I think mumsnet is no longer fit for purpose in the spirit it was meant to be.

[Tolstoysbackpack]

I’m wondering if anyone feels the same as me. It’s called ‘Mumsnet’ which makes you believe it’s a supportive place and a place to go for advice or give advice. Some tough love. It’s great because it’s anonymous. I think you have to take the OP in good faith. But I think a lot of threads now are not. I think the balance has tipped from a minority of arseholes being nasty to a majority.

the starting point seems to be for a lot of people that reply to OP’s is to catch them
out, purposefully misunderstand, find some gotcha flaw in their OP to exploit as if they are interviewing a suspect, give unsolicited stupid legal or medical advice and believe their word is important and must be heard, compare their circumstances to the OP’s which I can only interpret as trying to show off that their situation is better, stupid examples, obsessed with money and leafy areas, if you don’t have family to help in an emergency why don’t you? You loser, if it were me I would….., I can’t believe you don’t drive, get a better job. Why don’t you go private? It’s people like you that have the NHS on their knees. What is your DH doing? Mine would race to me and pick me up in his beefy loving arms and if he didn’t I would LTB, I don’t think you are telling the full story here OP. I don’t understand your OP? (When any adult can kind of get the gist) and they asking questions just to cause a bit of drama.

some people really do ask for help and they get ripped to spreads. What is even more insulting that a lot of these people don’t bother to read the thread, they just are compelled to reply. They don’t even bother to look if their comment had been answered, it’s like the internet equivalent of perpetuating kicking someone while they are payed on the ground. And they don’t care. A lot of these people also claim to be incredibly affluent, educated and in important jobs.

I used to use this website a lot, I have found amusement and good advice. I thought it was a positive place. I don’t understand why people feel compelled to fuck it up. If you don’t have anything to say just move on. No one is asking you personally, and how arrogant to assume they are.

in a couple of hundred years when we are all dead and gone I wonder what historians will make of us. How they will interpret a website that was positive turned so cruel.

I think it can be a supportive site. There are some marvellous posters on here.

It really doesn’t take much for a pile on to happen though and I’m not quite sure what triggers it.

There are definitely a few folk on here who are out and out arseholes. There are a few folk on here who stray away from the usual robust topics and are snidey as fuck on a usually friendly and happy thread that has been bobbing along nicely for years.

Disagree with one of these little wasps and you get stung and for what?

I used to love having my big fat tuppence on the tv threads. Not so much now. Apparently my admittedly slightly skewed take on things is not appreciated. 😉

I always find it infuriating when you read a post and people then reply to the thread giving incorrect information and insinuating they know the situation better than the OP knows themselves

Yes I agree with you. I’m so sorry I hope you are ok. That’s what I mean, I don’t think the intention of setting this site up was to set up somewhere that was so nasty. I thought is was for support. And ask daft questions. A community really.
I hope you are ok. X💐

I'm pretty new to MN so I've nothing to compare to but it certainly seems better than some 'community' FB groups I've been in. Poster asks 'does anyone know if Tescos is open?'. They'll be really helpful replies inc screen shots of opening times, then they'll be remarks like 'Google is your friend'. Frequent insults like 'are you fing stupid you retard!'....but in fairness the posts are pretty stupid.
I think it's naive to not expect things to evolve. Yes, MN might have originally been a supportive safe place for mums, but I'd view AIBU in the same light as Reddit. That's the vibe it gave off so I've joined in. If it was discussions about breast v bottle I wouldn't be interested. Is this subsection much different to the others sections?

This is really well put. You end up looking at some threads and thinking, wtf happened?

it is still supportive sometimes but it's pot luck AFAICS.

Also, I used to love the TV threads but recently realised two things

1. People like to "hate" watch and criticise an apple for not being an orange
2. People say they watched it and then turn out not to know who anyone is or what's going on!

I'm on another forum where a film got criticised heavily for the ending by someone who turned out not have watched the whole thing, they just assumed this particular scene was the end!

I have no real 'data', but it seems to me that there are more people who 'stick around' making post after post after post trying to 'catch out' someone they think is a troll, has posted 'inconsistent info' from other threads, or who is 'just plain wrong and won't listen to my advice' in that poster's opinion. It gets tiresome. 'Before' it seemed that a poster with 'doubts' would make a couple of 🤔 type posts expressing doubt or saying the OP just 'didn't get it'. Then they'd post an 'I'm outta here' flouncy post and just leave the OP and PPs to carry on.

Ahh, right:

Settings > Notifications > Web Notifications

You can turn off pretty much everything there, even when people tag/quote you.

Have a look at the Email Notification settings as well if you don't want to receive notifications there either.

And report the horrible posters to MNHQ for breaching the talk guidelines.

I've been lurking for years and years. Won't post when I need help because of the way I see posters being treated. I definitely need to grow a thicker skin. I've closed and opened my account so many times due to feeling like it's not a nice place to be. At the moment I'm sticking around because the advice on here is better and more accessible than real life. I like the stately homes thread, it gives me comfort. I also love the litter box section and when people share their pet pics. There is good to be had on MN but it does feel like a horrible place sometimes (like the world in general I suppose).

Everything we interpret is a reflection of ourselves. Generally it's not good or bad just your perception. I like the fact that I can find expertise and information on everything. Let's face it - the vipers keep us on our toes! #heart Mumsnet

This bit made me laugh What is your DH doing? Mine would race to me and pick me up in his beefy loving arms 😀

I know what you mean. But that’s kind of saying you can’t post on this thread unless you are sufficiently knowledgeable and prepared. It’s a universal free anonymous forum. It’s called mumsnet. Not that’s what it is advertised as. It shouldn’t be that someone has to expect shite, it should be people shouldn’t spout shite. Like they wouldn’t in real life. Nobody’screams and shouts’ in real life. Nobody has endless altercations that end up with them ‘shaking and crying all day’ I know that. You know that. They know that. But maybe sometimes they don’t. You don’t know.

Oh goody the weekly "why is everyone so horrid" thread.

The other thing that is important is, if you see someone being attacked, then report them. MNHQ take all reports seriously - but unless you report them, they won't see the post(s) in question, so nothing will be done.

Thanks. I would like to get notifications of positive threads I'm on but I guess Mumsnet is just not going to help with that.

I've reported the personal attacks and the mods are just saying sorry you went through that, we'll look into it.

The posts are still there though.

Like they wouldn’t in real life. Nobody ’screams and shouts’ in real life.
Why do want MN to be exactly the same as "real life" (whatever that is supposed to be)?

If it’s becoming weekly that this is mentioned then it’s clearly a problem

Just got a reply from the mods, apparently it's not breaking the rules for multiple posters to say that I, a rape victim, support women being raped.

This place is disgusting.

I find that very hard to believe

@Tolstoysbackpack I completely and totally agree with you OP! 100000%! Especially about this new trend of aiming to 'catch the OP out' and find them to be in the wrong somehow, even if it's nothing at all to do with what they started their thread about. It's like being cross examined.
I posted about a vet's bill once and was cross examined & troll hunted SO badly that MNHQ had to warn everyone that anymore and they'd start suspending accounts! I've never seen MNHQ threatening that before. That's how bad it got.

I actually really some need help & advice with something to do with my Autistic child's sleeping issues. However because of the root of the issue being caused by something shocking that happened years ago, I just know I'll be troll hunted so bad that my thread will just become hijacked again. So I can't possibly turn to MN for advice!

As expected though, I'm pretty sure they're going to find a way to rip you to shreds for posting this.

Is it just me, that doesn’t understand posts like this? I log on and have a look at different sites, maybe use them for a while, if I decide I don’t like them, I move on

i can’t perceive a situation where I would start a thread, acting superior, and telling the members of the site the majority of them are arseholes.

I mean like what a cringe, loser thing to do.

you don’t like the site op. Move on. Try net huns.

Not to everybody. That's like saying that if The Kings Arms has a different customer every week leave in a huff, it's a crap pub. Not the case, if The Kings Arms is a thriving place with lots of regulars who come back over and over, and many people having conversations they find useful, and having a lot of fun. Nothing pleases everybody. There's always going to be some people who don't like a thing, however good/popular/enjoyable/healthy it might be, and nobody's forcing them to. We're all adults, and can choose for ourselves where we feel the healthy and happy places are for us to be. Nobody needs to be professing judgements on what's good or bad.

Hanging around a place and claiming it's a shit place suggests an inability to make healthy, happy choices.

Because I guess it’s about people asking questions mainly to do with their everyday lives. Every thread is a story and someone’s narrative. About their life. Yes it could be bollocks and totally one sided. But it’s viewed now as putting yourself up for gladiators and may the best fighter win.

💯% this!!!! Sorry MNHQ but your moderating is utterly, utterly appalling!

I like that comparison.

There are many other chat sites to go to if MN isn't your kind of thing

Ok, yes I understand that. I understand what you mean. It’s just that it feels like a pub that is a locals pub and if you don’t say or do the right thing you aren’t welcome or have to stand in a corner because there’s one rule rule for you and one rule for the locals. Just using the pub analogy. I don’t think mumsnet is supposed to be like that. It’s sort of saying fit in or fuck off. It’s not a club.