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Original poster

To feel hopeless about male violence

189 replies

brujarosada · 06/02/2023 08:21

Everywhere I turn I see news stories where it's implicitly understood that a man harmed a woman. An obvious family annhilator? Definitely the husband. Woman disappears while out? Obviously a man.

I know that this is nothing new, but it feels so inevitable and hopeless. Women getting angry gets some attention sometimes (like with Sarah Everard). But there's no real change and toxic masculinity seems to be ever more celebrated - for example, there's currently a story in The Guardian about an influencer who is capturing the imagination of secondary school boys everywhere.

Am I wrong to feel so hopeless? Is there some sort of inspiring change that I am missing?

OP posts:
Naunet · 06/02/2023 09:53

MintyFreshOne · 06/02/2023 09:48

You realise most missing women don’t make the press? Just like most of our rapes and murders don’t either

Is this really the case? Press will report on most disappearances of women unless you come from the very bottom of the class hierarchy (it’s not right). For men, they aren’t interested at all, tbh

One of the saddest things I ever read was about the Cleveland (USA) kidnappings where the man tortured one of the victims with the fact no one was looking for her; he would turn on the TV when news reports of his second and third victims would air (they were younger and prettier, with intact families) and tell her she was worthless, no one cared or was looking for her, etc.

Yes it’s true. In 2019/2022 131,062 women went missing, most did not make the press.

C8H10N4O2 · 06/02/2023 09:55

Fizbosshoes · 06/02/2023 08:37

I agree how depressing it feels to have the likes of Andrew Tate influencing teenage boys with their misogynistic and offensive views on women. And the Emily Atack programme where she documents how many dick pics and disgusting messages she gets daily (and the men that she confided in - despite not being implicated themselves - either found it funny or were pretty nonchalant about the whole thing)

However I don't think its right to speculate on a new story that's just broken and of which very few details have been released.

I'm trying to think of a single case of "family annihilation, police not looking for culprit" which hasn't been the male partner in the relationship murdering the family.

I'm failing to come up with one.

Naunet · 06/02/2023 09:55

Moonmelodies · 06/02/2023 09:49

At least we can take consolation that as women we are far less likely than men to be violently assaulted or murdered by men.

Yeah I’m not sure that’s even true because those stats don’t include rape and sexual assault.

Emmamoo89 · 06/02/2023 09:59

YANBU X

MintyFreshOne · 06/02/2023 10:00

Naunet · 06/02/2023 09:53

Yes it’s true. In 2019/2022 131,062 women went missing, most did not make the press.

Show quote history

A ridiculous number of those people are found within 24 hours so not even time to make the press. I’m not sure this gives an accurate picture.

lifeturnsonadime · 06/02/2023 10:00

Well this thread shows that the MRAs don't limit themselves to threads about trans identifying people.

It's astonishing the number of people on this thread who are minimising this issue.

C8H10N4O2 · 06/02/2023 10:03

MintyFreshOne · 06/02/2023 09:48

You realise most missing women don’t make the press? Just like most of our rapes and murders don’t either

Is this really the case? Press will report on most disappearances of women unless you come from the very bottom of the class hierarchy (it’s not right). For men, they aren’t interested at all, tbh

One of the saddest things I ever read was about the Cleveland (USA) kidnappings where the man tortured one of the victims with the fact no one was looking for her; he would turn on the TV when news reports of his second and third victims would air (they were younger and prettier, with intact families) and tell her she was worthless, no one cared or was looking for her, etc.

Its really the case that most women do not get any significant coverage or any at all.

If the victim is white, attractive, younger, MC and perceived to be "behaving" they can attract a lot of attention (until something more exciting happens like a couple of WAGs having a spat).

If the victim doesn't fit into the above subset she is not only likely to be ignored by most media, there is always the bonus opportunity that she will be blamed for her own attack, her reputation trashed etc.

VioletaDelValle · 06/02/2023 10:04

It’s exhausting being a man and seeing everything pinned on us these days

Maybe men should stop assaulting, raping and murdering women then. What are you doing to address this issue so it's no longer so exhausting for you?

Original poster
brujarosada · 06/02/2023 10:04

lifeturnsonadime · 06/02/2023 10:00

Well this thread shows that the MRAs don't limit themselves to threads about trans identifying people.

It's astonishing the number of people on this thread who are minimising this issue.

That's the point really - I think the data is there, but male violence (and particularly against women) is so incredibly endemic that it just seems normal. People refuse to admit that it might be a fact or problem.

OP posts:
LobeliaBaggins · 06/02/2023 10:06

VioletaDelValle · 06/02/2023 10:04

It’s exhausting being a man and seeing everything pinned on us these days

Maybe men should stop assaulting, raping and murdering women then. What are you doing to address this issue so it's no longer so exhausting for you?

You ARE exhausted? Fuck me. How do you think women feel looking over their shoulder all day?

LobeliaBaggins · 06/02/2023 10:07

Oh sorry I meant that last comment for the male poster who is exhausted, not the poster who quoted it.

Return2thebasic · 06/02/2023 10:11

I'm wondering if there's anything we could do more in school to educate children. Or in the media contents where they get exposed to.

It's a problem only prevails in certain regions/countries/cultures. It's not the same in a country where I lived for a few years and in another city where I grew up, it's absolutely not an issue. In those areas, women's right are well supported and respected.

I found it's particular worse in Britain how women are stereotyped and lack of support that they need. Even the school policy for uniform, girls are expected to wear dresses/short skirts.

A friend of mine who lives in Germany told me that they have a law to favour women in job interviews if this woman holds the same level of qualifications as other male candidates. They actually have some gender equality committee member sit in the interview to make sure it happens. I was really surprised and touched too. That policy speak out loud for women's right after they sacrificed so much for the society due to child rearing.

Naunet · 06/02/2023 10:11

MintyFreshOne · 06/02/2023 10:00

A ridiculous number of those people are found within 24 hours so not even time to make the press. I’m not sure this gives an accurate picture.

Show quote history

Of course, as are men. but many cases make the press pretty quickly actually because most that make the press are when people going missing under suspicious circumstances so time is precious.

Return2thebasic · 06/02/2023 10:12

Honestly, if I had girls, I'd really consider moving to another country. The level of gender inequality is shocking in this country and I don't see hope.

SleeplessInEngland · 06/02/2023 10:12

Everyone agrees something must be done. Unfortunately no-one knows, much less agrees, what that 'something' is.

Naunet · 06/02/2023 10:13

LobeliaBaggins · 06/02/2023 10:06

You ARE exhausted? Fuck me. How do you think women feel looking over their shoulder all day?

Show quote history

Never forget, the worst thing about male violence, is it makes men look bad 🥺

Worldgonecrazy · 06/02/2023 10:14

I think when we’re younger, we don’t know about it and are taught a lot of aggressive male behaviour is normal, or we are frog-boiled into dis functional and abusive relationships. Then we go through the ‘stay compliant and it will only happen to other women’ victim blaming stage. Then we get old enough to begin to understand how much VAWG has shaped our entire lives, but as we are old and therefore in the ‘unfuckable’ category, no one listens to us, especially the younger women who need to hear the message, because they think men are listening and we are just a bunch of jealous dried up hags ….. and so it repeats …

midgetastic · 06/02/2023 10:15

Offs

You really think you will make men as a whole think twice with that attitude?

FOJN · 06/02/2023 10:16

Deathbyfluffy · 06/02/2023 08:37

It’s exhausting being a man and seeing everything pinned on us these days - there needs to be some kind of balance.
I’ve come to the conclusion that humans as a species are generally toxic, so avoid most of them on principle 😁

Oh you poor love.

C'mon ladies, thoughts and prayers for the men.

If you could have a chat with blokes and convince them to be less violent then all of humanity will thank you.

Now piss off with your pity party.

Naunet · 06/02/2023 10:16

midgetastic · 06/02/2023 10:15

Offs

You really think you will make men as a whole think twice with that attitude?

Meaning what?! If women were just nicer and kinder men would stop killing and raping us?

VioletaDelValle · 06/02/2023 10:20

You really think you will make men as a whole think twice with that attitude?

Oh, we should #BeKind should we? Will that stop men from raping and murdering us?

midgetastic · 06/02/2023 10:21

No I mean if women didn't try to blame all men

If women didn't tell all men that men are violent

That might actually help more

Because if they believe what you are telling them that's what they will become

And it's also about time women took responsibility for bringing up boys that don't think violence is natural - rough play , gun play ... just a boys thing

That's parenting which falls as a whole to women

The more male violence is normalised the more male violence you will get

MistyGreenAndBlue · 06/02/2023 10:23

Deathbyfluffy · 06/02/2023 08:37

It’s exhausting being a man and seeing everything pinned on us these days - there needs to be some kind of balance.
I’ve come to the conclusion that humans as a species are generally toxic, so avoid most of them on principle 😁

Ah yes. The old "The worst thing about male violence is that it makes men look bad"
What a damn shame.

VioletaDelValle · 06/02/2023 10:24

No I mean if women didn't try to blame all men
If women didn't tell all men that men are violent

Who is actually saying this though?

Seems to me like you're just blaming women........

Changemaname1 · 06/02/2023 10:24

Worldgonecrazy · 06/02/2023 10:14

I think when we’re younger, we don’t know about it and are taught a lot of aggressive male behaviour is normal, or we are frog-boiled into dis functional and abusive relationships. Then we go through the ‘stay compliant and it will only happen to other women’ victim blaming stage. Then we get old enough to begin to understand how much VAWG has shaped our entire lives, but as we are old and therefore in the ‘unfuckable’ category, no one listens to us, especially the younger women who need to hear the message, because they think men are listening and we are just a bunch of jealous dried up hags ….. and so it repeats …

This . So much .

i put up with so much shit when I was younger and didn’t see the wider issues either

now I’m a bit older I get it . Am not quite in dried up old hag territory just yet though so I am viewed with suspicion I think / quirky / confusion as to why I aren’t or don’t want to get married

and challenged on my view points by both men and women because they are / they have “ good husbands” ah well that’s ok then