Baby shower etiquette?

[RosieWinter]

I am organising a friend's baby shower with a few other friends. I've started to cost things up and they all said they were happy to contribute. However since sending over my details, the WhatsApp chat has been silent and no money has appeared in my account...

I've put another reminder message in this morning and still nothing.

At this point, am I being unreasonable/is it cheeky to just put into main event WhatsApp with all 20+ people who are invited my details and say I'd appreciate any contributions to cake/decor that can be made? I would never have taken on organising this if it was going to end up being left to my bank account alone and I really thought I could trust the people who said they would contribute! I now know I'm unreasonable to trust people will send money when they say they will... but in the meantime what course of action do you reckon I can take?

Not being your payday*

Some odd comments.

I would message the organisers group and say, please can you make payment by Xdate, otherwise I will have to cancel the cake, decorations and return the party games.

I can't afford to pay for it all.

@RosieWinter

Hopefully you find this a little more helpful than 'I hate baby shower' posters. Clearly not what you asked
I just organised my friends baby shower where we did an afternoon tea. The afternoon tea was £19.95 per head, but I asked everyone for £25 at the beginning and said to people, if you can't afford it, or can't make it then that's fine and I needed final numbers by a certain date.
I booked the venue and paid deposit and final balance was due 4 weeks before. 7 weeks before I told everyone I needed payment on certain date 6 weeks before. Everyone did pay in fairness other than a couple I had to chase. Which I did and they paid.
You're not being unreasonable if you told people how much they needed to pay, and when they needed to pay it by

You shouldn't have to cover cost of decor etc, which is why I charged that little bit extra.
I did however, make popcorn cones and bought mini bottles of wine for everyone as 'party' favours and I'll be honest, most of that came out my own money.

It's a pain organised it for so many people (we had 26) but hope you find this somewhat helpful?!

I actually think baby showers can be lovely. You aren’t willing to pay for the outlay yourself (and why should you). Does the mum know the party is her present? I’m assuming it’s her first baby. She will need vests, nappies, all those things more than a balloon arch. If you can’t afford to do both scrap the party as planned. How long is left until the baby shower?

I would message them individually, you’re more likely to get a response I find. It’s easier for them to ignore a message when it’s sent in a group chat because it’s not directed at any one person.

Just message and say you need everyone’s £20 by Friday or you can’t buy the stuff.

I bet they do all still get her a gift. That’s the actual baby shower etiquette.

I’d cut your losses and just cancel the balloon arch and cake. Games can be completely free, get someone else to organise them. Baby showers aren’t my thing, but I think an afternoon tea with mates sounds great and you don’t need all the other stuff. I would be embarrassed to get presents from people so I think it’s a nice gesture to cover the cost of the tea.

Quite!

OP I don’t think you can ask the attendees for money. But I would talk to each of the organising group individually (private message), and ask them if they are still able to contribute.

Will never understand the whole baby shower thing and would cringe if someone planned one for me but considering you've tried to plan one, there's no way I would have booked anything without the money from everyone else.

Thanks for your useful insight

So, pay to attend the shower.

Then also take a gift.

Then also contribute to the decor etc.

They shouldn't have agreed in the first place but I think it's pretty cheeky tbh.

Am I the only one who read the post? OP isn’t looking for your opinions on cost, baby showers, balloon arches or what colour of knickers she should wear. Simply asked for advice on how to get others to cough up what they owe!

@RosieWinter I’d send a final message (how long as it been, I tend to give these things 3-5 days before going in) saying “Hi all, sorry to be a pest but if you could all make your £20 contributions by X date that would be much appreciated.” Explain this is when full payment is to be made.

£20 per person, along with gifts for mama/baby is a lot of money. Sometimes people agree to a certain amount in good faith and then they check their finances and realize they are not as flush as they thought. Or the washing machine and the fridge break in the same week.

Do you need a balloon arch? A venue? A £20 cake? Can you not just meet in someone's house and each contribute something for a buffet, get a few balloons, play a couple of games etc.

I think if they've agreed to contribute and knew the amount beforehand then it's really rubbish of them to leave you in the lurch.

I'd send another group message explaining you paid the deposits as agreed to the budget you all set - that if the money isn't sent asap you'll have to lose the deposits and cancel as you can't afford to pay the full amount or similar? That should hopefully prompt them.

Whether or not people agree with baby showers is irrelevant, but people in groups shouldn't agree to pay for something then leave someone in the lurch after deposits have been sent. It's really poor form on the other attendees!!!

Ok so I hate big events for baby showers and hen parties, but what the OP is planning isn’t particularly extravagant or expensive. £20 per person agreed in advance for cake and decorations is fine, and £15 for a nice afternoon tea with Prosecco is actually pretty cheap.

OP, if you haven’t already bought everything, you could split items up and delegate each thing to someone do it’s their responsibility to purchase and pay for it. We usually do that, it ends up that people don’t pay the exact same amount but no one is petty enough to care about a few pounds difference here and there.

I think £20 is quite a bit on top of paying for tea and gift tbh but i understand your frustration if that was agreed before.

When I had my baby shower, my husband paid for everything although it was organised by my friends (it was at our house and we had sandwiches, cake, drinks (non alcoholic ones) and some decorations and games.

You can buy a balloon arch in Morrison's for £10, you just have to blow it up yourself.

The point is a close group of friends all agreed this and are now not coughing up.

Id said a blunt message - you all agreed to pay towards this and not one of you have done so. Transfer the money today please as agreed. I can’t believe I’ve had to chase you all like this!

Have you given them a deadline?

I would say. "As agreed, I've paid the deposits and now need the balance. Unfortunately, if I don't have the money by xxx I'll have to cancel and let mum to be know the reason.

Feck that

And then a gift on top!!

I’ll leave my opinions on baby showers/balloon arches out of this.

if prices have been agreed and it was agreed they’d contribute prior to booking/deposits then they’re being very unreasonable. I’d be chasing them up and I would give them a deadline for the payment. I’d also probably contact them individually to chase it up rather than in the group chat - no one’s going to reply there as usually people hold back and let someone else reply first and then follow suit.

In future get the money before you book

Useful insight, thanks

It's not the posters baby shower and possibly not what she would want / expect; I'm assuming the agreed plans were thought of by the intimate small group knowing what the pregnant friend would enjoy and like. Chill outs!

Poster - I'd message them again being really clear need the money by x date otherwise cannot proceed and deposit lost and you'll have to explain to pregnant mama why