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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Taking a house you don’t really want?

152 replies

Balloonblower8 · 05/02/2023 11:47

I live in an awful area with violence, anti social behaviour and bad neighbours. It’s not where I want to raise my children as it’s got worse since we moved here 4 years ago. The local schools have gone downhill too and are rated some of the worse in the U.K.

I have the option to take another house half an hour away with better opportunities, it isn’t perfect and it’s fairly small, but it will mean an easy escape from this dreadful place.
If you were me would you take the house for these reasons? Have you been in this position and moved somewhere you didn’t really want just for a happier life?

OP posts:
BananaCocktails · 05/02/2023 12:15

Also, if you find something even better, you’re more likely to be able to exchange if you take the house in the better area

Pinkysunset · 05/02/2023 12:16

definitely snap it up quick before someone else does!

Mydogatemypurse · 05/02/2023 12:17

Run to the new house and dont look back xxx

Echobelly · 05/02/2023 12:17

I'd take it - you can probably improve aspects of the house but there is nothing you can do about an area, and clearly where you are now is causing you stress.

Original poster
Balloonblower8 · 05/02/2023 12:18

Thanks for replies sorry I posted in a rush while waiting for my son at football
The new area isn’t fantastic itself, it’s still in the same borough although further away from the worst part (here) so there will be issues regardless, although I can’t imagine as bad as we’re currently facing
Our current house is nice itself in terms of size and how it looks, it’s the area and neighbours that make me hate it I’m on anti depressants from the stress and fear I have being here
The new house is smaller so it will be a squeeze and for that reason may be hard to get out of if we need to move again. It needs a lot of work which will cost a lot and no storage space. We’re at work and school all day so it isn’t a issue in general but with 3 children as they get older it will be difficult to work around. I also found a news article about arson a few years ago on the road which is worrying. I may be over thinking it but I’m scared to put us in the same position we’re currently in.

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 05/02/2023 12:19

Small houses have their advantages. You just need to ruthlessly declutter then you'll have less stuff to look after and clean round

dudsville · 05/02/2023 12:20

Every step up is a little more way forward than the previous. This may not be ideal, but it is clearly a step up.

PaulHeymanHairline · 05/02/2023 12:22

If you are a nervous person, you might find you're nervous in the new house too. Have you tried CBT?

2bazookas · 05/02/2023 12:22

The house you really REALLY don't want is the one you're living in.

Problem solved.

GreyPaw · 05/02/2023 12:22

I bought a house I didn't want. Had to rapidly downsize when my husband died under threat of eviction from the mortgage company. Finally found a buyer but there was a long chain and just before exchange someone two links down the chain pulled out. I offered for the house just to create a circular chain and push the sale through.

I went to view the house once (before I offered to make sure it wasn't a total lemon). It was way too small for my family and in the wrong area, so I intended to put it straight back on the market. I'd never have offered for it if I'd had free choice.

We moved in and everyone loved it. The area is so beautiful and perfect for us, really convenient etc. Neighbours are a dream. It's definitely my favourite out of all the places I've lived. Just wish it was a bit bigger that's all.

MargaritaRita · 05/02/2023 12:23

Just curious, but what is the actual difference size wise between new and current houses?

Fewer bedrooms, smaller garden, less storage, smaller footprint?

doublechocolatedigestives · 05/02/2023 12:26

I'd take it OP. I want to move because of the same reasons and overcrowding but my HA won't move me.
You are lucky that they are willing to move you. Go for it and give your kids a better life

YouWithoutEnd · 05/02/2023 12:27

Can you try and think of some positive things about the new house? Imagine how you and your family would live in it? Who’d have which bedroom? How you’d like to decorate it? What you’ll do to the garden to make it nice for summer?

Johnnysgirl · 05/02/2023 12:28

The new house is smaller so it will be a squeeze and for that reason may be hard to get out of if we need to move again.
But you also say your current house is in a rubbish area that nobody wants, so presumably will be even harder to get out of if you let this opportunity go?
Stop overthinking it and go.

Arniesleftleg · 05/02/2023 12:28

Move. The opportunities will be better for you and your kids, it's a no brainer really. It might be a smaller house but I'm sure you'll be much happier and feel a lot safer out of the area you're currently in. I'd take it no questions. Look at it as a stepping stone to a brighter future and better opportunities.

TheNoodlesIncident · 05/02/2023 12:31

I would take it OP because the issues with the house in the area you're in currently are external ones that you can do nothing about. The issues with the new one are surmountable, you can have an effect on those. The area might not be great still but it's definitely an improvement on the one you're in now.

Obviously it's a lot of upheaval and disruption to your whole family, but it will be worth it, it really will.

HeavenIsAHalfpipe · 05/02/2023 12:34

@Balloonblower8

Yes of COURSE you should move. If the new house becomes too small one day, there will be a LOAD of people wanting to downsize, because bedroom tax. So you can move to a bigger one again then. (You may not even want to though!)

Also, small houses are easier to look after and clean and maintain and heat etc... We moved from a big 5 bed to a small 2/3 bed. (Big bedroom 20 feet X 14 feet, was converted into 2 bedrooms before we moved in, so a 2 became a 3.)

Our bills are half they were in the big 5 bed now, and the housework much less. As a pp said you need to declutter. We did. We got rid of about 50% of everything we had built up over a quarter century together. I can't even remember 95% of what we threw out now!

Teeshirt · 05/02/2023 12:34

Definitely move.

Original poster
Balloonblower8 · 05/02/2023 12:35

Yes I’ve tried lots of things I’ve even spoken to my counsellor about it but nothing helps

I know we’ll be stuck here forever if I don’t take the first opportunity to leave but I don’t want to uproot my children every year because we’re not happy and the current tenant could be lying about the area to escape themselves, it’s a mutual exchange so the HA aren’t moving me despite all the police and doctor reports they don’t care what we’ve been through

greypaws I’m so glad it worked out for you thank you for giving me hope

The rooms in my current house are massive it’s very spacious and we’ve done a lot to make it home, we have a 100 foot garden, I love the house it’s the area and neighbours I don’t want anymore. The current house has no storage, the bedrooms barely fit a double bed, the living room only fits one sofa in an odd lay out, the garden is tiny. the reason I’m dragging my heels is because I’m letting other people ‘win’ by leaving a house I love to move to one that isn’t great.

I appreciate the positive responses, a good neighbourhood and neighbours does outweigh the house itself you’re right. It doesn’t help dh wants us to wait for a perfect house whilst knowing it’s not possible and it’s making me unwell waiting. Only last night a neighbour a few doors down smashed someone’s windscreen because they parked slightly across their drive way. They are psychos here and I’m scared for my children.

OP posts:
Original poster
Balloonblower8 · 05/02/2023 12:37

The new* house has no storage, the bedrooms barely fit a double bed, the living room only fits one sofa in an odd lay out, the garden is tiny

OP posts:
NotQuiteUsual · 05/02/2023 12:37

It's the weekend so the perfect time to get a feel for the neighbourhood. Can you get yourself over there today to scope it out? I think that would be really telling either way and help you make a decision.

Mooloopoo · 05/02/2023 12:37

Gosh, take the house and run! You’ve been desperately wanting to move and now have the chance to! many people don’t have that opportunity because they may be mortgaged and unable, for financial reasons, they buy a new home

Johnnysgirl · 05/02/2023 12:38

They are psychos here and I’m scared for my children.
And yet you're prepared to put your large rooms and garden above your children's safety? Confused
This is too bizarre.

oakleaffy · 05/02/2023 12:38

@Balloonblower8 Area is so important!
I'd rather live in a garden shed in a nice area than a beautiful house in a shit area.

It sounds like you live in a terrible area.. get your children out of that hellhole.

You have a rare chance!
Take it.

lapasion · 05/02/2023 12:39

I’d say move. We used to live in a private rental next to a really antisocial family. Late night parties, quad bikes in the garden and all sorts of shit. We ended up finding a smaller place in a village which was still not all that nice but definitely better than the old place. Put a lot of our stuff in the loft and had to learn some storage tricks but it worked ok. It meant I could sleep at night and not be constantly worried about the neighbours which was such a huge relief.

Kids are fine in smaller spaces. People manage in tiny flats, it’s just a case of being really organised with their stuff. Mine both have cabin beds with lots of drawers and we do a lot of charity shop donating as soon as they grow out of toys. It’s not ideal but you can make it work.