I think mumsnet is no longer fit for purpose in the spirit it was meant to be.

[Tolstoysbackpack]

I’m wondering if anyone feels the same as me. It’s called ‘Mumsnet’ which makes you believe it’s a supportive place and a place to go for advice or give advice. Some tough love. It’s great because it’s anonymous. I think you have to take the OP in good faith. But I think a lot of threads now are not. I think the balance has tipped from a minority of arseholes being nasty to a majority.

the starting point seems to be for a lot of people that reply to OP’s is to catch them
out, purposefully misunderstand, find some gotcha flaw in their OP to exploit as if they are interviewing a suspect, give unsolicited stupid legal or medical advice and believe their word is important and must be heard, compare their circumstances to the OP’s which I can only interpret as trying to show off that their situation is better, stupid examples, obsessed with money and leafy areas, if you don’t have family to help in an emergency why don’t you? You loser, if it were me I would….., I can’t believe you don’t drive, get a better job. Why don’t you go private? It’s people like you that have the NHS on their knees. What is your DH doing? Mine would race to me and pick me up in his beefy loving arms and if he didn’t I would LTB, I don’t think you are telling the full story here OP. I don’t understand your OP? (When any adult can kind of get the gist) and they asking questions just to cause a bit of drama.

some people really do ask for help and they get ripped to spreads. What is even more insulting that a lot of these people don’t bother to read the thread, they just are compelled to reply. They don’t even bother to look if their comment had been answered, it’s like the internet equivalent of perpetuating kicking someone while they are payed on the ground. And they don’t care. A lot of these people also claim to be incredibly affluent, educated and in important jobs.

I used to use this website a lot, I have found amusement and good advice. I thought it was a positive place. I don’t understand why people feel compelled to fuck it up. If you don’t have anything to say just move on. No one is asking you personally, and how arrogant to assume they are.

in a couple of hundred years when we are all dead and gone I wonder what historians will make of us. How they will interpret a website that was positive turned so cruel.

Sorry by threads I mean replies to threads

I've been here for years (about 12 years I think). I know what you mean but I think AIBU was always pretty brutal. There are lots of supportive threads around (and some nasty ones too). I still think it's a great site.

Nah, it's just AIBU. The on-topic forums are generally supportive.

i suppose it’s about expectations

I would never expect a completely anonymous person to actually give a damn about what I jot down in a thread that could be total BS or could be true but is only my interpretation of an event.

whereas some seem to view mumsnet as something to cherish and protect the sanctity of!

AIBU is so full of BS posters now. Trolls, fake stories, goody posts I understand why people start out the way they do now. I'd guess a good 30-50% of threads in my Watch list end up deleted.

The rest of the forum is usually helpful and 'nicer' .

I know what you mean, but I think it's still mostly positive. Still good advice to be had, particularly on the subject specific boards, less so in AIBU and chat. Still some good discussion to be had, although again you need to seek out the subject specific boards and avoid the more general ones.

I've definitely noticed the increase in people playing detective though. I think people get hurt when they invest in a thread that is pulled because the OP is a troll and it manifests itself as finding fault with every single minor detail of every thread from then on.

But have you seen the viciousness on the rest of the internet?

There are some wonderfully supportive and helpful threads, but not so often in AIBU. I do think this topic attracts people looking to vent.

So many threads have the Op conveying themself as pure as the driven snow and every single other person in the scenario, whether MIL or DH or SIL or friend… is utterly and completely unreasonable.

makes me very often think… buuuuullll shhhiiit!!

I think it's a great site, and I like that just because a lot of us are women/mums doesn't mean we need a site which is all flowery and swear free. Yeah it can become a bit nasty at times, but I think they get the balance about right and there is a lot of good people, support and wisdom here. I spend my days making small talk and keeping small people happy, I love that there is space here to have a sweary rant, talk about difficult things, or find some light relief. There's a bit of everything here. I agree it's probably morphed totally from the early days into its own thing, but I like that the censorship/ thread monitoring is limited and I can hear all different perspectives and opinions on here. It's helped me to have more empathy for other people and to understand from other people's perspectives more. I think it's mainly a force for good

Sorry but if you find Mumsnet so disappointing, just don't come on here.

Is there a reason why you felt compelled to name change for this thread Op?! Could it be a history of abusive vile replies?! 😂

I joined Mumsnet over 20 years ago. The main differences are more trolls and fewer relationships - you could really know and recognise people previously, it is harder to now. I think that this leads to rudeness.

But in amongst all that there's still good advice and support being given.

I think the expectations you've got are way off, from the name, to the purpose, to the perception of other posters.

I agree OP and isn't this a classic example

I quite enjoy the “legal” advice that some posters give. Some people live in a very strange world and have no concept of the law - others get very, very, very offended when the law is explained and it’s not what they want it to be. Regularly it’s taken as a personal insult that the law it’s always on their side (and shooting the messenger is a pretty common response).

Personal favourites are constantly telling people to call the police for civil disputes, landlord/tenant advice that’s a million miles from base, people who advise criminal action and then get upset that it’s illegal to do what they’re suggesting, and, of course, the ever famous “that’s a GDPR violation” whenever anyone tells anyone anything (including on threads about “should I tell her he’s having an affair?” type threads).

I don’t think I was around before it was full of vipers so I’m not grieving that loss but it can be nasty and it can be kind. I, personally, find the #bekind crowd tedious. There’s no need to be unnecessarily rude or mean but if someone is behaving inappropriately then we shouldn’t tell them they’re right just so they don’t get upset by reality. Along with that, I can’t stand the relentless insistence that absolutely everything is a SEN issue even when the OP says it isn’t. Someone will post about their DC and state “no SEN involved” and they’ll immediately get a whole barrage of “but how to you know there’s no SEN”. It’s so fucking irritating!

AIBU is robust.

Occasionally this robustness leaks onto other boards, and I think when it does people need to be pulled up on it.

I love this space and I find it oft times supportive, funny, challenging, informative - sometimes all at the same time. I appreciate that there is still some freedom of speech here. If you don’t like a thread or topic move on to something else.

I think it’s a massive forum that’s quite diverse away from active areas. One of the issues is that they’ve stuck with the early internet message board format, so there’s an OP and then everyone shouting their response for hundreds of posts. It doesn’t really work for a forum this large. There’s no real conversation or replies from within the thread and no feedback via up or down voting as on Reddit. Perhaps unfair to compare to Reddit as they have it totally nailed in terms of formatting and sub-forums with their own rules and moderation.

Oh. It's this week's "You're all mean" thread.

I agree

I absolutely agree with this. But if you ever point it out on a thread then all you get in response is PP saying “how can you say that? Her DH is clearly abusive, he took her purse to work and she hasn’t got any money to buy food” when, in reality, she left her purse in the glove box knowing he was taking the car to work and is trying to project her frustration onto him being evil instead of her being accountable.

There are just so many threads where the OP gives an account that’s so dripping in bias and bullshit that you can practically taste it and most commenters just lap up every word. It makes me despair at people’s critical analysis skills.

Generally YANBU in most cases @Tolstoysbackpack

I think lots of people get lots of support on here , if you don’t like it then find a different forum . AIBU has always been a bit hit and miss .

You certainly need a thick skin these days if you post.