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Original poster

To never have been married by 34...

131 replies

teacakespecial · 04/02/2023 12:33

All my friends are married or engaged. At the least they have been married!
I have 2 kids with ExP.. we were close to getting married then COVID (luckily) put a stop to that. Lockdown was the weekend before my hen do.
I'm 35 this bloody year and feel like I'll never get married, if I do I'm going to be an old bride.
Just feel sad I never got the happy ever after wedding I imagined as a little girl.
Anyone else?

OP posts:
sassyclassyandsmartassy · 04/02/2023 19:15

Didn’t get married until I was 41… one year later than planned thanks to COVID and then only by luck (restrictions lifted 1 week before we tied the knot). Been with DH for 10 years overall. I actually think waiting until you are older is no bad thing.

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 04/02/2023 19:17

sassyclassyandsmartassy · 04/02/2023 19:15

Didn’t get married until I was 41… one year later than planned thanks to COVID and then only by luck (restrictions lifted 1 week before we tied the knot). Been with DH for 10 years overall. I actually think waiting until you are older is no bad thing.

Oh and I don’t have kids (other than the SS I inherited).

Rycbar · 04/02/2023 19:17

Ignore the people telling you ‘there’s more to worry about’. Your feelings are more than valid - you’re allowed to be sad and disappointed that you haven’t had something you wanted.

However, it is not too late. Some of my best friends got married in their late 30s, there is no time limit in finding someone you love. The only time limit is if you wanted to get married before having children but you already have them! There’s no shame in marrying at 40, 50, 60! My godmother got married at 55 and she was the most beautiful and glamorous bride I’ve ever seen!

MintJulia · 04/02/2023 19:21

I'm 59, OP. I've not been married either. I came very close a long time ago. And I have a wonderful ds. I don't mind never having had the the big day. That's almost a relief.

I do regret never having found a life partner but I look at the miserable situation several of my friends are in, and recognise that I have a much better life than they do, with no selfish, aggressive or manipulative man spoiling life.

You have children too. Marriage isn't the be all and end all. 🙂

VeganStar · 04/02/2023 19:25

Got engaged at 39, married at 40, first and only dc at 44… you’ve heaps of time left for your dream wedding.

Sparkleshine21 · 04/02/2023 19:51

I’m single and 31 with a child, im not sure I ever want to marry! Love my life with my daughter, mostly because - no stress.

bigbadbarry · 04/02/2023 19:55

I’ve been to two friends’ ‘first weddings’ in the past 3 months; one was 49 and the other 55. Both were lovely weddings. Nobody thought anybody was too old!

CaR1282 · 04/02/2023 19:55

I'm 42 this year and have never been married. Was asked twice but said no as just didn't seem right at the time. Really happy I've never married just to be married or to spare someone's feelings by saying no.

Dartsplayer · 04/02/2023 19:57

I didn't get married until 35. School friend got married for the first time last year aged 51. It could still happen

Bloopsie · 04/02/2023 20:06

Well i am married but we just literally went down to the registry office to sign the documents,no party,no wedding dress,i dont even know where the wedding rings are we just bought then for the ceremony but otherwise neither of us wears jewelry. I dont feel like i have missed out of anything, we had our first child then i would not have wanted to spend a penny on entertaining a bunch of people or buying a dress for one day. I rather put that money towards paying off mortgags-5 months left.

celticprincess · 04/02/2023 20:21

Not sure there is such a thing as happily ever after fairy tale wedding. I was married at 28 but divorced by 40, with two kids. Whilst my wedding was wonderful and lovely at the time it wasn’t the fairy tale I’d imagined as we did compromise on things due to cost and also having shred and different interests in some things such as the music. 2 kids and a divorce later and single for nearly 10 years I wonder if I’ll end up on my own forever. I’ve not made much effort though looking for love as kids are still going.

jamdonut · 04/02/2023 20:25

I’m 58 and about to get married for the 2nd time.
I don’t feel too old.

BMW6 · 04/02/2023 20:30

I didn't get married until I was 47 and I very often wish I hadn't.

Stay free OP.

Otterock · 04/02/2023 20:57

33, never been engaged or married. In fact I was single for my whole 20s.

ForestMountainsDesertOcean · 04/02/2023 21:01

Married at 35. Really wish I hadn't.

TowerRaven7 · 04/02/2023 21:02

Old bride here! Engaged at 34, married at 36, ds at 38. It’s no big deal. 100% better off by yourself if you don’t marry the right one.

LeaCFBC · 04/02/2023 21:30

52, never married by choice, childfree by choice, don't even want to live with partner, by choice... absolutely no regrets... lived all over the world instead, very early retired now and off to live on my dream farm with my horses and dogs, and enjoy my 15 acres in sunny Portugal. Some women's dreams always were my nightmares !

MovieQueen12 · 04/02/2023 21:52

@BabyOnBoard90 unfortunately a lot of people do think your value is based on marriage and kids. Speaking from a point of view of a single, never married, no kids, late thirty something.

Malarandra · 04/02/2023 21:52

I had the big fairytale wedding. The marriage was not so great. Descended into abuse, misery and a myriad of health problems for me. I was probably one of history’s luckiest widows.

Your feelings are valid, and I do understand them. Just telling you this so that you know that not everything is as it seems. The big wedding, any wedding, is unlikely to solve all the problems. Explore within yourself why you feel the way you do. Try to understand yourself, and try to learn your own worth. This isn’t easy - I don’t say it lightly. It’s very hard and I am still doing it myself. But if I can, you can too.

Best of luck.

GettingItOutThere · 04/02/2023 22:05

thing is , unmarried you are likely to stay as you want too. Married, you are more likely to think"i have to work at this i cant afford a divorce"

unmarried. single. happy.

mobear · 04/02/2023 22:12

38, never married, one DC. I’d only consider marrying DP for financial/ tax reasons. It otherwise doesn’t seem to mean much anymore and I don’t like being the centre of attention.

MistyGreenAndBlue · 04/02/2023 22:23

I met my now husband at 36. Married at 38. I looked gorgeous thank you very much Grin I was NOT an "old bride" ye cheeky wee thing

MistyGreenAndBlue · 04/02/2023 22:27

I should add I enjoyed my years as a single parent very much
I wouldn't do anything differently if I could

Aphrathestorm · 04/02/2023 22:28

I was engaged twice before I was 21.

I think that set me up with false expectations of proposals! (Although neither were much good)

If a 21 year old me had been told I'd still be unmarried in my 40s I'd have thought it was a bad joke like in series one of friends where Monica says 'what's wrong with me that I'd not be married at 40'. Also Sex and the City did a whole film about getting married before 40! So it's not all about Disney princesses.

All my friends growing up expected to get married by their mid 30s at the latest.

Now maybe 1/2- 2/3 did but a significant minority of them have subsequently divorced.

So the fairy tale, albeit nice is really quite a rare thing. (And not something I'd necessarily want for my DD)

Luredbyapomegranate · 04/02/2023 22:35

PandasAreUseless · 04/02/2023 12:44

"Just feel sad I never got the happy ever after wedding I imagined as a little girl."

I'm very happily married, but this sentence just made me throw up in my mouth a little.
If either of your kids is a girl, please don't encourage them to think that this is a thing!

Well quite.

About 20% of women born in the early 70s never married. And those that did often divorce. It’s not unusual.

Going through a divorce isn’t better than never having been married, it’s usually a heartbreaking financially disastrous carcrash.

In the kindest way you have a foot in the past where an unmarried woman was the source of pity. We all pick up some weird shit from our families, but you need to skewer this with your madmen style stiletto, because it is misogyny of the highest order and it will diminish your life.

Not to say you shouldn’t marry and have a fuck off wedding if you find the right guy, but don’t waste your life moping or worrying about what other people think of you (they aren’t thinking of you).