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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to join a positive ante-natal thread??

45 replies

babygooner · 07/02/2008 13:18

I KNOW I'm going to get flamed for this.. BUT I am due in Oct this year and I looked at the antenatal thread for Oct as I thought it would be nice to follow this with a group of other people due in Oct but I'm afraid I'm really put off.. Of course I'm as concerned as the next person about how things will pan out but I don't want to spend the next 9 months in a state of total anxiety. I'm aware that lots of people have been through m/cs and have had very sad experiences before so of course I should absolutely bear that in mind, but it just brings me down to see constant 'oh my god, i've got no symptoms, there MUST be something wrong' type threads all the time. I'm being a bitch aren't I? Yes, I am.

Perhaps its the nature of forums like these that people who have concerns/worries are more likely to post. And actually if this forum doesn't suit me maybe I should just bugger off. Rambling now.

OP posts:

Original poster

babygooner · 07/02/2008 13:35

Misspelt 'goner' and then couldn't work out how to change it..

OP posts:

Shizaru · 07/02/2008 13:36

LOL, you silly arse

Go to "my registration" in the menu at the top, log in, and go to "registration details". You have the option to change your name in a box about 2/3rds of the way down

littlelapin · 07/02/2008 13:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

skidoodle · 07/02/2008 13:37

Well I'm sure every ante-natal thread has a different vibe, so I can't comment directly on yours. I've found the March thread an absolute godsend and I've been on it right from the start.

In the very early days people were more anxious/worried/unsure. We joked a lot about being on knicker watch and I know for some people it could get too negative and it made them feel more anxious themselves and so they stopped posting. Many of them came back in 2nd trimester.

I think it depends on your own reaction. If it's upsetting you, then desist from posting. Some of the women on our thread did MC (and at the time it felt like a LOT) and it was very upsetting but it never made me want to quit. It will most likely happen on all threads, those are the odds unfortunately

It's kind of hard to explain why, but at that stage for most of us that thread was the main time we got to actually talk about being pregnant. Before the Internet there wouldn't ever have been a way to be in touch with that many women in early pregnancy and it brought a lot of things home to me that I'm not sure I would have understood so well otherwise. Weirdly, I became less terrified of the things that could go wrong because rather than them being this terrifying unmentionable they became real things that were really happening to real people. It was so obvious that the MCs were just bad luck and that if I was unlucky too it was no more than that - whereas otherwise I might have felt it was my fault.

Basically, if it's upsetting you stay away and consider coming back for 2nd trimester when the tone will change enormously. But don't judge people harshly for not being all positive at this early stage. It's an odd time and people are doing their best to support each other through it.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 07/02/2008 13:37

indeed check out these definitions
www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Gooner

LardyMardyDaisy · 07/02/2008 13:38

a little bit unreasonable. As everyone else is saying, it's very early days and lots of women have anxieties for a whole host of reasons.

Like LL says, wait till your second trimester, and you'll probably find the vibe is toitally different.

TheDevilWearsPrimark · 07/02/2008 13:38

oops missed last few posts

OracleInaCoracle · 07/02/2008 13:39

if you go up into "my mumsnet" you can alter your details there.

thank you for your apology, i apologise for my reaction, twas knee-jerk.

i do understand where you are coming from, but a lot of women find mn because they have had difficulties getting/staying pg and/or problems post-natally. it will ease off and most of you will be fine, but its very difficult not to worry so early on.

good luck and i wish you a fab pregnancy.

Original poster

babygooner · 07/02/2008 13:39

But if I change my name now everyone will think I changed it because I got flamed, won't they? Lapin - you're right. Oh hell, I think I'm going to call it a day on MN for now as don't seem to have got off to a very good start after being absent for months.

OP posts:

VictorianSqualor · 07/02/2008 13:42

Lol babygooner, of course they wont!
If you change your name because it was a mispelling then so what? Also agree with LL that babygoner may not be a good name though!

littlelapin · 07/02/2008 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

VictorianSqualor · 07/02/2008 13:43

We do love a good namechange

Baffy · 07/02/2008 13:44

Don't call it a day. You asked are you being unreasonable, you were told yes and why, and you accepted it graciously.

All fine

FWIW I just had a read of that thread and it seems lovely. For all the worry and sadness (which is inevitable), there is a lot of positivity and faces. It looks really supportive.

Get on there and enjoy the good (and bad!) times with everyone else

Baffy · 07/02/2008 13:45

BTW don't mean 'enjoy' the bad times , enjoy the good times and lend your support to those in need of it.

Bet you'll build up some lovely friendships on there.

LardyMardyDaisy · 07/02/2008 13:50

don't go...MN is fab and supportive; it's a great community and i feel I've made some really good friends on my AN thread.

A quick namechange and start again

SueW · 07/02/2008 13:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

tendtorant · 07/02/2008 13:53

Hello. Name changed. Off to start my new life.

sweetkitty · 07/02/2008 13:53

I think you are being a little unreasonable, sorry. I had to leave an antenatal thread last year due to mc and it was so hard seeing that thread ramble on in active convos and feel that you should be a part of it.

I am on the July 08 thread now and at the start I was terrified of mcing again and couldn't be happy about the pregnancy or even allow myself to think about it too much. I didn't have that much support in RL but MN was a godsend it was like having a hug and getting your hand held for 8 weeks.

It might feel all doom and worry just now and there will be women that have to leave (unfortunately) but once you are all through your 12 weeks scans things will get a lot easier, our main topic of conversation right now is prams.

Shizaru · 07/02/2008 18:48

oooh excellent name

I'm reading it two different ways as well!!!

TendToRant, and TendTorant.

eandh · 07/02/2008 18:58

Oh 2 of my now closest friends I met on the MN antenatel thread, sadly they live 2-3hours away from me, I have met one of them (fab day shopping on London) amd am planning on meeting the other later this year.

However it doesnt matter what shite/good day I have had there have been days I thought I couldnt cope if I didnt have people in the same situation (we all swapped mobile no's so often text/ring). There have been nights I have sat crying with laughter at some of our stories.

I had the easiest 1st pg with dd1 (didnt have mn then though) but after 2 mc I was very anxious about my pg with dd2.

Jump in on the convos and when the 12week date has past it's bound to 'lighten' up a bit.

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