Baby shower etiquette?

[RosieWinter]

I am organising a friend's baby shower with a few other friends. I've started to cost things up and they all said they were happy to contribute. However since sending over my details, the WhatsApp chat has been silent and no money has appeared in my account...

I've put another reminder message in this morning and still nothing.

At this point, am I being unreasonable/is it cheeky to just put into main event WhatsApp with all 20+ people who are invited my details and say I'd appreciate any contributions to cake/decor that can be made? I would never have taken on organising this if it was going to end up being left to my bank account alone and I really thought I could trust the people who said they would contribute! I now know I'm unreasonable to trust people will send money when they say they will... but in the meantime what course of action do you reckon I can take?

You've not said how much it is per person? This makes it hard to say if you Abu or not.

Why can't you do it where everyone brings something for a buffet style meal?

How much are you asking for?

Around £20 each for cake, balloon arch etc. This was all agreed before anything was booked/deposits paid. We are meeting at a local restaurant for afternoon tea.

That £20 each was from the small organising group, not all attendees.

Oh and games etc.

Sounds bloody awful, scrap it.

Unfortunately I've already paid deposits based on agreed contributions

I wouldn't be paying towards someone else's baby shower beyond buying them a gift. I can't stand them tbh I didn't have one.

I agree its unfair though if they've prev agreed to contribute

They’re cringy and unnecessary

So are you asking them to pay for everyone else's afternoon tea? I.e. others will go for free?

Why do you need a balloon arch?! Honestly it's not a wedding, it's a baby shower. You 'need' some nice food, maybe a sash for mum to be and a small cake. Honestly, £20 contributions for decorations that'll be used for a couple of hours then binned is bonkers!

Ignore the ‘sounds awful’ comments - they’re just trying to get a rise.

If everyone knew it was £20 (and that’s not a hugely unreasonable amount in my circle, although I accept it may be for others), then I would leave it a day and then text all guests (but not the M2B) saying ‘here are details - please transfer your £20. Unfortunately, I’m not in a position to cover all the costs in advance. Thanks’

No, everyone paying their own way on the afternoon tea. Just contributions for games, decorations and a nice cake by a local baker.

(Meant to add - I wouldn’t have or want a Baby Shower but if it’s all agreed or the norm in your social group, so be it).

Nooooo, don't do the balloon arch.

Can you cancel the order? They're so horribly tacky.

I wouldn't have a balloon arch at a wedding 😂

I've now learned the point of AIBU is not for anyone to give any actual advice... But just to shove their haughty opinions down my throat 😂 ok cool you hate baby showers and think they are ridiculous... Maybe don't click on a thread with a title of baby showers? Just a thought x

So it's £20 for decorations AND then afternoon tea. £20 for decor seems absolutely crazy.
And this from someone who had friends over before her baby was born (which I paid and catered for like I would if anyone came over at my invitation).

I think a cake would be enough. It's not a birthday party.

£20 and then cost of their afternoon tea on top - if you're being U all depends on whether this was actually spelt out beforehand?

Also have you asked for the money by a certain date? Some of my mates would totally forget and then just pay me on the day (or soon afterwards even). I know they're good for it so it wouldn't bother me, but obviously it depends if you need it sooner.

All agreed in advance of anything being bought or paid for and all with the caveat of if anything is too much please say.

I said in order to purchase anything else I need the money sent over.

Don't purchase these things then?

If you were waiting for the money to be sent to you before purchasing?

I don't think there's anything wrong with asking them to contribute £20! It'll hardly break the bank xx

Yep I’d send out a reminder to everyone with a sharp tone

Can you possibly cancel the balloon arch (which in the nicest possible way is fecking mental if you mean something to walk under) to save some cash if a couple don’t cough up. Could you also simplify the tea / knock off some games if you have to.

It’s a life lesson innit.