Baby shower etiquette?

[RosieWinter]

I am organising a friend's baby shower with a few other friends. I've started to cost things up and they all said they were happy to contribute. However since sending over my details, the WhatsApp chat has been silent and no money has appeared in my account...

I've put another reminder message in this morning and still nothing.

At this point, am I being unreasonable/is it cheeky to just put into main event WhatsApp with all 20+ people who are invited my details and say I'd appreciate any contributions to cake/decor that can be made? I would never have taken on organising this if it was going to end up being left to my bank account alone and I really thought I could trust the people who said they would contribute! I now know I'm unreasonable to trust people will send money when they say they will... but in the meantime what course of action do you reckon I can take?

Well I've already paid deposits on things that will obviously be wasted if I don't receive any money as I won't be paying the rest myself. We are waiting to buy games etc. It's not a case that I can just not buy things, money is still out of my pocket.

In that case I vote YANBU. Doesn't really matter if people agree with baby showers or not (or your specific plans), sounds like they all agreed and are now being quiet.

You'll need a direct follow up with a date "Hey guys, no ones transferred any money yet. As agreed, I need it before paying the full amount to the venue. Please can you transfer it by this Saturday (11th Feb)? If this date causes any issues please give me a shout."

Absolutely OP 😂

Never forget that the main point will be ignored, whilst the sub-story will be picked once till you’re a crying mess apologising for being alive!

Balloon arches ain’t my thing but if they’re yours and your mates, they need to get their moth-eaten wallets out!

*picked apart

How much will it be if you cancel everything except the things you have already put a deposit on? I would do that and tell everyone you need the revised amount. Is there any chance they think they're paying on the day? It is pretty shady if everything was agreed upfront and they've left you out of pocket now.

If you are having afternoon tea why do you need ANOTHER cake?

I’d send a final message to say unless payment is received asap you will have to cancel the things you have paid deposits for. Unfortunately you will be out of pocket for the deposits but the afternoon tea in itself should be good.
unfortunately the only way when booking these things is cash upfront

If people have agreed then send a WhatsApp to each individual asking for the transfer.

I think it sounds like a lot of money for decorations for a baby shower. However if they agreed to contribute that amount then they should stick by what they agreed too.

Maybe they didn't expect it to be so much. £20 each for some cake and balloons, plus the actual afternoon itself (what £30pp) plus a gift for the baby shower (min. £20). So £70 for a baby shower, that's a lot.

It is fine to ask attendees to split the cost of the mother to be’s afternoon tea. It was incredibly déclassé to ask them to pay for the party in the first place but it’s done now. What games do you need to pay for?? You shouldn’t have booked anything until you had the money. You will either now have to pay the balance and hope you can recoup the costs or cancel the lot. Send a reminder text. Say no one has sent me any money. If I don’t get x I’m going to have to forfeit the x, y and z. Yes you have gotten yourself in to a pickle here as either way someone will think you are tight/bossy/stingy. There is no way a baby shower needs this much input from a non family member. Sounds like you’ve all gone way overboard

Won't you be getting multiple cakes as part of the afternoon tea? You usually get a scone and a couple of mini cakes per person.

You don’t need an arch or games. Not cool.

Also. £20 for games, £30/£40 for afternoon tea and then a gift? That’s £100. That’s a lot for some people just now.

Mum to be should be paying for that; she's pregnant, not poor.

Why do people think this is ok?! If mum wants an optional celebration, then mum pays.

Guests (including 'organisers') pay for a gift and that all. It isn't a wedding. You aren't chief bridesmaid. It's a baby shower. Sounds like it's been blown well out of proportion.

YABU to chase payment. They don't owe you or the mum to be anything. The mum to be is a huge cheeky fucker. If she wants a party, she pays.

What next? Birthday parties paid for by best friends? 🙄

Ask mum to be to pay for her own baby shower! She wants a party, she pays.

Not really my issue though once they've said they are more than happy to contribute and agreed on £20 each.

I think it’s completely unreasonable that your friend is expecting you and her other friends to pay for her baby shower tbh

😂😂😂😂 hope you calm down soon x

But the poster is right, I’ve never been to a baby shower where I was expected to contribute anything to pay for the party. Why is it you organising this? Have the mum to be got no family?

The party is the gift from us. We won't be getting additional gifts. The afternoon tea is £15. So well done for reaching but the organising team are looking at £35 each. All. Agreed. In. Advance. 🙂🙂🙂

Scrap the party and spend the money on vests and nappies. Bonkers.

Clicking on a baby shower thread to give supercilious opinions about baby showers. Bonkers.

Afternoon tea for £15? 🤨 That includes drinks?

I would just message the group of people who originally said they would chip in and say something like 'I'm going to the venue/balloon shop/cake shop on Friday to pay, please could you all send your £20 contribution over by then, thanks'

Or even add something on about it not paying your payday so you won't be able to cover the whole thing

Yep, tea and a glass of fizz. Nice place too.

I'm reading this as the small group you're organising it with agreed £20 each for decorations etc (assuming there's maybe 4/5 of you max-mum to be's close friends) and they're now nowhere to be seen since asking for the money.
You're asking if it WBU to ask the whole baby shower party who are all part of a separate baby shower what's app group for contributions?
If so...
Give the organising group another nudge; maybe private messages to each.
Don't ask the whole party for contributions/donations at this point.

I feel for you, I always end up being the organiser and it seems you then take the default role of also being the financial back stop.