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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To never have been married by 34...

131 replies

teacakespecial · 04/02/2023 12:33

All my friends are married or engaged. At the least they have been married!
I have 2 kids with ExP.. we were close to getting married then COVID (luckily) put a stop to that. Lockdown was the weekend before my hen do.
I'm 35 this bloody year and feel like I'll never get married, if I do I'm going to be an old bride.
Just feel sad I never got the happy ever after wedding I imagined as a little girl.
Anyone else?

OP posts:
KangarooKenny · 04/02/2023 12:36

I think you’re lucky to be unmarried, stay as you are .

barbrahunter · 04/02/2023 12:37

I agree with the poster above - be careful what you wish for

Littlemoon31 · 04/02/2023 12:38

I just got engaged at 38. Not getting married anytime soon. Bet you don't old

DoomedForLoneliness · 04/02/2023 12:42

Literally made a similar post just now.
But you are ahead of me, I don’t even have kids. Or e an ex😱!

It’s embarrassing as hell!

PandasAreUseless · 04/02/2023 12:44

"Just feel sad I never got the happy ever after wedding I imagined as a little girl."

I'm very happily married, but this sentence just made me throw up in my mouth a little.
If either of your kids is a girl, please don't encourage them to think that this is a thing!

whirlyhead · 04/02/2023 12:44

I didn’t get married until I was 38. Never saw the point. Still don’t actually but had a great day but It is still just a day. Being married doesn’t change much in reality and there is no happy ever after, it only exists in fairytales.

Fleetheart · 04/02/2023 12:44

crikey, there are so many other things you could worry about! it’s not really something to sweat about. and it could still happen anyway!

NewNameFor2023 · 04/02/2023 12:45

It isn’t embarrassing. I really don’t get why there is a need to be married.

I am 37, 38 soon. Not married and no intention as there aren’t any benefits for me at all.

Phrenologistsfinger · 04/02/2023 12:46

I’m unmarried at 40, care only a wee bit… but I mainly don’t want to marry DP and never wanted the fantasy white wedding nonsense for myself tbh, I can’t see it!

Boneweary · 04/02/2023 12:47

I got married last year, at 41.

It was lovely, but the young beautiful bride I wasn’t. Still, plenty aren’t!

In an ideal world I’d like to have married in my late twenties and had children in my mid thirties but then my whole life would look so different so I’m not sure.

Phrenologistsfinger · 04/02/2023 12:47

Also, I don’t want anyone getting their mits on my assets, nor does DP (we both own houses and have had past partners who were cock/muff lodgers).

Stardu · 04/02/2023 12:47

If you want to get married (and I think you should for the legal protections if nothing else), just do a simple quick wedding then get on with the marriage.

23456v · 04/02/2023 12:48

NewNameFor2023 · 04/02/2023 12:45

It isn’t embarrassing. I really don’t get why there is a need to be married.

I am 37, 38 soon. Not married and no intention as there aren’t any benefits for me at all.

I'm 40, never married and never wanted to be (if I did get married, I'd absolutely hate the "big fairytale wedding" and would probably just do it in a registry office with witnesses off the street!).

Whataretheodds · 04/02/2023 12:48

Have you really not modified your assumptions about what happiness /success looks like since you were a little girl?

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 04/02/2023 12:48

Mufflodger🤣🤣🤣

DisplayPurposesOnly · 04/02/2023 12:50
  1. No children. No long term relationship, never married. Not embarrassed. I am sufficient as I am.
Cocochai · 04/02/2023 12:51

I was 41 when I got married. Thanks for implying I was ‘an old bride.’ I hope the people who attended my wedding didn’t have such shallow thoughts.

Cyberworrier · 04/02/2023 12:52

As someone about your age going through a horrible divorce, I sort of feel you should be focusing on the relief that you didn’t actually marry your ex! It’s a nightmare. And you know what, if you fall in love and get married at whatever age to the right guy, you will be beautiful and feel happy and not give a damn about being “too old” as a bride.
I’m childless and I’m worried about time running out in that regard- I view you as very lucky to have had children! Not to belittle your sadness about weddings, but maybe to give a different perspective.
Also, remember there’s nothing you can do about this and honestly anyone who would judge you for not having had a big extravagant wedding or “your day as a bride” would be a moron, so just live in the present and be happy for what you’ve got!

dumbstruckdumptruck · 04/02/2023 12:52

I think it might be worth having a closer look at what marriage means to you - and what the wedding part represents.

Is it about feeling 'chosen'?
It it about finding someone you really love, and who really loves you?
Is it about having a big party where you're the centre of attention?

Which is more important to you?

A wedding is not a marriage.
A marriage is not necessarily a happy relationship.

And someone finding love after the age of 35 is not an 'old bride'

MakeItADouble2 · 04/02/2023 12:53

Well it may sound old fashioned here on this board, but if you move in with your partner then have kids, then hope to get married, you have got the order a bit wrong.
I would however, say there is still a lot of hope for you to get married to someone else, obviously not your ex. You are still young.

ZeldaWillTellYourFortune · 04/02/2023 12:54

I'm 60, unmarried and zero regrets.

DietrichandDiMaggio · 04/02/2023 12:55

So if you had been married to your ex and were now divorced, do you really think that would be 'better'?

StarDolphins · 04/02/2023 12:55

I’ve never married & never would. I’ve worked v hard to buy a house outright on a min wage job (after making some on a flat I bought at 20). Only 1 of my group of friends is married.

really wouldn’t be worried at all about this!

AlisonDonut · 04/02/2023 12:57

55 never married and never want to be.

megletthesecond · 04/02/2023 12:57

I'm 48 and will never be married. I've paid my mortgage off and have dc's so even if I met someone I'd not want to risk my financial stability.