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AIBU?

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Original poster

To sell the gift meant for DH?

139 replies

Watchamocauli · 03/02/2023 16:53

I recently ordered airpods from Work recognition website. I could have chosen a Kate Spade tote but DH said he would like the AirPods since I have them too. So ordered it few weeks ago. It arrived today.

Now last night, DH had a unusual strop - foot stomping while walking down the stairs saying me and DD (10) are ruining his life. And chose to sleep on the sofa. This was after watching Apprentice together.

DD as usual was trying to get in our bed and I threatened to take her devices. By that time he had settle in her bed. Then she went back to sleep in her own bed. He said she will still lose her devices. DD started crying and I said ok since you have gone back to your bed, the punishment is cancelled. He heard this a stormed off saying we have ruined his life.

in my defence, yesterday I was at a full day workshop in office after 3 years so was exhausted for any arguments or fights with DD

since this morning he has offered to make tea but no apology

OP posts:
4thonthe4th · 03/02/2023 17:34

MeMyCatsAndMyBooks · 03/02/2023 17:25

Why is a ten year old trying to get into your bed? Ten is way to old!

In a family seemingly deprived of the ability to communicate effectively, I would say one would need to look deeper into why their 10yo is obviously repeatedly seeking such a close connection.

4thonthe4th · 03/02/2023 17:35

JennyDarlingRIP · 03/02/2023 17:26

OP says her daughter was trying to get into their bed as usual, this isn't a one off and at ten repeatedly getting out of bed warrants conseqences

Consequences. Not empty threats !

Coffeellama · 03/02/2023 17:37

Watchamocauli · 03/02/2023 17:33

Wow that’s a bit harsh. PP calling me Immature, nightmare family

we are usually very sane and rational . But full time work, sleepless nights and active household does make us hyper emotional.

so to clarify
yes Kate Spade Tote is same price as airpods about £190 ish

my work gave me recognition its a site you can order randomly available things. I mentioned to DH airpods are available and I ordered them.

why do I want to sell them? So I can buy the stupid bag!!! I worked my ass off for that recognition value.

And I’m quite hurt that he said such words. I was tired being in office all day and had worked 12 hrs the day before. No energy to argue or fight

DD likes to sleep in my bed on weekends, no particular reason. She was given permission to Watch Apprentice with us and sleep late.

I threatened her with a consequence and it worked.

we live in small house both bedrooms on same floor, takes exactly 10 steps from DD bed to ours!!

It isn’t harsh calling you immature, it’s accurate! Selling a gift over a strop. And your DH stomping around saying ‘you’re ruining my life’ again, very immature! We all work full time, have busy lives etc, we don’t all act like kids. You ask for opinions and sometimes you need to hear the honest truth (although I wouldn’t say your family is a nightmare).

Redglitter · 03/02/2023 17:38

DD likes to sleep in my bed on weekends, no particular reason

Yesterday was Thursday....

Presumably it's not just your bed. Maybe your husband feels a 10 year old coming into bed at the weekends is un necessary & doesn't want it to stretch into other nights too

Reinventinganna · 03/02/2023 17:40

Every time you look at the bag you will be reminded of this childish strop (yours).

4thonthe4th · 03/02/2023 17:41

So if she regularly sleeps in your bed, why was the threat issued on this occasion? She had already been laid in your bed watching the apprentice but then threatened with confiscation of devices if she didn’t leave?

Ponoka7 · 03/02/2023 17:42

Why would you not automatically choose your reward, for the work you've done rather than a gift for your DH? Do you realise what it will do to her self esteem to be listening to how she's ruined his life? That needs a discussion. You're being a bit of a mug.

Coffeellama · 03/02/2023 17:42

4thonthe4th · 03/02/2023 17:41

So if she regularly sleeps in your bed, why was the threat issued on this occasion? She had already been laid in your bed watching the apprentice but then threatened with confiscation of devices if she didn’t leave?

It says she sleeps in their bed at weekends, yesterday was Thursday.

4thonthe4th · 03/02/2023 17:45

Coffeellama · 03/02/2023 17:42

It says she sleeps in their bed at weekends, yesterday was Thursday.

Show quote history

When was the apprentice on? As it also says she was given permission to watch that with them.

GoldDuster · 03/02/2023 17:46

So you punish your ten year old by removing her devices, your husband has a tantrum and you're punishing him by.... removing his devices?

There is another way you know.

Daffodilis · 03/02/2023 17:48

I presume you were both tired and maybe a bit grumpy, does it all really need to be carried on?

stoodmyground · 03/02/2023 17:49

If you want to get the bag get the bag. But not for any other reasons than that.

Original poster
Watchamocauli · 03/02/2023 17:49

GoldDuster · 03/02/2023 17:46

So you punish your ten year old by removing her devices, your husband has a tantrum and you're punishing him by.... removing his devices?

There is another way you know.

😂😂 I never thought of that!

so yes, I’m rescinding my gift because I feel hurt.

I thought “cancel the cheque” is MN standard response

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 03/02/2023 17:51

4thonthe4th · 03/02/2023 17:45

When was the apprentice on? As it also says she was given permission to watch that with them.

Show quote history

Thursday…

Original poster
Watchamocauli · 03/02/2023 17:54

Not to drip feed but 6 months ago we we’re heading for divorce (MIL crap). I thought things were coming back to normal.

I’m trying very hard to reconcile.

those calling me immature and highly strung. After turning 40 I’ve lost tolerance to disrespectful behaviour. I will live and die alone than be treated badly by anyone.

OP posts:
Coffeellama · 03/02/2023 17:56

4thonthe4th · 03/02/2023 17:41

So if she regularly sleeps in your bed, why was the threat issued on this occasion? She had already been laid in your bed watching the apprentice but then threatened with confiscation of devices if she didn’t leave?

Also it doesn’t say anything at all to suggest she was already laid in their bed watching tv. It just says she was allowed to stay up late watching apprentice. You’ve misread it.

Grimchmas · 03/02/2023 17:56

Several things going on here.

  1. your H saying you have both ruined his life is quite something. Has he said anything like that before? What is he like in general?

  2. would you be unreasonable to sell the airpods- depends more on the answers to the above. Does he know you have ordered them for him? It was very generous of you to have done so with a reward for your hard work. Especially if there were things that you would really have liked for yourself. I'm not sure I'd really want any tote enough to value one priced at £190, but if you do, then fair enough.

  3. you and your H dealt with the event differently, and he probably feels undermined. Your daughter needs consistency, from which bed she sleeps in to clarity of punishment structure. IMO the fact that she went back to her own bed means she managed to not lose tech privileges, but learning point here, you and H need to communicate more clearly with each other.

It sounds like H was the most unreasonable one of you all - was he particularly tired, with good reason to be?

Ultimately what he said would be the biggest concern I have. That's not a comment that a H and a father should throw around.

AndThenOneDay · 03/02/2023 17:57

You're withholding DD's devices and now DH's AirPods.

This is all a bit dramatic and childish!

Coffeellama · 03/02/2023 17:59

Watchamocauli · 03/02/2023 17:54

Not to drip feed but 6 months ago we we’re heading for divorce (MIL crap). I thought things were coming back to normal.

I’m trying very hard to reconcile.

those calling me immature and highly strung. After turning 40 I’ve lost tolerance to disrespectful behaviour. I will live and die alone than be treated badly by anyone.

That’s totally understandable OP, but if you want to leave then leave, making the big changes is understandable if you are not happy and he isn’t treating you properly. Selling the gift would still be an immature reaction to this situation and wouldn’t change anything, you’d argue more, you’d be the immature one, and you’d get no satisfaction out of the bag. Is it going to make him treat you better? No. Does it make up for how he spoke about your DD while she could hear? No. Talking about the situation is needed.

4thonthe4th · 03/02/2023 18:00

Coffeellama · 03/02/2023 17:56

Also it doesn’t say anything at all to suggest she was already laid in their bed watching tv. It just says she was allowed to stay up late watching apprentice. You’ve misread it.

Show quote history

Fair enough

Cosycover · 03/02/2023 18:03

This is part and parcel of parenting.
Kids are dicks.

He acted very childishly and so have you to be fair.

I'd put this down to the stress of parenting and every day life getting the best of you.

Wouldn't sell the airpods.

And let it go.

soboredtonight · 03/02/2023 18:10

Op this happened in our house last night but less the AirPods.

JessesMum777888 · 03/02/2023 18:12

You say about sleepless nights ? What is causing them ? Do you have other kids ? Is your daughter special needs ?

I don’t really understand.

beautifulpaintings · 03/02/2023 18:14

Sell the airpods if you like! It's your decision.

I have no idea why anyone is giving you a hard time for your 10 year old wanting to sleep in your bed sometimes. It's nice she likes your company!

ICanHideButICantRun · 03/02/2023 18:16

I would definitely send them back. That reward was for you, not for him. He's not even very nice!