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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to pull-out of this luxury holiday?!

118 replies

Worriedworrior · 07/02/2023 11:14

I had a baby 9 months ago and already have a 2 year old. I also have a sick parent and the result has been horrendous post-natal anxiety. This hasn't helped by the fact life has been very hectic since DC2 was born - for various reasons (renovations, leaks etc) we haven't been able to be in our home for more than 3 weeks at a time. I am going back to work soon and had been looking forward to a few months of just breathing and trying to get myself sorted before returning to work.
HOWEVER, my parents threw a curve ball by suggesting a one-week, last minute holiday right before I return to work. I foolishly agreed but am now feeling overwhelmed by all the stress involved in long haul travel with 2 little ones. In particular I'm worried about the jet lag affecting their sleep right before I start back at work (5 hour time difference), and the plane journey (10 hours) being awful. I'm a nervous flyer at the best of times and I really hate the idea of having the baby on my lap for all that time as it just doesn't seem safe, but we don't have the option of getting her own seat.
Also the place we are staying has no internet so there will be no down-time from the toddler once there. On the other hand, I'm terrified of disappointing my family by changing my mind especially given that one of my parents is in poor health and worries this is the last family holiday opportunity we may have to go on a foreign holiday together. I also feel ungrateful turning down an exotic holiday. (We do also have a holiday in the UK coming up together, which I obviously will happily go on, either way, so its not like this is the only opportunity to be together as a family but it seems to be something everyone else wants and I feel selfish saying no, especially having originally said yes!...)

OP posts:

HowDoYouOwnDisorder · 09/02/2023 08:34

I have quite a bit of experience of travelling with tots and babes, as lived in South America

you are right that toddlers get jet lag too

we used to go on holiday with our parents and the first 3 nights their sleep schedule was all over the place, I remember being up at 2am whilst the toddler was taking all the books off the shelves, I would put them back in, he pulled them out again. For hours. We called this game “the naughty librarian” and we did it as there were no screens/WiFi yet

so sleep was crap, but I do not regret any of those holidays, it was important for us all to spend this time together

as to the trip: you just do what you can, some flights were a breeze, some they cried non stop. There is no telling

all in all, if you can see a way of not getting stressed about the jet lag (so, we’ll all be tired. So what? What Terrible thing will happen? We’ll just be tired) and if your DP is good about pulling his weight and help in the jet lag hours I’d just go for it

this tough baby and toddler stage will pass

BoxOfCats · 09/02/2023 08:49

Plenty of large foreign airports will have somewhere that will sell you a local SIM card with a data package, so perhaps you could do that to be able access the internet?

Unicorn2022 · 09/02/2023 09:04

I was all for you going on a nice luxury holiday after your first post but there is no way I would fly with a baby and toddler for 10 hours to stay in someone else's empty house. It's literally the same shit different location but with added time difference and worry about the toddler damaging stuff in the house. Is there a pool or anything else to do?

A nice short haul half board holiday in the sun would be a yes but I don't think I could agree to this holiday.

cherish123 · 09/02/2023 09:24

It's a personal choice, but I would go. Young children are usually fine travelling, especially a baby. It will be nice before returning to work particularly with your house situation.

ACTIVE123 · 09/02/2023 12:52

So much judgement on here! Sounds like you are going through a REALLY hard time of life right now and people who don't have small kids forget how hard this time of life can be with lack of sleep/ trying to establish a routine juggling everything.

You need to be selfish and put your needs first, sounds like you are trying to please so many people! The one thing you need to consider is the guilt you will feel if it is the last family holiday abroad together. If you can live with this as you have another one in the Uk coming up, then fine. You just need to be able to live with whatever you decide, but don't feel guilty for putting yours and your immediate family's needs first, otherwise you will run yourself into the ground and not be any help to anyone.

StaringAtTheWater · 09/02/2023 13:14

@Worriedworrior to answer your specific question on lap babies and turbulence, I don't think you should worry on that front. I have flown long haul with a baby a few times, and there have been moments of mild to moderate turbulance and when it happens you just tighten your seat belt, and tighten their seat belt (the one they give you to connect the baby to your seat belt), and hold them on your lap. I never felt there was a danger of them flinging off your lap - they are reasonably heavy after all! I suppose this could happen in cases of severe turbulence but that type of turbulence is incredibly rare - it's the sort of turbulence that would likely cause injuries to adult passengers too.

Pipsquiggle · 10/02/2023 07:34

There is no way I would want to do long haul with DC those ages

There is no way I would want to do long haul for a relative short period of time

There is no way I would want to go on a luxury holiday, long haul with young DC when I will still have to do all the cooking, cleaning, daily drudgery of what I do every day.

Just tell them no

TheaBrandt · 10/02/2023 07:38

Mine are teens so not in the thick of it but no way would I do this. No way. Too hard. We love travel but when we had baby / toddler the furthest we went was Tenby. It’s just not worth it.

uggmum · 10/02/2023 07:42

Consider buying a sim that would enable you to use your devices abroad.

They are not expensive and will give you full internet access.

adomizo · 10/02/2023 07:43

What sort of help will you have on holiday? Will your parents help out and be involved. If they hands on it might be a nice break...sunshine and time with family before maternity leave is over. Once you get into the holiday it might be fun! But if you are expected to keep them quiet and manage yourself I would be saying no as it certainly won't be relaxing.

Pipsqueakpopsqueak · 10/02/2023 07:56

I’d go, but get DP and parents on side if you can - be honest, explain how you are feeling and your anxiety and that in order to be able to come you need everyone’s help to take the mental load off of you. Eg. DP/parents have the kids for the flight so you can relax. That’s one thing off the list. Once you’re there, ask if you could have some proper regular baby free time - afternoons on your own if you like your own company, or some time out of the house with DP while your parents babysit? Bring a bunch of books and magazines so that during the downtime so you have something to do. Or use it as a chance to sleep!

Also, if your anxiety is making you feel like you’ll most likely want to stay out of public areas in another country, pre-warn everyone of this so expectations are set.

Try and reframe it as a chance for you to have a bit of ‘me time’, a reward for all that hard work you’ve done over the last 9+ months 💐

CeeceeBloomingdale · 10/02/2023 07:59

You are massively over thinking it, mine did longhaul lots as babies and toddlers and it was. much easier than now they are older. Internet wasn't available then either.

You mentioned you are flying BA. You need to book a bassinet position. They have baby seats that fit on the bulkhead wall so once the plane has taken off you can use that. You need to be in the right seat to use it though so call them or use manage my booking on their website to select one. The person with the baby 'attached' to them on the booking needs to select the seat with the cot in front of them

To want to pull-out of this luxury holiday?!

CeeceeBloomingdale · 10/02/2023 08:03

Picture of the baby seat

MammaEvz3 · 10/02/2023 15:06

All the people saying there will be 4 adults to help are missing that OP's parent has health issues and probably needs to take it easy.

JJWT · 11/02/2023 12:13

I realise financial considerations will seem unsurmountable but for me the bigger picture here is that you need to postpone your return to work/ extend mat leave. You're not ready and you need to give yourself permission to take care of your own well-being/ MH. In your post you sound concerned about pleasing others and what they think and even subservient. That is not intended as a criticism. If this was my friend I'd be worried about her general frame of mind. Could you show this post/thread to your DP? It sounds like you need a few calm weeks of what feels to you like proper mat leave.

AllIwantforChristmas22 · 11/02/2023 12:19

Re flying, jet lag etc you are massively overthinking it and I have done long haul with my kids a lot also when they were very little. Good planning and bringing the right gadgets and snacks and you will be fine.

BUT a self catering place is not a luxury holiday with two small kids. A luxury holiday is somewhere with food, breakfast buffet, playground, pool, kids entertainment etc. IMHO. What will your kids do the whole day at this mysterious place that has no wifi? Is there a pool or beach?

AllIwantforChristmas22 · 11/02/2023 12:23

Re your comment on your husband not being good with child admin. i think now is a good time to learn, considering he had two kids. Funny I have never met a mum who is “not good at it”

FusionChefGeoff · 11/02/2023 13:07

Toddlers will watch the same episode / film on repeat for hours and hours. For once, this is your friend! You only need to download a couple of things and they'll be fine.

cittigirl · 11/02/2023 17:29

Could you delay your return to work for a week or 2 perhaps?

lindyloo57 · 11/02/2023 17:47

I would think your parents aren't worried about the little ones keeping them awake, if so they wouldn't have invited you.

Jo586 · 11/02/2023 18:31

If it's stressing you don't go. Kids on planes can be a nightmare. If you are 100% committed, give it a miss, you don't need any more stress.

Isthisexpected · 11/02/2023 18:57

@Worriedworrior not sure I understand this comment "Also the place we are staying has no internet so there will be no down-time from the toddler once there." Other people managed pre-internet!

^ I find it very sad that some people are so reliant on the internet to parent. How on earth do they think people coped for the thousands of years before 2000.

Fluffmum · 11/02/2023 19:20

Be gracious your parents won’t be around for ever

GeorgiePorge · 11/02/2023 19:30

Isthisexpected · 11/02/2023 18:57

@Worriedworrior not sure I understand this comment "Also the place we are staying has no internet so there will be no down-time from the toddler once there." Other people managed pre-internet!

^ I find it very sad that some people are so reliant on the internet to parent. How on earth do they think people coped for the thousands of years before 2000.

they weren't flying long haul for starters.

these comparisons are pointless... we coped without running water, electricity and womens suffrage for thousands of years ... but i dont think many people would like to relive it

Snowpixi · 11/02/2023 20:08

Long haul with two tots can be quite good fun. You just have to have the right mind set.

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