Key in the door syndrome.

[DandelionLady]

Pushing 70. Having some bladder problems. Problem that would have been called in the past "key in the door" syndrome. Have good-ish bladder control, but recently losing that confidence because if I'm bursting for the loo, or in recent times, just standing up from the sofa to go for a wee, I don't have the failsafe control that I once took for granted. I'm in full control until I get into the loo and see the toilet bowl. Of course I'm quite worried about it.
Worried about going out and about because obviously "what if"?

Saw the doctor, and she said it's par for the course of getting older .No treatment required. Also I pushed out a 10lb baby. That's got to hurt!

So I looked on the NHS website, for some help for women with incontinence issues. And I read loads of it, before I got to the bit where the advice differs.
It asks, do you have a penis, or a vagina?

That hit me like a brick. Can't they just say are you a man or a woman?

No. It seems that they really can't. My next door neighbour but one is a GP of 25 years standing, and she says that on a probably bi-weekly basis she has to tie herself in knots in order not to offend

So on a site which deals with (what is almost always a female problem caused by childbirth) post birth incontinence, it asks me if I have a penis.

Well no, I don't. Most men don't have post birth incontinence. And you won't get any penis-havers on this site anyway. . So there's really no need to tiptoe around the subject. My struggle with post birth incontinence has nothing to do at all to do with men. So why ask me, on that site, whether I have a penis or a vagina?

You have all my medical records .I gave birth to a baby which is a small clue. I do not have a penis. It is all in my records dating back to 1960.

Granted I have a deep voice, and whiskers on my chin*
But I am not a man!!

*I don't really have whiskers on my chin. I pluck the buggers out!!
And have always had a deep and modulated voice. For a woman:}

@DandelionLady

Have you been to see your GP? My mum is 73 & has been having similar issues, she couldn't get an appointment over the phone so actually went to the Receptionist and told her she the symptoms, got an appointment the same day.
By doing an internal exam the dr could tell she now has a bladder & bowel prolapse into her vagina caused by childbirth; the urgency of urination is caused by the bladder prolapse.
She is awaiting a scan.
Meanwhile has to use oestrogen cream to strengthen the walls of her vagina.
And use solifenacin tablets to stop the urinary urgency, as well as doing pelvic floor exercises.

So as you can see, new urinary problems should always be checked out whatever your age.
If your gp is not helpful try another one.
Get checked for prolapse (as you have given birth), and also for any urine infection..
If neither of these are an issue then do lots of pelvic floor exercises and consider medication such as solifenacin or Oxybutynin to combat urinary urgency.

Well maybe you could consider being offended?
😂😂😂

Brilliant. Just brilliant! I will be raise my hand as one of the ones who is not offended. What a fucking ridiculous thing to say.

There's absolutely nothing wrong with the language on the website. It's very clear. OP has entirely misrepresented it. If someone with language difficulties or dyslexia read it I'd expect they'd need help whether or not it said man or woman.

Nothing is being erased from the English language. A few official documents have changed in order to be more inclusive.Whether you like it or not some people with vaginas might call themselves men, and they deserve medical care.

The word woman is still everywhere. You are within your rights to say it and write it wherever you like. Shout it from the rooftops. Tattoo it on your forehead.
And next time title your thread correctly. I'm sick of stepping in to this bullshit everywhere.

Complete goady thread. It's not about incontinence anymore than it's about her wanting to tell you about a trans co-worker that she still views as a man

It's completely ludicrous that mumsnet can barely hold a conversation without frothing at the mouth about trans issues. It's ironic they dont see that they claim are the ones monopolising the conversation, obsessed and sensitive

It makes this site borderline unreadable because you can open a thread like this to give advice, to discover its a trap again.

I'm here for the advice about door key syndrome- I've looked in the past but had misremembered it as latchkey which got me nowhere!

I just appreciate, and sympathise with, the OPs grumpiness about use of language.

The exams are different according to your sex. Not having a penis no longer means you won't need a prostate exam.

Anyway, I've got some more fat fingered typos to make elsewhere.

While you’re being fobbed off by “key in the door syndrome”, the NHS is clearly suffering from “knickers in a twist syndrome”! YANBU, OP - hope you can get some help soon💐

Hi op, just came in to say, get GP to refer you to the continence team. Waiting list is long but they are wonderful and will sort you out with sensible advice.

If you are pushing 70 then I don’t think your recent issues are solely to do with post birth.

If the website was designed for those who have given birth, then the question is irrelevant and your sex shouldn’t be asked.

If it’s a general incontinence page then it’s fine to ask whether you are male or female but I would use the words male or female instead of man or woman as a younger person may also need the advice.

I don’t think saying penis or vagina is pandering to the trans community as if a woman gets surgery to have a penis then asking that question is a bit irrelevant because it’s not a really penis and the issues associated with just males wouldn’t be relevant to her.

This with bells on.

You should never pee in the shower because your brain associates water with peeing and by allowing yourself to pee in the shower you are telling your brain that it’s ok to let your bladder go.

Then every time you are in the shower you end up needing to pee.
This then turns into needing to pee in the swimming pool or when you hear running water.

It becomes psychological and you have to train yourself out of it by not peeing in the shower.

I’m wondering if you could try something like this.

Maybe try and pee before you go home and then you won’t be so desperate to pee.
Then give it more and more time before you allow yourself to go to the toilet.

I don’t know if it will work but it is obviously psychological, so looking into things like this should help.

It's a fact that it is possible and happens that trans men can give birth and then have bottom surgery. There are people in the world who have a penis and have given birth. Surely it's not so difficult to work out what applies to you in an article like that, unless you're unsure of your sex/gender

👏👏 Well said

The point your'e trying to make is exactly what I'm saying your sex depends on the treatment you will receive by the dr I agree. That is biological. However, your gender is different these days. You can identify as female and have a penis. That's why the dr is not asking about gender but your sex.

You need tolterodine tartrate tablets. Game changer

Ladybrrd

Nothing is being erased from the English language. A few official documents have changed in order to be more inclusive.Whether you like it or not some people with vaginas might call themselves men, and they deserve medical care.

Do you not bother to read any threads in FWR in between ranting at us for being twanfobic?

When "people with vaginas" call themselves men, they don't get automatic cervical screening reminders any more! They specifically lose out on medical care. Why? Because the NHS conflates sex and gender in response to activists who demanded that, instead of having a separate gender field!

So don't play the 'trans people deserve medical care' card against women who feel that they are being addressed with disrespect, in order to accommodate trans people. What would improve medical care for trans people would be the separation of sex and gender on NHS documentation. I also suspect that the policy of destorying pre-transition medical records (and issuing patients with a new NHS number) is going to lead to adverse medical consequences for trans people, but I don't expect you care about that either.

Well offering cervical screening to people with a cervix would solve the problem. In fact they are capable of doing that because once I didn't have a cervix they stopped inviting me for screening.