Key in the door syndrome.

[DandelionLady]

Pushing 70. Having some bladder problems. Problem that would have been called in the past "key in the door" syndrome. Have good-ish bladder control, but recently losing that confidence because if I'm bursting for the loo, or in recent times, just standing up from the sofa to go for a wee, I don't have the failsafe control that I once took for granted. I'm in full control until I get into the loo and see the toilet bowl. Of course I'm quite worried about it.
Worried about going out and about because obviously "what if"?

Saw the doctor, and she said it's par for the course of getting older .No treatment required. Also I pushed out a 10lb baby. That's got to hurt!

So I looked on the NHS website, for some help for women with incontinence issues. And I read loads of it, before I got to the bit where the advice differs.
It asks, do you have a penis, or a vagina?

That hit me like a brick. Can't they just say are you a man or a woman?

No. It seems that they really can't. My next door neighbour but one is a GP of 25 years standing, and she says that on a probably bi-weekly basis she has to tie herself in knots in order not to offend

So on a site which deals with (what is almost always a female problem caused by childbirth) post birth incontinence, it asks me if I have a penis.

Well no, I don't. Most men don't have post birth incontinence. And you won't get any penis-havers on this site anyway. . So there's really no need to tiptoe around the subject. My struggle with post birth incontinence has nothing to do at all to do with men. So why ask me, on that site, whether I have a penis or a vagina?

You have all my medical records .I gave birth to a baby which is a small clue. I do not have a penis. It is all in my records dating back to 1960.

Granted I have a deep voice, and whiskers on my chin*
But I am not a man!!

*I don't really have whiskers on my chin. I pluck the buggers out!!
And have always had a deep and modulated voice. For a woman:}

Yanbu op

I wish the people who think I'm unreasonable would tell me why they think I'm being unreasonable.

Same here with the whisker plucking and the big babies OP! Yanbu

I agree. It’s ok for females to be offended by the very nature a feminine issue - but let’s not offend the men who want to be woman! Maybe we should make a complaint?

My male papa has this issue too, and I’m pretty sure he must have a penis. His was obviously not caused by childbirth - old age, and perhaps being overweight.

So on a site which deals with (what is almost always a female problem caused by childbirth) post birth incontinence, it asks me if I have a penis.

So not always. That's why I voted you are being unreasonable. You said yourself that the advice differs.

Are you referencing the part where it offers differing advice for men and women because men may have issues with their prostrate, and a female may have cystocele? Because having a penis/vagina would have massive impacts on which of these is more likely …

I'm not sure which page you're looking at, but I found a set of NHS advice which ludicrously avoids using the terms 'woman' or 'man', instead talking about organs. Except that's not even managing to be 'inclusive' ... seems to assume people with prostate problems always have a penis, I believe that's not true for some post-op TW. So they're ballsing it up for the group they're presumably trying to pander to.
Idiotic.

well no, the general NHS page for incontinence doesn’t have access to your medical records

Wait til OP finds out men can get breast cancer

seems to assume people with prostate problems always have a penis, I believe that's not true for some post-op TW. So they're ballsing it up for the group they're presumably trying to pander to.
Idiotic

^ my issue is I see men written everywhere, it's just the word women that is being eroded. ..

Incontinence is not an age thing. Wild animals rarely seem to have incontinence if they're not gobbled up before they reach being older.
It's to do with hormones, diet and posture. Those that have a sit down job have a pelvic floor that is controlled differently. Collagen needs to be part of our diet. Organ meats also.
There's lots of toilet hygiene with ensuring you reteach your bladder by drinking full cups of fluid before voiding.
Your incontinence sounds like stress incontinence but is best assessed by a specialist.
Your GP has failed you if they have not attempted to rule out new recent changes and refer you out. Return to your GP and demand that they stop the age discrimination and treat you.

Ps. I agree with you about the wording and titles of new aged paperwork.

my issue is I see men written everywhere, it's just the word women that is being eroded. ..

Mostly thats the case but these nhs pages are evenhandedly daft.

I was raising an eyebrow reading your first paragraph and then when I got to ‘this sounds like stress incontinence’ it confirmed that you don’t know what you’re talking about. Why do people come onto internet forums and just…make stuff up?!

Have you come across Elaine Miller's advice? She's a physiotherapist and restoring quality of life to women is her specialist topic.

www.gussetgrippers.co.uk/experience

Yes OP it’s maddening unthink. Total bullshit.

No one with a dick will have post-birth incontinence. For fuck’s sake.

And I agree with a PP: apparently it’s a hate crime to offend anyone except for women. Anyone can offend us whenever they like and if we complain we’re bigots.

Fuck this shit.

Is your issue incontinence, or are you more concerned about inclusive language? 🤷‍♀️

You should ask MNHQ to change your thread title to something more appropriate seeing as it has nothing to do with your AIBU.

Just looked it up. It says if you have a vagina, then blah blah and if you have a penis then blah blah - this isnt under just post birth urinary incontinence, it's for all urinary incontinence. Something many, many men get, more so after a certain age. I've known plenty who have had issues. Don't forget, there are women who have lost their vaginas through cancer, just as there are unfortunate men who have suffered damage or loss down there too, for pretty horrific reasons. Your pearl clutching suggests these men and women don't deserve inclusion. Just because the inclusive language includes transfolks doesn't mean that's the only reason it's there, or that that's the only demographic it's for!

Wait til OP finds out men can get breast cancer

OP is aware that men can get breast cancer. Her male cousin has had breast cancer and has had surgery for breast cancer. It has been successfully removed.

He was never asked, however, whether he had a penis or a vagina because it really doesn't matter either way. They operated successfully and he's fine.

My grouch is that the website asks if you have a penis or a vagina.
Not whether you are a man or a woman.
I think that is the crux. Why can't people ask whether you are a man or a woman, and not get a reliable answer?

There's a man in the charity shop where I volunteer, who presents as a woman and probably thinks he 'passes' but he is very, very obviously a man. We're pretty friendly, and on the surface, I treat him, and accept him as the woman he thinks he is. He's a really nice person. I work alongside him 3 times a week. I work the till, and he sorts the donations. We get along famously. We have badinage. But I know he's a man. And I think he'd be gutted if he knew that I see him as a man.
I can only see him as a man, because he is. He wears a blouse and skirt and tights or stockings. But you can see the hairy legs. And the "flattering" curly hairstyle at the front, brought forward and fashioned 'Trump' style'

Turns his back and there's male pattern baldness

He's lovely and I'd defend him and his right to present whatever which way he wants to. And if someone had a go at him, I'd back him up and defend him.

But he's not a woman and I would not ever fight for his right to be a woman. That would be completely ridiculous. because, he's very obviously not.

Keerist only knows what he thinks of me!!

I voted YABU as childbirth is 1 risk factor for incontinence. Age and obesity being 2 of the other ones
It therefore also affects men. I think your trying to find things to be annoyed about the discussion of anatomical parts of the body is in reference to the type of examination that would be needed.
"The GP may also examine your vagina. In many cases of stress incontinence, part of the bladder may bulge into the vagina, which is called a cystocele."
In refernce to a penis it says
"If you have a penis, the GP may check the health of your prostate gland, which is located between the penis and bladder and surrounds the urethra."

They are using anatomical terms to describe a procedure

Your GP has failed you if they have not attempted to rule out new recent changes and refer you out. Return to your GP and demand that they stop the age discrimination and treat you

Thank you. That is really very helpful. I just accepted what my female GP told me at the time, which was more or less that I had to just suck it up because of my age. I wasn't intending to go back but now I definitely will.

Thank you again.

Also this