I think mumsnet is no longer fit for purpose in the spirit it was meant to be.

[Tolstoysbackpack]

I’m wondering if anyone feels the same as me. It’s called ‘Mumsnet’ which makes you believe it’s a supportive place and a place to go for advice or give advice. Some tough love. It’s great because it’s anonymous. I think you have to take the OP in good faith. But I think a lot of threads now are not. I think the balance has tipped from a minority of arseholes being nasty to a majority.

the starting point seems to be for a lot of people that reply to OP’s is to catch them
out, purposefully misunderstand, find some gotcha flaw in their OP to exploit as if they are interviewing a suspect, give unsolicited stupid legal or medical advice and believe their word is important and must be heard, compare their circumstances to the OP’s which I can only interpret as trying to show off that their situation is better, stupid examples, obsessed with money and leafy areas, if you don’t have family to help in an emergency why don’t you? You loser, if it were me I would….., I can’t believe you don’t drive, get a better job. Why don’t you go private? It’s people like you that have the NHS on their knees. What is your DH doing? Mine would race to me and pick me up in his beefy loving arms and if he didn’t I would LTB, I don’t think you are telling the full story here OP. I don’t understand your OP? (When any adult can kind of get the gist) and they asking questions just to cause a bit of drama.

some people really do ask for help and they get ripped to spreads. What is even more insulting that a lot of these people don’t bother to read the thread, they just are compelled to reply. They don’t even bother to look if their comment had been answered, it’s like the internet equivalent of perpetuating kicking someone while they are payed on the ground. And they don’t care. A lot of these people also claim to be incredibly affluent, educated and in important jobs.

I used to use this website a lot, I have found amusement and good advice. I thought it was a positive place. I don’t understand why people feel compelled to fuck it up. If you don’t have anything to say just move on. No one is asking you personally, and how arrogant to assume they are.

in a couple of hundred years when we are all dead and gone I wonder what historians will make of us. How they will interpret a website that was positive turned so cruel.

I haven’t been on Mumsnet that long but I have seen archived threads from 2007-10 and the atmosphere was different; it was more polite, less goady etc. There’s more aggression now and a tendency for pile ons if someone sniffs inconsistencies. But I guess that’s probably due to more people using and being brought up with the internet/social media. Anonymity gives some people false security to say whatever they want. There aren’t any face to face repercussions unless you really threaten someone.

That was exactly what I thought when I read it.

"I'm alright Jack" attitude and not supportive at all

Is it that Mumsnet is really bad or is it that women (specifically mothers) are expected to be nice and kind and meek and helpful and prioritise others at all times and maintain an air of positivity? Because when you look at forums in general, Mumsnet is bloody tame.

Why should Mumsnet be anything other than representative of the population? Some great, some shits, most roughly in the middle.

[waves] Arsehole here!! [waves again]

What you perceive as 'trying to catch someone out' is, imo anyway, an exercise in critical thought/joining the dots.

I don't IRL just accept everything I'm told at face value. Particularly so when there are basic logic 'fails' in the narrative.

Should I (or others) not question if someone says at one point e.g. I've only ever been in there on a Saturday and later waxes lyrical about how fab the chilli is in there on a Tuesday?

Just go with the flow? Just ignore, what could be, a genuine error or what could be identifying something that causes the entire narrative to fall apart?

Those are rhetorical questions, btw, because that's not who I am. I will always question when there are inconsistencies in what I'm being told.

Meant to say that if you look in the actual topics rather than aibu, you find a very different Mumsnet.

If you don’t have anything to say just move on

So why have you posted? Just to complain about other posters and how rubbish the site is? Why aren't you just moving on, as you expect others to do when they don't like something others say?

I voted YABU despite agreeing that there can be very mean and (wilfully) misunderstanding replies because once the initial pile on subsides, the calm and intelligent commentators show up. You have to disregard the former and listen to the latter. Time and time again I’ve seen wonderful support and great words of wisdom from many mumsnetters, as well as practical advice shared with the OP.

I’ve been on mumsnet for about 12 years now, on and off. For me it feels like it’s gone from a village to a city. I agree with the previous poster about the lack of relationships. I miss seeing posts by the regulars - the ones that you knew would be about for good advice on their specialty subjects. Or people that could always be relied on to pop up with their story on cue (the girl who had a baby at uni without knowing she was pregnant, comes to mind).
This extends to mumsnet HQ too. We used to have Justine and Olivia (?) popping up from time to time. Which was a bit like lunch with the off duty teacher at school. 😄.

I also miss the laughs. I used to enjoy light entertainment from mumsnet - so many threads had me in tears of laughter. I see the occasional one but not like before. It would be interesting to see how many threads make it into classics these days compared to before.
Anyway, I’m still hanging around, but it’s very different from what it was. I don’t think for the better.

You can't have visited the philosophy and religion section then! Vicious.

[GRIN] beefy loving arms

Agreed it's utterly toxic

Maybe, you've just grown out of it.

Bit like life. If you choose to hang around the toxic bits, it'll look like it's all toxic. It's not, though. Plenty of good stuff going on.

It's always a bit of a giveaway if you AS someone, and find that all their posts/threads are in AIBU.

That's a different type of poster altogether.

Wait, you posted on AIBU about parking illegally outside a primary school, and getting shouted at for it, and you were hoping for… wait, sympathy?!!

😂😂😂😂😂

YABVU on all fronts.

Been stalking the boards for 14 years now. AIBU has always been a bit of a bun fight. Some of the advice that posters have given on some of the Relationship and the long standing money and addiction threads have been nothing short of outstanding.

yes I guess that’s the rub of it. It’s an anonymous forum. I am criticising it a bit. I would say critiquing it a bit. But yes I am using the anonymousness of it to criticise the anonymous nature of it.

I know it’s a bit paradoxical.

nut what isn’t paradoxical is to exploit anonymity just because you feel like being a nasty person. I think there’s a difference.

discussion, different points of view are great. A load of shite just because you can and it’s anonymous is not great.

however ridiculous the op sounds if you have nothing to add just don’t say anything. Nobody’s is forcing you and nobody is waiting with bated breathe for your contribution.

AIBU is pretty toxic but there is great support in some other areas of the site.

Yes it is, I agree. But it’s not twitter it’s called mumsnet. And I think the integrity of what it was was set up for has been lost.

MRA = Mens' Rights Activists

Often start faux naive posts about difficult situations they're in with their wife/partner - who they love very much of course - all of which are designed to get MNetters frothing about how awful the woman in the scenario is.

From a more sinister perspective, they often post (and report posters) on the feminism boards as well as harassing MNetters posting there.

Nobody’s is forcing you and nobody is waiting with bated breathe for your contribution

And nobody asked for what you think of MN, but you keep saying it. Why aren't you keeping your contribution to yourself? Who do you think your contribution is helping? What good are you doing, here? It's fine to think what you think, but if you insist on stating it for all to see, you have to accept that others will do the same. Unless you are somehow different from the rest of us?

You genuinely think MN has no integrity, @Tolstoysbackpack?

I get that you might not like the way some posters post, but I think that's going far too far in your criticism. Frankly, if you feel that way, perhaps you need a site that's a little less robust?

Or are you trying to tell us all that we should #BeKind?

You remind me of those people who, if anyone complains about the uk, tells them to move elsewhere.

Because emigrating is the same as stopping yourself from using a forum?