airline staff were always really helpful. The only bad experience was when the youngest, at 18 months, had a massive diarrhoea attack whilst sitting on my lap on the first flight, I’d checked our cases through so had no clean clothes available and had to pretend it was coffee and buy new trousers on the stopover. Oh how we laugh about it now she’s 16.
I understand your anxiety, as it can be really draining. But if you can manage it, it may not be the nightmare you imagine. We used to make a big thing out of the free socks, eye masks etc and they just used to sleep through the flights. Eldest once slept for 16 hours straight the day after we arrived. Children are very adaptable and it could well be totally different from what you expect. Colouring books and crayons used to help, we used to pack little backpacks when they were toddlers with books etc to keep them distracted. Plus their favourite teddy to cuddle on the plane.
Now they’re all grown up and we barely fly any more I kind of miss it tbh.
Lost my Mum last year and can say with hand on heart that you might regret the things you don’t do with your family more than the things you do.

But at the end of the day, do what you feel comfortable with.

Long haul with a baby and toddler? It’s a nope from me.

What BS. I flew with my three from weeks old, my eldest by myself, between London and Australia.

None of this screaming for 10 hours malarky. And he wasn't a great baby generally. You just crack on with it.

Babies might cry for a bit, lovely people help generally, you eat, you drink, hopefully nap, the world turns

Not one thing about this trip is reasonable, helpful or respectful of your needs. Say no.

It’s a bit too late to cancel now OP. I would go, your parents will be there to help you. I am sure you will have a lovely time, try to relax. Good luck.

I think you need to explain how you feel, know that you have support on the flights and while you are away. I’m sure that will help your anxiety. I would download things to watch for you all so as to make it feel familiar to home. No judgement here on the iPad as it could be a one off. xx

This really doesn’t sound like a fun holiday. How helpful will your parents be? Will they help cook meals, and take toddler off so you can have a break and enjoy the luxury surroundings? At 2, my dc were put off by the 1 hour clock change so I would dread the jet lag!

If you do go OP (and I would in your position, even with all the drawbacks) don’t try and fight the jet lag. You’re only away for a week so won’t really have time to adjust anyway. Stick to super early mornings and enjoy the sunrise, if you’re self-catering then keep meal and nap times as close to UK time as possible and hit the sack at 6/7pm. I fly to USA regularly for quite short periods and this works pretty fine.

Why don’t you just talk honestly to your parents about how you feel. They may feel they’re giving you a well deserved treat, and be horrified about how it’s stressing you. Between you, maybe you can come up with a solution that suits you all. I’m a parent of adult children and would want to know in this situation as my children’s happiness is my happiness

Just voice your real concerns - that you had not fully thought it through when it was quickly arranged and explain all of the above and that it has seriously crossed your mind to pull out. They will realise you will need support to continue, are likely to offer that which is half the battle. You’ll need help but I think you should still go.

ODFOD!

Life changes, they be stopped send kids up chimneys as well!

OP it's too much for a week.

Speak up now.

As someone who has regularly flown long haul with and with out DC , I just have one point to make.
No matter what the flight is like, you will have the usual self catering holiday conditions — You’ll need to shop asap for fresh food, sort beds etc (while you’re probably longing to sleep).
Only the very active energetic types want to do much the next day (which is why business people fly business class).
The day before you leave you will feel you need to give the place a thorough clean and prepare for the flight home.
So how many hours in your holiday week will actually be spent relaxing, sightseeing, enjoying family times?
On top of the above you must allow for time needed at the airport pre and post flights and travel to and from your accommodation.
Thewhole idea was not thoroughly thought through. Given your circumstancesOP you’d need at least a fortnight to justify the trip.
Posters who are positive about long haul trips with children probably had very different scenarios at their destinations.
Maybe write down the cons for your DPs and tell them that it’s plain impossible and needs to be cancelled or re-arranged.
Good luck

I still want to know which luxury country/destination doesn’t have Wifi!

Nobody has said the whole country is a WiFi- free zone. Presumably it's just the house - which is empty so why would the owner pay for broadband?

What does DH say about all this?

Only you OP can answer this as only you know all the variables. But my thoughts are 1) is it your anxiety that is focusing on all the things that might go wrong buy probably won't? If it is tell your parents and partner of your anxieties so they can help you manage them and go and have a special holiday 2) are your anxieties actually well founded in truth - your parents and partner won't be of any help with children, and you will be spending a week exhausted running around after children just in a hotter place without your own stuff. If so then seriously consider not going, or highlight to the others that in order to go they will need to help out (may not be feasible if your ill parent needs lots of support from non ill parent). 3) lack of wifi is not insurmountable as children will be happy to watch on repeat whatever you manage to download to your device before you leave home or if the house has TV they will likely love watching children's TV in another language (mine get really absorbed in foreign kids TV despite not understanding a word.) If this is potentially a last holiday with one of the GPs I would try to make it if possible as your children even if they don't remember it will have photos to look back at. (Mine never really knew their one GP as lived abroad before passing away when they were little and circumstances were difficult but they love to look at the photos from the few visits. ) Finally being in a house not a hotel for me is much more relaxing (for me) as you don't have to have meals at standard hotel times so can have your children on a slightly different meal schedule so their body clock less disrupted, and you will have fridge are able to keep food in for weaning child (this is the time to not worry about standards one week of them eating ready made baby food, or nothing but scrambled egg and bread will not matter). Hopefully you are able to go and have a special time with loved ones.