To sell the gift meant for DH?

[Watchamocauli]

I recently ordered airpods from Work recognition website. I could have chosen a Kate Spade tote but DH said he would like the AirPods since I have them too. So ordered it few weeks ago. It arrived today.

Now last night, DH had a unusual strop - foot stomping while walking down the stairs saying me and DD (10) are ruining his life. And chose to sleep on the sofa. This was after watching Apprentice together.

DD as usual was trying to get in our bed and I threatened to take her devices. By that time he had settle in her bed. Then she went back to sleep in her own bed. He said she will still lose her devices. DD started crying and I said ok since you have gone back to your bed, the punishment is cancelled. He heard this a stormed off saying we have ruined his life.

in my defence, yesterday I was at a full day workshop in office after 3 years so was exhausted for any arguments or fights with DD

since this morning he has offered to make tea but no apology

Ok, so this isn’t about AirPods at all. This is about a marriage straining at the seams and a poor 10 year old girl who is suffering at the heart of it.

That should be your priority op. Not the sodding AirPods, not even DH and certainly not your wonderful career. Put your dd first.

Are you perhaps feeling some guilt about the long hours/better job? About dh doing the more traditionally female parts of parenting - school run etc? If that why you sacrificed your work reward? You might not think you're putting yourself last outside of the home, but some of what you've described about relationships at home suggests you're might be doing it there subconsciously. You're right that modelling weak "bargaining style" parenting won't do your dd any good in the long run.

How on earth does he believe you & your daughter are ruining his life?? Sounds like an overreaction to a run of the mill situation.
Hope you've made up soon. I do think you should have spent your recognition award on yourself, though.

Ok, so this isn’t about AirPods at all. This is about a marriage straining at the seams and a poor 10 year old girl who is suffering at the heart of it.

That should be your priority op. Not the sodding AirPods, not even DH and certainly not your wonderful career. Put your dd first.

I completely agree.

You say you're modelling behaviour and relationships whilst demonstrating (and conceding to) poor adult behaviour and relationships.

The material gifts side of this is irrelevant. If you're both working all hours to have a 'perfect' home and buy your child everything they want but the relationship is broken, then it's all wrong.

You were happy enough to order the gift for him at the time. You can't treat him like a child and send them back.

I also think the punishment of taking devices off a child for wanting a cuddle in bed Is so sad.

Umm, involving your in the dispute between you and dh is not a good idea. There was no need to infantilise him to her.

Ice cream is not a payoff for a £200 work bonus.

Jesus Christ this poor poor child :(

she dragged DH and made him say sorry. He said he was tried of getting caught between drama of DD and me.
I don't think I've ever read about such a dysfunctional family before on here.
Why on earth is your 10 year old involved in your argument with DH? She absolutely should not be dragging him anywhere to apologise to anyone OP...who are the adults in this scenario?
Of course he's tired of the drama, he actually seems to want to parent his child whilst you flounce around teaching her to bargain her way through life🙄only that doesn't work does it, because it ends in a massive fall out between her parents over her bed time.
You sound like really hard work OP. It sounds like you have the funds so just buy the bag if you want it and stop with the dramatics over who gets what.
I feel so sorry for your child, she's the one stuck in the middle of this dysfunction.

You are not on the same page re your dd. For most people a 10 year old should be sleeping in their own bed. There really should not be a need for any drama at all. The fact that you need to be threatening taking her devices etc shows you have an issue here.

I have got a bonus from work for many years, so has my husband. Neither of us are so petty and childish as to say it’s my bonus I am not spending anything on you. So as I day I am honestly gobsmacked that so many women are shocked at somebody buying a gift for her husband and I don’t think where the money came from makes the slightest difference.

I don't think the bonus/ gift issue is buying her husband a gift with the bonus or sharing bonus. It's that he seems to have felt automatically entitled to it and asked for air pods without a thought that she might like something else and she did as she was told because "it's what families do". Except in this family she hands over her bonus and he says she ruins his life.

He sounds like an entitled manchild and she sounds like a martyr.

When OP has said multiple times that she really wanted the bag, yes i am surprised that she got the airpods instead of the bag.

This is all about you wanting some silly tote bag and resenting and regretting buying the pods your dh wanted.
Discuss things like adults.
The post is a bit on the childish side.

Really? I really hope you are a troll because that’s some shit parenting. And to think, you were offended at being called immature.

You said you and your DH was planning to divorce but worked it out - it’s obviously not working.

Your child is suffering.

You and DH do not get on.

It’s time to realise that it’s not working and it’s time to be good parents and put this poor child above your toxic relationship and just divorce already.

It’s not about Asian culture vs British, making your child ref between you when you fall out is not good parenting, that’s not a culture thing. It’s a bad marriage thing.

It’s very clear from this post that the family unit is dysfunctional.

10 is far too old to be in her parents bed. It is very poor parenting on her mother’s part. She excuses it by saying that her 10 year old likes staying in her bed on weekends. But that’s just too bad!! This family has no boundaries and it’s clear that there are many things causing dysfunction.

Don’t make this an Asian thing. Many Europeans practice this as well. It’s not just an Asian thing.

But it is a “weird thing” when you have a 10 year old girl taking her father’s place in his bed and then an argument + threats + your husband having a breakdown.

Your 10 year old is far too old for this!! As a parent it’s your job to tell her no!!

He’s the third party in parenting because you’re doing a terrible job of it! Your daughter is far too old to be in your bed!! It’s utterly ridiculous and your behaviour afterwards (about the AirPods) was utterly ridiculous.

This behaviour (on your part) is incredibly immature and you’re doing it all in front of your daughter.

Stop watching the apprentice and modelling the candidates' childish behaviour.

This. It is your reward and a case of you being recognised at your work. Of course you should have chosen something for you.

Now that you have the AirPods though, I would do as PPs said and put them in a drawer until the situation has calmed down (but if and when there is a similar situation, treat yourself).